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Ladies and Effect of Menopause
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hoping to get some sensible input from ladies here! I'm married, but on here without my wife's knowledge. I'm open about that in my profile. The reason I'm on here is that my wife lost all interest in sex during her menopause. She's simply not interested any longer, and nothing seems to turn her on or excite her sexually. Even her favourite toys lie unused in the drawer. However. My own sex drive remains unaltered. I'm still as horny as Hell these days!! Yes, I can masturbate, but it's nothing as good as the real thing. I know it sounds a really lame excuse, but how do other women and their husbands cope in the same situation? Honest answers on a postcard, please! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps   |
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"Hoping to get some sensible input from ladies here! I'm married, but on here without my wife's knowledge. I'm open about that in my profile. The reason I'm on here is that my wife lost all interest in sex during her menopause. She's simply not interested any longer, and nothing seems to turn her on or excite her sexually. Even her favourite toys lie unused in the drawer. However. My own sex drive remains unaltered. I'm still as horny as Hell these days!! Yes, I can masturbate, but it's nothing as good as the real thing. I know it sounds a really lame excuse, but how do other women and their husbands cope in the same situation? Honest answers on a postcard, please!"
Is she taking anything for the menopause?
Im one of these annoying people who seem to be sailing through it no problem due to being put on hormone patches since my hysterectomy six years ago and if anything my libido is always hight |
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps "
She may still miss the physical side but is becoming insecure due to the changes she’s going through . I hope you do manage to get through this . If you can’t talk through this together I hope you get help from relate or somewhere similar . Good luck . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im peri menopausal and my sex drive is up and down.
I am exhausted and at times my brain is a soggy mess of useless mush. Everything takes more energy and effort than usual.
I feel awful about myself at times. Confidence has gone and there are days when even when I make an effort I doubt my desirabililty.
I am single and tbh I doubt I will find anyone to date while I feel like this.
What I can say is that when I do feel horny the thought of penetractive sex doesnt get me going. It is emotional and physical intimacy of touch kisses etc.
I think you need to discuss her health with her and how it impacts on her mentally and physically. This is a massive change for a lot of women. But it isnt for ever. |
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps "
I agree with both comments from Rouge and Nawty.
Plus some ladies can be very intuitive. You have been on here over a year, not judging you. But that has inevitably affected part of your behaviour and maybe she has picked up on it and withdrawn further and she's ended up in a catch 22.
From your post you seem to want to discuss the issue but for me the best way is communicating with the person involved.
Also speaking together to the Doc about the low libido.
Take her away. Walk on the beach and pour your heart out if this relationship matters to you.
And maybe have a good chat with yourself too!
Good luck OP. |
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"She may still miss the physical side but is becoming insecure due to the changes she’s going through ."
I agree Steph! Sometimes a good hug session when you are feeling down or not 100% and knowing someone is there for you does help! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps
I agree with both comments from Rouge and Nawty.
Plus some ladies can be very intuitive. You have been on here over a year, not judging you. But that has inevitably affected part of your behaviour and maybe she has picked up on it and withdrawn further and she's ended up in a catch 22.
From your post you seem to want to discuss the issue but for me the best way is communicating with the person involved.
Also speaking together to the Doc about the low libido.
Take her away. Walk on the beach and pour your heart out if this relationship matters to you.
And maybe have a good chat with yourself too!
Good luck OP. "
Good point PetitPois   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you to everyone who has responded so far. You've all been very good and serious about it. I feel that you each deserve a separate response from me to your comments. Thanks again for being so constructive. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps "
.
Thanks for your constructive comments. We have discussed the issue. She feels frustrated by it too, and acknowledges that she knows I would like much more sex. She copes with it by joking about it. Sometimes (say, about weekly) she will give me oral relief. As for love making, that's more like once every 4-6 weeks. She enjoys it when we do. Has an orgasm or two, but it's really just a "quickie". She's gone as far as discussing with our GP who was sympathetic. He was going to try hormone patches, but decided not to when my wife had some unexplained post-menopausal bleeding. Now diagnosed as thickening of the womb lining and fibroids. However, HRT is not an option now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hoping to get some sensible input from ladies here! I'm married, but on here without my wife's knowledge. I'm open about that in my profile. The reason I'm on here is that my wife lost all interest in sex during her menopause. She's simply not interested any longer, and nothing seems to turn her on or excite her sexually. Even her favourite toys lie unused in the drawer. However. My own sex drive remains unaltered. I'm still as horny as Hell these days!! Yes, I can masturbate, but it's nothing as good as the real thing. I know it sounds a really lame excuse, but how do other women and their husbands cope in the same situation? Honest answers on a postcard, please!Is she taking anything for the menopause?
Im one of these annoying people who seem to be sailing through it no problem due to being put on hormone patches since my hysterectomy six years ago and if anything my libido is always hight "
I've responded to another person about this. Wife had some unexplained post-menopausal bleeding, and thus was finally diagnosed as thickening of the womb lining and fibroids. As a result of this, HRT patches or tablets can't be prescribed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In that case I'm really not sure what you expect from the forum in reply. Sometimes in a relationship there comes a time when due to age/health or whatever that your sexual compatibility is no longer the same. In that case you either compromise the way you have with limited sexual contact, one allows the other to do their own thing or one does their own thing without permission.
