FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Calling grown women "good girl"?
Calling grown women "good girl"?
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"This is a genuine question, it isn't supposed to be divisive. I fully appreciate that there are women who absolutely love it, and this is their thing and I don't want those women to feel like I'm shaming them. This is more about the men who use the term without a conversation about it first. But, may I ask... what is it that possesses men to call grown ass women a "good girl"?? Within two messages, one after the other, I've been asked if I've been a good girl today and told I would get on my knees and suck someone like a good girl!! And, by the way, these are men I haven't met and have no intention of meeting. Now, there's so many women who love this, and I love that you love that! But I am a married woman with two kids, and I'm not submissive and, by the way, nor was I asked if I was submissive, it was just ASSUMED!! So, what is the thought process here for the men who use the term? Is it something you call every woman? Or do you ask consent first? Is it a conversation you have first? I call men, "good boy" but only after our conversation has led us to the realisation that they're submissive and I'm not, and they enjoy it. I would never think to speak down to any man, or woman, in this way before a conversation first. Just looking for some thoughts on the topic because one comment directly after the other tonight has worked me up 😂🙈" Speaking for myself, I would only ever do that with someone I knew for sure was a submissive who enjoys it, who had consented to me calling them that. Absolutely no way am I going down that road unsolicited or without a conversation happening first. | |||
"This is a genuine question, it isn't supposed to be divisive. I fully appreciate that there are women who absolutely love it, and this is their thing and I don't want those women to feel like I'm shaming them. This is more about the men who use the term without a conversation about it first. But, may I ask... what is it that possesses men to call grown ass women a "good girl"?? Within two messages, one after the other, I've been asked if I've been a good girl today and told I would get on my knees and suck someone like a good girl!! And, by the way, these are men I haven't met and have no intention of meeting. Now, there's so many women who love this, and I love that you love that! But I am a married woman with two kids, and I'm not submissive and, by the way, nor was I asked if I was submissive, it was just ASSUMED!! So, what is the thought process here for the men who use the term? Is it something you call every woman? Or do you ask consent first? Is it a conversation you have first? I call men, "good boy" but only after our conversation has led us to the realisation that they're submissive and I'm not, and they enjoy it. I would never think to speak down to any man, or woman, in this way before a conversation first. Just looking for some thoughts on the topic because one comment directly after the other tonight has worked me up 😂🙈 Speaking for myself, I would only ever do that with someone I knew for sure was a submissive who enjoys it, who had consented to me calling them that. Absolutely no way am I going down that road unsolicited or without a conversation happening first." That's exactly how it should be. You know the terms of the friendship/relationship and you've had the conversation. I feel like it's just a standard thing on here. I've had it more than a few times and I tend to just answer with a one word reply. But now, I'm getting pissed off with it, to be honest. And two, one directly after the other tonight, was just the final straw for me lol xx | |||
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"I would never say it no matter how well I knew the person. And as for folk (male and female) who use the term "Daddy", don't even get me started on that one!" I mean, I have nothing but love and respect for the people who enjoy it. You do you, and you be a good girl and fucking own that shit! So, I'm not about to tear anyone down for their kinks. But take a fucking second and get to know a woman before talking down to her. Absolutely sick to death of this shit. And, on the flip side, I absolutely respect you and your choice not to use either of those terms. But, consent, choice, and informed knowledge are key here! | |||
"That's exactly how it should be. You know the terms of the friendship/relationship and you've had the conversation. I feel like it's just a standard thing on here. I've had it more than a few times and I tend to just answer with a one word reply. But now, I'm getting pissed off with it, to be honest. And two, one directly after the other tonight, was just the final straw for me lol xx" I don't blame you at all for getting pissed off with multiple people not even bothering to establish a conversation with you before using a term they have no idea how you'll respond to. | |||
But if a guy asks me if I have been behaving it can rapidly turn me off him. In that instance I feel I’m being spoken to like a child.
