FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Messaging a guy
Messaging a guy
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Reading the forum thread about last time you were shocked and one guy wrote that a woman messaged him
Is this really so highly unusual ?
Guys - who here gets a first message from us girls and
Ladies
Are we as females sitting back and waiting rather than having a look what’s on offer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, highly unusual.
Been on here over a year now and can count on one hand,infact one finger, the amount of times a new female has made first contact with me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While I can't say it's never happened to me it is a very unusual occurrence - Ladies don't seem to make the first move very often (that or I'm a boring old git) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had one lady message me in contrast to around 10 I sent an introduction message and no crude pics either. Very difficult for ladies can’t imagine seeing a 100 messages in my inbox so respect mine may get lost x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Since using the Forum ,I find myself inundated with first messages from ladies .......Don’t even think about messaging me you old fool , is generally the tone    |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have had introductory message from ladies... we are all different thank goodness... have to say it is not an everyday thing... but welcomed and pleasant   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Reading the forum thread about last time you were shocked and one guy wrote that a woman messaged him
Is this really so highly unusual ?
Guys - who here gets a first message from us girls and
Ladies
Are we as females sitting back and waiting rather than having a look what’s on offer "
I occasionally get a message now and then but it is very unusual and can believe some guys don't get any messages at all. Most of those messages are from friends on here so receiving messages from someone I've never been in contact from is very unusual. 
As a male I don't get upset about it as I know there are hundreds and hundred of men to one women on here so I genuinely don't even blame a female for not having to message any guys. It is, however to open up fab and see a message in your inbox there from someone whose took the initiative or interest to contact me and no, I'm not saying that as a hint.
As I don't send out that many messages I'm usually just on for the chat room or the forums. |
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"Definitly a rare occurence for a fem to message 1st in my experience.given the amount of mail most women receive tho its not surprising"
Most of the mail i receive is from men who are not what im looking for so therefore if i see someone i like i message them. Life is too short to sit on the fence. |
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By *eep.Man
over a year ago
Just a background character |
I sent a lot of messages when I joined and soon realised it was a waste of time. Now I only tend to message people I've already interacted with in the forums or chatrooms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended "
Totally agree 
If any couple or female get tons of unwanted mail then why don't they block all single guys and message the ones who interest them |
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"I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended
Totally agree
If any couple or female get tons of unwanted mail then why don't they block all single guys and message the ones who interest them "
Ive said this a million times ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never sit and wait on messages but I haven't always messaged men first either. Maybe once in while I might, if he has a really good profile. I'm not too bothered either way x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't usually message 1st.
Unless something from his profile s_ands out.
what s_ands out "
different things ..funny profile Or pictures?
Guy that takes his time to tell what he's looking for ?
Different things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think in the last 2 or 3 months I have had 3 women who have messaged me first. The first was about 10 minutes after I logged in for the first time in a year, someone who thought they had met me at the golf course (I don't golf and my photos hadn't been uploaded and approved at that point). After that I another lady contacted me, asked for a photo, said she might be the first to do a social meet with me and has ghosted me since she suggested going for a coffee.
The joys of fab, eh. It sounds like guys have completely different problems to women on fab. I'd guess in 2 months I have had 5 winks and always checked out whoever was winking at me. And as a guy I'll always read and reply to any messages because it is so unusual to be approached... maybe that's just me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In all the years I’ve been on Fab I’ve had a good two handfuls of first messages from couples and women but no, I don’t think it’s the norm.
Doesn’t stop me from taking a back seat though. I prefer to let other people make their own judgements from my profile and let me know if it interests them.
