FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Married guys cheating !!!
Married guys cheating !!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation.
Happy for comments. |
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By *andsCouple
over a year ago
Edin |
I do not know what has happened that has prompted your post if indeed anything but the one thing I would say to you is your reasons for being here do not have to be justified to anyone.
If you are upfront with potential meets as to your marital status it is their choice whether to meet you or not.
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First of all sorry fr Wat ur wife is going through and second has she gone to the doctors for this problem as her medication cn be adjusted then sadly many are too embarrassed to talk to doctors abt sexual problems.
Thirdly feel sorry for anyone in this situation u luv someone but hve basic needs of ur own so it is a hard situation to be in. Don't see y ud be fabacided 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks just fed up being judged by people taking moral high ground with me when I say am looking to meet without wife knowing and not listening to my reasons. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for that
Been over 15 years trying to get medication that work and this one for first time ticks all the boxes it's the loss of sex drive that's the only side effect but apart from that I have the women I married back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You shouldnt have to justify youraelf but understand why you did because i know wat its like to be judged on here it used to get to me but it doesnt anymore coz we all have our reasons
Hope you get wat your looking for on here  |
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Op your reasons for doing what you do are yours alone.
Same as everyone else who cheats are thiers .
We are all judged and always will be on here .
So just meet the people who are accepting of your reasons and block the rest who aint because it will make your time much more enjoyable here without the hassles  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can appreciate your reasons for what you do and I'm not one for worrying about other folks business anyway. But your insinuation that there should be no judgement of morals by those on a 'swingers site' annoys me. Swingers can and do have morals. They are just not always the same as everyone elses. |
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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago
south east |
"I do not know what has happened that has prompted your post if indeed anything but the one thing I would say to you is your reasons for being here do not have to be justified to anyone.
If you are upfront with potential meets as to your marital status it is their choice whether to meet you or not.
Xx"
what she said  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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[I can appreciate your reasons for what you do and I'm not one for worrying about other folks business anyway. But your insinuation that there should be no judgement of morals by those on a 'swingers site' annoys me. Swingers can and do have morals. They are just not always the same as everyone elses.]
No offence meant to swingers in general |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People sharing their wives, husbands or partners can't judge someone who is sleeping with someone behind their wife's back, IMO.
"
Really? People sharing their partners are doing it with the knowledge, trust and consent of all involved. Those doing it behind their partners back are lying to and cheating on the very person they claim to love. Do you really not see the difference? |
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"I do not know what has happened that has prompted your post if indeed anything but the one thing I would say to you is your reasons for being here do not have to be justified to anyone.
If you are upfront with potential meets as to your marital status it is their choice whether to meet you or not.
Xx"
I second this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People sharing their wives, husbands or partners can't judge someone who is sleeping with someone behind their wife's back, IMO.
Really? People sharing their partners are doing it with the knowledge, trust and consent of all involved. Those doing it behind their partners back are lying to and cheating on the very person they claim to love. Do you really not see the difference?"
Not all couples know wat other is doing. .in my time on fab had more than a few males from couples profiles asking to meet and say just be our wee secret haha most were from verified couples so not always the case other half knows .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People sharing their wives, husbands or partners can't judge someone who is sleeping with someone behind their wife's back, IMO.
Really? People sharing their partners are doing it with the knowledge, trust and consent of all involved. Those doing it behind their partners back are lying to and cheating on the very person they claim to love. Do you really not see the difference?
Not all couples know wat other is doing. .in my time on fab had more than a few males from couples profiles asking to meet and say just be our wee secret haha most were from verified couples so not always the case other half knows .."
Yeah of course, thats happened to me as well. Just saying theres a difference between people playing with their partners consent and people playing behind their partners backs. And if you don't expect some condemnation for cheating, even on a 'swingers site' that is in my opinion naivete. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand what you are saying re you're wife's depression and we all have our reasons for being here which are our own and to a certain degree you are right they are not always for others to judge.
However it cannot also be denied that your wife may still be hurt by you being here without her knowledge, also out of curiosity does she know you are bi??? You don't have to answer that of course, it is your business.
