FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Always Social First But When At Clubs They Fuck
Always Social First But When At Clubs They Fuck
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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FFS SORRY Again, miss typed it opps
Right here is one for you all and I'm sure the club gooers will have a say about it as its good to have all views.
I'm notorious for socials first, not always but usually and if I'm having a social it stays a social unless we all knew there was possibility of fun mentioned beforehand.
There are a few people whom I've chatted to and actually met for a social as they have stated they always have a social first and those people there's quite a few who participate when at clubs, no social or contact before, then just go and fuck after chatting at club or even go for the gangbang night etc...
So what I'm asking is do you think this contradicts their Social First only on their profile ?
I hope its understood the way it's intended and its not picking on anyone, its just looking for your views on this matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can only speak for myself... but for me I do socials first, mainly to out those that don’t look like pics and to see if any attraction.
I’ve not ever just gone off with anyone at a club and just shagged them.
The beauty of the club is you get to have your social.. and if there is that attraction there is the facilities to go play if the mood so takes you.
You may have an hour social with someone and then arrange to meet again another day for fun... we’ll at a club you can be chatting with someone for an hour and then go have fun if there’s that connection... saves waiting! lol |
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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago
Dunfermline |
We usually have a social first. It means that there is no pressure on either side and we can simply choose not to have a second meet if we want.
At clubs if we don't click then there are plenty more people to play with but there is usually someone to play with.
Occasionally if we are in an 'orgy area' then we can get caught up in the moment and play without having a meeting first.
Social first rules means that we can (and we have) chose never to meet some people that we don't click with or, in a couple of cases, block and never contact again.
We had a couple where he was desperate and she was clearly not interested in being there at all, she seemed to be there just so that he could qualify as a couple. She barely spoke but he badgered us to go to their hotel until we brought up the 'rule'. He kept insisting so we walked and blocked. The rule is a handy defence in the case of someone trying to force a play meet rather then a social and it has got us out of a few uncomfortable situations. We have has a few first date meets but it was clear that all of us were keen.
Our choice, our rules and we amend them as and when we like. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can only speak for myself... but for me I do socials first, mainly to out those that don’t look like pics and to see if any attraction.
I’ve not ever just gone off with anyone at a club and just shagged them.
The beauty of the club is you get to have your social.. and if there is that attraction there is the facilities to go play if the mood so takes you.
You may have an hour social with someone and then arrange to meet again another day for fun... we’ll at a club you can be chatting with someone for an hour and then go have fun if there’s that connection... saves waiting! lol"
kl appreciate your reply and view
For me, I see it differently, its known I will not go to clubs, never have in past and never will, have my reasons which usually most know.
For me and my view, I do feel its a contradiction. I do find some profiles stringent on socials and I think that's fine but then to go off to a club, some intentionally just to socialise which is fine and some think to socialise but if connect fuck then and there.
I suppose I do see it differently from most who go to the clubs, I have many friends who go JUST to socialise and also some who sometimes play but none of them state social first on their profile.
I remember one female, we had a social, hit it off and arranged to have a meet a few days later for fun. Next day she went to a club with pals and fucked a guy. Not jealous or bothered about that but saying social only first on her profile to see if connection, I find total opposite from what it was intended from stating that comment.
Hope I'm wording this the right way as not to offend anyone opps, soz if I do
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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago
Dunfermline |
... and our socials are always public. It is a lot easier to just walk when you are not in a house.
It also works both ways, if we appear scary then the others can leave and never talk to us again. It has happened and we are not upset by it, we were not their type. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We usually have a social first. It means that there is no pressure on either side and we can simply choose not to have a second meet if we want.
At clubs if we don't click then there are plenty more people to play with but there is usually someone to play with.
Occasionally if we are in an 'orgy area' then we can get caught up in the moment and play without having a meeting first.
Social first rules means that we can (and we have) chose never to meet some people that we don't click with or, in a couple of cases, block and never contact again.
We had a couple where he was desperate and she was clearly not interested in being there at all, she seemed to be there just so that he could qualify as a couple. She barely spoke but he badgered us to go to their hotel until we brought up the 'rule'. He kept insisting so we walked and blocked. The rule is a handy defence in the case of someone trying to force a play meet rather then a social and it has got us out of a few uncomfortable situations. We have has a few first date meets but it was clear that all of us were keen.
Our choice, our rules and we amend them as and when we like."
agreed, although 'amend as see fit' but I'm meaning people we keep it ALWAYS SOCIAL FIRST
reading your post, Anyone acting desperate like said or trying to force an issue like that should just be a straight NO. Feck that and I'm sure everyone would back you up on that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've never had nor would we entertain a social. I understand why lots feel it's a necessary evil but it's never negatively affected us by not having one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can only speak for myself... but for me I do socials first, mainly to out those that don’t look like pics and to see if any attraction.
I’ve not ever just gone off with anyone at a club and just shagged them.
The beauty of the club is you get to have your social.. and if there is that attraction there is the facilities to go play if the mood so takes you.
You may have an hour social with someone and then arrange to meet again another day for fun... we’ll at a club you can be chatting with someone for an hour and then go have fun if there’s that connection... saves waiting! lol
kl appreciate your reply and view
For me, I see it differently, its known I will not go to clubs, never have in past and never will, have my reasons which usually most know.
