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Most embarrassing sex meets
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Go on what's your worst.....
I once employed a girl, after a few weeks us and others go out for drinks and guess what she ends up at mine and we fuck like you wouldn't believe.
D*unk and drained we fall asleep until at some point I'm woken by a rustling and movement, and in my haze presume she's going for a pee.
I then hear a trickling and think "fuck, she's peeing in the room, pretend to be asleep it will go away" ....
I then get a whiff off a hell of a smell and hear a plopping sound and think, "no fucking way, she's doing a shit, this cannot be real"......... I was frozen with fear, pissed, barely awake and scared so I'm sorry to confess that I fell back asleep.
When I woke and daylight had broken I instantly breathed in and couldn't smell the poo and thought to myself, "good god, that was some dream about the poo".....
I then rolled over and looked square in the face at a chair beside the bed resplendent with a huge steaming turd on it.
I decided to man up and face things, I woke my partner, "what the fuck have you done, you've shit in the chair.?...,,!!......"
To this day I hold a degree of respect for the way she replied with a straight face., "that' wasn't me, it must have been you....."
So guess what, I cleaned it up, went to work the Monday after the Friday before and we worked together without the poo on the chair ever being mentioned again.
Totally true story, sorry if I out you off your lemonade. |
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By *lamMan
over a year ago
Greenock |
"Go on what's your worst.....
I once employed a girl, after a few weeks us and others go out for drinks and guess what she ends up at mine and we fuck like you wouldn't believe.
D*unk and drained we fall asleep until at some point I'm woken by a rustling and movement, and in my haze presume she's going for a pee.
I then hear a trickling and think "fuck, she's peeing in the room, pretend to be asleep it will go away" ....
I then get a whiff off a hell of a smell and hear a plopping sound and think, "no fucking way, she's doing a shit, this cannot be real"......... I was frozen with fear, pissed, barely awake and scared so I'm sorry to confess that I fell back asleep.
When I woke and daylight had broken I instantly breathed in and couldn't smell the poo and thought to myself, "good god, that was some dream about the poo".....
I then rolled over and looked square in the face at a chair beside the bed resplendent with a huge steaming turd on it.
I decided to man up and face things, I woke my partner, "what the fuck have you done, you've shit in the chair.?...,,!!......"
To this day I hold a degree of respect for the way she replied with a straight face., "that' wasn't me, it must have been you....."
So guess what, I cleaned it up, went to work the Monday after the Friday before and we worked together without the poo on the chair ever being mentioned again.
Totally true story, sorry if I out you off your lemonade. "
Ahahaha Brilliant ! |
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"Let's just say it involved a Twinkie, not reliving that tale! EVER!
Geek  "
Awwww Geek you cant leave it at that mate lol.
Mines was I split my foreskin while fcuking a girl and didnt realise till I got home. We stopped mid act cause when we saw the blood we thought she had started. I got home went to the toilet and started screaming. My dad had to take me upto a&e. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was with this girl, and she had this trple stimulator, with a powerful bullet. I had the ring roumd my cock, which was in her pussy, with the dildo part in her ass, when she turned the bullet on at high. The vibrations made me laugh so much I couldn't move, and I came almost straight away! We never used that thing again!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was giving it something laldy to a nice wee blond when she suddenly decides to try it in her ass but with no prep or lube!. After a wee minute she says "Just stap it in" and I burst oot laghing.
I wiz in bloody stitches for aboot 5 full mintes. Still let me come on her face later on though lol.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was really d*unk during sex with my then boyfriend head was spinning, ears ringing from nightclub and spewed all over him was mortified!!
Hadn't been going out long at time and was so ashamed |
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i travelled hundreds of mile to meet a girl after talking for two weeks by text ....i got very nervous building up to meeting her .i could see her sitting on the bench from a distance because she was wearing a brown hat that she had mentioned in a text but was a bit shocked when i realised she was actually one of those self build teak nest of tables...i made my excuses afterwards few drinks but was a gentleman . x X X  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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when I was 18 and still living at my parents I sneaked a guy in and we had some fun in the living room then we both fell asleep on the settee... I woke up hearing my dad shouting and swearing, turns out the guy had woken up confused about where he was and wandered off to 'the toilet'... my dad woke up to see this guy standing over his bed with his cock out about to do a pee!! The guy came to and ran away haha I was left to face my dads wrath alone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok I got one. Please just read it all.
Many years ago I was in my twenty and used to go to privilege in the town.
As always you make an effort to impress so bought a nice new white shirt, blue jeans and new shoes and head out with the lads and I'm im looking good.
Few drinks in the pub and get chatting to some girls in the pub and its going good.
Chatting to a 5'10/5'11 long black hair nice chest but amazing ass. She was defo a good 8/10 chick.
Night going well, we are all a bit tipsy and we are all off to privilege, about 12 of us in total head in not problem and I buy some drinks.
