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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Came across these and thought i'd share. Feel free to add your own gems....
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won five grand with Claims Direct.
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It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming.
************
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He has high cholesterol
And she's got diabetes.
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Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...........But she didn't wear that one very often.
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Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
************
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.
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Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.
************
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.
************
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
************
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy. |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"Try a kids bed time story book called 'Go the fuck to sleep'. 
It's even better if you watch the YouTube video of Samuel L Jackson reading it  
Do you think the kids will let granny read that one to the eagerly expected one?? lol..  "
Hell yeah!! If it's good enough for Sam..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a kids rhyme but a funny limerick at least:
My pall Billy had a ten foot willy
He showed it to the woman next door
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
Now its only five foot four
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not a kids rhyme but a funny limerick at least:
My pall Billy had a ten foot willy
He showed it to the woman next door
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
Now its only five foot four
"
Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sung to the tune of a flying pickets song,can't remember which one? This was a playground classic in the primary school back in the day lol
I was looking from a window above,
some fucker gave me a shove,
I was faaaalllllllling.
Fell about 53 ft,with a splat on the street,all I needed was a hospital bed,
I shagged the nurse until her fanny was red.
And all I ever knew.....my balls turned bluuuue.
Much funnier when you're 9 yrs old lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sing to the tune of teddy bears picnic:
If you go down to the woods today you're in for a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today you better close your eyes
Cos mom and dad are having a shag
And uncle frank is having a wank
And auntie sue is having a screw with grandad
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sing to the tune of teddy bears picnic:
If you go down to the woods today you're in for a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today you better close your eyes
Cos mom and dad are having a shag
And uncle frank is having a wank
And auntie sue is having a screw with grandad
"
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