For me and my view, I do feel its a contradiction. I do find some profiles stringent on socials and I think that's fine but then to go off to a club, some intentionally just to socialise which is fine and some think to socialise but if connect fuck then and there.
I suppose I do see it differently from most who go to the clubs, I have many friends who go JUST to socialise and also some who sometimes play but none of them state social first on their profile.
I remember one female, we had a social, hit it off and arranged to have a meet a few days later for fun. Next day she went to a club with pals and fucked a guy. Not jealous or bothered about that but saying social only first on her profile to see if connection, I find total opposite from what it was intended from stating that comment.
Hope I'm wording this the right way as not to offend anyone opps, soz if I do
"
Really don’t understand what your meaning.... people go to the club and they chat and socialise with lots of different people.. and if a connection with someone they may play..
How is it not socialising first? confused.
A club takes away the whole arriving on a social to see there is no connection or people used fake pics... you can’t hide what you look like at a club!
And meeting at a club.. again it’s public but your in an environment where you can talk freely without having to talk in whispers cos of someone sat near to you in coffee shop!!
You shouldn’t judge people who go to clubs unless been to a club and witnessed what its really like for yourself. |
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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago
Dunfermline |
"
agreed, although 'amend as see fit' but I'm meaning people we keep it ALWAYS SOCIAL FIRST
reading your post, Anyone acting desperate like said or trying to force an issue like that should just be a straight NO. Feck that and I'm sure everyone would back you up on that "
Always a social first. Hard and fast rule. If you say 'sometimes' then you get badgered to make this time one of the 'sometimes'. It is not going to happen but that does not stop some people trying. usually single guys but a single woman denied can be a scary thing.
It is a defence against harassment and an escape route if we turn up and they look nothing like their photos.
Sometimes No does not work very well and it is hard to discretely get rid of someone following you down a busy street trying to negotiate sex.
The rule usually makes for a clean break. |
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Sorry Peter but gonna be honest, as usual 
Do we care if it is contradictory or not?!
I have a few things on my profile and I hope no one spends too much time wondering or looking for 'inconsistencies'!
Rules are not set in stone.Most people 'go with the flow' and take a decision depending on the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
I say I have a social first but oh noooo... I have bent my own rule  away to spank myself now 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can only speak for myself... but for me I do socials first, mainly to out those that don’t look like pics and to see if any attraction.
I’ve not ever just gone off with anyone at a club and just shagged them.
The beauty of the club is you get to have your social.. and if there is that attraction there is the facilities to go play if the mood so takes you.
You may have an hour social with someone and then arrange to meet again another day for fun... we’ll at a club you can be chatting with someone for an hour and then go have fun if there’s that connection... saves waiting! lol
kl appreciate your reply and view
For me, I see it differently, its known I will not go to clubs, never have in past and never will, have my reasons which usually most know.
For me and my view, I do feel its a contradiction. I do find some profiles stringent on socials and I think that's fine but then to go off to a club, some intentionally just to socialise which is fine and some think to socialise but if connect fuck then and there.
I suppose I do see it differently from most who go to the clubs, I have many friends who go JUST to socialise and also some who sometimes play but none of them state social first on their profile.
I remember one female, we had a social, hit it off and arranged to have a meet a few days later for fun. Next day she went to a club with pals and fucked a guy. Not jealous or bothered about that but saying social only first on her profile to see if connection, I find total opposite from what it was intended from stating that comment.
Hope I'm wording this the right way as not to offend anyone opps, soz if I do
Really don’t understand what your meaning.... people go to the club and they chat and socialise with lots of different people.. and if a connection with someone they may play..
How is it not socialising first? confused.
A club takes away the whole arriving on a social to see there is no connection or people used fake pics... you can’t hide what you look like at a club!
And meeting at a club.. again it’s public but your in an environment where you can talk freely without having to talk in whispers cos of someone sat near to you in coffee shop!!
You shouldn’t judge people who go to clubs unless been to a club and witnessed what its really like for yourself. "
Even that last statement, common I have not stated as such
I don't judge anyone who go to clubs.
Quite a lot of my friends on fab, male and female go to the clubs. I've been on fab for over 9 years and have pals form a way back then who still go and they are still my friends
I do not understand why you said that.
The only thing I have really stated and meant to state is someone who has on their profile ALWAYS SOCIAL FIRST on their profile.
For your information. The reason why I don't go to clubs in its simple format.
There are people who go to clubs to socialise.
There are people who go to socialise but if they connect with someone they might fuck.
that is fine but there are people who go to clubs with the intention of fucking, no matter who it is and I don't want to be associated with those type of people.
Casing point, allegedly a girl claimed on Saturday night at a club that a guy took his condom off and came inside her.
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"Think his point is you meet socially only on profile so you meet have coffee then leave perhaps setting up sex for a date in the future.
at a club you chat then fuck so there is no lay off period"
Does there need to be a lay off period? If you meet someone and know you’re going to Fuck them, why not do it straight away.
I get too pissed to play in clubs! |
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"Sorry Peter but gonna be honest, as usual
Do we care if it is contradictory or not?!
I have a few things on my profile and I hope no one spends too much time wondering or looking for 'inconsistencies'!
Rules are not set in stone.Most people 'go with the flow' and take a decision depending on the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
I say I have a social first but oh noooo... I have bent my own rule away to spank myself now
"
As Max points out, always so eloquently, rules are made to be broken! 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry Peter but gonna be honest, as usual
Do we care if it is contradictory or not?!
