FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Funniest status updates.
Funniest status updates.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What's the funniest status updates everyone has seen? One that's either made you laugh because it was funny or made you laugh because it was completely ridiculous. I've just saw one that had me laughing and wondering if statuses like that ever work in the way the user is hoping it will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess  "
Jesus...I know it's responsible to inform previous partners, but taking more than five seconds to do so would seem polite!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Jesus...I know it's responsible to inform previous partners, but taking more than five seconds to do so would seem polite! "
It's still funny as well all know who the guy is haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There used to be a woman on here going on about her auntie all the time, that in itself is pretty harmless I suppose but I had a read of her verifications and guess what? They'd both verified each other 
Further status' contained messages saying they were going to clubs at the weekend, not the dancing but clubs which many of us on here frequent to meet like minded people
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Jesus...I know it's responsible to inform previous partners, but taking more than five seconds to do so would seem polite!
It's still funny as well all know who the guy is haha"
Even more amusing when he messages asking for a meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Jesus...I know it's responsible to inform previous partners, but taking more than five seconds to do so would seem polite!
It's still funny as well all know who the guy is haha
Even more amusing when he messages asking for a meet "
We refused him so he put a status up saying we had aids haha x |
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Jesus...I know it's responsible to inform previous partners, but taking more than five seconds to do so would seem polite!
It's still funny as well all know who the guy is haha
Even more amusing when he messages asking for a meet
We refused him so he put a status up saying we had aids haha x"
I saw that |
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"The ones I love are the..."Why have you blocked me *******?"
I'm left shouting...
THEY'VE BLOCKED YOU DONUT, THEY WON'T SEE THIS ...  "
That amuses me too. I pointed it out once in my status and the guys all messaged me saying they hadn't realised that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also, "I've had enough! I'm not renewing my subs and leaving"
Two days later....****** has become a silver member.
Two years later.... still here then?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
It's still funny as well all know who the guy is haha
Even more amusing when he messages asking for a meet
We refused him so he put a status up saying we had aids haha x"
The clap and Tourette's... form an orderly queue, ladies! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"'Need to empty my balls, 07xxx xxxxxx', that's attractive. Let me just get my trainers on "
"I love that too...so very seductive!!  "
Hands off, both of you! Any chance of that number in full, please?  |
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"'Need to empty my balls, 07xxx xxxxxx', that's attractive. Let me just get my trainers on
I love that too...so very seductive!!
Hands off, both of you! Any chance of that number in full, please? "
Saw him first!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"'Need to empty my balls, 07xxx xxxxxx', that's attractive. Let me just get my trainers on
I love that too...so very seductive!!
Hands off, both of you! Any chance of that number in full, please?
Saw him first! "
Still can't catch a break here...or anything else  |
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"'Need to empty my balls, 07xxx xxxxxx', that's attractive. Let me just get my trainers on
I love that too...so very seductive!!
Hands off, both of you! Any chance of that number in full, please?
Saw him first!
Still can't catch a break here...or anything else "
But at least you haven't caught the clap, silver linings and all that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess "
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Jesus...I know it's responsible to inform previous partners, but taking more than five seconds to do so would seem polite!
It's still funny as well all know who the guy is haha
Even more amusing when he messages asking for a meet
We refused him so he put a status up saying we had aids haha x"
Aww shit I totally remember that one lol |
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol "
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not "
Sure is new profile and username lol |
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol"
Hmm.... |
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol
Hmm....
Really??? Brass necked shite lol "
I might go play I spy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol
Hmm.... "
Really??? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol
Hmm....
Really??? Brass necked shite lol
I might go play I spy "
Saying that, there is a profile I saw a wee while ago and I wondered if it was him. Can't remember the name though. |
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol
Hmm....
Really??? Brass necked shite lol
I might go play I spy
Saying that, there is a profile I saw a wee while ago and I wondered if it was him. Can't remember the name though. "
He probably won't have a pic but worth knowing which profile to avoid |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol
Hmm....
Really??? Brass necked shite lol
I might go play I spy
Saying that, there is a profile I saw a wee while ago and I wondered if it was him. Can't remember the name though.