A little wink can go a long way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"one message from a lady in all the time ive bee here and she was from the other side of the country.
mostly get mail from gay men  "
Certainly I’ve had my fair share of Male interest. It’s actually been quite educational. When it first started happening I finally realised why so many gems/couples lose the plot with single guys. Some of the opening gambits are woeful. Not to mention that some simply can’t take no for an answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"one message from a lady in all the time ive bee here and she was from the other side of the country.
mostly get mail from gay men
Certainly I’ve had my fair share of Male interest. It’s actually been quite educational. When it first started happening I finally realised why so many gems/couples lose the plot with single guys. Some of the opening gambits are woeful. Not to mention that some simply can’t take no for an answer. "
Sorry, meant females/couples. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've messaged guys first a couple of times but honestly, it's such a chore going thru profiles trying to find someone I want to message so I don't really bother. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have messaged guys first loads of times,I don't get why you wouldn't? I have a social tonight with a guy I messaged a few days ago. So being proactive can bring rewards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've messaged guys first a couple of times but honestly, it's such a chore going thru profiles trying to find someone I want to message so I don't really bother."
Ok I get that there's 1000's of guys on here and that would be a chore, but surely getting 100's of msgs from guys you have no interest in is a chore as well, at least looking through the profiles gives you the power of picking someone you do have an interest in!
P.S. great pics |
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"I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended
Totally agree
If any couple or female get tons of unwanted mail then why don't they block all single guys and message the ones who interest them "
Dont agree peter, if your a single female why block your target market , that makes no sense. Females want to guage a single guys interest from the first message thats sent. Hi fancy a fuck aint gonna do that really is it, no matter how hot you are, youve given away your personality straight away. Similar to a thousand word essay as a first message. Copy n paste job, so these messages result in an immediate block, now all those immediate blocks eventually lead to a quiet managable inbox for the female. Also means that new guys coming on the site are not automatically blocked and have their chance to make that all important first impression. I know it works for at least 1 particular female on here.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended
Totally agree
If any couple or female get tons of unwanted mail then why don't they block all single guys and message the ones who interest them
Dont agree peter, if your a single female why block your target market , that makes no sense. Females want to guage a single guys interest from the first message thats sent. Hi fancy a fuck aint gonna do that really is it, no matter how hot you are, youve given away your personality straight away. Similar to a thousand word essay as a first message. Copy n paste job, so these messages result in an immediate block, now all those immediate blocks eventually lead to a quiet managable inbox for the female. Also means that new guys coming on the site are not automatically blocked and have their chance to make that all important first impression. I know it works for at least 1 particular female on here. "
That's fine and I get what your saying and agree why you would say it but im going from my own perspective, I know not usually with the crowd.
If you look at it the way you have stated with a new female joining and then blasted with hundreds of messages, some really obscene, quite a lot of females wont even last a week cause they have been taken aback by how abusive and grotesque to them the messages have been or they hadn't expected the messages to be the way they are.
Also I'm not meaning a female or couple should have single men constantly blocked. If she/they find it too much sometimes, block for a week and just chill and look via their own leisure and then unblock again when they want. |
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In all fairness to men most of my messages are lovely and polite. I would not block single men as i have engaged in great conversations with many who i dont want to meet. Its also good to chat and get advice from the opposite sex |
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"I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended
Totally agree
If any couple or female get tons of unwanted mail then why don't they block all single guys and message the ones who interest them
Dont agree peter, if your a single female why block your target market , that makes no sense. Females want to guage a single guys interest from the first message thats sent. Hi fancy a fuck aint gonna do that really is it, no matter how hot you are, youve given away your personality straight away. Similar to a thousand word essay as a first message. Copy n paste job, so these messages result in an immediate block, now all those immediate blocks eventually lead to a quiet managable inbox for the female. Also means that new guys coming on the site are not automatically blocked and have their chance to make that all important first impression. I know it works for at least 1 particular female on here.
That's fine and I get what your saying and agree why you would say it but im going from my own perspective, I know not usually with the crowd.
If you look at it the way you have stated with a new female joining and then blasted with hundreds of messages, some really obscene, quite a lot of females wont even last a week cause they have been taken aback by how abusive and grotesque to them the messages have been or they hadn't expected the messages to be the way they are.
Also I'm not meaning a female or couple should have single men constantly blocked. If she/they find it too much sometimes, block for a week and just chill and look via their own leisure and then unblock again when they want. "
Yes temporary blocking is a better option when starting out as opposed a blanket ban. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Reading the forum thread about last time you were shocked and one guy wrote that a woman messaged him
Is this really so highly unusual ?