Fast forward another hour and we're both d*unk and I'm talking about sex and stuff and she's really into it.
BOOM A round of aftershock and she wants to got to the disabled toilets... get in there and start kissing and touching and she's soo horny and pushes my head down and I'm giving that clit a good tongue punching and she is moaning so loud and I can hear people outside laughing but fuck it I'm enjoying myself. I keep going and going until she erupts pulls my hair (fucking ouch by the way) and she it trembling... go me with the mad licking skills... but I go to get my fun and shes like a cold shower and says no and she just wants leave. I'm not going to force her into anything she doesn't want to do so she runs off to her friends.
I walk back to mine and my mates start asking me if I'm ok?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask???
My nice new white shirt has blood all down it....
Yup, she was on her bad week and I didn't know?
Too d*unk to see and all I could taste was aftershocks.
Mates still remind me to this day of it...
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A guy I once dated, rolled to the side and squished his own ball(s) so bad he killed his erection and the moment. It was the first time we were about to get it on, and I had to bite my tongue to stop me laughing, it was so not funny, but so comical!
We never did try again but was the most ridiculous passion killer I ever experienced! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok I got one. Please just read it all.
Many years ago I was in my twenty and used to go to privilege in the town.
As always you make an effort to impress so bought a nice new white shirt, blue jeans and new shoes and head out with the lads and I'm im looking good.
Few drinks in the pub and get chatting to some girls in the pub and its going good.
Chatting to a 5'10/5'11 long black hair nice chest but amazing ass. She was defo a good 8/10 chick.
Night going well, we are all a bit tipsy and we are all off to privilege, about 12 of us in total head in not problem and I buy some drinks.
Fast forward another hour and we're both d*unk and I'm talking about sex and stuff and she's really into it.
BOOM A round of aftershock and she wants to got to the disabled toilets... get in there and start kissing and touching and she's soo horny and pushes my head down and I'm giving that clit a good tongue punching and she is moaning so loud and I can hear people outside laughing but fuck it I'm enjoying myself. I keep going and going until she erupts pulls my hair (fucking ouch by the way) and she it trembling... go me with the mad licking skills... but I go to get my fun and shes like a cold shower and says no and she just wants leave. I'm not going to force her into anything she doesn't want to do so she runs off to her friends.
I walk back to mine and my mates start asking me if I'm ok?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask???
My nice new white shirt has blood all down it....
Yup, she was on her bad week and I didn't know?
Too d*unk to see and all I could taste was aftershocks.
Mates still remind me to this day of it...
"
Dirty clorty mare  |
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"Ok I got one. Please just read it all.
Many years ago I was in my twenty and used to go to privilege in the town.
As always you make an effort to impress so bought a nice new white shirt, blue jeans and new shoes and head out with the lads and I'm im looking good.
Few drinks in the pub and get chatting to some girls in the pub and its going good.
Chatting to a 5'10/5'11 long black hair nice chest but amazing ass. She was defo a good 8/10 chick.
Night going well, we are all a bit tipsy and we are all off to privilege, about 12 of us in total head in not problem and I buy some drinks.
Fast forward another hour and we're both d*unk and I'm talking about sex and stuff and she's really into it.
BOOM A round of aftershock and she wants to got to the disabled toilets... get in there and start kissing and touching and she's soo horny and pushes my head down and I'm giving that clit a good tongue punching and she is moaning so loud and I can hear people outside laughing but fuck it I'm enjoying myself. I keep going and going until she erupts pulls my hair (fucking ouch by the way) and she it trembling... go me with the mad licking skills... but I go to get my fun and shes like a cold shower and says no and she just wants leave. I'm not going to force her into anything she doesn't want to do so she runs off to her friends.
I walk back to mine and my mates start asking me if I'm ok?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask???
My nice new white shirt has blood all down it....
Yup, she was on her bad week and I didn't know?
Too d*unk to see and all I could taste was aftershocks.
Mates still remind me to this day of it...
"
Awwww boakkkkkkk thats gross |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
had a lass "follow through" during orgasm.....talk about a passion killer!!!!
rather embarrassing for both concerned and actually felt quite sorry for her.....tried to make my excuses for getting the hell out of there as kind as I could |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok I got one. Please just read it all.
Many years ago I was in my twenty and used to go to privilege in the town.
As always you make an effort to impress so bought a nice new white shirt, blue jeans and new shoes and head out with the lads and I'm im looking good.
Few drinks in the pub and get chatting to some girls in the pub and its going good.
Chatting to a 5'10/5'11 long black hair nice chest but amazing ass. She was defo a good 8/10 chick.
Night going well, we are all a bit tipsy and we are all off to privilege, about 12 of us in total head in not problem and I buy some drinks.
