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scottish poetry corner :-D
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TAE A FART -
Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas
Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wis him! A shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' wan wee farty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was thinking about a poetry thread, this one that means a lot to me....not Scottish but heard it again today, love it.....
The Guy in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.
Dale Wimbrow |
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Hmm interesting stuff,thanks for your contribution;-)
"I was thinking about a poetry thread, this one that means a lot to me....not Scottish but heard it again today, love it.....
The Guy in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.
Dale Wimbrow"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My name is rabbie burns
and I work at the ploo
I earn my gelt frae the sweat o ma broo
but you my dear are just the reverse
you earn your gelt
frae the sweat o yer arse
to a lady of nagotiatable virtue |
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"My name is rabbie burns
and I work at the ploo
I earn my gelt frae the sweat o ma broo
but you my dear are just the reverse
you earn your gelt
frae the sweat o yer arse
to a lady of nagotiatable virtue"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was thinking about a poetry thread, this one that means a lot to me....not Scottish but heard it again today, love it.....
The Guy in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.
Dale Wimbrow"
Love it but I read the name to quickly and thought the poet was Dale Winton x |
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My favourite Scottish poem is by the legendary Bud Neill. It will be quite seasonal soon, if we keep getting mornings like this morning!
"Winter's come,
The snaw has fell,
Wee Josie's nose is froze as well,
Wee Josie's fell, his nose is skintit,
Winter's diabolic, intit?!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.”
A wee bit by William Topaz Mcgonnigal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"His name was William Topaz McGonagall.
"There was a coo" has been falsely attributed to McGonagall, but the actual author is unknown.
"
Cheers,, had a hunch my spelling was miles off,,lol,, what about, "the Tay the Tay the silvery Tay" ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Scottish Love Poem.
A’ course ah love ye darlin’
Ye’re a bluidy top notch burd
An’ when ah say yer gorgeous
Ah mean every single wurd
So yer bum is oan the big side
Ah don’t mind a bit o’ flab
It means that when I’m ready
There’s sumthin’ there tae grab
So yer belly isny flat nae merr
Ah tell ye, ah don’t care
So long as when ah cuddle ye
Ah kin get ma erms roon’ therr
Nae wummin wha is yer age
Hiz nice roon’ perky breasts
They jist gave in tae gravity
But ah know ye did yer best
Ah’m tellin’ ye the trooth noo
Ah nivir tell ye lies
Ah think it’s very sexy
Ye’ve got dimples oan yer thighs
Ah sweer oan mah grannies grave noo
The moment that we met
Ah thocht ye wiz as guid as
Ah wiz goanie get
Nae metter whit ye look like
Ah’ll alwiz love ye dear
Noo, shut up while the fitba’s oan
An’ fetch anither beer!!.
anon.......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There once was a man named McQueen,
Who invented the wanking machine,
But on the 99th stroke,
The fucking thing broke,
And turned his come to whipped cream!
Oooooooppppssss trust me to lower the tone |
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By *rallvalCouple
over a year ago
Dunfermline |
Warming her pearls. Carol Ann Duffy
Next to my own skin, her pearls. My mistress
bids me wear them, warm them, until evening
when I'll brush her hair. At six, I place them
round her cool, white throat. All day I think of her,
resting in the Yellow Room, contemplating silk
or taffeta, which gown tonight? She fans herself
whilst I work willingly, my slow heat entering
each pearl. Slack on my neck, her rope.
She's beautiful. I dream about her
in my attic bed; picture her dancing
with tall men, puzzled by my faint, persistent scent
beneath her French perfume, her milky stones.
I dust her shoulders with a rabbit's foot,
watch the soft blush seep through her skin
like an indolent sigh. In her looking-glass
my red lips part as though I want to speak.
Full moon. Her carriage brings her home. I see
her every movement in my head.... Undressing,
taking off her jewels, her slim hand reaching
for the case, slipping naked into bed, the way
she always does.... And I lie here awake,
knowing the pearls are cooling even now
in the room where my mistress sleeps. All night
I feel their absence and I burn.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I need to feel your heartbeat
So close it feels like mine
I need to feel your heartbeat
So close it feels like mine
I remember the feeling my hands in your hair,
I remember the feeling of the rhythm we made
I need to land sometime right next to you
Feel your heartbeat,heartbeat right next to me |
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By *lassic1Man
over a year ago
bellshill |
"Quite a fan of Magonigles short poems.
There was a coo but its no there noo."
To slightly correct the masterpiece it actually reads
On yonder hill there stands a coo
Its no there noo it must have shifted.
Im sure it is McGonnigle. |
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"Quite a fan of Magonigles short poems.
There was a coo but its no there noo.
To slightly correct the masterpiece it actually reads
On yonder hill there stands a coo
Its no there noo it must have shifted.
Im sure it is McGonnigle."
McGoogle it, you'll see it isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There was a young man from Calcutta..
Who looked through the hole in the shutter..
For all he could see....
Was a womans bare knee....
And the leg of a man who was Upp er.
Buboo  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I see, i see said the blind man...
No you cannae see said the dummy...
You cannae speak said the blind man..
And the man wi no legs rose and walked away
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"I see, i see said the blind man...
No you cannae see said the dummy...
You cannae speak said the blind man..
And the man wi no legs rose and walked away
"
hmm very profound,I like that one thanks for sharing x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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who's up before me almost every morn,
who keeps a drippy eye on me and manages all ma porn,
who rubs ma tit and moistens ma clit,
who makes me cum like i'm having a fit,
its that one eyed bandit....who knew he could....
bang ma forest like Robin Hood!!  |
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