The other thing is your insinuation people on a swinging site shouldn't judge you?? Some would say this site is no longer a swinger site anymore but the definition of swinging is for couples who meet other couples not singles. Also others are still entitled to think you are wrong just as there will be those that understand and agree with you.
NMD was right to say you have to roll with the blows here and meet those of a like mind.
Good luck with your wife, I hope she continues to be well and improve and good luck with your journey here too.
Flo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can hear the stampede of the morality warriors as always on this topic.
Having been both the cheater & cheated I've experienced both sides of this. We found our infidelities spiced up our nonexistent sex life: without knowing that the other was playing away.
I say we're all consenting adults, capable of making our own choices. Personally I couldn't care either way about the marital status of my meets, as far as I'm concerned that's their bag to deal with not mine. I await the inevitable backlash  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can hear the stampede of the morality warriors as always on this topic.
Having been both the cheater & cheated I've experienced both sides of this. We found our infidelities spiced up our nonexistent sex life: without knowing that the other was playing away.
I say we're all consenting adults, capable of making our own choices. Personally I couldn't care either way about the marital status of my meets, as far as I'm concerned that's their bag to deal with not mine. I await the inevitable backlash "
No backlash here - fair comment  |
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You do not have to justify yourself to anyone just be honest if your asked aboyt being married and then the female can decide if its for her or not.whatever your reason thats your private business and nothing to do with anyone.
If you get abuse let it wash over you after all they have the choice to say NO to a meet.
Happy Swinging
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By *andACouple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"I can hear the stampede of the morality warriors as always on this topic.
Having been both the cheater & cheated I've experienced both sides of this. We found our infidelities spiced up our nonexistent sex life: without knowing that the other was playing away.
I say we're all consenting adults, capable of making our own choices. Personally I couldn't care either way about the marital status of my meets, as far as I'm concerned that's their bag to deal with not mine. I await the inevitable backlash "
That's fair enough but to label people as 'morality warriors' who have differnt values is rather judgemental. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have your own reasons for trying to explain and your own reasons for being here.
We all have our own reasons for whatever we do.
Yes, you will be judged and some will accept and some wont in the end the only real judgement that counts is yours when you look in the mirror |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im really sorry your wife suffers from depression. I know from my own experience how bad it can be. I struggle to understand how on any level this means it is ok to cheat on your wife. I can on imagine how devastated she would be if she found out.
When people get married its for the good and the bad. Maybe you should put more energy into supporting her than trying to get laid.
Only a thought..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks just fed up being judged by people taking moral high ground with me when I say am looking to meet without wife knowing and not listening to my reasons. X"
But you are judging the people who are judging you?! If they chose to not meet you because of your situation that is their decision. Saying they are taking the moral high ground puts the blame back on them. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck what your situation is, however trying to justify others not meeting you is a major turn off and that alone would put me off meeting someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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[Im really sorry your wife suffers from depression. I know from my own experience how bad it can be. I struggle to understand how on any level this means it is ok to cheat on your wife. I can on imagine how devastated she would be if she found out.
When people get married its for the good and the bad. Maybe you should put more energy into supporting her than trying to get laid.
Only a thought.....]
I put everyday into supporting her dealing with many things of everyday life which worry her and effect her with the anxiety and dark days that depression brings there are many things I would love to discuss with her but over years find this only heightens her conditions. keeping things bottled up to myself are hard as a problem share and all that.
Maybe i see sex as a release and a way of dealing with the above, maybe am just a selfish married cheater and I suppose many will have there thoughts but sex is a basic instinct and thinking long term you can manage without it if your healthy and fully able to enjoy sex is not as easy as some think.
Wanting a full physical relationship when you can't is something only those in that situation can fully understand but all can have an opinion on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im really sorry your wife suffers from depression. I know from my own experience how bad it can be. I struggle to understand how on any level this means it is ok to cheat on your wife. I can on imagine how devastated she would be if she found out.
When people get married its for the good and the bad. Maybe you should put more energy into supporting her than trying to get laid.
Only a thought....."
This |
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"I understand what you are saying re you're wife's depression and we all have our reasons for being here which are our own and to a certain degree you are right they are not always for others to judge.