Oh and being called cheeky 🥊 | |||
"That's exactly how it should be. You know the terms of the friendship/relationship and you've had the conversation. I feel like it's just a standard thing on here. I've had it more than a few times and I tend to just answer with a one word reply. But now, I'm getting pissed off with it, to be honest. And two, one directly after the other tonight, was just the final straw for me lol xx I don't blame you at all for getting pissed off with multiple people not even bothering to establish a conversation with you before using a term they have no idea how you'll respond to." Exactly. They don't know the first thing about me, yet have assumed that I want to be submissive to them. Even if I was the most submissive person on the planet, have the decency to ask first! Have we learned nothing about consent? | |||
"I don’t mind being called good girl. Moreso when I’m in a submissive role and I’ve done whatever I’ve been told. No issues with it whatsoever. I don’t like be called slut, whore or cum bucket though
But if a guy asks me if I have been behaving it can rapidly turn me off him. In that instance I feel I’m being spoken to like a child.
Oh and being called cheeky 🥊"Hey love, yeah that's it! If you love it, then I love that for you, especially given that it's within the boundaries you've already set for playing. I am absolutely not here to kink shame anyone, we all have them and we should all have respect for individual likes and dislikes. But if I'm being called something I haven't agreed to because you haven't bothered to have a conversation with me first, then we're not going any further. As you say, there are other things other women don't like and, again, to do this without a conversation... feck off!!! Imagine we started calling them "auld man" or "young man" or "man whore"? And don't even get me started on the fact that there isn't a male equivalent for those words in the first place 
I just don't think it's hard to be polite and respectful. These are the same men moaning about how this place is shite and they get blocked for sending a message! | |||
"I don’t mind being called good girl. Moreso when I’m in a submissive role and I’ve done whatever I’ve been told. No issues with it whatsoever. I don’t like be called slut, whore or cum bucket though
But if a guy asks me if I have been behaving it can rapidly turn me off him. In that instance I feel I’m being spoken to like a child.
Oh and being called cheeky 🥊
Hey love, yeah that's it! If you love it, then I love that for you, especially given that it's within the boundaries you've already set for playing. I am absolutely not here to kink shame anyone, we all have them and we should all have respect for individual likes and dislikes. But if I'm being called something I haven't agreed to because you haven't bothered to have a conversation with me first, then we're not going any further. As you say, there are other things other women don't like and, again, to do this without a conversation... feck off!!! Imagine we started calling them "auld man" or "young man" or "man whore"? And don't even get me started on the fact that there isn't a male equivalent for those words in the first place
I just don't think it's hard to be polite and respectful. These are the same men moaning about how this place is shite and they get blocked for sending a message!"Absolutely agree with you, I have experienced that around half of men on here, that don’t know you, call you be some sort of ‘term of endearment’ Babe, sweetheart, sexy,…….there is all too often a name. I’m afraid it is what it is! Btw good to see you back 😘 | |||
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"I don’t mind being called good girl. Moreso when I’m in a submissive role and I’ve done whatever I’ve been told. No issues with it whatsoever. I don’t like be called slut, whore or cum bucket though
But if a guy asks me if I have been behaving it can rapidly turn me off him. In that instance I feel I’m being spoken to like a child.
Oh and being called cheeky 🥊"how about “ ho you “? | |||
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"I don’t mind being called good girl. Moreso when I’m in a submissive role and I’ve done whatever I’ve been told. No issues with it whatsoever. I don’t like be called slut, whore or cum bucket though
But if a guy asks me if I have been behaving it can rapidly turn me off him. In that instance I feel I’m being spoken to like a child.
Oh and being called cheeky 🥊 how about “ ho you “? "Better than yo ho!🤣 | |||
"I don’t mind being called good girl. Moreso when I’m in a submissive role and I’ve done whatever I’ve been told. No issues with it whatsoever. I don’t like be called slut, whore or cum bucket though
But if a guy asks me if I have been behaving it can rapidly turn me off him. In that instance I feel I’m being spoken to like a child.
