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Death and how to deal...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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On the back of another thread or two, how do you deal with death?
I lost my dad 19 years ago and my brother 5 years ago. I'm the kind of person who hides it away.
Not healthy of course, but it's all I know... |
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I deal with it every day in my profession. What I've learned is (and I'm no expert), there is no right or wrong way to deal with it and cope.
Some people are accepting of it as part of life's inevitable journey, other people are understandably angry at death, and some people are floored to the point of not being able to function, which is also understandable.
It's an interesting, albeit difficult, subject to work in and talk about all day.
*Ps: I'm a hitman. |
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
Being old enough to have dealt with a few, tbh, probably the same way as you shorty 
I think you deal with them differently though.
Like life's journey says, some you can remember the person fondly and raise a glass to,
but some can be just too painful for a variety of reasons and those are the ones you hide away
And time isn't a healer with those as far as I can see.
But one thing is true of all of those people, I wish I'd spent more time with all of them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Truthfully, I have no clue. I'm over 20 years down the line from losing my wee boy and my dad within a year of each other. I've long accepted the inevitably of death and I've carried on and indeed found new joys as life always brings. But...every single day I want them here. Counseling helps you to understand your grief, but ultimately doesn't change the facts. The love that remains is the greatest comfort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Truthfully, I have no clue. I'm over 20 years down the line from losing my wee boy and my dad within a year of each other. I've long accepted the inevitably of death and I've carried on and indeed found new joys as life always brings. But...every single day I want them here. Counseling helps you to understand your grief, but ultimately doesn't change the facts. The love that remains is the greatest comfort. "
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
"Truthfully, I have no clue. I'm over 20 years down the line from losing my wee boy and my dad within a year of each other. I've long accepted the inevitably of death and I've carried on and indeed found new joys as life always brings. But...every single day I want them here. Counseling helps you to understand your grief, but ultimately doesn't change the facts. The love that remains is the greatest comfort. "
Jeez Jinty, wise words and that must have been a tough time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the back of another thread or two, how do you deal with death?
I lost my dad 19 years ago and my brother 5 years ago. I'm the kind of person who hides it away.
Not healthy of course, but it's all I know... "
If you figure out let me know. I got a phone call while working abroad 3 weeks ago to find my dad had suddenly passed and not sure what to do or expect over the next few weeks. (Managed to get from finding out to back home in 11hrs to be with family) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Truthfully, I have no clue. I'm over 20 years down the line from losing my wee boy and my dad within a year of each other. I've long accepted the inevitably of death and I've carried on and indeed found new joys as life always brings. But...every single day I want them here. Counseling helps you to understand your grief, but ultimately doesn't change the facts. The love that remains is the greatest comfort.
Jeez Jinty, wise words and that must have been a tough time "
It was indeed. I think when you lose someone very close you tend to think you'll never recover or be happy again. One day, you find you can and that brings a different kind of pain. The realisation that although you thought you couldn't, and indeed shouldn't be able to cope, you do. Grief comes to us all but there is always hope for a brighter day. |
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I lost my dad when I was 21 and my mum last month. My mum was my best friend and it was a complete different feeling than when I lost my dad.
I've never been one to be big on talking about how I feel and tend to put a front on and pretend everything is ok. For first time in my life I hit a wall I didn't think I could over come.
Thank god for my good friends and grump as they have been by my side non stop past few weeks from helping me clear my mums house, to just sending me a wee Message every day to let me know they are there and thanks to there help and motivation I went back to work today for first time.
I don't think it ever gets easier but u learn to enjoy life again and slowly start to laugh again. I know my mum would want me To be happy and if she was still here would kick my ass for moping. So that's what I'm going to aim to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Truthfully, I have no clue. I'm over 20 years down the line from losing my wee boy and my dad within a year of each other. I've long accepted the inevitably of death and I've carried on and indeed found new joys as life always brings. But...every single day I want them here. Counseling helps you to understand your grief, but ultimately doesn't change the facts. The love that remains is the greatest comfort. "
This is as good an explanation as you'll get xxxxxxx
Death is part of life... it's intrinsic, yet so painful... it's corny but true to say that no matter how long someone is in your life you can never deny having them there...try to be thankful for that no matter how hard it is xXx |
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I feel your pain OP, I don't know how to deal with it.
Talking about your feelings, letting your pain go, a listening ear can allow you to let flow, and feel your feelings rather than hold them in, in a safe environment, rather than push them down into a depression inside you.
Try and do things you wanna do to feel a bit happier in yourself with comfort.
Theres a horrid lonely insecure and lost feeling that hits me week by week due to loss of a few direct family members in recent years, and its difficult to let go.
Keeping their memories alive, and trying to feel blessed I'm here another day, and have been fortunate my life hasn't been cut short by disease or tragic accident so far, and hope I see them again on the other side, whatever the great plan is for us after this, this all keeps me going.
As I said at the beginning, I don't really know, but if anything I've said clicks with you, I hope it helps, along with a big hug xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm my mum died when I was 10 or so and wasn't sure how to feel just kinda acted like how I thought everyone expected me too, my gran passed away the other week but again wasn't sure how to feel, it's just part of life and no emotions or feelings are gonna change that or bring them back so just gotta carry on with life and do what you gotta do, but everyone is different I guess, some people like to talk about it, others like to bottle it up and leave it be. |
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It's totally different for everyone I've no solution either I can only hope you find some way to express your grief sometimes it's easier doing that to a complete stranger rather than family or friends . Take care . |
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Its totally different for everyone op and it probably depends on how close you were to the person.
I lost my only brother almost seven years ago and the shock of his passing was tremendous and took both me and my parent a very long time to accept that he was gone.
My wee mum passed away a few months ago and the pain of losing her was like nothing ive felt before its like a constant ache in your heart but with each day that passes it does get a little easier .
Ive been reccomended councilling which Im going to take up but ive been told its still a litte soon for that but I will do it.
Big hugs op I hope you find peace soon xx |
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Death is a thing that happens to all of us and affects us all as well worked in a mAternity unit and it was hard seing the babies die Ive also lost a son and 5 Grand kids 3 wee got to cuddle 2 born to early Time doesnt heal but you just have to go on with life as the ones who have passed away would want you toI |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know it's an old cliche but time really is a healer.
I've learned from experience and it does help to open up and talk to someone rather than bottle it all up.
But..... You have to let yourself go through the natural grieving process first and take into account the different stages, ie the anger, the guilt, the blaming etc etc.
But everyone is unique and different in how they deal with it.
It's not a nice process for anyone to go through.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lost my 12 week old son 15 years ago and there is never a recipe to deal with grief. Birthdays and anniversaries are extremely upsetting but I try to see all the happy things in life and try not to look back. I know there are many folk worse off than me and I have dealt a good set of cards in my life overall. |
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"I also lost my husband 2 years ago we were separated for a long time but got on well The hardest part here is wondering do i have a right to feel this grief as we werent together x"
Yes of course you do Heather he was a big part of your life when you were married & had children together.
I guess in a way for you it was like losing him twice first when the marraige ended and the when he passed away.
Im sure you will grieve in the way you find appropriate for you ...(((big hugs))) |
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"I know it's an old cliche but time really is a healer.
I've learned from experience and it does help to open up and talk to someone rather than bottle it all up.
But..... You have to let yourself go through the natural grieving process first and take into account the different stages, ie the anger, the guilt, the blaming etc etc.
But everyone is unique and different in how they deal with it.
It's not a nice process for anyone to go through. "
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