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Agony Aunt/Uncle
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"I have an unnatural religious related sexual fixation, a hunchback, cross eyed, cheese dick and halitosis. I'm fucked aren't I?? "yep and its all to do with your cheesy dick | |||
"I like this guy but I got jealous,(to much booze) and now he is keeping his distance, how do I sort it, I would even buy an out fit for him,to defroke me, "Instead of drinking yourself ply him with the booze and he will be up for anything | |||
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"I can't stop crying because this guy I have feelings for told me he loves my sister more. "if she is your twin hide her under the stairs  | |||
"I can't stop crying because this guy I have feelings for told me he loves my sister more. "That's easy. Give your sister my number and she'll never look twice at him lol x | |||
"I can't stop crying because this guy I have feelings for told me he loves my sister more. if she is your twin hide her under the stairs "Like Harry potter? | |||
"I can't stop crying because this guy I have feelings for told me he loves my sister more. "Your sister didn't trample my heart into the ground with her shameless flirtation with Boywonder and DLT. I'm the real victim here!! | |||
"I can't stop crying because this guy I have feelings for told me he loves my sister more.
Your sister didn't trample my heart into the ground with her shameless flirtation with Boywonder and DLT. I'm the real victim here!! "That's not advice  get off the problem page cheese dick well unless you find another problem | |||
"I can't stop crying because this guy I have feelings for told me he loves my sister more.
Your sister didn't trample my heart into the ground with her shameless flirtation with Boywonder and DLT. I'm the real victim here!!
That's not advice get off the problem page cheese dick well unless you find another problem "I'm sensing a lot of deep seated anger. Anger management and sedatives could alleviate that problem....tic tac nipples!! (You started it calling me cheese dick!) | |||
"tic tac nipples!! (You started it calling me cheese dick!) "Tic tac nipples 
I was only mentioning one of the problems you said you had | |||
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"tic tac nipples!! (You started it calling me cheese dick!)
Tic tac nipples
I was only mentioning one of the problems you said you had "Going back to your problem, these comments suggest you're being overly picky | |||
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"I get uncontrollably angry when I open a packet of cereal and it tears down the side, like really fucking pissed off!. Why must this happen, I'm so laid back I'd make a great sun lounger! "Don't let the ripped packet annoy you - it's not a metaphor for your life, merely a demonstration of your super strength. Next time, ask a lady or small child to open it for you  | |||
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"I sense you always have to have the last word. Try being more submissive. ________________________ Dear Aunty Im addicted to M&Ms plus I have an oral fixation. " An oral fixation is never a problem! Shy x | |||
"But I eat soooo much cereal in a week I need to open at least 2 boxes and my flatmate or my wee boy arent always here. Does this mean I should be scouring the meets each time I get to my last half dozen weetabix? Im no quiteas popular as you Andy...I might starve! "Plan ahead Jim!
Get 10 boxes open at a time | |||
"But I eat soooo much cereal in a week I need to open at least 2 boxes and my flatmate or my wee boy arent always here. Does this mean I should be scouring the meets each time I get to my last half dozen weetabix? Im no quiteas popular as you Andy...I might starve!
Plan ahead Jim!
Get 10 boxes open at a time "Someone give this man a cake !  | |||
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"Dear Agony Uncle.. now that I have booked a bed in the Lightburn Geriatric Unit do you think it's time for me to reire and hang up my heels.....and take up tea dancing in the afternoons? hoping to hear from you at your convenience a quickly aging Rx" No 
Whilst it's true you've booked your room, it won't be ready for at least another 20 years so I'm afraid you will need to strap those heels back on and stride with pride | |||
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"Can someone. Supply the number. For Instashag!! Yours. Hopefully. Desperate paisley "070000996675448256282543 | |||
"Can someone. Supply the number. For Instashag!! Yours. Hopefully. Desperate paisley
070000996675448256282543 "For more local to paisley it's 467827424 You're welcome | |||
"Can someone. Supply the number. For Instashag!! Yours. Hopefully. Desperate paisley
070000996675448256282543
For more local to paisley it's
467827424
You're welcome "Thanx mate Mucho. Grazi | |||
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"I got very d*unk last night and started something between 3 women that got way outta control and has left my credibility and confidence shattered. What am I to do?" phone. Instashag. My freind. They will. Sort that out | |||
"I got very d*unk last night and started something between 3 women that got way outta control and has left my credibility and confidence shattered. What am I to do?phone. Instashag. My freind. They will. Sort that out "Thanks Captain, 1st I'm away for a long shower as last night has left me feeling sullied! | |||
