So my daughter's mum rang me yesterday we been split up 16 years but have always remained civil for our child ,She asked if she could come stay with me for 4 weeks so she can try sort her personal life out .I'm not to sure it be right seen as she only just divorced ,I think it could be open to misinterpretation by family and friends even though I have no interest in anything but my daughter's welfare with her mum ,But 500 miles to stay with me when our daughter only lives few miles from her mum seems strange
Anyone have any thoughts please  |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
Maybe she just wants space and away from distractions? A friendly face she doesn't have to explain anything to ..... I mean as her ex there's always the familiarity so wouldn't feel uncomfortable but that doesn't mean anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take it your daughter is now an adult?
Only you know what kind of relationship you have now with this woman.
What is going on in her personal life that she feels she needs support from you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are divorced and separated for 16years for a reason.
Your EX is responsible for her own life.
You are about your daughter's wellbeing.
Never the twain shall meet...
Your daughter is your responsibility. If she asked to stay with you then yes.
Regarding EX definite Hell NO from me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on reasons for split and divorce
Was it amicable, being civil or could that be interpreted as still talking and being friendly as there is 400 miles between you.
How does daughter feel about all this or is she part of the having to sort her personal life out.
I know people who beat the shut out of each other for years and stuck out a love less marriage until the kids were old enough to move out, then went their separate ways only to discover they lived better lives out of each other’s pockets.
My mate is divorced but sees his ex daily as they have remained best friends just can’t live with each other
Too many what ifs to give definitive answer.
If you are barely speaking then it’s a big NO
If your still friends and talk the. your a mate doing another mate a favour
Biggest bug bearer is ex partners living together after a separation for years suddenly thrown together and old feelings pouring back out
Only you can decide what’s best for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To answer your original question of would you, on the face of it I would, simply because you have remained friends. If there were potential underlying issues though , I would approach different , I would also be very forthright with caveats that my life was my life and to make sure that she knew to respect that !!
Guess in reality only you know whether this has the potential to go seriously Pete Tong !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The tone of your initial post says it all. You've got doubts yourself and are questioning her motives. I'd say trust your gut. If it doesn't feel like the right thing to do for you , regardless of being a "good guy", them don't do it. |
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I wouldn't, but then again my ex has been an utter cow, sat there happily in my house while i rented a flat, overpaid maintenance, worked 2 (at one point 3) jobs just to survive month to month, which i barely managed, used my children as weapons to try get her own on absolutely everything....
No I wouldnt piss on her, even if she was desperate. As long as my kids are ok I'm happy... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't, but then again my ex has been an utter cow, sat there happily in my house while i rented a flat, overpaid maintenance, worked 2 (at one point 3) jobs just to survive month to month, which i barely managed, used my children as weapons to try get her own on absolutely everything....
No I wouldnt piss on her, even if she was desperate. As long as my kids are ok I'm happy..."
It sounds like we were married to the same spawn of satan, Joanne.
My own personal experiences tell me I would send her packing, OP, but unlike you, there has never been any civilty.
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"So my daughter's mum rang me yesterday we been split up 16 years but have always remained civil for our child ,She asked if she could come stay with me for 4 weeks so she can try sort her personal life out .I'm not to sure it be right seen as she only just divorced ,I think it could be open to misinterpretation by family and friends even though I have no interest in anything but my daughter's welfare with her mum ,But 500 miles to stay with me when our daughter only lives few miles from her mum seems strange
Anyone have any thoughts please "
Not having the full details, here's how I see it.
Maybe she doesn't want to involve the kids in her mess again!
They went through it with you, maybe she doesn't want them to be involved again This time round.
Maybe she is simply being protective or she's ashamed that at her age her life is not sorted! I can understand that, as a mum you want to be the one in a position to help your kids not the opposite.
Does she have family she can ask??
maybe you are the closest thing she has to family.
You are asking so you have your doubts.
Only you know the relationship you have with this woman.