Fast forward another hour and we're both d*unk and I'm talking about sex and stuff and she's really into it.
BOOM A round of aftershock and she wants to got to the disabled toilets... get in there and start kissing and touching and she's soo horny and pushes my head down and I'm giving that clit a good tongue punching and she is moaning so loud and I can hear people outside laughing but fuck it I'm enjoying myself. I keep going and going until she erupts pulls my hair (fucking ouch by the way) and she it trembling... go me with the mad licking skills... but I go to get my fun and shes like a cold shower and says no and she just wants leave. I'm not going to force her into anything she doesn't want to do so she runs off to her friends.
I walk back to mine and my mates start asking me if I'm ok?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask???
My nice new white shirt has blood all down it....
Yup, she was on her bad week and I didn't know?
Too d*unk to see and all I could taste was aftershocks.
Mates still remind me to this day of it...
"
That has reminded me of something....... Thanks for that memories I wanted to erase I think my ex would think the same I'f he was on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok I got one. Please just read it all.
Many years ago I was in my twenty and used to go to privilege in the town.
As always you make an effort to impress so bought a nice new white shirt, blue jeans and new shoes and head out with the lads and I'm im looking good.
Few drinks in the pub and get chatting to some girls in the pub and its going good.
Chatting to a 5'10/5'11 long black hair nice chest but amazing ass. She was defo a good 8/10 chick.
Night going well, we are all a bit tipsy and we are all off to privilege, about 12 of us in total head in not problem and I buy some drinks.
Fast forward another hour and we're both d*unk and I'm talking about sex and stuff and she's really into it.
BOOM A round of aftershock and she wants to got to the disabled toilets... get in there and start kissing and touching and she's soo horny and pushes my head down and I'm giving that clit a good tongue punching and she is moaning so loud and I can hear people outside laughing but fuck it I'm enjoying myself. I keep going and going until she erupts pulls my hair (fucking ouch by the way) and she it trembling... go me with the mad licking skills... but I go to get my fun and shes like a cold shower and says no and she just wants leave. I'm not going to force her into anything she doesn't want to do so she runs off to her friends.
I walk back to mine and my mates start asking me if I'm ok?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask???
My nice new white shirt has blood all down it....
Yup, she was on her bad week and I didn't know?
Too d*unk to see and all I could taste was aftershocks.
Mates still remind me to this day of it...
"
You sure you weren't drinking a Bloody Mary? |
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I ended up back at this girls house after several hours on the sauce, both wrecked we went upstairs to her bedroom got down to some naughty action. After the post sex cigs had been smoked i announced that i need a glass of water so got up and went downstairs in my birthday suit. Found the kitchen but had no idea where the lightswitch was so i was fmbling about and bouncing off worktops when suddenly i felt a warm squelch under my right foot.....yes thats right her dog had left a big steaming pile of shit in the middle of the kitchen for me to stand in. The kitchen led to a utility room which in turn led to the downstairs bathroom so i decided to hop slowly there while using the walls to aid my d*unken balance. Once in the bathroom i swung my foot into the sink and turned on the tap...only problem being it was the hot water tap so when the hot water hit the fresh jobby the smell immediatley engulfed me within seconds i had a shitey foot in the sink one hand on the side of the bath and my head leaning over the bath being sick. This went on for a few minutes until my stomach was empty and the dry boak ended, so now i have a shitey foot/sink and sick filled bath to clean.
Nearly 30 minutes later i eventually get myself back upstairs, wake her up to tell her that her kitchen floors covered in dug meat and demand a taxi number.....never seen her again thank fuck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Took a girl back to mine after a few drinks at a club, realised on arrival i had lost my house keys.
Never mind upstairs toilet window was open slightly as always, so grabbed a ladder and up I went, no idea how I got up and through in one piece but got there, only to forget I left the girl round the front and I hopped off to my bed.
It wasn't until the next morning nursing the hangover my mate text askin how it went and it all came back.
Never did try my luck again but I later found out she wasn't impressed, she was from whitburn and was left without a ride home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once had a guy go down on me and he sneezed full pelt all over my vagina!!! Then he still proceeded to carry on...