Guys - who here gets a first message from us girls and
Ladies
Are we as females sitting back and waiting rather than having a look what’s on offer "
I can honestly count of one hand how many times I’ve been messaged by a woman first on this site and have been on and off for the best part of a year and half!
It doesn’t bother me I quite like the sort of chase if you like haha! |
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I think unfortunately that because of the amount of hounding by certain people that women spend a lot of the time having to go through their mail. Which results in more males sending first.. of course I found wrong as I'm the male |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the two years I’ve been here on and off I’ve probably had about 8 women message me of there own accord, but I have friends on here that get messages from women quite a lot it’s all subjective on an individual basis I suppose |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've messaged guys first a couple of times but honestly, it's such a chore going thru profiles trying to find someone I want to message so I don't really bother.
Ok I get that there's 1000's of guys on here and that would be a chore, but surely getting 100's of msgs from guys you have no interest in is a chore as well, at least looking through the profiles gives you the power of picking someone you do have an interest in!
P.S. great pics "
It is tbh but in all honesty, a lot of guys tend to send face pics with their first message which makes it a lot easier and quicker to see who I would be interested in.
Ps thanks |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
Only been active here for about 8 months and had maybe half a dozen non-social/forum messages from ladies.
If I were bi or gay I'd be a very busy chap lol.
As to "should" ladies pursue or not? Hell yes. In this day and age if you see something you want then you've got to go and get it. |
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"I've been msgd a few times by girls or a couple, some have resulted in meeting regular, this mentality I get, as they are pro active and from my profile I'm obviously what they are looking for!
The mentality I don't get is the regular posters with, come on guys I'm looking to meet, where are all you hottys!
Closely followed by, this site is rubbish, bunch of arseholes on here!
Yeah there are a lot of arseholes on here, but why not scroll through, read the profiles and msg the guys you like and not invite 100's of guys you don't want to meet to clog up your inbox, no pun intended
Totally agree
If any couple or female get tons of unwanted mail then why don't they block all single guys and message the ones who interest them
Dont agree peter, if your a single female why block your target market , that makes no sense. Females want to guage a single guys interest from the first message thats sent. Hi fancy a fuck aint gonna do that really is it, no matter how hot you are, youve given away your personality straight away. Similar to a thousand word essay as a first message. Copy n paste job, so these messages result in an immediate block, now all those immediate blocks eventually lead to a quiet managable inbox for the female. Also means that new guys coming on the site are not automatically blocked and have their chance to make that all important first impression. I know it works for at least 1 particular female on here. "
Yup make that 2 and I’m now enjoying fab
I am now so long on the shelf I get to spend time on the forums as I’ve just had pointed out to me lol |
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I’m still very new to the site so, unsurprisingly, I haven’t had a woman message me first.
Granted, I’m still working on my messaging technique to get more reply’s nevermind having a woman message me first |
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If a profile catches my eye while I'm perusing profiles when I've done a search I don't have a problem sending a message.
Surely it would serve people well to be proactive in their quest to find someone that floats their boat. Rather than just loitering and waiting to see if someone happens upon their profile and makes the first move. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has never happened. It will never happen. Women play on the desperation of men, that they will do the messaging, so they can toy with us.
I wish them all Happy Womens Day today.
 "
Bitter much? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has never happened. It will never happen. Women play on the desperation of men, that they will do the messaging, so they can toy with us.
I wish them all Happy Womens Day today.
Bitter much?"
No. Having a joke. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has never happened. It will never happen. Women play on the desperation of men, that they will do the messaging, so they can toy with us.
I wish them all Happy Womens Day today.
Bitter much?
No. Having a joke."
Here's a secret...jokes are meant to be funny |
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"This has never happened. It will never happen. Women play on the desperation of men, that they will do the messaging, so they can toy with us.
I wish them all Happy Womens Day today.
Bitter much?
No. Having a joke.
Here's a secret...jokes are meant to be funny"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has never happened. It will never happen. Women play on the desperation of men, that they will do the messaging, so they can toy with us.
I wish them all Happy Womens Day today.