If you care for her as the mother of your kids and you get on, maybe you can helping out. I would just make things absolutely clear that this is not a relationship, she's effectively a guest, your house, your rules and you have to explain nothing about your whereabouts.
And who cares what others think as long as things are clear with you , her and your kids.
Good luck OP
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So my daughter's mum rang me yesterday we been split up 16 years but have always remained civil for our child ,She asked if she could come stay with me for 4 weeks so she can try sort her personal life out .I'm not to sure it be right seen as she only just divorced ,I think it could be open to misinterpretation by family and friends even though I have no interest in anything but my daughter's welfare with her mum ,But 500 miles to stay with me when our daughter only lives few miles from her mum seems strange
Anyone have any thoughts please
Not having the full details, here's how I see it.
Maybe she doesn't want to involve the kids in her mess again!
They went through it with you, maybe she doesn't want them to be involved again This time round.
Maybe she is simply being protective or she's ashamed that at her age her life is not sorted! I can understand that, as a mum you want to be the one in a position to help your kids not the opposite.
Does she have family she can ask??
maybe you are the closest thing she has to family.
You are asking so you have your doubts.
Only you know the relationship you have with this woman.
If you care for her as the mother of your kids and you get on, maybe you can helping out. I would just make things absolutely clear that this is not a relationship, she's effectively a guest, your house, your rules and you have to explain nothing about your whereabouts.
And who cares what others think as long as things are clear with you , her and your kids.
Good luck OP
"
This... in spades 
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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago
south east |
Tbh your asking a bunch of strangers for advice when only you know the history behind your relationship and break up ...is she at it or does she genuinely need some distance between her and her problems only you can decide whether to give her a few weeks refuge ..I suggest talking it over more to make your mind up  |
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"My ex and I are really good friends. Yeah, I'd take him in without a second thought. But don't think many ex partners are in the same position as we are x"
I would too but thats only cos he lives nearby and we are still on good terms despite everything. I would be suspicious though if we hadnt really bn in communications and he lived 500 miles away. |
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"My ex and I are really good friends. Yeah, I'd take him in without a second thought. But don't think many ex partners are in the same position as we are x
I would too but thats only cos he lives nearby and we are still on good terms despite everything. I would be suspicious though if we hadnt really bn in communications and he lived 500 miles away."
I would help out too!
As for the distance, she could live 500 miles away in a small village where everyone is gossiping and she just wants a breather!!
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"Depends on reasons for split and divorce
Was it amicable, being civil or could that be interpreted as still talking and being friendly as there is 400 miles between you.
How does daughter feel about all this or is she part of the having to sort her personal life out.
I know people who beat the shut out of each other for years and stuck out a love less marriage until the kids were old enough to move out, then went their separate ways only to discover they lived better lives out of each other’s pockets.
My mate is divorced but sees his ex daily as they have remained best friends just can’t live with each other
Too many what ifs to give definitive answer.
If you are barely speaking then it’s a big NO
If your still friends and talk the. your a mate doing another mate a favour
Biggest bug bearer is ex partners living together after a separation for years suddenly thrown together and old feelings pouring back out
Only you can decide what’s best for you "
Pretty much this.
V |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I had a spare bed it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You don't need to change your routine or go out of your way...just let her have some space if that's what she's needing. It takes a bigger man to be nice x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So my daughter's mum rang me yesterday we been split up 16 years but have always remained civil for our child ,She asked if she could come stay with me for 4 weeks so she can try sort her personal life out .I'm not to sure it be right seen as she only just divorced ,I think it could be open to misinterpretation by family and friends even though I have no interest in anything but my daughter's welfare with her mum ,But 500 miles to stay with me when our daughter only lives few miles from her mum seems strange
Anyone have any thoughts please "
I know your asking opinions but only you truly know the situation through the years with your ex. You will do what is best for you while anything that effects your daughters mindset and well being I'm sure will be taken into consideration. .