However it cannot also be denied that your wife may still be hurt by you being here without her knowledge, also out of curiosity does she know you are bi??? You don't have to answer that of course, it is your business.
The other thing is your insinuation people on a swinging site shouldn't judge you?? Some would say this site is no longer a swinger site anymore but the definition of swinging is for couples who meet other couples not singles. Also others are still entitled to think you are wrong just as there will be those that understand and agree with you.
NMD was right to say you have to roll with the blows here and meet those of a like mind.
Good luck with your wife, I hope she continues to be well and improve and good luck with your journey here too.
Flo"
what Flo says.
I am sorry to hear about your wife and I hope she keeps having medical support and has mega support at home too.
People will judge full stop. Human nature!
People can understand (or not) your situation but people are entitled to an opinion, a preference and not want to be part of what you are doing.
Remember we are all here for our own enjoyment. If it's a turn off for someone... Well take it on the chin.
Why should people listen to your reasons??? If they are not interested in cheaters???
Just say ok thanks and move on.
In that way you are not wasting your and their time.
In my opinion you don't have to justify your reasons.
Well done for being honest. But now you have to play with the cards you have.
But remember that people don't have to take care in your game.
Some people dont like meeting cheaters, fat, small, black, asian etc... It is their right. Their bodies there call.
Good luck OP. Just focus on people that understand your situation
Hope this makes sense. Late night last night. French mode this morning  |
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"I understand what you are saying re you're wife's depression and we all have our reasons for being here which are our own and to a certain degree you are right they are not always for others to judge.
However it cannot also be denied that your wife may still be hurt by you being here without her knowledge, also out of curiosity does she know you are bi??? You don't have to answer that of course, it is your business.
The other thing is your insinuation people on a swinging site shouldn't judge you?? Some would say this site is no longer a swinger site anymore but the definition of swinging is for couples who meet other couples not singles. Also others are still entitled to think you are wrong just as there will be those that understand and agree with you.
NMD was right to say you have to roll with the blows here and meet those of a like mind.
Good luck with your wife, I hope she continues to be well and improve and good luck with your journey here too.
Flo
what Flo says.
I am sorry to hear about your wife and I hope she keeps having medical support and has mega support at home too.
People will judge full stop. Human nature!
People can understand (or not) your situation but people are entitled to an opinion, a preference and not want to be part of what you are doing.
Remember we are all here for our own enjoyment. If it's a turn off for someone... Well take it on the chin.
Why should people listen to your reasons??? If they are not interested in cheaters???
Just say ok thanks and move on.
In that way you are not wasting your and their time.
In my opinion you don't have to justify your reasons.
Well done for being honest. But now you have to play with the cards you have.
But remember that people don't have to take care in your game.
Some people dont like meeting cheaters, fat, small, black, asian etc... It is their right. Their bodies there call.
Good luck OP. Just focus on people that understand your situation
Hope this makes sense. Late night last night. French mode this morning "
*take part |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't justify yourself to anyone. I actually don't know why folk get their knickers in a twist over the married men posse. It's not like your planning on dating them and become their mistress. It's up to the individual to decide if they would meet you or not. No one on here can take the morale high ground with anyone
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but sex is a basic instinct and thinking long term you can manage without it if your healthy and fully able to enjoy sex is not as easy as some think........maybe i see sex as a release and a way of dealing with the above.
these two statements contradict each other!! the second part rings of more truth YOU see sex as a release and to an extent escapism. The first part imo isnt even true we have sex for pleasure not instinctual the instinctual part of sex is to create new life. a drive to pass your genes onto future generations if this is what your looking for on fab im sure many will panic.
your problem seems to be you dont like folk following their own moral code and condeming you.for in their opinion your morals. You need to get over that. plenty will accept you. If you dont want to hear an answer dont ask
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I'm in a similar situation myself.
I feel that as long as your profile is clear about your status nobody on here can have cause for complaint. Some may still judge you, but they just need to move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me.... |
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"I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me...."
I must say I agree entirely with Jinty. You absolutely have the right to behave however you wish and as long as you're honest with potential partners then that's fine.
However don't broadcast your wife's issues and use them for an attempt at gaining sympathy from the world of fab.