I have a few things on my profile and I hope no one spends too much time wondering or looking for 'inconsistencies'!
Rules are not set in stone.Most people 'go with the flow' and take a decision depending on the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
I say I have a social first but oh noooo... I have bent my own rule away to spank myself now
"
lolllllll agreed
individually we are all different but I'm really meaning the ones who are stringent of the Always social first on their profile.
I know for a fact you are always up front about the clubs and the other female poster has the been the same. So I suppose its not meaning you both. (no names mentioned folks ffs, I don't want banned for agreeing with two girls)
As individuals and from a girls prospective what would she do.
Met a guy for a social, really licked, wanted to play so arrange another meet a few days later so the guy thinks they will meet again and have fun and then the girl goes to a club and she fucks someone (after chatting) but all the while he thinks as she social only and shes stated shes intending to meet him again. It all up in the air |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Think his point is you meet socially only on profile so you meet have coffee then leave perhaps setting up sex for a date in the future.
at a club you chat then fuck so there is no lay off period
Does there need to be a lay off period? If you meet someone and know you’re going to Fuck them, why not do it straight away.
I get too pissed to play in clubs! "
ffs does that mean I need to tidy my flat every tie I have a social in a pub incase we wanna fuck each other right after
is gonna advertise fur a cleaner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me personally it's a different ball game.
The social meet off Fab is required to ensure theres a physical attraction in the flesh, that they are who they say they are and that I feel safe and comfortable in their presence.
However at a club you know if you are attracted to someone, or that they're not hiding behind a 20 year old photo of themselves. You're not in a secluded hotel room with them so I feel more at ease in regards to safety.
Plus I do like a conversation before I fuck someone, whether that's in a coffee shop or im the lounge of a swingers club.
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"Sorry Peter but gonna be honest, as usual
Do we care if it is contradictory or not?!
I have a few things on my profile and I hope no one spends too much time wondering or looking for 'inconsistencies'!
Rules are not set in stone.Most people 'go with the flow' and take a decision depending on the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
I say I have a social first but oh noooo... I have bent my own rule away to spank myself now
lolllllll agreed
individually we are all different but I'm really meaning the ones who are stringent of the Always social first on their profile.
I know for a fact you are always up front about the clubs and the other female poster has the been the same. So I suppose its not meaning you both. (no names mentioned folks ffs, I don't want banned for agreeing with two girls)
As individuals and from a girls prospective what would she do.
Met a guy for a social, really licked, wanted to play so arrange another meet a few days later so the guy thinks they will meet again and have fun and then the girl goes to a club and she fucks someone (after chatting) but all the while he thinks as she social only and shes stated shes intending to meet him again. It all up in the air "
Someone’s annoyed you! Take it up with her!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me personally it's a different ball game.
The social meet off Fab is required to ensure theres a physical attraction in the flesh, that they are who they say they are and that I feel safe and comfortable in their presence.
However at a club you know if you are attracted to someone, or that they're not hiding behind a 20 year old photo of themselves. You're not in a secluded hotel room with them so I feel more at ease in regards to safety.
Plus I do like a conversation before I fuck someone, whether that's in a coffee shop or im the lounge of a swingers club.
"
I am in totally agreement about that.
but just the ones who have and state 'Social always first'.
I'm not getting at anyone in particular and haven't bee in that situation for a long time but people whom I've met for social they have usually stated to me they are going to a cub the next day etc.. and I'm kl with that so I don't judge anyone at clubs in that way.
ffs I love to think I bring up interesting and thought provoking posts that everyone, all views can comment on and want to comment on, this one, I'm certainly hoping for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry Peter but gonna be honest, as usual
Do we care if it is contradictory or not?!
I have a few things on my profile and I hope no one spends too much time wondering or looking for 'inconsistencies'!
Rules are not set in stone.Most people 'go with the flow' and take a decision depending on the moment. Nothing wrong with that.
I say I have a social first but oh noooo... I have bent my own rule away to spank myself now
lolllllll agreed
individually we are all different but I'm really meaning the ones who are stringent of the Always social first on their profile.
I know for a fact you are always up front about the clubs and the other female poster has the been the same. So I suppose its not meaning you both. (no names mentioned folks ffs, I don't want banned for agreeing with two girls)
As individuals and from a girls prospective what would she do.
Met a guy for a social, really licked, wanted to play so arrange another meet a few days later so the guy thinks they will meet again and have fun and then the girl goes to a club and she fucks someone (after chatting) but all the while he thinks as she social only and shes stated shes intending to meet him again. It all up in the air
Someone’s annoyed you! Take it up with her! "
Nope no one annoyed me on fab, only the guy who kicked me yesterday during a league match, thats about it |
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"Think his point is you meet socially only on profile so you meet have coffee then leave perhaps setting up sex for a date in the future.
at a club you chat then fuck so there is no lay off period
Does there need to be a lay off period? If you meet someone and know you’re going to Fuck them, why not do it straight away.
I get too pissed to play in clubs! "
I dont see the need but when folk have first meet will be social only and they attend clubs that is a contradiction.
im not saying its right or wrong I go with the flow myself |
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"For me personally it's a different ball game.
The social meet off Fab is required to ensure theres a physical attraction in the flesh, that they are who they say they are and that I feel safe and comfortable in their presence.