Oh and being called cheeky 🥊
Hey love, yeah that's it! If you love it, then I love that for you, especially given that it's within the boundaries you've already set for playing. I am absolutely not here to kink shame anyone, we all have them and we should all have respect for individual likes and dislikes. But if I'm being called something I haven't agreed to because you haven't bothered to have a conversation with me first, then we're not going any further. As you say, there are other things other women don't like and, again, to do this without a conversation... feck off!!! Imagine we started calling them "auld man" or "young man" or "man whore"? And don't even get me started on the fact that there isn't a male equivalent for those words in the first place
I just don't think it's hard to be polite and respectful. These are the same men moaning about how this place is shite and they get blocked for sending a message!
Absolutely agree with you, I have experienced that around half of men on here, that don’t know you, call you be some sort of ‘term of endearment’
Babe, sweetheart, sexy,…….there is all too often a name.
I’m afraid it is what it is!
Btw good to see you back 😘"And it's ALWAYS an inferior one, isn't it?! I have a guy on here who calls me 'Boss' when he messages me and I fucking love it. Not because I think I'm, in any way, superior to him but because he doesn't even think of calling me something to talk down to me. And it isn't as if he's submissive and he's just resigned to calling me that as a way of making me his superior. And, as you say, it is what it is and it won't change. Not any time soon, anyway. Glad to be back. Hopefully here for a while. Will be great to catch up 😘😘 | |||
"In initial messages the good girl babe beautiful is just bloody cringe. Just makes me think the guy is a condescending that that has no idea how to speak to a woman. In the heat of the moment if it gets whispered or growled in my ear....well😈 Suppose it's about knowing your audience. My usual reply to a good girl comment is aye no bad little boy come back when ye grow up!" Love it! And, the thing is, in that setting of a meet, you've spoken before, you've had a conversation so the chances are those things have been discussed or, at the very least, hinted at. But just a random in my inbox telling me to be on my knees like a good girl... boak! | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards " Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 | |||
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"Have to agree with you. If I’m having a chat with someone who knows me well and says good girl not in the way that I’m submissive, I’m not, but in a jokey way because they know me, that’s fine. Some random messaging like that normally won’t even get opened by me. The term slut I like in certain circumstances, again with someone I know well who knows it’s acceptable. Not just some random calling me a slut/their slut etc. No that’s not on. It’s all about knowing what someone likes. I will use the phrase good boy in a joking way with men I have met as well, but I’m not suggesting they are submissive. Too many men think that it’s all a turn on calling us good girl etc when they don’t know us, and if it works for you, great. Just don’t assume we all like it x" The funny thing is how much of a revelation this often seems to be when you point it out to them, like they can't wrap their heads around the concept that context and familiarity can completely change the acceptability of a particular term. | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂" I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉 | |||
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"Just the one. I want the whole feckin packet🤣" Halfsies? | |||
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"Just the one. I want the whole feckin packet🤣 Halfsies?" I dont share my biscuits🤷♀️ | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬" Is that your thing buttercup🤣 | |||
"Have to agree with you. If I’m having a chat with someone who knows me well and says good girl not in the way that I’m submissive, I’m not, but in a jokey way because they know me, that’s fine. Some random messaging like that normally won’t even get opened by me. The term slut I like in certain circumstances, again with someone I know well who knows it’s acceptable. Not just some random calling me a slut/their slut etc. No that’s not on. It’s all about knowing what someone likes. I will use the phrase good boy in a joking way with men I have met as well, but I’m not suggesting they are submissive. Too many men think that it’s all a turn on calling us good girl etc when they don’t know us, and if it works for you, great. Just don’t assume we all like it x" Absolutely! My husband calls me his cumslut but if anyone else attempted to, I would put them on their arse! I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 12. Believe it or not, he didn't approach me like, "Hey cumslut, fancy my load?!" We built up to it and it's almost like his pet name for me, which I know sounds almost ridiculous but it's something he loves to call me because he knows I know it's turning him on to think of me and multiple loads of cum, and I love him to call me it for the same reason. As you say, friends joking... absolutely. An existing agreement within a relationship... absolutely. Random message from someone I don't know... off you fuck! 😂 | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 Is that your thing buttercup🤣" Probably more likely to say ya tit 😂😂 | |||