I find that to be in really poor taste. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation.
Happy for comments. "
Excuses, excuses, excuses! I'm sure having a cheating husband will really help her depression...go you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me...."
 I nurtured myself today . Just saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me...."
Totally agree. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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[I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me....
Totally agree. X]
Could understand your comments if I was to put my wife's name on or if any of you knew me and therfore my wife but I only described the situation
Looks like an excuse to lambast the bad guys in this situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me....
Totally agree. X]
Could understand your comments if I was to put my wife's name on or if any of you knew me and therfore my wife but I only described the situation
Looks like an excuse to lambast the bad guys in this situation. "
you made that easy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me....
Totally agree. X]
Could understand your comments if I was to put my wife's name on or if any of you knew me and therfore my wife but I only described the situation
Looks like an excuse to lambast the bad guys in this situation. "
Really..? It's your life...do what you wish. As everyone should. Just don't make your wife's illness an excuse or a talking point. If you want us to think...ah, poor guy best offer him the sympathy shag...best of luck to you. Just no need to whinge on the forum.  |
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"[I realise this may be entirely my OWN point of _iew, but I don't care what you do OP or how you justify it to yourself cause we all have to find a way to nurture ourselves. It's a long life after all...hopefully.
What I find distasteful, is offering the cast of FABs the opportunity to learn and comment on your wife's personal health issues. I would HATE that to be me....
Totally agree. X]
Could understand your comments if I was to put my wife's name on or if any of you knew me and therfore my wife but I only described the situation
Looks like an excuse to lambast the bad guys in this situation.
Really..? It's your life...do what you wish. As everyone should. Just don't make your wife's illness an excuse or a talking point. If you want us to think...ah, poor guy best offer him the sympathy shag...best of luck to you. Just no need to whinge on the forum. "
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"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation.
Happy for comments. "
Brave man for putting it all out there. My story started very similar to yours, depression after first child around 15 years ago, and the sex life became a casualty.
I tried to be as honest as I could in my profile, without going into the nitty gritty detail of how the depression played a part in killing off the sex life.
I'm not sure how you square thing away in your own mind but in mine, I see what I do as less deceitful than an affair, and more healthy and financially responsible than just paying for sex.
I too have encountered a fair bit of instant judgement, but the people who kept an open mind far outweigh the judgemental ones.
Made some good friends and had some very naughty experiences. |
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I've not read through the whole post so apologies if this has been asked or discussed.
Depression is horrible. Witnessed at 1st had how it can tear your life and those around you apart.
My question for the OP is how would your wife react if she found out you were on here. Do you think it would have a positive or negative impact on her recovery.
I hope you both can get through this together. Take care guys xxx |
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Would that level of deceit not absolutely destroy her if she found out? I don't know, maybe she would be happy for you to do it, if you told her.
I couldn't deceive the person I loved like that, no matter how much I missed sex.
It does seem like you've justified it to yourself though so I wonder why you've put it out there like this? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No not fully justified it and too be honest not sure really what to do in an ideal world we both would be enjoying a healthy sex life like you imagine and I would know nothing about fab but life deals some poor hands and it's how individuals deal with it. |
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"No not fully justified it and too be honest not sure really what to do in an ideal world we both would be enjoying a healthy sex life like you imagine and I would know nothing about fab but life deals some poor hands and it's how individuals deal with it."
I totally agree that sometimes we are dealt a really shitty hand. Some get through it with the help of family and friends. Some with medication. Some however never recover and leave a trail of destruction and sadness behind.
My ex suffered really badly with PTSD. Our sex life became nothing but my love for him made me want to help him get better so we could get better together as we were a couple.
My advice for what it's worth and sorry if you think I'm judging or preaching as im doing neither as I don't know all the facts, is take some time away from Fab and spend it with your wife. Do things together and just enjoy being together as you never know how long you have.
Take care xxxx |
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"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation.
Happy for comments. "
Excellent post as I'm in the same situation although I do have moments of guilt |
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By *lba2022Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Let's those who have have never sinned cast the first stone.
No one is perfect.
Don't judge others and cast criticism unless you have been in the same situation.