However at a club you know if you are attracted to someone, or that they're not hiding behind a 20 year old photo of themselves. You're not in a secluded hotel room with them so I feel more at ease in regards to safety.
Plus I do like a conversation before I fuck someone, whether that's in a coffee shop or im the lounge of a swingers club.
I am in totally agreement about that.
but just the ones who have and state 'Social always first'.
I'm not getting at anyone in particular and haven't bee in that situation for a long time but people whom I've met for social they have usually stated to me they are going to a cub the next day etc.. and I'm kl with that so I don't judge anyone at clubs in that way.
ffs I love to think I bring up interesting and thought provoking posts that everyone, all views can comment on and want to comment on, this one, I'm certainly hoping for "
Naw mate, we’re going round in circles here! Get a cleaner and bang her straight after the coffee/wine/whatever! |
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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago
south east |
Have never played off the cuff at clubs so don't really know what input I can have here but to say normally I'd be social first but wouldn't rule out playing with someone on a first meet if the chemistry and attraction is there in fact i have done ...rules can always be bent or broken they are only your personal guidelines  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Think his point is you meet socially only on profile so you meet have coffee then leave perhaps setting up sex for a date in the future.
at a club you chat then fuck so there is no lay off period"
Yeah I suppose kindofa
Its a hard one trying to get the post comment over without it being misinterpreted. As I didn't have a fall out with anyone in this smatter or I don't judge anyone who goes to clubs |
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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago
Dunfermline |
"I'm not getting at anyone in particular and haven't bee in that situation for a long time but people whom I've met for social they have usually stated to me they are going to a cub the next day etc.. and I'm kl with that so I don't judge anyone at clubs in that way.
ffs I love to think I bring up interesting and thought provoking posts that everyone, all views can comment on and want to comment on, this one, I'm certainly hoping for "
I can't make it any clearer.
We meet for a social first.
We also meet in clubs, if we all agree that we click then we go off. otherwise we, or they, move on.
A club is a safe environment to meet. Harassing someone will be dealt with swiftly. Anyone not taking no for an answer will be escorted off the premesis
A social in a hotel or a bar has no safeguard. Even as we walked away he was still negotiating for sex in a vanilla environment.
We don't do darkrooms or blindfold 'take all comers'we need to see who we are playing with and we need to connect. In a club a quick chat does this because you can actually discuss openly what you are looking for and what you don't do.
A social in a club is a lot easier then a social in a bar when you dance around the issue trying to be as discreet as possible.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have never played off the cuff at clubs so don't really know what input I can have here but to say normally I'd be social first but wouldn't rule out playing with someone on a first meet if the chemistry and attraction is there in fact i have done ...rules can always be bent or broken they are only your personal guidelines "
Yip personal guidelines and agree.
I don't do spontaneous meets anymore and state it on my profile but that doesn't say I wont. I don't intend to but yeah it has and might happen in the future. Suppose it's all relative.
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
My question would be does it really matter? So they decide they like someone enough to fuck them without spending 3 hours on general chit-chat, good on them if that’s what they want to do.
We don’t meet socially first if we meet and decide they aren’t for us we would walk away.
If everyone just concentrated on their own profile as opposed to others FAB would be a better place for all, not everything needs discussed just do your thing, others will do theirs and everyone is happy. |
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"Think his point is you meet socially only on profile so you meet have coffee then leave perhaps setting up sex for a date in the future.
at a club you chat then fuck so there is no lay off period
Does there need to be a lay off period? If you meet someone and know you’re going to Fuck them, why not do it straight away.
I get too pissed to play in clubs! I dont see the need but when folk have first meet will be social only and they attend clubs that is a contradiction.
im not saying its right or wrong I go with the flow myself "
The club is the social. You can have the social (chatting for a few hours over a drink) and the fun meet in one night. It’s efficient and convenient for people with a lack of available time.
Furthermore, it’s secure, safe and offers somewhere to have fun when both parties are unable to accommodate. |
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To me its easy explained. If i choose to spend a night/evening of intimate moments with just one person its important i feel comfortable and a connection with that man so will always do a social first. Parties and clubs to me are a different ball game altogether. Its just good old fashion fucking with no feelings involved. Fast paced and fun just like a team sport with like minded people but very enjoyable all the same. These folk will never get to know the real me as its not relevant where as my one to one partners do. We are all here for different reasons and all like different things so hopefully everyone on this post will be understanding of others likes and dislikes and not too judgementle |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To me its easy explained. If i choose to spend a night/evening of intimate moments with just one person its important i feel comfortable and a connection with that man so will always do a social first. Parties and clubs to me are a different ball game altogether. Its just good old fashion fucking with no feelings involved. Fast paced and fun just like a team sport with like minded people but very enjoyable all the same. These folk will never get to know the real me as its not relevant where as my one to one partners do. We are all here for different reasons and all like different things so hopefully everyone on this post will be understanding of others likes and dislikes and not too judgementle "
Totally agree with everything you say |
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By *aenMan
over a year ago
Here and There |
Clubs have social areas so it’s entirely possible to go to a club, meet people in a social environment chat and decide if you want to take it further. You are also, as has been pointed out above, free to say no, not for me.
