Mr Potato was asking his 3 daughters who they ere going to marry , the first said I want to marry a King Edward potato dad says that's great think of how good life with a royal would be . The second said I want to marry a Jersey royal potato dad says lovely more of the good life for us all . The third said I want to marry Archie MacPherson the dad cries out ye cannae marry him he's a common tata .  ( off to hide now ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man walks into a bar with a box under his arm, takes a seat and orders a drink. The bartender tries to strike up conversation and casually asks what's in the box. The man opens the box and takes out the world's smallest grand piano and stool to match. The bartender looks puzzled, but the man wordlessly reaches into the box again and takes out a tiny man, no taller than a foot and places him next to the instrument. Without prompt, the miniature musician sits down and starts playing Beethoven beautifully.
The bartender says "Wow, that's amazing! Where did you get that?"
The man says nothing and takes a dusty old oil lamp out of the box. He says "give this a rub and the genie will grant you one wish." The bartender scoffs at the idea but does so anyway and right enough a genie pops out of the lamp, ready to offer him his own wish. The bartender thinks for a second and says "I wish I had a million bucks!" The genie claps and disappears and all of a sudden a duck walks into the bar. Followed by another... And another. Pretty soon the place is swarming with ducks. The bartender says to the man "Hey mate, I think your genie is a bit deaf." The man replies "I know, did you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man walks into a bar with a box under his arm, takes a seat and orders a drink. The bartender tries to strike up conversation and casually asks what's in the box. The man opens the box and takes out the world's smallest grand piano and stool to match. The bartender looks puzzled, but the man wordlessly reaches into the box again and takes out a tiny man, no taller than a foot and places him next to the instrument. Without prompt, the miniature musician sits down and starts playing Beethoven beautifully.
The bartender says "Wow, that's amazing! Where did you get that?"
The man says nothing and takes a dusty old oil lamp out of the box. He says "give this a rub and the genie will grant you one wish." The bartender scoffs at the idea but does so anyway and right enough a genie pops out of the lamp, ready to offer him his own wish. The bartender thinks for a second and says "I wish I had a million bucks!" The genie claps and disappears and all of a sudden a duck walks into the bar. Followed by another... And another. Pretty soon the place is swarming with ducks. The bartender says to the man "Hey mate, I think your genie is a bit deaf." The man replies "I know, did you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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David hasslehoff goes into a glasgow pub and asks the barman for a pint of lager the barman says hey your david hasslehoff david says call me hoff the barman says aright nae hassle
made me laugh  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call a promiscuous strawberry ?
A strawberry tart xx
What does cherub call three women in her bed ?
A waste I can fit four in it 
haha I really shouldn't laugh at my
Own bad jokes xx
Sorry I couldn't resist xx |
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"What do you call a promiscuous strawberry ?
A strawberry tart xx
What does cherub call three women in her bed ?
A waste I can fit four in it
haha I really shouldn't laugh at my
Own bad jokes xx
Sorry I couldn't resist xx "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Auld Jock is walking down Sauchiehall Street pushing a wheelbarrow full of fannies when he meets a posh lady, dressed in her finest, standing waiting for a taxi.
"Awrite doll, do you want yer hole" asks Jock.
"Certainly not" she exclaims snootily.
Jock grins and replies "Well, stick it in the barra"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rangers will challenge for the league this year! Lee Wallace......what a terrible joke!  "
Celtic allowing trusted members of there club to abuse young boys for generations and covering it up |
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"Rangers will challenge for the league this year! Lee Wallace......what a terrible joke!
Celtic allowing trusted members of there club to abuse young boys for generations and covering it up"
Using abuse in terms of a joke is a tad low. Its only a game. Play nice lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A guy walks into a restaurant and wants to eat squid. He calls the waiter over, whose name is Gervaise, and says 'I want that squid there', pointing at a little green squid with a hairy moustache on its top lip.
Gervaise says, 'but that's my favourite, I don't want to kill it, it's so mild and friendly'.
But the customer is insistent, so Gervaise goes over to the tank, pulls out the squid and lays it on the worktop. He raises a knife and is about to chop it up, but he can't. Gervaise goes back to the customer, and says he can't kill it, but the customer still insists that he wants to eat it.
Gervaise has an idea, and says 'OK, I'll go and get Hans, our dishwasher,he's a tough guy, he'll be able to kill it'. He goes and gets Hans, and Hans takes the knife and is about to chop the squid up, when it looks up.
Hans sees its mild little face and its hairy lip and he can't kill it either, so they both go and tell the customer that they're really sorry and he can't eat it.
The moral of the story?
Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise with mild green hairy lip squid.
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