If you have been in the same situation then perhaps it might make you a better person to offer support rather than to condone.
Oh if only we could all be so perfect.
I know within myself I am far from perfect. |
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"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation.
Happy for comments. "
I remember the bit in the vows about in sickness and in health...... good times and the bad....
Don't remember the bit about I'm no getting my hole so I'll sneak away and pump what I can.
I'm not here to judge though, so as long as you're happy to do what you're doing. I don't really understand why you are making the statement/ asking the question. |
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"I can hear the stampede of the morality warriors as always on this topic.
Having been both the cheater & cheated I've experienced both sides of this. We found our infidelities spiced up our nonexistent sex life: without knowing that the other was playing away.
I say we're all consenting adults, capable of making our own choices. Personally I couldn't care either way about the marital status of my meets, as far as I'm concerned that's their bag to deal with not mine. I await the inevitable backlash "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
People can and do judge, regardless of the reasons behind it. Infidelity is still infidelity. If you would rather your wife or sex which one would you choose - because that it what you are doing essentially as you haven't told your wife. How do you think she would feel if she found out accidentally, bearing in mind she is already on medication?
Re the medication - you mention a timescale of several years and various meds... Is it possible she may be addicted to the meds as these are highly addictive medicines? Can her med levels be lowered, have you tried couple therapy, hormone treatment etc to increase her sex drive? I'm not being horrible before anyone starts, I've had depression and know how suffocation these meds can be.
Good luck OP, I hope you find what you want and are happy with your choice. But look carefully at the woman you love every time you leave to sleep with someone else. |
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"Good luck OP, I hope you find what you want and are happy with your choice. But look carefully at the woman you love every time you leave to sleep with someone else. "
Kinda what I was trying to say, if you love her so much, then why not sacrifice that part of your relationship? If you can't then why don't you explain how you feel (to her) and ask for her blessing? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
[People can and do judge, regardless of the reasons behind it. Infidelity is still infidelity. If you would rather your wife or sex which one would you choose - because that it what you are doing essentially as you haven't told your wife. How do you think she would feel if she found out accidentally, bearing in mind she is already on medication?
Re the medication - you mention a timescale of several years and various meds... Is it possible she may be addicted to the meds as these are highly addictive medicines? Can her med levels be lowered, have you tried couple therapy, hormone treatment etc to increase her sex drive? I'm not being horrible before anyone starts, I've had depression and know how suffocation these meds can be.
Good luck OP, I hope you find what you want and are happy with your choice. But look carefully at the woman you love every time you leave to sleep with someone else. ]
Thanks for post and value your insight
We have tried many things for my wife's depression diffrent meds,no med, reduced meds and self help groups etc.
Thankfully the med my wife take now are giving the best results for her and she feels better than for many years but the only side effect we see is no intrest in sex.
Yes I am guilty and thought I could live without sex but as time passes the urge for that increases and the guilt is always there.
The feeling I have for my wife are stronger than ever and the sex side is just sex it doesn't have the all consuming feeling I had when myself and my wife date love.
Making love and sex are definitely completely different things in my mind. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
Do I judge you: no
Do I think you should be on here: yes
Do I think you should broadcast your home life: no
Do I think you should focus on people who will meet married: yes
Do I think it's all to get a pity fuck: yes
Dignity for your wife at least by staying quiet about it.
Good luck |
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By *iz 1969Woman
over a year ago
glasgow |
Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
I've no judgment on anyone either on a swingers site or in life but the above last sentence certainly looks judgmental ,only my own opinion good luck with all aspects of your life and I wish your wife a full recovery.
Liz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
I've no judgment on anyone either on a swingers site or in life but the above last sentence certainly looks judgmental ,only my own opinion good luck with all aspects of your life and I wish your wife a full recovery.
Liz "
so your profile says female but you say openly here that your a guy? |
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"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
I've no judgment on anyone either on a swingers site or in life but the above last sentence certainly looks judgmental ,only my own opinion good luck with all aspects of your life and I wish your wife a full recovery.
Liz so your profile says female but you say openly here that your a guy?"