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"To me its easy explained. If i choose to spend a night/evening of intimate moments with just one person its important i feel comfortable and a connection with that man so will always do a social first. Parties and clubs to me are a different ball game altogether. Its just good old fashion fucking with no feelings involved. Fast paced and fun just like a team sport with like minded people but very enjoyable all the same. These folk will never get to know the real me as its not relevant where as my one to one partners do. We are all here for different reasons and all like different things so hopefully everyone on this post will be understanding of others likes and dislikes and not too judgementle "
spot on bluebell |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Clubs have social areas so it’s entirely possible to go to a club, meet people in a social environment chat and decide if you want to take it further. You are also, as has been pointed out above, free to say no, not for me.
"
yeah agreed in everything you say, and I'm sure everyone knows this.
I don't go to clubs and I know in detail about the main clubs but that's just not what I'm meaning by the post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve also never been to a club and every ‘social’ I’ve been on I’ve ended up fucking them.
When me and my hubby decided to have a go at this open marriage I had a social and sucked the guys cock within ten minutes. Second cock I had ever sucked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Done the club thing I have mixed feelings regarding it so I'd rather do a social outwith a club and then if both parties wanted then we could do the club thing together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not a club goer, but regarding what people say on their profile and what they actually do....there's often many inconsistencies.
I may even have been guilty of this myself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So we are a social first kind of couple that have played in a club with others (only once out of 5 visits to different clubs right enough)
We’ve also played at parties.
So here’s our reasoning.
At a club or a party there’s more variety. When we go to a club or party we don’t put any pressure on ourselves to play. We always let the host know we are there socially and if anyone catches our eye then we will play.
So for instance we may only play with one couple out of 10 at a party or club but that’s because we have clicked on the night.
When it’s meeting just one other couple we insist on a social first to make sure we get on. If the social goes well then we make plans if it doesn’t then we enjoy the night out.
So it’s easier to find another couple when there’s more there if that makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Meeting one 2 one,for me theres more connection, vulnerability, almost like a date if there is chemistry n it goes on then great but there's no pressure on myself or them even if there was sex talk before meeting,
In a club more people, safe environment, sparks fly, very easy to let your guard down enjoy some fun and move on with your evening, |
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in honesty need to go with what person wants, if they want to meet socially for one and not another again so be it, no means no, im here to meet people but more and more people more comfy meeting socially, im not very photogenic as well so think might be better me meeting in person now lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FFS SORRY Again, miss typed it opps
Right here is one for you all and I'm sure the club gooers will have a say about it as its good to have all views.
I'm notorious for socials first, not always but usually and if I'm having a social it stays a social unless we all knew there was possibility of fun mentioned beforehand.
There are a few people whom I've chatted to and actually met for a social as they have stated they always have a social first and those people there's quite a few who participate when at clubs, no social or contact before, then just go and fuck after chatting at club or even go for the gangbang night etc...
So what I'm asking is do you think this contradicts their Social First only on their profile ?
I hope its understood the way it's intended and its not picking on anyone, its just looking for your views on this matter."
Does it actually matter? It's their profile, their prerogative and their life. |
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"Clubs have social areas so it’s entirely possible to go to a club, meet people in a social environment chat and decide if you want to take it further. You are also, as has been pointed out above, free to say no, not for me.
yeah agreed in everything you say, and I'm sure everyone knows this.
I don't go to clubs and I know in detail about the main clubs but that's just not what I'm meaning by the post. "
We get what your saying, people contradict themselves by saying social first then having fun on first meet at a club. We get that,
Everyone and I mean everyone has some sort of a social first , even in clubs. Yours Peter might be a coffee or dinner or drinks and chat. In a club it's drinks or coffee and chat. Yours might last an hour or 4 or whatever, a clubs last exactly the same . I have never know any male or female walk into a club , point at someone and go have fun without some sort of chat. You are stating fact by letter of the law on profile but your not getting the point that these profiles that state social first , are in fact having their social first in a club. There ain't no time limit set between a social encounter and the fun to be had. |
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"I can only speak for myself... but for me I do socials first, mainly to out those that don’t look like pics and to see if any attraction.
I’ve not ever just gone off with anyone at a club and just shagged them.
The beauty of the club is you get to have your social.. and if there is that attraction there is the facilities to go play if the mood so takes you.
You may have an hour social with someone and then arrange to meet again another day for fun... we’ll at a club you can be chatting with someone for an hour and then go have fun if there’s that connection... saves waiting! lol"
I would agree with that, you can make new connections/friends at a club and either play with them next time at the club, or arrange a meet. Also, if you arrange to meet socially at a club and the other person is a no show, you’re not sitting on your Tod in a costa feeling stupid |
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I think folk who have never been to a club have got the wrong ideas about them. I once chatted to a guy in the hot tub, swam naked with him in the pool, shared sensual moments in the sauna before going upstairs to a room. To me that is far better than chatting to someone over a coffee and booking a hotel 2wks later. |
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By *anbrCouple
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"... and our socials are always public. It is a lot easier to just walk when you are not in a house.
It also works both ways, if we appear scary then the others can leave and never talk to us again. It has happened and we are not upset by it, we were not their type."
FFS! All we had to do was walk away 6 years ago! |
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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago
Gleam Street |
My social meets are because I accommodate... as a single woman i want to make sure I like said person... they're being invited to my home... in a club... chat, chill, safer due to the amount of people who can hear me scream if required... |
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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago
Dunfermline |
"... and our socials are always public. It is a lot easier to just walk when you are not in a house.
