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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know this is an old un but for those that have not seen it....
AT 00.54 ON MONDAY 8 JUNE 2009 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HIT MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GLASGOW.
Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "Ah wiz shittin'masel", "Ah need some jellies" "Ah need a fag and a Cally Spesh".
The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of
damage, with the exception of the Possil area, where approx. £375,000 of
improvements were made.
Untold disruption and distress was caused:
Many were woken well before their giro arrived
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costas were damaged.
Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were
disturbed
The cone fell off the head of the statue of the Duke of Wellington outside the Gallery of Modern Art. That on his horse Copenhagen, managed toremain on the horse's head, albeit at a jaunty angle.
Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting has happened in Glasgow
One resident, Mary-Alice McGregor, a 17 year old mother-of-three said
"It was such a shock, little Chelsea came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Jezza Kyle the next morning."
Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of
Buckfast Tonic Wine to the area to help the stricken masses.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery
from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
Clothing is most sought after.
Items required include: -
* Sovvy rings
* Baseball caps
* Shell suits
* Tesco two stripe trainers
* White socks
* Chunky gold chains
Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: -
* Frozen burgers
* Buckfast
* Deep fried Mars Bars
* Buckfast
* Golden Wonder crisps (Cheese and Onion and Prawn Cocktail preferred)
* Buckfast
* Tripe and Onions
* Buckfast
* Black, White, Fruit or Red Pudding
* Buckfast
* Fray Bentos Pies
* Old English Cider
* Buckfast
* Lard
* Ready-cut Potato Chips
* Lard
* Buckfast
£2 buys chips, scraps and "ginger" -- preferably Dunn's or Alpine "Iron
Brew" -- for a family of four
£10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day, where children can
sniff glue and spike up among the national collection of stinging nettles.
22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.
£1.95 buys an "All Day" bus ticket to enable disaster victim travel
between the Social, the Posty, the Offy, McDonalds, and Whateverys, and
Glasgow
Green or Elder Park for the refugees garden party.
Please send your credit card number and a sample signature.
THIS APPEAL IS MADE ON BEHALF OF THE GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS FUND BY SteveandJ
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