Liz is quoting the op
K x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
I've no judgment on anyone either on a swingers site or in life but the above last sentence certainly looks judgmental ,only my own opinion good luck with all aspects of your life and I wish your wife a full recovery.
Liz so your profile says female but you say openly here that your a guy?
Liz is quoting the op
K x"
ah many apologies for the confusion  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think everyone unders_ands the complexities of the OP's situation... it's a real life with a real life problem. Sex is a basic human drive just as love is and if we take the OP's dilemma/question as genuine then his situation is indeed a thorny one with answers all to easy to trot out when that problem is not yours.
I think the thing that seems odd is the place the OP has chosen to air his problem (as Jinty said).
This place has very genuine people and some not so... (just like real life) and it can seem like the OP is using his situation to try and gain a "sympathy shag". IF that was the case it seems to have backfired somewhat but perhaps you do seek genuine advice OP. Like View said,perhaps here is not the place to do so... your wife may be ill but I am sure she would be mortified and deeply hurt to know her intimate life is laid bare here for topical debate from complete strangers... and on a site like this too.
Once again and like everyone else I wish you both the best of luck in dealing with it all and that she continues to improve... hopefully to the degree you don't feel the need to be here anymore.
Flo |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
[Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
I've no judgment on anyone either on a swingers site or in life but the above last sentence certainly looks judgmental ,only my own opinion good luck with all aspects of your life and I wish your wife a full recovery.
Liz ]
Thanks for the kind words |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yep, plenty of them on fab as well as plenty of ladies
All depends whether it bothers you or not though doesn't it?
Some get uptight about it and some indifferent
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"People will always play away. My concern is not for the cheater or the cheated but for the thrid party if feelings become involved and they get hurt. I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone. "
That's a very selfish _iewpoint. In these situations, the third party (and their feelings) is the least person to worry or care about.
A third party having their feelings hurt is completely incompatible to the damage that would be done to either of the primary parties. Which can usually include a marriage, a partnership, a family, a home, a history, financial, professional and social commitments. A shared life, basically.
And in the great majority of cases, the third party will know what he or she is entering in to. It's their choice, they have to deal with the consequences of their own choices.
However, it is almost never someone's choice to be cheated on and those same consequences are inflicted upon someone.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The only person that anyone should feel sorry for is the wife/husband that's being cheated on.
The 2 that are cheating deserve everything they get.
They new the situation and chose to cheat. The poor 3rd party has no idea of what is going on and being lied to on a daily basis.
Plus most of the time there is kids involved that are totally inocent. They are the ones hurt the most.
If not happy in a relationship then leave. The third party well there's loads single women/men out there leave the attached ones to their partner
Cheaters piss me off   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
[The only person that anyone should feel sorry for is the wife/husband that's being cheated on.
The 2 that are cheating deserve everything they get.
They new the situation and chose to cheat. The poor 3rd party has no idea of what is going on and being lied to on a daily basis.
Plus most of the time there is kids involved that are totally inocent. They are the ones hurt the most.
If not happy in a relationship then leave. The third party well there's loads single women/men out there leave the attached ones to their partner
Cheaters piss me off ]
Read the post before judging
Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation. |
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"[The only person that anyone should feel sorry for is the wife/husband that's being cheated on.
The 2 that are cheating deserve everything they get.
They new the situation and chose to cheat. The poor 3rd party has no idea of what is going on and being lied to on a daily basis.
Plus most of the time there is kids involved that are totally inocent. They are the ones hurt the most.
If not happy in a relationship then leave. The third party well there's loads single women/men out there leave the attached ones to their partner
Cheaters piss me off ]
Read the post before judging
Am a married guy on here looking to meet with people looking for same but without wife's knowledge ahhh I hear the cries of cheating monster from the moral guardians of the site,a swingers site!!
If I may continue am happily married and have been for years unfortunately my wife has suffered from depression since the birth of our first child and after years of different medication has finally found one that works and things for the last few years for us both are more as they were pre depression,however the side effect had killed her sex drive and for a few years this has been fine but as time passes I know I need sex but when raising this wife my wife it is very upsetting as she knows she can't give me this and I am frustrated at no sex but would never want my wife to feel guilty for having no intrest in sex because she does if we talk about it and to the point of saying she would come off her medication to rectify the problem,I would never want her off her medication and put her back to the black days of her depression.