Needless to say, I was extremely grossed out and had to push him off so I could wash!! Eek!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
That has reminded me of something....... Thanks for that memories I wanted to erase I think my ex would think the same I'f he was on fab "
Sorry if that brought up some bad memories. Maybe we should do a best story as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex when we were 16 he was a virgin and that was the night for him heavy drinking good music ended up so horny in our mates house that I tied him up teased him with my tits till he was on the edge he turned round and said he didn't know what to do so I pinned his arms down with my legs and proceeded to sit on his face little did I know what time of the month was anyhow he went from ginger to red beard lol to this day he looks down at me lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex when we were 16 he was a virgin and that was the night for him heavy drinking good music ended up so horny in our mates house that I tied him up teased him with my tits till he was on the edge he turned round and said he didn't know what to do so I pinned his arms down with my legs and proceeded to sit on his face little did I know what time of the month was anyhow he went from ginger to red beard lol to this day he looks down at me lol
I'm more shocked that you're admitting to dating a ginger "
Haha he wasn't to bad one of the hot ones |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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MANY years ago before I met J, I was having a bit of a casual fling with a woman and I went round one day and she was sitting in kitchen, dark except for some candles, she was sitting on the kitchen worktop in fishnet stockings, black basque, killer heels, blindfold on and hand-cuffed. So we got down to some fun and after about 15 mins, theres a knock at the door and I assumed she'd just ignore but we stop and she says that its the forman of a company she had in to do some work come round to check the quality of the work!!! So we run around like mad things trying to put some clothes on and she throws on a robe over her sussies and basque and I jump on the sofa just as the guy comes into the lounge and he can just tell we've been up to no good!
He has to go through the whole house to check the wiring work so into the kitchen and there are the handcuffs, candles, blindfold and high heels on the floor, into the bedroom where there was, I discovered later, a vibrator and two condoms on the bedside unit ready to play with!!
He comes back into the lounge and I can't even look him in the eye and my shoulders are shaking with me trying not to laugh!
He definitely hung about longer he should of and as soon as the doors is shut (and locked!) we both just burst out laughing but her slipping her lips around my cock again certainly stopping the laughing pretty quick!
 |
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Mid coitus with this girl I had seen a few times and her pet dog jumps on the bed and starts rimming me!
Very distracting, the dog was persistent despite my best attempts whilst trying to continue with the girl. |
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"Mid coitus with this girl I had seen a few times and her pet dog jumps on the bed and starts rimming me!
Very distracting, the dog was persistent despite my best attempts whilst trying to continue with the girl."
Ewwww lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mid coitus with this girl I had seen a few times and her pet dog jumps on the bed and starts rimming me!
Very distracting, the dog was persistent despite my best attempts whilst trying to continue with the girl."
Hahaha...puppy love |
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"Mid coitus with this girl I had seen a few times and her pet dog jumps on the bed and starts rimming me!
Very distracting, the dog was persistent despite my best attempts whilst trying to continue with the girl.Ewwww lol "
No, not good.
But I did hear subsequently that peanut butter was a treat the animal had tasted!
Not the type of three some I seek out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fantastic tales!! Most embarressing for me would have been getting caught fucking with the camcorder on by my lads older brother we thought the house was empty and so did his bro lol that or sneaking a guy into my parents house and christening my bunk where I landed with heaps of bruising from him biting and my blaming it on the dog hahah my parents always thought our old dog loved me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a woman poo herself while I was fisting her,Christ the stench. She went into the bathroom and cleaned herself with a towel.
Mind I was staying in a rather exclusive hotel and the white towel wasn't white if you catch my drift lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go on what's your worst.....
I once employed a girl, after a few weeks us and others go out for drinks and guess what she ends up at mine and we fuck like you wouldn't believe.
D*unk and drained we fall asleep until at some point I'm woken by a rustling and movement, and in my haze presume she's going for a pee.
I then hear a trickling and think "fuck, she's peeing in the room, pretend to be asleep it will go away" ....
I then get a whiff off a hell of a smell and hear a plopping sound and think, "no fucking way, she's doing a shit, this cannot be real"......... I was frozen with fear, pissed, barely awake and scared so I'm sorry to confess that I fell back asleep.
When I woke and daylight had broken I instantly breathed in and couldn't smell the poo and thought to myself, "good god, that was some dream about the poo".....
I then rolled over and looked square in the face at a chair beside the bed resplendent with a huge steaming turd on it.
I decided to man up and face things, I woke my partner, "what the fuck have you done, you've shit in the chair.?...,,!!......"
To this day I hold a degree of respect for the way she replied with a straight face., "that' wasn't me, it must have been you....."
So guess what, I cleaned it up, went to work the Monday after the Friday before and we worked together without the poo on the chair ever being mentioned again.
Totally true story, sorry if I out you off your lemonade. "
Should have rubbed her nose in it, that not what you usually do with dogs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Let's just say it involved a Twinkie, not reliving that tale! EVER!
Geek
Awwww Geek you cant leave it at that mate lol.
Mines was I split my foreskin while fcuking a girl and didnt realise till I got home. We stopped mid act cause when we saw the blood we thought she had started. I got home went to the toilet and started screaming. My dad had to take me upto a&e."
The guy before you must have lost his kies in there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Took a girl back to mine after a few drinks at a club, realised on arrival i had lost my house keys.
Never mind upstairs toilet window was open slightly as always, so grabbed a ladder and up I went, no idea how I got up and through in one piece but got there, only to forget I left the girl round the front and I hopped off to my bed.
