1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the idiot's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive today only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Bonus:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one , when he was shot by the woman's husband!!
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Does this mean I still have to always remember to put on clean knickers every day in case I get run over by a bus? 