So these are my reasons for looking for no strings fun on here without her knowledge but would like to say to all those who judge me to think about there comments and what would they do in this situation of which many are completely ignorant of the effect of depression on all those concerned and I doubt am not the only one in this situation."
At some level. Everyone knows they are being lied too. Even if it's subconsciously. Your dishonesty could be adding to your wife's depression. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
OP if you share pics and someone recognises you, do you think it appropriate that they know about your wife's illness without her knowledge.
If you want to empty your balls, go forth and do so. I hope you get what you seek. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Fair enough but your still cheating and decieving the woman you say you love. How do you think she would feel or would effect her depreason if she found out.
No I'm not judging. Just stating that cheating is wrong and never ends happily.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
[Fair enough but your still cheating and decieving the woman you say you love. How do you think she would feel or would effect her depreason if she found out.
No I'm not judging. Just stating that cheating is wrong and never ends happily.
]
Not having a go and happy for your comments |
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Some of the posts here...
Cheating is cheating... however you want to dress it up.
Some people wont care. Some people will.
Personally I've been with someone who suddenly didn't want sex. I loved him, so I stayed. I stayed for 2 years before I ended it. Sex is important to me and I wouldn't cheat.
I've also (unknowingly) been with someone who was married. I was seeing him for almost a year before the truth came out. As soon as I found out I ended it.
The only person who deserves any sympathy in my opinion is the partner who is being cheated on.
All the "I have my reasons" from the cheaters and all the "I didn't know he / she was married" from the other men / women are completely irrelevant.
Cheat and be involved with a cheater all you want.... just don't dress it up as anything other than selfish.
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Personally I find it totally unacceptable that you are divulging details about your wife's illness.
That coupled with the fact that you use it as a licence to cheat is just pathetic.
Either separate or man up and just use your hand.
L |
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By *ilshyxWoman
over a year ago
happy lil world |
"Some of the posts here...
Cheating is cheating... however you want to dress it up.
Some people wont care. Some people will.
Personally I've been with someone who suddenly didn't want sex. I loved him, so I stayed. I stayed for 2 years before I ended it. Sex is important to me and I wouldn't cheat.
I've also (unknowingly) been with someone who was married. I was seeing him for almost a year before the truth came out. As soon as I found out I ended it.
The only person who deserves any sympathy in my opinion is the partner who is being cheated on.
All the "I have my reasons" from the cheaters and all the "I didn't know he / she was married" from the other men / women are completely irrelevant.
Cheat and be involved with a cheater all you want.... just don't dress it up as anything other than selfish.
"
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"People will always play away. My concern is not for the cheater or the cheated but for the thrid party if feelings become involved and they get hurt. I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone.
That's a very selfish _iewpoint. In these situations, the third party (and their feelings) is the least person to worry or care about.
A third party having their feelings hurt is completely incompatible to the damage that would be done to either of the primary parties. Which can usually include a marriage, a partnership, a family, a home, a history, financial, professional and social commitments. A shared life, basically.
And in the great majority of cases, the third party will know what he or she is entering in to. It's their choice, they have to deal with the consequences of their own choices.
However, it is almost never someone's choice to be cheated on and those same consequences are inflicted upon someone.
"
Yes it is selfish because its my point of _iew. |
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At least you are being honest about the fact that you married.
I met a guy on here and was seeing him 2 or 3 times a week for 11 months when I got a message on Facebook from a friend of his (that i had met!)saying he was using a false name and was married. Turned out the same person had told his wife about me.
Was absolutely hideous.
I ended up spending 4 hours at his actual house (not the one he used for our meets) consoling his wife who was absolutely lovely. She had post natal depression since having twins and I wasn't the only person he had completely fooled.
Age 34 at the time and completely fooled.
His wife was gutted, I was gutted and to top it all off I find out he's at it again!!!
My advice OP is to just not get caught. What you get up to is your business but the effect it could have on your wife could be dangerous.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely the real question is whether you are looking for a new best friend or a quick shag.