"Have to agree with you. If I’m having a chat with someone who knows me well and says good girl not in the way that I’m submissive, I’m not, but in a jokey way because they know me, that’s fine. Some random messaging like that normally won’t even get opened by me. The term slut I like in certain circumstances, again with someone I know well who knows it’s acceptable. Not just some random calling me a slut/their slut etc. No that’s not on. It’s all about knowing what someone likes. I will use the phrase good boy in a joking way with men I have met as well, but I’m not suggesting they are submissive. Too many men think that it’s all a turn on calling us good girl etc when they don’t know us, and if it works for you, great. Just don’t assume we all like it x The funny thing is how much of a revelation this often seems to be when you point it out to them, like they can't wrap their heads around the concept that context and familiarity can completely change the acceptability of a particular term." Oh my gosh, yes! The guys reply to me was that he assumed I got on my knees as that was in my photos... and I replied that it was in my photos with MY HUSBAND who, strangely enough, is entitled to much more of my body and what I can offer than some random! But it's okay, because his reply was that he hadn't meant to offend me! Ahhhhh!!! Well, that makes it okay! So I told him to take a beat next time before speaking to another grown ass woman like that! The fact that a 49yo man has to be told there is a difference between what my husband can ask of me, and what he can ask of me (and call me) is absolutely baffling!! And as I said to Regina, these are exactly the type of men you see mumping and moaning about how this site sucks, nobody replies to them, they can't get a meet, they've been blocked just for sending a message... common denominator there, maybe pal? | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉" And, ironically, I now have your consent  I'll bring the biscuits, you bring the belly rubs!
Boss is right!! 💪 | |||
"A slightly more serious answer than my last one now. I have played with quite a few who are sub and who really, really do love to be praised. Ladies for whom a well earned "good girl" is both precious and, um, stimulating. I would have hoped it was obvious to anyone that that's not where you start - although clearly this is not the case. You must establish that that's what they want first. And sometimes establishing that is a little more complicated than having the conversation beforehand. Sometimes you establish your connection, get into the flow of things, and then explore each other a little at a time. Coming across likes and dislikes organically, always adapting to what you find. But that's already way, way down the path. With some level of trust and shared experience behind you. Presumably the pair of you are not cock-in-pussy whilst writing the second email." I completely agree. You're often already meets and conversations down the line before these things come into play. At the very least, there's been a conversation about it, your likes and dislikes, preferences etc. No self respecting dominant is walking about calling everyone a good girl or a good boy! Or messaging randoms, giving it the "good girl/boy" chat! | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉 And, ironically, I now have your consent I'll bring the biscuits, you bring the belly rubs!
Boss is right!! 💪"Ah! Felled by irony! But at least there are biscuits. And belly rubs. | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬" I think I could probably speak for women, all over the world, when I say we have, universally, just went bone dry at the thought of that 😂😂 "Ya tit" would definitely be much better received lmao!! | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉 And, ironically, I now have your consent I'll bring the biscuits, you bring the belly rubs!
Boss is right!! 💪
Ah! Felled by irony!
But at least there are biscuits.
And belly rubs."Well, what else do good girls and boys need?? 😂😂 | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 Is that your thing buttercup🤣" Nobody ever called me buttercup. I feel left out now. And it's not even as if there are any biscuits left to make me feel better! | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉 And, ironically, I now have your consent I'll bring the biscuits, you bring the belly rubs!
Boss is right!! 💪
Ah! Felled by irony!
But at least there are biscuits.
And belly rubs.