It wasn't until the next morning nursing the hangover my mate text askin how it went and it all came back.
Never did try my luck again but I later found out she wasn't impressed, she was from whitburn and was left without a ride home. "
not to worry there is no shortage of horny women in Whitburn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment. |
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"
I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment."
Cringworthy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well one of my most embarrasing sexual episodes:
This happened a few years ago, I was about 18 - 19 at the time. I was a typical teenager, full of the zest of life and had an ego the size of Scotland.
My friend and I went out for the evening with a view of hopefully meeting a couple of girls and with a bit of luck would manage to have a great evening of fun. Our testosterone was coursing through our veins and felt that we were the sexiest young bucks that ever walked this planet. We had been to a few pubs and fair to say had d*unk enough to sink a battleship. As the evening wore on I caught my eye on a girl who was sat with a couple of her friends opposite to where I was. I was trying my best to strut like a peacock, chest out, gut in, buttocks squeezed as tight and as taught as a guideline on a tent. I saw that we kept looking at each other so decided to do my best impression of John Wayne walking into a saloon full of bad guys and walked over to her and asked if she would like a drink to which she accepted gladly. My mate joined us and got talking to one of her friends. Everything seemed to be going great and with my rapier wit and charm managed to convince her that I was the best guy in the place and that she just had to take me back to her place. Thankfully she agreed and quickly made our way up to her flat that she shared with one of her friends who happened to be sitting alongside my mate Shaun and seemed to be engrossed in him than her flatmate.
We got into the flat and into the lounge, within seconds we were getting fairly hot under the collar with desire and sheer lust for one another. Clothing was quickly discarded and passion was at an all time high. We made our way to her bedroom All was going great until I asked her to get onto her knees, which she did. I entered into her and began rythmically showing her how we men of men do it. At this point please remember I had, had a few too many earlier and was still feeling the effects. I continued to get faster and faster and with a lot more vigor so much so that the headboard was banging off of the wall but that just added to my manliness, well I was only 18. As I got into my stride I guess you could say I got a little over enthuisiastic with my stallion routine and as I pulled back to thrust into her again, my rather strong erection came completely out of her and as I thrust inwards again like a pile driver, she screamed shot off of the bed and was jumping around like a kangaroo on steroids, but was wailing like a banshee, holding her arse. As I say I was still a wee bit intoxicated and asked her what was wrong. After about 5 mins of her leaving footprints around the four walls of her bedroom, like a wall of death rider, she told well more screamed at me to fuck off out of her flat and that no man gets to fuck her arse. I tried to explain to her that it was an accident but sadly she wasn't having any of it, so with a heavy heart and a raging erection left, never to meet again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well one of my most embarrasing sexual episodes:
This happened a few years ago, I was about 18 - 19 at the time. I was a typical teenager, full of the zest of life and had an ego the size of Scotland.
My friend and I went out for the evening with a view of hopefully meeting a couple of girls and with a bit of luck would manage to have a great evening of fun. Our testosterone was coursing through our veins and felt that we were the sexiest young bucks that ever walked this planet. We had been to a few pubs and fair to say had d*unk enough to sink a battleship. As the evening wore on I caught my eye on a girl who was sat with a couple of her friends opposite to where I was. I was trying my best to strut like a peacock, chest out, gut in, buttocks squeezed as tight and as taught as a guideline on a tent. I saw that we kept looking at each other so decided to do my best impression of John Wayne walking into a saloon full of bad guys and walked over to her and asked if she would like a drink to which she accepted gladly. My mate joined us and got talking to one of her friends. Everything seemed to be going great and with my rapier wit and charm managed to convince her that I was the best guy in the place and that she just had to take me back to her place. Thankfully she agreed and quickly made our way up to her flat that she shared with one of her friends who happened to be sitting alongside my mate Shaun and seemed to be engrossed in him than her flatmate.
We got into the flat and into the lounge, within seconds we were getting fairly hot under the collar with desire and sheer lust for one another. Clothing was quickly discarded and passion was at an all time high. We made our way to her bedroom All was going great until I asked her to get onto her knees, which she did. I entered into her and began rythmically showing her how we men of men do it. At this point please remember I had, had a few too many earlier and was still feeling the effects. I continued to get faster and faster and with a lot more vigor so much so that the headboard was banging off of the wall but that just added to my manliness, well I was only 18. As I got into my stride I guess you could say I got a little over enthuisiastic with my stallion routine and as I pulled back to thrust into her again, my rather strong erection came completely out of her and as I thrust inwards again like a pile driver, she screamed shot off of the bed and was jumping around like a kangaroo on steroids, but was wailing like a banshee, holding her arse. As I say I was still a wee bit intoxicated and asked her what was wrong. After about 5 mins of her leaving footprints around the four walls of her bedroom, like a wall of death rider, she told well more screamed at me to fuck off out of her flat and that no man gets to fuck her arse. I tried to explain to her that it was an accident but sadly she wasn't having any of it, so with a heavy heart and a raging erection left, never to meet again. "
oh ouch.. that so had to hurt hope you've learned to prepare and proceed with caution now... |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
"Took a girl back to mine after a few drinks at a club, realised on arrival i had lost my house keys.