It also works both ways, if we appear scary then the others can leave and never talk to us again. It has happened and we are not upset by it, we were not their type.
FFS! All we had to do was walk away 6 years ago! "
Missed your chance 6 years ago. You are stuck with us now. |
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By *anbrCouple
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"... and our socials are always public. It is a lot easier to just walk when you are not in a house.
It also works both ways, if we appear scary then the others can leave and never talk to us again. It has happened and we are not upset by it, we were not their type.
FFS! All we had to do was walk away 6 years ago!
Missed your chance 6 years ago. You are stuck with us now."
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve played with someone I’ve never met before at a club.
Although to be fair I did have a cup of tea with one before we played. So I guess we did the social and play in one night.
I know where your coming from Peter but the other thing is a club is a safe place to play. It’s not the same as a hotel or someone’s house. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People usually have a social to make sure someone is who they say they are and to make sure they feel safe about the situation (ie not turning up a some randoms house not knowing what could be behind the door) so for a “standard meet” always public place social first is not unreasonable
On the other hand at a club you see someone and instantly know they havent catfished you with 10 year old photos, and you are in an wnvironment where you are pretty safe (its not likely someone in a balaclava will bash you over the head and murder you at a club ... unless its your thing  ) ... no additional public place social required
I dont see how its contradictory ... is 2 different scenarios with different requirements
I also dont see how you can have such a strong opinion on peoples actions at a club when all you ever so is protest how much you will never go so you haven't experienced how a club night is different to a normal meet to compare them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, I think you're confusing social constructs more than anything.
If you use an analogy of cooking at home verses a restaurant...
When you go to a restaurant you look at what is on offer, you choose what you'd like, they accept your choice, you consume it onsite and leave. No washing up, no cleanup, once your done you say thank you and head off somewhere else.
When you cook at home you have previously gone to a supermarket and taken time to make a consciousness choice to what you take home. You may use those items the same day you take them home and then again you might choose not to. You might even choose to combine them with something else.
If we are going to allow someone into our personal space or accept entering their's we need to feel comfortable. That is effectively the supermarket analogue. If we are at a club we are not in our personal space. We are also seeing and meeting people we would not otherwise have the opportunity to; primarily because of distance and they might not meet though websites.
The whole mindspace is totally different between a private meet and a club meet. You've mentioned in one of your posts you haven't been to a club and won't go to one. It might be a really good experience for you to do that and observe the atmosphere. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, I think you're confusing social constructs more than anything.
If you use an analogy of cooking at home verses a restaurant...
When you go to a restaurant you look at what is on offer, you choose what you'd like, they accept your choice, you consume it onsite and leave. No washing up, no cleanup, once your done you say thank you and head off somewhere else.
When you cook at home you have previously gone to a supermarket and taken time to make a consciousness choice to what you take home. You may use those items the same day you take them home and then again you might choose not to. You might even choose to combine them with something else.
If we are going to allow someone into our personal space or accept entering their's we need to feel comfortable. That is effectively the supermarket analogue. If we are at a club we are not in our personal space. We are also seeing and meeting people we would not otherwise have the opportunity to; primarily because of distance and they might not meet though websites.
The whole mindspace is totally different between a private meet and a club meet. You've mentioned in one of your posts you haven't been to a club and won't go to one. It might be a really good experience for you to do that and observe the atmosphere."
Thanks for your input and your view, I ain't kidding it's appreciated but one thing for sure I ain't confusing social constructs more than anything.
I asked for peoples views and a few have came back stating they're reply because they think that 'I think this' and 'I think that. One person even stated that I'm judging people who go to clubs and a few also sticking up for clubs where there is no need to. I don't judge people who go to clubs nor do I judge clubs, I think they are a great idea.
I'm not picking anyone out as everyone who has socials and played at clubs on this post don't fall into the catagory from what I can see from their profiles.
Socially in any capacity, most people who know me, have told me, if they felt nervous about a party then I'd be one of the first they would consider asking to accompany them as they know I can handle and ease into any situation.
Saying I need to go to a club to sampke the atmosphere, no I don't as it's it what I expect from all my swinging friends tell me which is a great experience and chilled.
When someone puts a post up and you or I ir anyone else reads it, it's great to understand it the way that's it's intended but not always the case . Partly I'll take the blame for this one as not putting it across in a better way.
The experience for a social meet at a private home, a public place, club will all be totally different and then different, more so with different individuals.
The whole point of this post andaskig fir everyone's view is as follows
The ones whom I'm asking about who have something like "SOCIAL MEET FIRST' and by that I mean, they meet in a public place see if there is a connection and then arrange to play at another time but gladly go to a club and play that evening. That is what I find as a contradiction.
After half way typing this on my phone I got to laptop see there were more people doing the exact same saying OP this, OP it should be this, I should do that.
No don't worry about me n my views, I've been swinging for over 9 tears and treating every eeithresoect n honesty I'm well versed in the pros n cons and the doos n donts as wuitea lot of people will confirm.
This wasn't a rant but I felt people were looking in the wrong place to figure out their reply
Pheewlll. Hope this eases everyone's fears that I'm against clubs n clubers
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, I think you're confusing social constructs more than anything.
If you use an analogy of cooking at home verses a restaurant...
When you go to a restaurant you look at what is on offer, you choose what you'd like, they accept your choice, you consume it onsite and leave. No washing up, no cleanup, once your done you say thank you and head off somewhere else.