One is a disgrace in your situation and the other is what Edinburgh saunas were invented for.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
[At least you are being honest about the fact that you married.
I met a guy on here and was seeing him 2 or 3 times a week for 11 months when I got a message on Facebook from a friend of his (that i had met!)saying he was using a false name and was married. Turned out the same person had told his wife about me.
Was absolutely hideous.
I ended up spending 4 hours at his actual house (not the one he used for our meets) consoling his wife who was absolutely lovely. She had post natal depression since having twins and I wasn't the only person he had completely fooled.
Age 34 at the time and completely fooled.
His wife was gutted, I was gutted and to top it all off I find out he's at it again!!!
My advice OP is to just not get caught. What you get up to is your business but the effect it could have on your wife could be dangerous.
]
Thanks for your experience and it must have been horrible for everyone involved and it certainly hit home the reality of what my actions may cause. |
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"I do not know what has happened that has prompted your post if indeed anything but the one thing I would say to you is your reasons for being here do not have to be justified to anyone.
If you are upfront with potential meets as to your marital status it is their choice whether to meet you or not.
Xx"
I agree wholeheartedly. |
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Hi,
I wanted to throw my hat in on this one, as my own experience has parallels...
My wife and I were blissfully happy for years and this didn't stop when out first was born. We tried for a second after a few years and when we were successful, there were problems not only all the way through to the birth, but afterward too, post natal depression, health problems, excessive weight gain and more. I buried myself in work and thought the issues would resolve themselves with time, but I was wrong - big time!. Ultimately, my own health suffered as I struggled to find a middle way that didn't destroy an otherwise happy home.
I have had one affair... that was a couple of years ago, and a short fling during the year before last... that second lady had previously been a swinger and she introduced me to the idea. We attended a few clubs but whilst we both enjoyed the company of the folks, neither of us actually took part at that time, and we parted as friends a short while later.
I'm now finding the thought of swinging, attractive and would like to pursue things further.... but it would never be my intention to offend anyone & that's my concern in reading these pages... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
I wanted to throw my hat in on this one, as my own experience has parallels...
My wife and I were blissfully happy for years and this didn't stop when out first was born. We tried for a second after a few years and when we were successful, there were problems not only all the way through to the birth, but afterward too, post natal depression, health problems, excessive weight gain and more. I buried myself in work and thought the issues would resolve themselves with time, but I was wrong - big time!. Ultimately, my own health suffered as I struggled to find a middle way that didn't destroy an otherwise happy home.
I have had one affair... that was a couple of years ago, and a short fling during the year before last... that second lady had previously been a swinger and she introduced me to the idea. We attended a few clubs but whilst we both enjoyed the company of the folks, neither of us actually took part at that time, and we parted as friends a short while later.
I'm now finding the thought of swinging, attractive and would like to pursue things further.... but it would never be my intention to offend anyone & that's my concern in reading these pages... "
You have my sympathies, and understanding, both you and your wife. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
[Hi,
I wanted to throw my hat in on this one, as my own experience has parallels...
My wife and I were blissfully happy for years and this didn't stop when out first was born. We tried for a second after a few years and when we were successful, there were problems not only all the way through to the birth, but afterward too, post natal depression, health problems, excessive weight gain and more. I buried myself in work and thought the issues would resolve themselves with time, but I was wrong - big time!. Ultimately, my own health suffered as I struggled to find a middle way that didn't destroy an otherwise happy home.
I have had one affair... that was a couple of years ago, and a short fling during the year before last... that second lady had previously been a swinger and she introduced me to the idea. We attended a few clubs but whilst we both enjoyed the company of the folks, neither of us actually took part at that time, and we parted as friends a short while later.
I'm now finding the thought of swinging, attractive and would like to pursue things further.... but it would never be my intention to offend anyone & that's my concern in reading these pages... ]
It's not an easy situation and because you or myself personally have a great wife minus the sex it carries a lot of guilt and self loathing sometimes but the feeling of not having sex but wanting it is a strong one
Not making excuses just trying to be honest about the feelings I have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone will have their own take on things. Are you wrecking a marrige or saving it by going with a married person. Each situation is different and i would struggle in some ways but if she was hot and married would be hard to say no! |
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