Never mind upstairs toilet window was open slightly as always, so grabbed a ladder and up I went, no idea how I got up and through in one piece but got there, only to forget I left the girl round the front and I hopped off to my bed.
It wasn't until the next morning nursing the hangover my mate text askin how it went and it all came back.
Never did try my luck again but I later found out she wasn't impressed, she was from whitburn and was left without a ride home. "
haha, had to double check it wasn't me!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment."
never laughed out loud so much haha folk on train looking at me funny |
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"Well one of my most embarrasing sexual episodes:
This happened a few years ago, I was about 18 - 19 at the time. I was a typical teenager, full of the zest of life and had an ego the size of Scotland.
My friend and I went out for the evening with a view of hopefully meeting a couple of girls and with a bit of luck would manage to have a great evening of fun. Our testosterone was coursing through our veins and felt that we were the sexiest young bucks that ever walked this planet. We had been to a few pubs and fair to say had d*unk enough to sink a battleship. As the evening wore on I caught my eye on a girl who was sat with a couple of her friends opposite to where I was. I was trying my best to strut like a peacock, chest out, gut in, buttocks squeezed as tight and as taught as a guideline on a tent. I saw that we kept looking at each other so decided to do my best impression of John Wayne walking into a saloon full of bad guys and walked over to her and asked if she would like a drink to which she accepted gladly. My mate joined us and got talking to one of her friends. Everything seemed to be going great and with my rapier wit and charm managed to convince her that I was the best guy in the place and that she just had to take me back to her place. Thankfully she agreed and quickly made our way up to her flat that she shared with one of her friends who happened to be sitting alongside my mate Shaun and seemed to be engrossed in him than her flatmate.
We got into the flat and into the lounge, within seconds we were getting fairly hot under the collar with desire and sheer lust for one another. Clothing was quickly discarded and passion was at an all time high. We made our way to her bedroom All was going great until I asked her to get onto her knees, which she did. I entered into her and began rythmically showing her how we men of men do it. At this point please remember I had, had a few too many earlier and was still feeling the effects. I continued to get faster and faster and with a lot more vigor so much so that the headboard was banging off of the wall but that just added to my manliness, well I was only 18. As I got into my stride I guess you could say I got a little over enthuisiastic with my stallion routine and as I pulled back to thrust into her again, my rather strong erection came completely out of her and as I thrust inwards again like a pile driver, she screamed shot off of the bed and was jumping around like a kangaroo on steroids, but was wailing like a banshee, holding her arse. As I say I was still a wee bit intoxicated and asked her what was wrong. After about 5 mins of her leaving footprints around the four walls of her bedroom, like a wall of death rider, she told well more screamed at me to fuck off out of her flat and that no man gets to fuck her arse. I tried to explain to her that it was an accident but sadly she wasn't having any of it, so with a heavy heart and a raging erection left, never to meet again. "
lmao young innocence moral of the story is never leave home without a bottle of baby oil  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Go on what's your worst.....
I once employed a girl, after a few weeks us and others go out for drinks and guess what she ends up at mine and we fuck like you wouldn't believe.
D*unk and drained we fall asleep until at some point I'm woken by a rustling and movement, and in my haze presume she's going for a pee.
I then hear a trickling and think "fuck, she's peeing in the room, pretend to be asleep it will go away" ....
I then get a whiff off a hell of a smell and hear a plopping sound and think, "no fucking way, she's doing a shit, this cannot be real"......... I was frozen with fear, pissed, barely awake and scared so I'm sorry to confess that I fell back asleep.
When I woke and daylight had broken I instantly breathed in and couldn't smell the poo and thought to myself, "good god, that was some dream about the poo".....
I then rolled over and looked square in the face at a chair beside the bed resplendent with a huge steaming turd on it.
I decided to man up and face things, I woke my partner, "what the fuck have you done, you've shit in the chair.?...,,!!......"
To this day I hold a degree of respect for the way she replied with a straight face., "that' wasn't me, it must have been you....."
So guess what, I cleaned it up, went to work the Monday after the Friday before and we worked together without the poo on the chair ever being mentioned again.
Totally true story, sorry if I out you off your lemonade. "
Just one question... What she wipe her arse with?
Sorry but had to be asked! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment."
I'm crying  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment.