I get on well with the ex, still love there and she's the mother of my children but we cannot live with each other and will never get beck together.
My kids future n health and happiness is all I care about and is utmost in my mind. So any decisions if I was in a similar situation then I would consider their well being  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So my daughter's mum rang me yesterday we been split up 16 years but have always remained civil for our child ,She asked if she could come stay with me for 4 weeks so she can try sort her personal life out .I'm not to sure it be right seen as she only just divorced ,I think it could be open to misinterpretation by family and friends even though I have no interest in anything but my daughter's welfare with her mum ,But 500 miles to stay with me when our daughter only lives few miles from her mum seems strange
Anyone have any thoughts please "
Sounds like she needs away from things down where she is and it’s more than just tome but distance that she needs, she clearly trusts you and feels secure enough in your relationship to ask for support. If you care for her wellbeing to hell with what anyone else thinks |
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By *xycpl699Couple
over a year ago
kilmarnock |
"If I had a spare bed it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You don't need to change your routine or go out of your way...just let her have some space if that's what she's needing. It takes a bigger man to be nice x"
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"Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
"
Really in my opinion a complete stranger is perfect to ask because there opinion is not swayed by being personally involved....cock....
By the way that's not an insult it an English dialect saying for mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
Really in my opinion a complete stranger is perfect to ask because there opinion is not swayed by being personally involved....cock....
By the way that's not an insult it an English dialect saying for mate "
No, you're quite right, because all the best advice on matters of family situations are given by complete strangers on the internet who don't know them! 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So my daughter's mum rang me yesterday we been split up 16 years but have always remained civil for our child ,She asked if she could come stay with me for 4 weeks so she can try sort her personal life out .I'm not to sure it be right seen as she only just divorced ,I think it could be open to misinterpretation by family and friends even though I have no interest in anything but my daughter's welfare with her mum ,But 500 miles to stay with me when our daughter only lives few miles from her mum seems strange
Anyone have any thoughts please "
No. No. No.no. No. No. No. No.
Hope that's helpful x |
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"Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
Really in my opinion a complete stranger is perfect to ask because there opinion is not swayed by being personally involved....cock....
By the way that's not an insult it an English dialect saying for mate
No, you're quite right, because all the best advice on matters of family situations are given by complete strangers on the internet who don't know them!
"
Hang on I'm just waiting for well to pipe up who you never met but who is your biggest defender ......yep good advice bud |
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"Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
Really in my opinion a complete stranger is perfect to ask because there opinion is not swayed by being personally involved....cock....
By the way that's not an insult it an English dialect saying for mate
No, you're quite right, because all the best advice on matters of family situations are given by complete strangers on the internet who don't know them!
Hang on I'm just waiting for well to pipe up who you never met but who is your biggest defender ......yep good advice bud "
Well she is from ayrshire so .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
Really in my opinion a complete stranger is perfect to ask because there opinion is not swayed by being personally involved....cock....
By the way that's not an insult it an English dialect saying for mate
No, you're quite right, because all the best advice on matters of family situations are given by complete strangers on the internet who don't know them!
Hang on I'm just waiting for well to pipe up who you never met but who is your biggest defender ......yep good advice bud
Well she is from ayrshire so ...."
It's well known that ayrshire burds love seeing the pompous and preposterous getting pricked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking absolute strangers their opinion on a situation as complicated as this when they don't know the first thing about anyone who is involved in it is completely pointless.
Really in my opinion a complete stranger is perfect to ask because there opinion is not swayed by being personally involved....cock....
By the way that's not an insult it an English dialect saying for mate
No, you're quite right, because all the best advice on matters of family situations are given by complete strangers on the internet who don't know them!
Hang on I'm just waiting for well to pipe up who you never met but who is your biggest defender ......yep good advice bud
Well she is from ayrshire so ....
It's well known that ayrshire burds love seeing the pompous and preposterous getting pricked "
Pricked. Fnar, fnar! |
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