Well, what else do good girls and boys need?? 😂😂"😆 Well... | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 I think I could probably speak for women, all over the world, when I say we have, universally, just went bone dry at the thought of that 😂😂 Well don’t judge every book bye it’s cover sweet cheeks 😂😂 "Ya tit" would definitely be much better received lmao!!" | |||
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"Maybe thinks women are beneath him? Or some sort of misogyny?? I would and have done it, but in DDLG role play? But it was part of it and wanted" Possibly. I don't know what's scarier... him doing it on purpose because of a superiority complex, or him not realising it's an issue, down to ignorance? And, as you say, you have done it in an agreed role play setting. In which, beforehand, you would discuss all these things... hard limits, soft limits, likes, dislikes, preferences. But, never, would any normal human being think that was okay to say to someone you don't even know. I suppose it comes down to that whole "keyboard warrior" thing... if you wouldn't feel comfortable saying it to someone's face, then don't say it just because you're hiding behind a screen! The only good thing to come from it is to see how many men think this is entirely inappropriate behaviour! | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 I think I could probably speak for women, all over the world, when I say we have, universally, just went bone dry at the thought of that 😂😂 Well don’t judge every book bye it’s cover sweet cheeks 😂😂 "Ya tit" would definitely be much better received lmao!!" I'm not sure what you mean? I wouldn't say I was judging a book by its cover? Apologies if that's how this post has come across. | |||
"The only good thing to come from it is to see how many men think this is entirely inappropriate behaviour! " Most, you would hope. If it's any consolation, it might do to remember that there's a shit-ton of men on fab (yeah, that's the official measurement). Despite how full your inbox feels, you only hear from a small fraction. Heavily weighted towards the loudest, the brashest, the most forward and maybe the crudest. They all have the confidence to message and for many that will be false confidence: bravado. What that means is that the messages you get will be weighted towards the behaviour you don't want and not at all representative of the majority of men. And I certainly hope that that majority has better sense and manners than what you've seen and described here. Alright, small and stubborn defence of the men I hope most of us are now over. Back to normal service. | |||
"I completely agree. You're often already meets and conversations down the line before these things come into play. At the very least, there's been a conversation about it, your likes and dislikes, preferences etc. No self respecting dominant is walking about calling everyone a good girl or a good boy! Or messaging randoms, giving it the "good girl/boy" chat!" Heck, I don't even call myself a dominant unless I have an active D/s dynamic at the time. There are way too many guys who think 50 Shades was an instruction manual and think you owe them auto-fealty just because they put that they're a dom in their bio. | |||
"The only good thing to come from it is to see how many men think this is entirely inappropriate behaviour! Most, you would hope. If it's any consolation, it might do to remember that there's a shit-ton of men on fab (yeah, that's the official measurement). Despite how full your inbox feels, you only hear from a small fraction. Heavily weighted towards the loudest, the brashest, the most forward and maybe the crudest. They all have the confidence to message and for many that will be false confidence: bravado. What that means is that the messages you get will be weighted towards the behaviour you don't want and not at all representative of the majority of men. And I certainly hope that that majority has better sense and manners than what you've seen and described here. Alright, small and stubborn defence of the men I hope most of us are now over. Back to normal service." I absolutely agree and I'm so sorry if it's come across that I think the majority of men are like that. I have an amazing husband and I'm raising two boys who I hope will turn into amazing men. I am very lucky to be surrounded by great men. But the small minority of fucknuts on here, as you say, are the loudest voices being heard and it gives the impression that there's far more of this type of man than there actually is. I hope, when I wrote my post, that it came across as addressing men, in all walks of life, to find out their take on it and how they handle the situation. | |||
