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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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top tip....if your out camping in the summer and the attractive lady in the tent next to you tells you it.s that hot
she will be sleeping with her flaps open .it.s not necessarily an invitation to casual sex !....... i appear at court nxt monday 
lol bigg g  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An apple," replied little Ian "No it's an onion, but it shows your thinking." Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says "I've got something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end." "Dirty little boy," said the teacher "No it's a match, but it shows you were thinking," he answered.
bigg g |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
bigg g |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"
bigg g |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbor Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself." Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." ...and drives off
bigg g |
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An english teacher was talking with a class saying "today i would like you to try to use the same word in a sentence twice, the word i would like you to use is 'great' and its a test to see how expansive your vocabulary can be"
first girls puts her hand up and says
"please miss, we went a great holiday this year to spain, the weather never rained it was great all the time"
"well done" said the teacher.
second girl went "miss, miss, miss. I like to grate cheese and put it on bread and toast it, i live the taste of roasted cheese its great!"
"very clever, i like the double meaning you have used" replies the teacher
little jonny thrusted his hand up "miss, my sister who's in your 4th year class came home the other night and said Dad, I'm up the duff. And my Dad said well thats just great, fucking great!!" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
bigg g |
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The same teacher hoping to have learned from her previous experience with jonny attempts to try the same style use of the english language but in a way that jonny couldn’t possibly embarrass everyone with.
She says "today class I want you to construct a sentence using the word contagious"
Immediately jonny's hand is in the air
Worried but hopeful that there’s no way jonny could make this rude she says “yes, go ahead jonny"
He replies "my dad said my next door neighbour is painting the outside of his house and is only using a 3" brush. That’ll take the contagious!"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A study in Scotland showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is post-menstrual she may be attracted to plain facial features. When pre-menstrual she can be attracted to more feminine features in a man. If she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a pair of scissors shoved in his temple.
bigg g |
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A young girl comes crying to her mum screaming that she has cut her hand where a rose thorn has pricked her hand
Her mum takes a look and the girl screams that she needs cider
The mother ignores this but the young girl still insists that she wants cider
The mother enquires, why do you need cider
The young girl replies that she needs to put her hand in the cider to make it better
Perplexed by this the mother asks why would that make it better?
I dunno, replies the young girl, but the other day I heard my older sister say to her friend that when she gets a prick in her hand she can’t wait to put it in cider!!
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