He probably won't have a pic but worth knowing which profile to avoid "
He had a profile pic but I don't think he had any other pics. I'm going to have a nosy later |
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"One guy announced he had the clap - less of a status and more of a public service announcement I guess
Was that not last year? I think I remember that lol
Yeah, not sure if he's currently on or not
Sure is new profile and username lol
Hmm....
Really??? Brass necked shite lol
I might go play I spy
Saying that, there is a profile I saw a wee while ago and I wondered if it was him. Can't remember the name though.
He probably won't have a pic but worth knowing which profile to avoid
He had a profile pic but I don't think he had any other pics. I'm going to have a nosy later "
Spotted one that could be him already |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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See the thing women wear that represents a cock? Well use that then add what someone is if he goes out in the woods with weapons to find animals...search members no spaces needed |
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"See the thing women wear that represents a cock? Well use that then add what someone is if he goes out in the woods with weapons to find animals...search members no spaces needed"
Oh really? I know exactly who that is |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"See the thing women wear that represents a cock? Well use that then add what someone is if he goes out in the woods with weapons to find animals...search members no spaces needed"
Off to nosy now lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed "
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet... |
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"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet..."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet..."
Do you get thimble sized cocks?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet...
Do you get thimble sized cocks? "
Yeah you do! As near as thimble sized anyway. I went with a guy years ago in my misspent youth who had one like a button mushroom. I was very d*unk and didn't notice until we'd got to the point of no return. I should have won an Oscar for the acting I did that night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet...
Do you get thimble sized cocks?
Yeah you do! As near as thimble sized anyway. I went with a guy years ago in my misspent youth who had one like a button mushroom. I was very d*unk and didn't notice until we'd got to the point of no return. I should have won an Oscar for the acting I did that night. "
You'll be rewarded in heaven for that  lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet...
Do you get thimble sized cocks?
Yeah you do! As near as thimble sized anyway. I went with a guy years ago in my misspent youth who had one like a button mushroom. I was very d*unk and didn't notice until we'd got to the point of no return. I should have won an Oscar for the acting I did that night.
You'll be rewarded in heaven for that lol"
I bloody hope so!! |
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"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet...
Do you get thimble sized cocks?
Yeah you do! As near as thimble sized anyway. I went with a guy years ago in my misspent youth who had one like a button mushroom. I was very d*unk and didn't notice until we'd got to the point of no return. I should have won an Oscar for the acting I did that night. "
In my teens I was unfortunate enough to meet a 30 second wonder |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet...
Do you get thimble sized cocks?
Yeah you do! As near as thimble sized anyway. I went with a guy years ago in my misspent youth who had one like a button mushroom. I was very d*unk and didn't notice until we'd got to the point of no return. I should have won an Oscar for the acting I did that night.
In my teens I was unfortunate enough to meet a 30 second wonder "
Sex in your teens mostly ends up as memories you really wish you didn't have! Only one guy from my teens left me with really good memories and I blame him for setting me off on the path to ruin lol |
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"All this cryptic chat just to keep the Adonis out of my arms and for your own selfish desires...
Nothing cryptic at all. Naming others isn't allowed
I know...tried 'thimblehunter' from your clue, no luck yet...
Do you get thimble sized cocks?
Yeah you do! As near as thimble sized anyway. I went with a guy years ago in my misspent youth who had one like a button mushroom. I was very d*unk and didn't notice until we'd got to the point of no return. I should have won an Oscar for the acting I did that night.
In my teens I was unfortunate enough to meet a 30 second wonder
Sex in your teens mostly ends up as memories you really wish you didn't have! Only one guy from my teens left me with really good memories and I blame him for setting me off on the path to ruin lol "
Yep! Mind bleach needed for some of them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Yep! Mind bleach needed for some of them "
I really wish I had mind bleach! Most of my sexual escapades in my teens were absolutely horrendous! Sometimes I'll laugh when I think back but mostly I cringe lol |
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"
Yep! Mind bleach needed for some of them
I really wish I had mind bleach! Most of my sexual escapades in my teens were absolutely horrendous! Sometimes I'll laugh when I think back but mostly I cringe lol "
I just file them under 'what was I thinking?!' |
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"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!"
Well, at least it's not a gaping chest wound I suppose...