"I completely agree. You're often already meets and conversations down the line before these things come into play. At the very least, there's been a conversation about it, your likes and dislikes, preferences etc. No self respecting dominant is walking about calling everyone a good girl or a good boy! Or messaging randoms, giving it the "good girl/boy" chat! Heck, I don't even call myself a dominant unless I have an active D/s dynamic at the time. There are way too many guys who think 50 Shades was an instruction manual and think you owe them auto-fealty just because they put that they're a dom in their bio." Oh my gosh, I agree! They haven't a clue what is involved. The discussions beforehand, the limits, the safe words, the cues to watch for, the aftercare, subdrop, the reassurance, the respect! They think they call themselves Sir or Daddy and that makes them a Dom! | |||
"I absolutely agree and I'm so sorry if it's come across that I think the majority of men are like that. I have an amazing husband and I'm raising two boys who I hope will turn into amazing men. I am very lucky to be surrounded by great men. But the small minority of fucknuts on here, as you say, are the loudest voices being heard and it gives the impression that there's far more of this type of man than there actually is. I hope, when I wrote my post, that it came across as addressing men, in all walks of life, to find out their take on it and how they handle the situation." Yer alright 😉. It didn’t come across as an attack at all (even though I got a wee bit defensive at the end - sorry about that). I actually started out by trying to give a message of hope 😆 | |||
"I completely agree. You're often already meets and conversations down the line before these things come into play. At the very least, there's been a conversation about it, your likes and dislikes, preferences etc. No self respecting dominant is walking about calling everyone a good girl or a good boy! Or messaging randoms, giving it the "good girl/boy" chat! Heck, I don't even call myself a dominant unless I have an active D/s dynamic at the time. There are way too many guys who think 50 Shades was an instruction manual and think you owe them auto-fealty just because they put that they're a dom in their bio. Oh my gosh, I agree! They haven't a clue what is involved. The discussions beforehand, the limits, the safe words, the cues to watch for, the aftercare, subdrop, the reassurance, the respect! They think they call themselves Sir or Daddy and that makes them a Dom!" My wife and I like to joke about how much it would blow their minds to learn that the main application I use my dominance over her for is getting her to practice self-care, hydrate and take her meds. XD | |||
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"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 I think I could probably speak for women, all over the world, when I say we have, universally, just went bone dry at the thought of that 😂😂 Well don’t judge every book bye it’s cover sweet cheeks 😂😂 "Ya tit" would definitely be much better received lmao!! I'm not sure what you mean? I wouldn't say I was judging a book by its cover? Apologies if that's how this post has come across." No apologies needed I’m not the best at putting things across at times 🙄 | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉 And, ironically, I now have your consent I'll bring the biscuits, you bring the belly rubs!
Boss is right!! 💪
Ah! Felled by irony!
But at least there are biscuits.
And belly rubs."All this talk of biscuits, be a good girl and stick the kettle on ....am away to hide  | |||
"I absolutely agree and I'm so sorry if it's come across that I think the majority of men are like that. I have an amazing husband and I'm raising two boys who I hope will turn into amazing men. I am very lucky to be surrounded by great men. But the small minority of fucknuts on here, as you say, are the loudest voices being heard and it gives the impression that there's far more of this type of man than there actually is. I hope, when I wrote my post, that it came across as addressing men, in all walks of life, to find out their take on it and how they handle the situation. Yer alright 😉. It didn’t come across as an attack at all (even though I got a wee bit defensive at the end - sorry about that). I actually started out by trying to give a message of hope 😆" Nah, I get what you were trying to say, for sure! Definitely far more of the good ones than those guys! | |||
