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A wee bit of help on how to reply to Dick pics…
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Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
  |
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"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
"
Is this from the Olivia Coleman monologue. It is soooo funny. Thanks for transcribing a bit of it. Will be my autoreply from now on🤣🤣🤣 |
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 |
By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
|
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
"
😂😂😂 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
"
You’ll be inundated with prospective clients for your new service no doubt . 😂😂😂😂😂 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
"
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder  |
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|
By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
|
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder "
Chill dude, this is the text of a 2016 letter made famous by Oscar winning actor Olivia Coleman.
surely you can see the humour in it
G |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder
Chill dude, this is the text of a 2016 letter made famous by Oscar winning actor Olivia Coleman.
surely you can see the humour in it
G"
Or perhaps he should be added to some form of register if he finds it acceptable to approach women by exposing his penis as a first point of contact. 🤣 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
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"
Is this from the Olivia Coleman monologue. It is soooo funny. Thanks for transcribing a bit of it. Will be my autoreply from now on🤣🤣🤣
Yes, it’s brilliant isn’t it xxx  "
It is. I think it's her posh voice and her delivery. Had me in stitches |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder "
Says the guy with a profile full of cock.... maybe hit a wee🍆 nerve🤷♀️🤣 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
You’ll be inundated with prospective clients for your new service no doubt . 😂😂😂😂😂"
Not if they read it fully Steph… oh wait … damn |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder "
Bless… half the males on here get dick pics my dear let alone females. I’ve no chips at all merely the experience of being a female here. Also I’m possessed of a sense of humour so can laugh at the humorous observation of a common behaviour trait, much as most comedians do. I think someone posted the link (and I think it was a man too) to Olivia Coleman reading of my post. Good to see there’s some guys here get the humour too. Thanks for input though
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder
Says the guy with a profile full of cock.... maybe hit a wee🍆 nerve🤷♀️🤣"
Does he … I didn’t look … oh the irony |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Is this from the Olivia Coleman monologue. It is soooo funny. Thanks for transcribing a bit of it. Will be my autoreply from now on🤣🤣🤣
Yes, it’s brilliant isn’t it xxx
It is. I think it's her posh voice and her delivery. Had me in stitches"
Me too 🤣🤣🤣 love Liv  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
|
"
Is this from the Olivia Coleman monologue. It is soooo funny. Thanks for transcribing a bit of it. Will be my autoreply from now on🤣🤣🤣
Yes, it’s brilliant isn’t it xxx
It is. I think it's her posh voice and her delivery. Had me in stitches
Me too 🤣🤣🤣 love Liv "
Olivia coleman has great breasts! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Is this from the Olivia Coleman monologue. It is soooo funny. Thanks for transcribing a bit of it. Will be my autoreply from now on🤣🤣🤣
Yes, it’s brilliant isn’t it xxx
It is. I think it's her posh voice and her delivery. Had me in stitches
Me too 🤣🤣🤣 love Liv
Olivia coleman has great breasts!"
Well observed that man |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder
Says the guy with a profile full of cock.... maybe hit a wee🍆 nerve🤷♀️🤣
Does he … I didn’t look … oh the irony "
Oh the irony doesn't stop there. "SMOOTH SHAFT" is his name. Must be in reference to pic from 3rd may 2019. Certainly not referring to 21st October of same year.
24th july 2020 is interesting! Is that his ball bag or has he chewed a full packet of hubba bubba and is preparing to try and blow a massive bubble in an attempt at breaking the school record? 🤔 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration.
We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that cover the following:
- Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
- How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
- Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
- How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
AND
- Penis-Reading: A new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as:
- Do I have too much time on my hands? And
- Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
(Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
An inventive critique of your pride & joy
AND
A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully.
Jeez WOW. Maybe you should get something to balance that huge chip on your shoulder
Says the guy with a profile full of cock.... maybe hit a wee🍆 nerve🤷♀️🤣
Does he … I didn’t look … oh the irony
Oh the irony doesn't stop there. "SMOOTH SHAFT" is his name. Must be in reference to pic from 3rd may 2019. Certainly not referring to 21st October of same year.
24th july 2020 is interesting! Is that his ball bag or has he chewed a full packet of hubba bubba and is preparing to try and blow a massive bubble in an attempt at breaking the school record? 🤔"
So glad I didn’t look  |
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