I'm crying "
Me too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Another favourite of mine happened in the days of msn chat rooms, I got quite addicted to chatting with girls and got lucky for real a few times. One such time was with a local Asian girl who happened to live nearby, we cyber sexed for a good couple of hours and arranged to meet for breakfast and naughtiness the next day. It went so well that she wanted me again that night. Now I like to keep my sex life discrete so didn't tell any of my mates and came up with some cock and bull story that I couldn't meet them as I had to go some errand for my family. That added to the fact that she wasn't particularly good looking and that my best mate was also a little opinionated regards race and religion etc so I thought he wouldn't be too impressed with my new found fuck friend.
Anyway that night comes and I pick her up in my car and we go a drive into the back end of a golf course on the south side of Glasgow. We get down and dirty for a good couple of hours and we re both thoroughly satisfied. As I turn the key to leave to drop her home the thing is dead as I've left the ignition on and the battery in my car had died. "Shit" I exclaimed. "What will we do?" She says ... "I can call my big brother if you like."
"NO NO don't do that" I exclaimed imagining some huge maniac brother coming to pick up his sister and the young smart arse who had just banged her in a forest
"I'll call my mates" and so I call...
"Mate, do you have jump leads."
"Yes, where are you."
"The golf course"
"What the fuck are you doing there, thought you were doing.....?"
"I'm with a bird mate"
"A bird? Since when have you had a bird?"
"Since last night on the internet"
"Hahahahaha your mental", I then heard much raucous laughter in the background as my friend relayed the situation to the rest of the gang.....
So you can probably guess the rest as three car fulls of boisterous young Glasgow lads rock up to the golf course and proceed to absolutely slaughter me and the poor girl.
Never met her again.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Remember meeting a girl on the way home from a night out, spoke for a bit then ended up back at hers.
Things going well, shagging away on her living room couch, next thing, got cramp on one of my legs. Thought to myself, can't stop now so carried on, next thing, cramp on the other leg!! FFS!!. So there I am lying on top of her wincing with pain and she's wondering what' the hells going on.
Somehow she didn't kick me out, but only as long as I made up for it in morning |
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"Oh ffs... gross..I thought mines bad as I did a fanny fart
I once went back with a girl to Stirling Uni dorms. When we got down to the business she let out this ripper of a fanny fart. Then another. And another. And another. Soon she was tooting away with every thrust. Changed positions, changed angles, went to short strokes, nothing stopped it. Really off-putting
I love that sound "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Driving around the Campsie Hills. Young lady hasn't cock buried back her throat.
My mate is shagging her pal in the backseat
Sheep steps out onto the road and U swerve hitting an embankment.
Teeth marks on my dick were bad enough
Trying to explain to my mates wife how he broke his pelvis was hysterical
|
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By *araidWoman
over a year ago
the west (ish) |
"
I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment.
I'm crying
Me too "
and me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had been seeing this girl for a while and out on a date one night she got really, really pissed. Threw up in the taxi going home, passed out sitting on the loo pissed. Nothing was happening that night, so I put her in bed and went to sleep hoping she wouldn't be too hung over in the morning. Thankfully, she woke up horny and woke me... Manually.
But, I had been drinking too, so was really, really in need of reducing my fluid level and got up to go pee.
That was when I discovered that somehow, from inside her knickers, her fanny pad was stuck bloody side down to my thigh |
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Let's just say farting and not a fanny fart and within seconds of touching it was like a hosepipe s.. Now we don't mind squirting we have met a good fee squirters but this was ott and was right from the start within minutes ...not to mention smells.....the meet was stopped quick smart......if we ever meet any of you ask us the full story.......oh and it wasn't anyone of this site.....lol ...... |
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"Another favourite of mine happened in the days of msn chat rooms, I got quite addicted to chatting with girls and got lucky for real a few times. One such time was with a local Asian girl who happened to live nearby, we cyber sexed for a good couple of hours and arranged to meet for breakfast and naughtiness the next day. It went so well that she wanted me again that night. Now I like to keep my sex life discrete so didn't tell any of my mates and came up with some cock and bull story that I couldn't meet them as I had to go some errand for my family. That added to the fact that she wasn't particularly good looking and that my best mate was also a little opinionated regards race and religion etc so I thought he wouldn't be too impressed with my new found fuck friend.
Anyway that night comes and I pick her up in my car and we go a drive into the back end of a golf course on the south side of Glasgow. We get down and dirty for a good couple of hours and we re both thoroughly satisfied. As I turn the key to leave to drop her home the thing is dead as I've left the ignition on and the battery in my car had died. "Shit" I exclaimed. "What will we do?" She says ... "I can call my big brother if you like."
"NO NO don't do that" I exclaimed imagining some huge maniac brother coming to pick up his sister and the young smart arse who had just banged her in a forest
"I'll call my mates" and so I call...
"Mate, do you have jump leads."
"Yes, where are you."
"The golf course"
"What the fuck are you doing there, thought you were doing.....?"
