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Funny Sexual Disasters
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Following a funny post by Mrs D , which made me smile and brought back a 30+ yr old memory i had completely forgotten , a tune want to share funny sexual faux pas, we all have had them , possibly traumatic at the time if we were young but in hindsight hilarious ,
No names no pack drill just the laugh
As an over cocky 23 year old I literally fell asleep on top of my at the time girlfriend, looking back I’ll say I was overworked etc , as I was stone cold sober I just think it was overly boring sex in the missionary position( best for sleeping I found ), needless to say , the relationship never flourished ,
Though 20 yrs later I did apologise on a chance meeting |
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By *aenMan
over a year ago
Here and There |
"When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages."
 what were you doing to the poor bugger!  |
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How can folk fall asleepnwhile having sex? That's a strange one for me lol
As for me - I was with an absolute sex machine once upon a time. You know the type, gets a bit angry during sex shouting "fuck me harder" and slapping me, and herself, harder and harder the harder I went. I used to end up with nail scratches down by back, often bleeding lol.
Anyone, one time we were going at it, her legs around my neck and the feckin bed gave out and to the floor we tumbled.
It was one of those where initially you think, oh crap but then I started giggling. At which point I got a slap and was asked why I'd stopped. "The bed's fucked" I said. "Yeah but I'm not" she said as she grabbed my arm, hauled me through to her flat mates room (who was out) and we finished up our session.
I wonder if she's single these days...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once broke a lads willie.
We were young....I was cheering him on harder and harder....
He pulled out...slamming back in and missed. It was definitely bent and broken.
We kept in touch and he said it healed...but I never followed up...it was a one night date thing.
I felt soooooo bad. I didn't even cum....  hee hee.... thats bad. I know...
Xxx
Nessa |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought it would be romantic to have sex in the stables, put down a blanket, looked round and there was a big pile of shite. Would probably have been sick if I wasn't so d*unk  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I thought it would be romantic to have sex in the stables, put down a blanket, looked round and there was a big pile of shite. Would probably have been sick if I wasn't so d*unk "
Stables ? I love quality , growing up in a Govan our youth choices were closes or if you were romantic, the popes concrete base in bellahouston Park , lovely view  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him "
Jesus Christ that's grim!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him
Jesus Christ that's grim!
Rich tapestry of Glasgow Scheme life Mrs D ,never became funny actually, broke my own topic lol
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once broke a lads willie.
We were young....I was cheering him on harder and harder....
He pulled out...slamming back in and missed. It was definitely bent and broken.
We kept in touch and he said it healed...but I never followed up...it was a one night date thing.
I felt soooooo bad. I didn't even cum.... hee hee.... thats bad. I know...
Xxx
Nessa"
My pal phoned me to tell me she was in a&e after breaking her man's cock cos she was on top. Was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had hahaha x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him "
Omg x |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages."
My old flat mate did that year’s ago, was aaaalot of blood. |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him
Omg x"
Wtf who were the other ones??? |
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"When i was in my 20's an ex boyfriend tore his foreskin the first time we tried to have sex. There was so much blood it freaked me out for ages.
what were you doing to the poor bugger! "
I was gentle but he forgot to mention he was a virgin. Loads of blood and big blood clots appeared within seconds. He went so pale i thought he was going to faint. Certainly a night to remember. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him
Omg x
Wtf who were the other ones???"
apparently nephews , she’d be done for abuse nowadays |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My pal phoned me to tell me she was in a&e after breaking her man's cock cos she was on top. Was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had hahaha x"
Ouch!!!! I know it hurts.... in more ways than one. I still feel a wee bit bad.
Oh my...Young love...Hee Hee |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My best man , had a particularly distasteful experience,went back to a girls house , who’s reputation for having a “boggin hoose “ preceded everyone except him obviously, in midst Fuck he hears sniggering from the corner, and her two children are watching , fuck knows how long for , he said , he says to his partner in lust , “ ye want tae dae sumfin about yer weans “ only to be replied by the most wonderful of answers ,”fuckin ignore them , only two are mine and they dae it aw the time !!!!”
Surprisingly it killed the moment for him
Omg x
Wtf who were the other ones??? apparently nephews , she’d be done for abuse nowadays "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and a former gf were making love (itsounds better than fucking) in a mini in a small hilly field when all of a sudden i heard music. I thought this is is it i must be in love.  my feet had accidently pushed the button on the car radio. I could not stop laughing and it destroyed the moment. We did make up for it later so happy ending.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My pal phoned me to tell me she was in a&e after breaking her man's cock cos she was on top. Was one of the funniest conversations I've ever had hahaha x
Ouch!!!! I know it hurts.... in more ways than one. I still feel a wee bit bad.