It seems you have explored your options fully |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps
She may still miss the physical side but is becoming insecure due to the changes she’s going through . I hope you do manage to get through this . If you can’t talk through this together I hope you get help from relate or somewhere similar . Good luck . "
Thanks for your comments. We do talk about it and just about cope. She seems resigned to the situation, but that still leaves me very frustrated. She recognises and understands this and gives me what sex she can. She does enjoy it at the time. Usually it is me that starts things. Used to be her!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im peri menopausal and my sex drive is up and down.
I am exhausted and at times my brain is a soggy mess of useless mush. Everything takes more energy and effort than usual.
I feel awful about myself at times. Confidence has gone and there are days when even when I make an effort I doubt my desirabililty.
I am single and tbh I doubt I will find anyone to date while I feel like this.
What I can say is that when I do feel horny the thought of penetractive sex doesnt get me going. It is emotional and physical intimacy of touch kisses etc.
I think you need to discuss her health with her and how it impacts on her mentally and physically. This is a massive change for a lot of women. But it isnt for ever."
Thank you for that, and sorry too to hear of your own problems. We do hold onto the hope that things will improve again. Fingers very much crossed!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps
I agree with both comments from Rouge and Nawty.
Plus some ladies can be very intuitive. You have been on here over a year, not judging you. But that has inevitably affected part of your behaviour and maybe she has picked up on it and withdrawn further and she's ended up in a catch 22.
From your post you seem to want to discuss the issue but for me the best way is communicating with the person involved.
Also speaking together to the Doc about the low libido.
Take her away. Walk on the beach and pour your heart out if this relationship matters to you.
And maybe have a good chat with yourself too!
Good luck OP. "
Thank you!! Love the last bit about having a good talk to myself! Yes, that's important too. We both communicate really well and have a brilliant married life. It's just the sex that is missing. Hopefully things will change again. In the meantime, I'm still frustrated!! Thanks, too, for not judging me. Yes I've been on here for a while, but this has been going in for 2 or 3 years now, and the frustration is difficult to handle at times. Maybe I just need castrated!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She may still miss the physical side but is becoming insecure due to the changes she’s going through .
I agree Steph! Sometimes a good hug session when you are feeling down or not 100% and knowing someone is there for you does help! "
I always do my best to support my wife. We all need a hug and an arm around the shoulder now and again. Fortunately, she's a positive person. She doesn't get fed up very often, but when she does I'm aware of it and we do communicate well. Yes, a simple cuddle goes a very long way!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In that case I'm really not sure what you expect from the forum in reply. Sometimes in a relationship there comes a time when due to age/health or whatever that your sexual compatibility is no longer the same. In that case you either compromise the way you have with limited sexual contact, one allows the other to do their own thing or one does their own thing without permission.
It seems you have explored your options fully "
Thanks for that. We do have a very loving relationship. Sex used to be brilliant and was enough for me. That's all that is now missing. I do tend to do my own thing now, but I feel she would be really hurt if she knew the truth. It's difficult and, yes, I'm cheating on her. I don't feel particularly good about that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife is going through the menapause and whilst libido didnt diminish there were numerous other issues. Hot flushes were terrible, little sleep, forgetful.
Being a bit hippy she didnt want to go on hrt but has been taking tablets from boots that are botanical, called boots menapause support plus. Massive positive effect, highly recommend. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My wife is going through the menapause and whilst libido didnt diminish there were numerous other issues. Hot flushes were terrible, little sleep, forgetful.
Being a bit hippy she didnt want to go on hrt but has been taking tablets from boots that are botanical, called boots menapause support plus. Massive positive effect, highly recommend."
Ok. Many thanks for that, and for the tip. We will try anything we can to sort this one out. I'll suggest the Boots tablets to her. By the way.....love a Hippy Wife!! Lucky you!! Lol. |
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"Have you tried discussing it with her empathically? You do seem to understand that loss of sex drive can happen at this time. Ask her how SHE feels about the loss of sexual contact, perhaps ask does it worry her, does SHE feel a lack of intimacy because of it? Then you could explain how you feel, sometimes counselling can help or you both might be able to explore other avenues such as new things that might re-ignite the passions. Re the toys, sometimes vaginal dryness is an issue at menopause so that could be why she has lost interest in them... Communication is everything lol - Hope that helps
I agree with both comments from Rouge and Nawty.
Plus some ladies can be very intuitive. You have been on here over a year, not judging you. But that has inevitably affected part of your behaviour and maybe she has picked up on it and withdrawn further and she's ended up in a catch 22.
From your post you seem to want to discuss the issue but for me the best way is communicating with the person involved.
Also speaking together to the Doc about the low libido.
Take her away. Walk on the beach and pour your heart out if this relationship matters to you.
And maybe have a good chat with yourself too!
Good luck OP.
Thank you!! Love the last bit about having a good talk to myself! Yes, that's important too. We both communicate really well and have a brilliant married life. It's just the sex that is missing. Hopefully things will change again. In the meantime, I'm still frustrated!! Thanks, too, for not judging me. Yes I've been on here for a while, but this has been going in for 2 or 3 years now, and the frustration is difficult to handle at times. Maybe I just need castrated!!! "
The last sentence is a little drastic!
Sex as penetration is not the only way to get sexual relief. Sensual massage and work with body energies can be of help for you as for her to increase intimacy. Finding a way to touch each other again without it meaning full penetration and or sex.
Have a look at alternative therapy. Like acupuncture for her. And therapist that will take you both to help you find and touch each other again!
Whatever some people think some fancy name therapies and techniques do help some people find their touch again and therefore refind their intimacy.
Hope this makes sense. |
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