"Thanks Captain, 1st I'm away for a long shower as last night has left me feeling sullied! "The only reason your feeling sullied is because you had a wet dream about us three | |||
" The only reason your feeling sullied is because you had a wet dream about us three "Did not.....I woke up before the vinegar stroke! | |||
"Dear Agony Uncle.. now that I have booked a bed in the Lightburn Geriatric Unit do you think it's time for me to reire and hang up my heels.....and take up tea dancing in the afternoons? hoping to hear from you at your convenience a quickly aging Rx" Remember age is just a number , Its not how you feel Its more Who you feel SO HEREs to you Mrs Robinson,,,Jesus loves you more than you will know,,da dee da dee,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hoho,,, | |||
"Dear Agony Uncle.. now that I have booked a bed in the Lightburn Geriatric Unit do you think it's time for me to reire and hang up my heels.....and take up tea dancing in the afternoons? hoping to hear from you at your convenience a quickly aging Rx" Dear R, The day you hang up your heels, hell will have frozen over and every male in Christendom will have been neutered. You know you've I'll grow old disgracefully and there is too much to disgrace left in you for your retirement to be considered Go ravish a toyboy and you'll feel better in the morning | |||
"Dear Agony Uncle.. now that I have booked a bed in the Lightburn Geriatric Unit do you think it's time for me to reire and hang up my heels.....and take up tea dancing in the afternoons? hoping to hear from you at your convenience a quickly aging Rx Remember age is just a number , Its not how you feel Its more Who you feel SO HEREs to you Mrs Robinson,,,Jesus loves you more than you will know,,da dee da dee,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hoho,,, "yes Mike and I feel like a 36yr old...but he's no longer interested ! | |||
I should be so lucky lol | |||
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"Dear Agony Aunt I'm bored with food but what can I munch on that would interest my appetite. Please no more thistles. Goat " Dear Goat My brother Paddy had one of your colleagues as a pet at one time and he was most partial to a chomp on ladies bloomers. I believe he munched on a five pound note also....this made him poorly however. The vet instructed my brother to take him back the following week if there was no change. I would stick to the thistles if I were you. Miss McGinty | |||
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"Dear agony Aunt I have a really bad case of foot in mouth how do i over come this "You sure do. There's no hope for you duffus | |||
"Dear agony Aunt I have a really bad case of foot in mouth how do i over come this "Experience on here tells me it very much depends on who | |||
"Dear agony Aunt I have a really bad case of foot in mouth how do i over come this
You sure do. There's no hope for you duffus "  sorry | |||
"Dear agony Aunt I have a really bad case of foot in mouth how do i over come this
You sure do. There's no hope for you duffus sorry "Don't worry about it, I'm not. It's all sorted now anyway x | |||
"Dear agony Aunt I have a really bad case of foot in mouth how do i over come this
You sure do. There's no hope for you duffus sorry
Don't worry about it, I'm not. It's all sorted now anyway x"Just as well you all know how special i am xx | |||
"Just as well you all know how special i am xx "Batman special or Forest Gump "special"? | |||
"Dear agony Aunt I have a really bad case of foot in mouth how do i over come this
You sure do. There's no hope for you duffus sorry
Don't worry about it, I'm not. It's all sorted now anyway xJust as well you all know how special i am xx "You are special and that's why I forgive you | |||
"Just as well you all know how special i am xx
Batman special or Forest Gump "special"? "Really Special | |||
"Really Special" Unique is a better description chief, special can have negative connotations. Your a howl, some of your posts have me doubled up with laughter! Keep up the good work Dark Knight! | |||
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"Dear Agony Aunt the woman I love is normally such a sweetheart until she gets a drink. Then, she becomes an evil, foul mouthed trollop, hits on every woman in the site, blocks me and has major sister issues. Please help I'm getting desperate! " Can't believe your saying that about cutie. She hides the drinking well | |||
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"Can't believe your saying that about cutie. She hides the drinking well "Deflection of the highest order. | |||
"Can't believe your saying that about cutie. She hides the drinking well
Deflection of the highest order. " | |||
"Can't believe your saying that about cutie. She hides the drinking well
Deflection of the highest order.
"It's cool JC....I defended your honour. | |||
"Can't believe your saying that about cutie. She hides the drinking well
Deflection of the highest order.
" sorry cutie | |||
" sorry cutie "You're sacked as the resident Agony Aunt....hang your head in shame! | |||
"Can't believe your saying that about cutie. She hides the drinking well
Deflection of the highest order.
sorry cutie "That's ok
I enjoy a few glasses of vino at the weekend and everyone thinks I'm a raving alkie | |||
"That's ok
I enjoy a few glasses of vino at the weekend and everyone thinks I'm a raving alkie "I know more than a few raging alkies....you're not one of them! | |||