When you cook at home you have previously gone to a supermarket and taken time to make a consciousness choice to what you take home. You may use those items the same day you take them home and then again you might choose not to. You might even choose to combine them with something else.
If we are going to allow someone into our personal space or accept entering their's we need to feel comfortable. That is effectively the supermarket analogue. If we are at a club we are not in our personal space. We are also seeing and meeting people we would not otherwise have the opportunity to; primarily because of distance and they might not meet though websites.
The whole mindspace is totally different between a private meet and a club meet. You've mentioned in one of your posts you haven't been to a club and won't go to one. It might be a really good experience for you to do that and observe the atmosphere.
Thanks for your input and your view, I ain't kidding it's appreciated but one thing for sure I ain't confusing social constructs more than anything.
I asked for peoples views and a few have came back stating they're reply because they think that 'I think this' and 'I think that. One person even stated that I'm judging people who go to clubs and a few also sticking up for clubs where there is no need to. I don't judge people who go to clubs nor do I judge clubs, I think they are a great idea.
I'm not picking anyone out as everyone who has socials and played at clubs on this post don't fall into the catagory from what I can see from their profiles.
Socially in any capacity, most people who know me, have told me, if they felt nervous about a party then I'd be one of the first they would consider asking to accompany them as they know I can handle and ease into any situation.
Saying I need to go to a club to sampke the atmosphere, no I don't as it's it what I expect from all my swinging friends tell me which is a great experience and chilled.
When someone puts a post up and you or I ir anyone else reads it, it's great to understand it the way that's it's intended but not always the case . Partly I'll take the blame for this one as not putting it across in a better way.
The experience for a social meet at a private home, a public place, club will all be totally different and then different, more so with different individuals.
The whole point of this post andaskig fir everyone's view is as follows
The ones whom I'm asking about who have something like "SOCIAL MEET FIRST' and by that I mean, they meet in a public place see if there is a connection and then arrange to play at another time but gladly go to a club and play that evening. That is what I find as a contradiction.
After half way typing this on my phone I got to laptop see there were more people doing the exact same saying OP this, OP it should be this, I should do that.
No don't worry about me n my views, I've been swinging for over 9 tears and treating every eeithresoect n honesty I'm well versed in the pros n cons and the doos n donts as wuitea lot of people will confirm.
This wasn't a rant but I felt people were looking in the wrong place to figure out their reply
Pheewlll. Hope this eases everyone's fears that I'm NOT, NOT against clubs n clubers
"
Ffs I admit, I'm a putts, (sometimes)
It should have been
Pheewllllllll.
Hope this eases everyone's fears that I'm NOT, NOT I SAY, against clubs n clubbers
|
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"OP, I think you're confusing social constructs more than anything.
If you use an analogy of cooking at home verses a restaurant...
When you go to a restaurant you look at what is on offer, you choose what you'd like, they accept your choice, you consume it onsite and leave. No washing up, no cleanup, once your done you say thank you and head off somewhere else.
When you cook at home you have previously gone to a supermarket and taken time to make a consciousness choice to what you take home. You may use those items the same day you take them home and then again you might choose not to. You might even choose to combine them with something else.
If we are going to allow someone into our personal space or accept entering their's we need to feel comfortable. That is effectively the supermarket analogue. If we are at a club we are not in our personal space. We are also seeing and meeting people we would not otherwise have the opportunity to; primarily because of distance and they might not meet though websites.
The whole mindspace is totally different between a private meet and a club meet. You've mentioned in one of your posts you haven't been to a club and won't go to one. It might be a really good experience for you to do that and observe the atmosphere.
Thanks for your input and your view, I ain't kidding it's appreciated but one thing for sure I ain't confusing social constructs more than anything.
I asked for peoples views and a few have came back stating they're reply because they think that 'I think this' and 'I think that. One person even stated that I'm judging people who go to clubs and a few also sticking up for clubs where there is no need to. I don't judge people who go to clubs nor do I judge clubs, I think they are a great idea.
I'm not picking anyone out as everyone who has socials and played at clubs on this post don't fall into the catagory from what I can see from their profiles.
Socially in any capacity, most people who know me, have told me, if they felt nervous about a party then I'd be one of the first they would consider asking to accompany them as they know I can handle and ease into any situation.
Saying I need to go to a club to sampke the atmosphere, no I don't as it's it what I expect from all my swinging friends tell me which is a great experience and chilled.
When someone puts a post up and you or I ir anyone else reads it, it's great to understand it the way that's it's intended but not always the case . Partly I'll take the blame for this one as not putting it across in a better way.
The experience for a social meet at a private home, a public place, club will all be totally different and then different, more so with different individuals.
The whole point of this post andaskig fir everyone's view is as follows
The ones whom I'm asking about who have something like "SOCIAL MEET FIRST' and by that I mean, they meet in a public place see if there is a connection and then arrange to play at another time but gladly go to a club and play that evening. That is what I find as a contradiction.
After half way typing this on my phone I got to laptop see there were more people doing the exact same saying OP this, OP it should be this, I should do that.
No don't worry about me n my views, I've been swinging for over 9 tears and treating every eeithresoect n honesty I'm well versed in the pros n cons and the doos n donts as wuitea lot of people will confirm.
