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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Man says 2 wife "can i take a pic of Ur boobs so i can look at them all d time" wife replies "only if i can take a pic of Ur penis so i can enlarge it" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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pmsl 
.
.
.
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into
the woods. She went to look for it and found a frog in a
trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there
was a condition to your wishes and that is whatever you wish
for, your husband will get 10 times better!" The woman said
that would be okay.
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman
in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the
world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman
replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in
the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer
than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's
mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack.".........  |
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By *e-subCouple
over a year ago
north ayrshire |
Man plays golf every sunday. Says to his wife I'm off!! gets his bag opens the door and it's pissing down, thinks fuck this and sleps back into bed.she moans & wakes up. he says its pissing down out there. she replies yup and that stupid bastard's playing golf ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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young 14 year old guy goes into the pub and says to the gorgeous barmaid geez a pint and pkt oh fags the bar maaid says u wanna get me into trouble the young lad says forget the sex just geez the fags and the beer its no bad yeah gota laugh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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......the children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny.
Two months later, when mum found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time......we'll miss him."
"Yes," mum replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."
But mum was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny?..... We thought you said Daddy!"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After 20 years of marriage a couple lying in bed one night, when the wife felt the husband start to fondle her in ways he hadn't for quite some years.
it almaost tickled as his finger starting moving down her neck then the small of her back.
he then caressed the small of her shoulders and neck slowly working his hands over breast and stopped on her stomach.
he then proceeded to his hand on her inner arm, careesed past the side of her breast again, working down her side passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. then he proceeded up her inner thigh stopping at the top of her thigh. he then contiued to do the same down the other side of her body.then suddenly stopped and rolled over to watch tv.
As she had become quite aroused by all the caressing, she asked in a loving voice why he had stopped.
he said " i found the remote" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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*been wandering round the forum rooms lurking. lmao @ the jokes!! decides to pop in....pokes head round door smiling.....
oh! woss occurrin'?! tidy jokes like,i nearly pmsl!!
hi there all...
'ere's a few jokes from one celt to yous' celts......i said clets,lol!
a barry girl enters an adult shop 'n asks for a vibrator.
the shop assistant says "choose one from our range on the wall".
she says "i'll have the red one".
the assistant replies "try again, thats the fire extinguisher!".
what's the first question in a barry pub quiz?
oh! what you looking at!
what do barry boys use for protection during sex?
the bus shelter!
enjoy!...traaaa! from sunny barry island -Hx.
*fucks off back to barry sharpish like,lol!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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tried to join a dating agency today but
got rejected: when they asked me the
question 'what do you like best in a
man?' they wouldn't accept 'a knife lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 bits of vomit walking up the road after a night in the pub
Hughey turns to his mate Ralf and says
See that house over there thats where I was brought up!
Sick or what!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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By *empnbunkCouple
over a year ago
south coast |
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once upon a time in a land far away
a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am.
And then my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother where you can prepare meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself...
I don't fucking think so.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I stoped a bloke today and bet him 100 notes that i could tell how many sexual partners he has had, and how many true mates hes got,
'' ok your on '' he said
easy money
you havnt had sex with anyone but your hand and you have no true mates now cough up the 100 quid ya ginger twat !!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman goes to the GP. She says "Doctor, everytime I open my legs, a voice shouts "COME ON ENGLAND!"
"Don't worry" said the GP. "A lot of Cunts are saying that at the moment" |
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