"I'm with a bird mate"
"A bird? Since when have you had a bird?"
"Since last night on the internet"
"Hahahahaha your mental", I then heard much raucous laughter in the background as my friend relayed the situation to the rest of the gang.....
So you can probably guess the rest as three car fulls of boisterous young Glasgow lads rock up to the golf course and proceed to absolutely slaughter me and the poor girl.
Never met her again.
"
Aww I feel so sorry for both of you, but especially her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Many years ago I was flat-sitting in a posh area of London and seeing a pretty hot blonde lassie. One evening we were having a good session, missionary style with her legs around my ears when I grabbed her ankles, spread her legs as wide as I could reach and started hammering my cock into her pussy at a different angle.
Suddenly there was a loud "click" and a yelp of pain from the girl.
Her back had locked and she was stuck. She was frozen in position, on her back with her legs straight up in the air and spread wide apart. She could bend her legs at the knees but everything else was locked solid, any attempt to move her bringing screams of pain.
So I phoned an ambulance, then struggled to cover her dignity but there was no way I could get her knickers back on over her spread legs so she held a t-shirt between her thighs as the ambulance men came in with a stretcher.
But then we had a new problem. We couldn't get her out the door with her legs so far apart so the medics gave her laughing gas which allowed her to shut her legs just enough to get out the front door. But she was laughing hysterically because of the gas which brought every neighbour in this very posh street to the windows to watch the girl flat on her back on a stretcher with her legs straight up in the air and wide apart getting loaded into the ambulance. They had to open both doors too
Quite an evening |
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"
I got this asian girls number from a friend, anyway here's the story...
So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee.
Well she said yes, and we met at a cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said “hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed”.
Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further.
So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don’t crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.
Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)… and ****… I had to take take a sh!t really badly… and I also had to take a piss really badly, which I had been holding in.
I really didn’t want to use her washroom because I didn’t want stink the place up… but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I’m not sure why.. but that’s what happened).
So I rushed to the washroom… and thus begins the worst possible scenario imaginable.
I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO…. AND I have an erection…. what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??
So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can… but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!
So then I’m like “fuk this… I’ll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out”…
so I sit on the can… grasp my penis hard to try and “block” it… and I then tried to let the crap come out….that didn’t work so well…
As I relaxed my anal sphincters… my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor…
I started panicking at this point… so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet.
Once it was in… I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.
I then closed everything off again (you can’t imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly).
Wtf was I supposed to do?
I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor….then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there… I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor….
At that point things get even worse…
The turd wouldn’t ****ing dissolve… and the damn bish was asking me wtf I’m doing showering in her washroom….
I then answer “yea lol… I’m showering… is that ok?”…
she says: what the hell? why?? you don’t think we’re having sex do you???
At this point I can’t even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol
she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke… get out of there!!
I say: no please don’t come in… I’m not done yet…
At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid… the girl could smell it and she said: “why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???”
I say: please don’t come in… trust me.. you’ll regret it…
she says: **** this… get out now or I’m unlocking the door..
I beg her not too… but she loses her patience and then opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass, large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can.
I was so ****ing embarassed… I started shivering… she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers…
“wtf did you do???”
she was starting to cry… I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself “I tried my best … I… I’m sorry”… She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she’s calling the cops. I agree to do it.
She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper… pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually).
I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor…
I’m literally crying at that point… I look for the plunger but I couldn’t find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet.
I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf… she’s crying… as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now…
I try to explain that the toilet is clogged… but she doesn’t let me … she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now… she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave… I leave.
about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her flat (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water).
At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrassment."
Lol OMG! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I arranged a meet 5 days ago not far from me. She stays in the other side of the Clyde river. So I put google sat nav on for walking from Renfrew to her address. It shows what it seamed to be a pedestrian bridge through the river which is about 25 mn walk. The other option was taking a public transport through Glasgow which would be 2 hours travel for me. Anyway when I reach the bridge (river) there was no actual bridge but a ferry to cross the 200 yard width river and they closed the service half an hour before I got there. I was devastated and too late to go for the other option of the public transport. Was funny that I had to walk back home desapointed and she was raging about it. The poor girl was soo looking forward to it as she hasn't had sex for ages. Told her next time I'll bring a wet suit with me in case I'll have to swim across the river. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to work security in the 13th Note and we are always catching couples at it, especially in the disabled loo where the door didn't close properly. Our game was to time the moment of interruption to the best effect. Yeah, evil, but you get bored.
The one that really got me, though, was the couple I had to interrupt in a cubicle that had been locked off because the bog was blocked. Don't ask me why, but people seem to think that 'Out of Order' signs are either lying or don't apply to them and continue to use the loo. With the end result that by the end of the night they are full to the rim with piss, shit, used paper and vomit. This poor girl was bent over it with that as a view |
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