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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the barman "i'll have a rum and................................................... please"
The barman says "okay, but whats with the big pause"
The panda replied "I was born with them"
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Scottish guy goes into a pub in London and orders 5 double whiskies and drinks one after the other in 30 seconds.
The barman says jesus you drank them quick.
The Scottish guy says aye so would you if you had what I have .
The barman says why what have you got ?
A Scottish £20 note replies the Scots man lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
Recent re-runs of the Flinstones have been syndicated around the world. People in Dubai don't understand it but those in Abu Dhabi dooo 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Mr J"
well your mommas so dumb if brains were petrol she couldn't power a match box car round the edge of a ten pence piece ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Occupation jokes could have had a job as a carpet layer didnae have a flair for it worked as a postman for awhile better than walking the streets got the sack from.my bank job for taking my work hame wee me went to join the navy the guy asked if i could swim i said why you nae boats god they are bad  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree one more a guy went in to a doctors and said doc i think i am a moththe doc said you need to go to a physchiatrist he said i was going but seen your light on lol hud your sides chuckle chuckle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.   "
lmao forgot about that one ....
but... how does a monkey make toasted cheese????
He puts it under a gorilla!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the height of disgust?
2 tramps sitting on a dung heap, sucking diahorrea through a sweaty sock.
You asked for shite and that's what you got "
Whats the height of stinginess ?
Asking them for your sock back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A horse walks into a bar...barman says why the long face
Twice in one day, wonder if it was the same horse  "
Horse is on the piss. Only a matter of time before it falls over
Hooft now that's naaaayyyyhhhhh good
OMG scrape the bottom of the troff there
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A horse a sheep and a cow all sleeping in the same bed and the cow said moooove over so the horse said neigh bother and the sheep said baaaastards and fell out the bed.
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After being in the lifestyle for some time, a couple has a heart to heart talk about if they are to continue swinging or not. The husband decides to take a walk out in the city and mull it over.
During his walk he runs in to a disheveled homeless man who asks for some money. He replies to the homeless man:
"If I give you some money, will you spend it on booze?" "No" replied the homeless man "I don't drink"
"If I give you some money will you spend it partying with you're friends like that guy in the van down by the river?" "Absolutely not" he said, "I gave up partying long time ago".
"If I give you some money will you spend it on a hooker?" "Not a chance" the homeless guy said" I'm just trying to survive here, I don't do those kinda things".
The man paused a second and said "In that case, I'll take you home with me and my wife will cook you a fantastic dinner". "I don't know" the homeless man replied, "I'm very dirty, I'm a mess and I smell bad".
"That's okay," said the man "I just want my wife to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, party or have sex" |
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yep 