This wasn't a rant but I felt people were looking in the wrong place to figure out their reply
Pheewlll. Hope this eases everyone's fears that I'm against clubs n clubers
"
Ok best answer to that is , maybe everyone unders_ands the difference of a social in a coffee shop and a social in a club. Maybe they all think it would be a waste of time to add on to their profile, to save them seeming contradictory "by the way I know I said always a social first, if I meet you in a club I will maybe shag you that night". That's really the only way people could fit into your way of thinking on this subject . In my opinion of course. It's one of those common sense things . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Ok best answer to that is , "
Why oh Why !!
I'm not asking for the best answer, am I ?. I'm only asking your view on the matter, that's it, simplistic in its form.
Just put your view and that's it. Maybe elaborate if you think its needed to make sure it is understood
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"
Ok best answer to that is ,
Why oh Why !!
I'm not asking for the best answer, am I ?. I'm only asking your view on the matter, that's it, simplistic in its form.
Just put your view and that's it. Maybe elaborate if you think its needed to make sure it is understood
"
But it's an impossible question , how can we convince you to change your thoughts that it is contradictory. Technically it is contradictory, but some things just dont need explained on your profile . Ie that every Fab member knows the difference of a street meet and a club meet. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We still going on about this? "
what you want me to do, some are stating things, allegedly that I think, which is wrong.
I'm out, you post, what you hope is an interesting post and then some people stating things that I have never said or instigated.
All I asked was for their view on the matter, but as I said in an earlier post, I should have simplified it
my bad  |
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"We still going on about this?
what you want me to do, some are stating things, allegedly that I think, which is wrong.
I'm out, you post, what you hope is an interesting post and then some people stating things that I have never said or instigated.
All I asked was for their view on the matter, but as I said in an earlier post, I should have simplified it
my bad "
You’ve had views supplied to you. You have opinions which will not waiver.
As I told you, different people have different perceptions. It doesn’t make anyone wrong.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We still going on about this?
what you want me to do, some are stating things, allegedly that I think, which is wrong.
I'm out, you post, what you hope is an interesting post and then some people stating things that I have never said or instigated.
All I asked was for their view on the matter, but as I said in an earlier post, I should have simplified it
my bad
You’ve had views supplied to you. You have opinions which will not waiver.
As I told you, different people have different perceptions. It doesn’t make anyone wrong.
"
Agreed |
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"We still going on about this?
what you want me to do, some are stating things, allegedly that I think, which is wrong.
I'm out, you post, what you hope is an interesting post and then some people stating things that I have never said or instigated.
All I asked was for their view on the matter, but as I said in an earlier post, I should have simplified it
my bad "
The thing I have noticed Peter is you have your opinions of things , which by the way , we all have. But you put your opinions up for discussion and then seem to think it's a personal attack on you when others give reasons for their difference of opinion. From the answer I gave you re- putting that we contradictory statement on their profile you NEVER responded. Do you see how silly it would be to add that to their profile just so they never sounded contradictory. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I do have socials first but there has been the odd occasion where within an hour or two of meeting I’m playing with them.
Likewise at a club I’ll sit and chat and then possibly play. Don’t really see the difference except as Janet said the facilities are there to go and play if you want.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I'm notorious for socials first, not always but usually and if I'm having a social it stays a social unless we all knew there was possibility of fun mentioned beforehand.
"
Op...you contradict yourself twice here alone. I don't know why you're getting so wound up about what others do |
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"OP, I think you're confusing social constructs more than anything.
If you use an analogy of cooking at home verses a restaurant...
When you go to a restaurant you look at what is on offer, you choose what you'd like, they accept your choice, you consume it onsite and leave. No washing up, no cleanup, once your done you say thank you and head off somewhere else.
When you cook at home you have previously gone to a supermarket and taken time to make a consciousness choice to what you take home. You may use those items the same day you take them home and then again you might choose not to. You might even choose to combine them with something else.
If we are going to allow someone into our personal space or accept entering their's we need to feel comfortable. That is effectively the supermarket analogue. If we are at a club we are not in our personal space. We are also seeing and meeting people we would not otherwise have the opportunity to; primarily because of distance and they might not meet though websites.
The whole mindspace is totally different between a private meet and a club meet. You've mentioned in one of your posts you haven't been to a club and won't go to one. It might be a really good experience for you to do that and observe the atmosphere."
Like this analogy, another way of putting it is when you buy something online, you shop around, choose what you want and voila, a couple of days later you get to play with it. I suppose at a club it will be like going to the shop, find what you like and you get to use it straight away. You are still vetting the goods.....and you can always take it back.
So as not to derail the topic here, life is full of contradictions, we all say one thing but mean another at some point, but generally, a little pragmatism is key, meet first, see what happens, no expectations of play, ever. If it happens then great, no rules on how a social works out, whether in a club or a coffee shop, you are still talking and getting to know someone first either way. Unless you’re gagged and blindfolded that is |
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For me it's two separate things. At home I will always have a social first.
Clubs are a different atmosphere, and you're in a place where there's security so it feels safer. It's not just making eye contact and saying how about it, I spend time chatting to people to see if there's an attraction first, then go play if interested. |
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"For me it's two separate things. At home I will always have a social first.
Clubs are a different atmosphere, and you're in a place where there's security so it feels safer. It's not just making eye contact and saying how about it, I spend time chatting to people to see if there's an attraction first, then go play if interested. "
Agree with this. Although not having been to a club, the difference in security and personal safety are blindingly obvious. |
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