Not a status but I'm getting hilarious messages from a guy I've rejected right now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!"
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy! "
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy!
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao! "
Thinking about it more maybe they're looking for guys who are into period sex and they're hoping that status will draw them out lol |
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"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy!
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao!
Thinking about it more maybe they're looking for guys who are into period sex and they're hoping that status will draw them out lol "
*boaks* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy!
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao!
Thinking about it more maybe they're looking for guys who are into period sex and they're hoping that status will draw them out lol "
Lmao rainbow kiss
YUCKKKKKKK! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy!
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao!
Thinking about it more maybe they're looking for guys who are into period sex and they're hoping that status will draw them out lol
Lmao rainbow kiss
YUCKKKKKKK!"
Ewwwwwe wouldn't be kissing down there with that going on boak lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy!
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao!
Thinking about it more maybe they're looking for guys who are into period sex and they're hoping that status will draw them out lol
Lmao rainbow kiss
YUCKKKKKKK!
Ewwwwwe wouldn't be kissing down there with that going on boak lol "
You love it Ron Ron lmao! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This never made me laugh I was more like wtf!!
"Can't meet for a week guys I'm bleeding from my vagina"
WTF!!!! What is the need???!?!?!
Aww what???!!!! Hahahaha. There is no need for that whatsoever! Why would you put that in your status? Just say you can't meet cos you're busy!
I see it a lot on here girls putting they are on the blob on there status! Ewwww no one needs to know lmao!
Thinking about it more maybe they're looking for guys who are into period sex and they're hoping that status will draw them out lol
Lmao rainbow kiss
YUCKKKKKKK!
Ewwwwwe wouldn't be kissing down there with that going on boak lol
You love it Ron Ron lmao!"
Love going down yes , but not when it's spitting blood Pmsl X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Aw c'mon you lot! I was just away to have ice cream with Strawberry sauce  "
I'd maybe hide that because there was a guy a wee while ago wondering who wanted their pud pounded! |
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"Aw c'mon you lot! I was just away to have ice cream with Strawberry sauce
I'd maybe hide that because there was a guy a wee while ago wondering who wanted their pud pounded!"
I saw that, priceless! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Aw c'mon you lot! I was just away to have ice cream with Strawberry sauce
I'd maybe hide that because there was a guy a wee while ago wondering who wanted their pud pounded!
I saw that, priceless! "
Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5. |
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"Aw c'mon you lot! I was just away to have ice cream with Strawberry sauce
I'd maybe hide that because there was a guy a wee while ago wondering who wanted their pud pounded!
I saw that, priceless!
Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5. "
Take round a little chocolate pudding on a plate. Presentation is everything |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Aw c'mon you lot! I was just away to have ice cream with Strawberry sauce
I'd maybe hide that because there was a guy a wee while ago wondering who wanted their pud pounded!
I saw that, priceless!
Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5.
Take round a little chocolate pudding on a plate. Presentation is everything "
Of course! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5. "
The alliteration makes it rather poetic...if I wasn't so shy, I'd suggest a few more...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5.
The alliteration makes it rather poetic...if I wasn't so shy, I'd suggest a few more... "
Crack on! Let's here them. No need to be shy around here. Says the girl with the username shy girl lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5.
The alliteration makes it rather poetic...if I wasn't so shy, I'd suggest a few more...
Crack on! Let's here them. No need to be shy around here. Says the girl with the username shy girl lol "
Ha! In that case I'll blame you for my being shunned even more in future...let's see...
"Who fancies her foofoo fingered?"...A touch more delicate, but disgusting all the same |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Of course, I messaged him saying that yes I wanted my pud pounded and what was address because I'd be there in 5.
The alliteration makes it rather poetic...if I wasn't so shy, I'd suggest a few more...
Crack on! Let's here them. No need to be shy around here. Says the girl with the username shy girl lol
Ha! In that case I'll blame you for my being shunned even more in future...let's see...
"Who fancies her foofoo fingered?"...A touch more delicate, but disgusting all the same "
It'll never be as bad as getting your back doors smashed in though hahaha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It'll never be as bad as getting your back doors smashed in though hahaha
Who said romance is dead? "
I know right! Makes me all giddy and flustered when a guy sweet talks me like that. |
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