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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In light of recent forum posts this is more of a blog or how to for the increasing amount of people calling themselves dominants.
To Dominate properly, you have to get your sub first. Just like a vanilla relationship, learn where they are from, their age and talk a bit more get to know them. The regular questions are usually fairly simple, know the limits of the sub, his/her kinks, and see if you can play with this a bit because never forget as a Dominant, you have to satisfy yourself AND your submissive. There is no point of being a Dom/Domme if you will not pleasure and satisfy your submissive.
Setting the standards: As a Dominant figure, you must set example and standards for your submissive. Be polite and respectful. Watch your words and your vocabulary, if you have a bad mouth your sub will most-likely have one too. Tell you submissive how they should talk to you. What name they should use to call you (Miss/Mistress Sir/Master...) Be strong and show them who is the boss, stay firm. Do not tell too much about yourself and keep yourself safe. Make sure the submissive knows you are the leader, stand tall and proud and make it clear.
Listen : listen to the needs and wants of your submissive. There will be things they do not like and things they are searching for make sure they are satisfied with who you are before engaging with them.
Put the sex aside: Just like in real life, do not sleep with them on the first night. The process of earning a sub is long and do not frighten them. It may happen that the first intercourse happens on the first night but do know that the D/s lifestyle is not only about sex!! there is way more then that
Establish rules: Your sub, your rules. The rules can be anything from not being able to have multiple partners to having to log off at a certain hour. You set the rules as you want them but make them clear and make sure the submissive knows and understand them. If a rule is broken, only you know the punishment to be applied. As a dominant you have to realize that you know whats best for your sub and you are the one who has to set them straight. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are you looking for a submissive or a slave?
It is OK if you do not know the difference between one and an other. A lot of people mistakenly use both words but their definition is quite easy
submissive : a volunteer
Slave : not a volunteer
The Submissive
Is a person with the urge and need to submit to some one with more authority, now there are many in this category so don't be fooled
The light or moderate submissive
Their submission is limited, they are the ones who wish to be used only for a short amount of time and have a long list of rules and limits. They have the urge to serve but not has strong or as willing as others. They have many taboos or probably no chance of experiencing in real life due to many reasons.
The casual submissive (do me subs)
They call themselves submissive but they only want only casual contact. They will submit as long as their personal needs are satisfied and will not exactly "serve" someone. They have a list of kinks and fetishes and requirement they need to meet and as their name "do me" say they are quite selfish. They will be the one searching sexual desires only and will not connect. To me they are not submissive at all, they just want their kinks done to them then they will "fuck off" happy.
The strong desired submissive
They are the one ready to commit to a long term partner and who are searching to please more then to be pleased. Usually they will have a list of restrictions but it will be forgotten with time. They want to be by your side no mater what and want to please you
The love submissive
Seeking only love and acceptance, they are dangerous. They will mix feelings for you and will eventually fall in love. They do not seek sex but more to be loved by someone superior than themselves. They will tell you that sex is not important and that's not what they want, they will be clear on that subject. They are needy of attention. These types of subs are more for you if you are the vanilla type as Eventually they will be totally devoted to you but they require time.
The Slave
The slave is beyond the submissive. They have no limits, no choices, they simply obey to you with trust. They give you their lives and all what comes with it. Their heart beats for you, their brains works for you and you only. They have been by your side for a long time and have no walls or secrets for you. They live with the Dominant of a full term basis and have eyes only for them. They are dependent on you and will work hard for you. They tend to give themselves as total legal property of the dominant.
Hope this is helpful xx
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By *oznrayCouple
over a year ago
helensburgh |
Not sure where putting your foot down comes into this, and if it has to be explained then they aren't what they thought they were especially on the dominant side, D/s is in fashion just now with the fifty shades shit, it will return to its normal place at some point when the fashion changes and the wannabes will move on, if your after D/s fet's not the place to look for it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure where putting your foot down comes into this, and if it has to be explained then they aren't what they thought they were especially on the dominant side, D/s is in fashion just now with the fifty shades shit, it will return to its normal place at some point when the fashion changes and the wannabes will move on, if your after D/s fet's not the place to look for it"
Seen 50 shades of grey didn't do much for me as a perceived it to be a chick flick (apologies to women that offends) I still have no idea about the all switch dom sub per say ,I just sometimes like to take the lead and sometimes like to be led,but no pain ,so still lost  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure where putting your foot down comes into this, and if it has to be explained then they aren't what they thought they were especially on the dominant side, D/s is in fashion just now with the fifty shades shit, it will return to its normal place at some point when the fashion changes and the wannabes will move on, if your after D/s fet's not the place to look for it"
Putting my foot down is the name of the exert from a blog. I'm not looking for a d/s relationship tho I am on fet as well as fab. My profile information states I'm not looking for a submissive. I put this forum post on as recently there have been many posts about would be dominants and also status's that insinuated unconsensual sex and abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Many so called Doms I've chatted to are no more than bullies. They don't realise that I, as a sub do have experience and know what I want and I'm perfectly capable of making up my own mind.
"
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By *oznrayCouple
over a year ago
helensburgh |
"Many so called Doms I've chatted to are no more than bullies. They don't realise that I, as a sub do have experience and know what I want and I'm perfectly capable of making up my own mind.
Ain't that the truth, main issue with the wannabes is they don't take the time to find out all about the sub, find out what makes them tick, to get into their heads, only when you find out what the sub is all about will you ever be able to take them to their special little place
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Many so called Doms I've chatted to are no more than bullies. They don't realise that I, as a sub do have experience and know what I want and I'm perfectly capable of making up my own mind.
Ain't that the truth, main issue with the wannabes is they don't take the time to find out all about the sub, find out what makes them tick, to get into their heads, only when you find out what the sub is all about will you ever be able to take them to their special little place
"
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