 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Fugy, Son of Fugy positioned himself in the shadows just outside of the harbour. He'd heard that a cargo ship was due to dock there that evening after 4 long months at sea.
He'd camouflaged himself by putting some dungarees over his red velvet pantaloons, yellow gingham shirt, green waistcoat. Everyone at the harbour was wearing dungarees these days, and hats. He thought that with the dungarees there'd be no need to change out of his favourite red pointy hat.
He'd been in his hiding spot since dawn, it was now nearly 9pm and the ship was due anytime soon. He was waiting for the right time.
He is expecting that the famous filipino semen...sorry...seaman Drew Who Flung Dung will be aboard. It is rumoured that Drew is rampant and gagging for it by the time his ships land. It is also rumoured that he has jumped overboard on very long voyages and tried to shag porpoises. But that's another story.
Fugy hopes to kidnap Drew and taking him to his evil gnomish lair before turning Drew over to the dark bi side.
Fugy waits patiently for young Who Flung Dung, he's sure that after so long at sea his guard will be down.
"I hope that Drew wanders by before daybreak, because I want to have him back in my lair in the woods by then," thought Fugy, "I'm just waiting for him to get ashore so that I can kidnap him."
Fugy has been kidnapping young semen...sorry...seamen for several years now. He resorts to these measures when there are not enough dogs at the dogs home to satisfy his unnatural carnal needs. He likes to think that he has adapted a passive approach in his kidnapping.
"I tend to just wait around the docks. Sometimes it'll be a fishing vessel, a deep sea vessel, cargo ship or occasionally an oil tanker. Then, when the time's right, I snatch 'em up and take 'em back into the forest.", he tells anyone who asks him about it.
He liked to think that this kidnapping lark was a noble profession and that his family had been kidnapping dogs and sailors for six generations.
He'd gleefully tell anyone that asked him, "My father was a kidnapper of sailors and dogs, and so was his father, and his father before him", "But my great great grandfather guarded treasure and kidnapped dogs. But I think his father kidnapped sailors and dogs and so it goes on for a few more generations."
Fugy, Son of Fugy had generally been thought to be agentle and nurturing gnome who liked nothing better than sitting by the garden pond, tending his beloved goldfish,....but many unsuspecting domesticated animals and innocent sailors, to their peril, have learned otherwise.
He recently told a Panorama reporter, "I've had pretty good success regarding the kidnapping of the semen ...sorry...seamen, and dogs" he told her, "There was that one time though, when I was distracted by someone trying to cut down a tree. When I looked back, my intended kidnapping victim, a young german shepherd, was running back to his owners so my fiendish plot was foiled."
Fugy intends to celebrate the kidnapping of Drew with a large mug of fermented raspberries, and maybe a tot of spiced gin and pickled sardines before ravaging Drew and casting him aside like a pair of his old smelly socks.......  |