Oh my...Young love...Hee Hee"
My pal was 43 hahaha x |
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Not that long ago I was having a nice little kink session with my gf
After we had finished up she called me from the shower she was taking to ask if I had removed the butt plug
Now I couldn’t be certain as we had been playing a while so I searched the room first of all and when said plug wasn’t recovered I went in for it as all good friends should. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not that long ago I was having a nice little kink session with my gf
After we had finished up she called me from the shower she was taking to ask if I had removed the butt plug
Now I couldn’t be certain as we had been playing a while so I searched the room first of all and when said plug wasn’t recovered I went in for it as all good friends should. "
Ohhhhhhh! That's when you know who your mates are |
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"I thought it would be romantic to have sex in the stables, put down a blanket, looked round and there was a big pile of shite. Would probably have been sick if I wasn't so d*unk
Stables ? I love quality , growing up in a Govan our youth choices were closes or if you were romantic, the popes concrete base in bellahouston Park , lovely view "
You were never far from a big steaming pile of shite in some of these closes too right enough.
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I first met my bf in a club, after it he took me to his house. He went to take me doggy style and ended up tumbling backwards out the bed.
Week or two later we once again met in a club, he fell asleep with me on top |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I first met my bf in a club, after it he took me to his house. He went to take me doggy style and ended up tumbling backwards out the bed.
Week or two later we once again met in a club, he fell asleep with me on top "
Don’t say , you still together ? |
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Bumped into an ex-colleague in town, lots of chat, and was invited back to hers.
Fast forward, we're on her bed, she's got her legs in the air, and I feel this really strange sensation, and I can't work out what she's doing, I look round, and get the fright of my life, her feckin dog had sneaked in and had been licking my arse.
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"I first met my bf in a club, after it he took me to his house. He went to take me doggy style and ended up tumbling backwards out the bed.
Week or two later we once again met in a club, he fell asleep with me on top
Don’t say , you still together ? "
Yeah 14 years ago that was lol xx |
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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago
kilmarnockish |
A straight friend of mine met this stunning female.
All nighter, second time round he’s sliding in and out everytime he’s on an in stroke.... pppphhhhfffft..... next stroke....... pppphhhhffffttt.... next stroke...... pppphhhhfffftttt.....
Concentration is now getting diverted from the task in hand. So he stops, gathers it to getter and goes again. This time it’s several octaves higher, like a mouse doing a fart.... he fell off bed laughing. She did not find it as funny.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Many moons ago I met a lass in a club, went back to hers. The minute we got into bed she changed, she was proper into hitting and being hit back. She demanded I punch her,so I gave her a little tap, she demanded I hit her harder so I did.
Knocked her clean out for a couple minutes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was in my late teens I was getting a suck from my girlfriend at the time. Suddenly the door burst open and her younger brother ran in waving his stepmothers vibrator. My girlfriend took off through the house after him and he decided throwing it into the grill which still happened to be hot from lunchtime was a good idea. It burnt ridges into it and we decided best course of action was put it back in her parents room and say nothing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the shower with my partner and things were getting frisky.Soap everywhere and we started to have sex.I thrusted hard and deep only to discover it was her ass I was ball deep in and not her pussy.She then passed out and slumped to the shower floor followed by a fit !Had to drag her out the shower and put her in the recovery position.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First time I had a mmf croosed swords with the other guy lost my boner (do people still say boner) couldn’t get it back up so hid in the hotel bathroom and watched take me out. Would have been fine but the other two kept making noise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In the shower with my partner and things were getting frisky.Soap everywhere and we started to have sex.I thrusted hard and deep only to discover it was her ass I was ball deep in and not her pussy.She then passed out and slumped to the shower floor followed by a fit !Had to drag her out the shower and put her in the recovery position. "
Hopefully you finished first before dragging her out |
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"I can't even repeat my unfortunate event but it did prompt me to invest in a very handy peice of equipment
RIGHT cmon Ann , thats way to cryptic. Spell it out , what happened ??.
I reckon bolt cutters
Now theres an opportunity for a new thread , what EQUIPMENT did ann invest in after a sexual encounter disaster. Lol
A Tazer
Could play the yes/no game
Haha God you're all way off ...thank God!!!!
"
Something to recover a lost toy? |
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