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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I (Mr) am a fan of the bad joke, or jokes in the Tim Vine style. Anybody have any good ones? I'll post a few for starters.
A mate of mine has a butler who has no left arm. Serves him right.
I was offered a 42" plasma TV with the volume stuck on full for £1. I thought, how can I turn that down?!
My brother got a new job with the council scraping chewing gum of the pavements. They didn't give any training, but he's picking it up as he goes along. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Rabbi took 4,000 foreskins to Swaine Aidney Brigg (pish posh leather goods manufacturer)
He comes back a month later.
They have made him a wallet.
Is that it?
It's OK if you stroke it then otwill become a suitcase |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 Irish men walking down the road one stops and says paddy over here is the grave of a man who lived to a 195 yrs of age paddy says aww that's a miracle what was his name tam replies miles from London |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Man wakes up in Glasgow Infirmary covered head to toe in bandages.
Ah Mr Wilson.your going to be ok ..youve had a nasty car accident and its unfortunate in the process of your recovery we have had to chop your cock off
WHIT..
Now Now ..Mr Wilson ..dont worry you have good Medical Insurance we can give you a choice of 3 various sized Cocks ....It will depend on exactly how much you would like too spend.
Opt 1 - 1000 5 inches
Opt 2 - 5000 8 inches
Opt 3 - 15000 12 inches
It would be in your best interest too discuss the varied costs and sizes too suit your Wifes needs..
2 weeks later..
Ah Mr Wilson ..your looking a lot better..and have you discussed your situation with your Wife ?
Yes Doctor ..
We have decided too go for the Granite Worktops i the Kitchen
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Man walks into a Pet Shop..
"Excuse me"
"How much is it for your Wasps"?
Sorry ..but we genuinely dont sell Wasps..
"Thats misleading ..you have 2 in the window"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have had few jobs in my life
i tried working as a contortionist but couldn't make ends meet 
i worked in a bank but got the sack for taking my work home with me
tried my hand as a humam cannball but that did not last long i got fired
i was offered a job as a postman i thought its betterthan walking the streets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One's quite heavy, the other is a little lighter.
When I play golf I always leave the ball short of the hole. And that would be putting it mildly.
I'm into early computers. I think I'm autistic about it... at least somewhere on the spectrum.
I got a pizza delivered to my former mrs house. Fed Ex! |
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"Paddy and Murphy were walking down the street when Paddy trips and breaks his leg.
Paddy: Murphy call me an ambulance
Murphy: Paddy your an ambulance
"
Sorry I'm rubbish at telling jokes. This is one I heard at Halloween |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Paddy and Murphy were walking down the street when Paddy trips and breaks his leg.
Paddy: Murphy call me an ambulance
Murphy: Paddy your an ambulance
Sorry I'm rubbish at telling jokes. This is one I heard at Halloween "
Nothing wrong with your delivery,the thread title asks for bad jokes...and a bad joke you delivered,so good job |
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