Bitter much?
No. Having a joke.
Here's a secret...jokes are meant to be funny"
Sorry that it was too subtle for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll message anyone male or female who I think is funny, interesting or attractive. Sometimes all 3
I keep checking my inbox, are you spelling Devil with 2 L's because the messages aint reaching me ??
2 out of 3 ain't bad....0 out of 3 means you're ontae plums
I prefer to see you as dyslexic, try typing De Hevil. "
Actually I just remembered that I did message you ages ago regarding a forum thread....and you dinghyed me! |
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"I'll message anyone male or female who I think is funny, interesting or attractive. Sometimes all 3
I keep checking my inbox, are you spelling Devil with 2 L's because the messages aint reaching me ??
2 out of 3 ain't bad....0 out of 3 means you're ontae plums
I prefer to see you as dyslexic, try typing De Hevil.
Actually I just remembered that I did message you ages ago regarding a forum thread....and you dinghyed me!"
I remember lol. Im sure we chatted. I would never dinghy you.  |
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
"I'll message anyone male or female who I think is funny, interesting or attractive. Sometimes all 3
I keep checking my inbox, are you spelling Devil with 2 L's because the messages aint reaching me ??
2 out of 3 ain't bad....0 out of 3 means you're ontae plums
I prefer to see you as dyslexic, try typing De Hevil.
Actually I just remembered that I did message you ages ago regarding a forum thread....and you dinghyed me!"
Awww I wouldn’t dinghy you |
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On a more serious note, when I first joined the site (can you believe it was back in 2006/7??) it was reasonably common for women to message guys first, but the laws of supply and demand sadly seem to have put paid to that nowadays. |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"On a more serious note, when I first joined the site (can you believe it was back in 2006/7??) it was reasonably common for women to message guys first, but the laws of supply and demand sadly seem to have put paid to that nowadays."
It’s just life I guess. The site has 1000s more users now than when we first were around here so I just put any messages down to my daftness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll message anyone male or female who I think is funny, interesting or attractive. Sometimes all 3
I keep checking my inbox, are you spelling Devil with 2 L's because the messages aint reaching me ??
2 out of 3 ain't bad....0 out of 3 means you're ontae plums
I prefer to see you as dyslexic, try typing De Hevil.
Actually I just remembered that I did message you ages ago regarding a forum thread....and you dinghyed me!
Awww I wouldn’t dinghy you "
Beamer 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll message anyone male or female who I think is funny, interesting or attractive. Sometimes all 3
I look funny - does that count? "
One eye away tae the shops and the other one coming back with the change |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"I'll message anyone male or female who I think is funny, interesting or attractive. Sometimes all 3
I look funny - does that count?
One eye away tae the shops and the other one coming back with the change "
That’s me
And you know because you’ve seen pics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"actually what do you do when you have a profile view? take it as a thanks but no thanks or do you send a message back?"
You mean when someone has peeked but not messaged? Take it as thanks but no thanks. We're big girls, if we want to message we will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"actually what do you do when you have a profile view? take it as a thanks but no thanks or do you send a message back?
You mean when someone has peeked but not messaged? Take it as thanks but no thanks. We're big girls, if we want to message we will. "
That’s the way I’ve taken it doggy but wasn’t sure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been messaged first loads including the OP
Never thought about it before but predominantely I think guys message most, though historically my second time around on fab I came away from messaging women altogether unless they peaked my interest with a well written profile, that approach worked best for me because that way if they are interested they’ll wink or message
Nice thread OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Over the years I asked women a similar question 'If (visually) your dream man was across the bar from you, would you chat him up? The majority said 'no, he would need to chat me up'. I think that's crazy. So it looks like the pressure is on us to make the first move guys. |
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
"Over the years I asked women a similar question 'If (visually) your dream man was across the bar from you, would you chat him up? The majority said 'no, he would need to chat me up'. I think that's crazy. So it looks like the pressure is on us to make the first move guys."
I would , T x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is pretty unusual for a woman to make the first move on here. Suppose they are just overwhelmed with messages from single males, its purely a numbers game |
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