"I completely agree. You're often already meets and conversations down the line before these things come into play. At the very least, there's been a conversation about it, your likes and dislikes, preferences etc. No self respecting dominant is walking about calling everyone a good girl or a good boy! Or messaging randoms, giving it the "good girl/boy" chat! Heck, I don't even call myself a dominant unless I have an active D/s dynamic at the time. There are way too many guys who think 50 Shades was an instruction manual and think you owe them auto-fealty just because they put that they're a dom in their bio. Oh my gosh, I agree! They haven't a clue what is involved. The discussions beforehand, the limits, the safe words, the cues to watch for, the aftercare, subdrop, the reassurance, the respect! They think they call themselves Sir or Daddy and that makes them a Dom! My wife and I like to joke about how much it would blow their minds to learn that the main application I use my dominance over her for is getting her to practice self-care, hydrate and take her meds. XD" Oh I love this! These are the things I need help with and I know how nurturing it is to have someone care for you in such a way. My husband, although not my dominant, is always the one who has to remind me to take my meds etc xx | |||
"As the site is sexual based any decorum, common sense and decently goes out the window and unfortunately their is a general basic lack of consent from most individuals, particularly in messages. All groups can be subjected to this issue; inappropriate name calling, crass sexual messaging and inappropriate non consensual imagery. However, it is particularly centred around women, trans woman and those presenting as female. As its a free site, there is really no solution other than to either express the fault to the individual in question, which 9 times out of 10 they'll take offence too and become abusive or, you can express the issue and block the individual before a return message is given. A thick skin is required and I know that is defin6 It's not the answer. But unless people are called out on their consent violations FAB will just potter along like it always has done." I absolutely agree. I think I've often been guilty of not calling people out on it, so I think I'll absolutely take on board what you've said and call them on it from now on to ensure that others aren't subjected to their ignorance in future. | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 I think I could probably speak for women, all over the world, when I say we have, universally, just went bone dry at the thought of that 😂😂 Well don’t judge every book bye it’s cover sweet cheeks 😂😂 "Ya tit" would definitely be much better received lmao!! I'm not sure what you mean? I wouldn't say I was judging a book by its cover? Apologies if that's how this post has come across. No apologies needed I’m not the best at putting things across at times 🙄" Ah sorry! I definitely misunderstood then. I hope you're okay! | |||
"I feel like if I called someone good girl I should be rubbing their tummy and then giving them a biscuit afterwards Lmao!! I hope you ask for their consent before you rub their tummy and give them a biscuit 😂😂 I'm happy to get a biscuit without consent - just sayin'. Right Boss? 😉 And, ironically, I now have your consent I'll bring the biscuits, you bring the belly rubs!
Boss is right!! 💪
Ah! Felled by irony!
But at least there are biscuits.
And belly rubs.
All this talk of biscuits, be a good girl and stick the kettle on ....am away to hide "At least you know enough to know to hide after that bold request!! | |||
"Nah, I get what you were trying to say, for sure! Definitely far more of the good ones than those guys!" I've not been in the Scottish forum for years and we haven't really encountered each other before. But I see you keeping the discussion on an even keel by making genuine gestures of understanding. I'll probably embarrass you with this but you're an Internet gem 💎. Possibly even a good... 😈 | |||
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"Nah, I get what you were trying to say, for sure! Definitely far more of the good ones than those guys! I've not been in the Scottish forum for years and we haven't really encountered each other before. But I see you keeping the discussion on an even keel by making genuine gestures of understanding. I'll probably embarrass you with this but you're an Internet gem 💎. Possibly even a good... 😈" Lmao!! How much were you dying to finish that sentence?? Genuinely though, thank you. We're all adults and I wanted a genuine discussion on it and to hear other viewpoints. It's interesting as we all have such a variety of experiences, and to be able to have a healthy debate without anyone lowering themselves to name calling, insults and arguments, is good for everyone. Thank you for your input 💜 | |||
"What about getting called buttercup or dolly dumpling is that ok 😬 I think I could probably speak for women, all over the world, when I say we have, universally, just went bone dry at the thought of that 😂😂 Well don’t judge every book bye it’s cover sweet cheeks 😂😂 "Ya tit" would definitely be much better received lmao!! I'm not sure what you mean? I wouldn't say I was judging a book by its cover? Apologies if that's how this post has come across. No apologies needed I’m not the best at putting things across at times 🙄 Ah sorry! I definitely misunderstood then. I hope you're okay!" All good cheers 👍 | |||
"I don’t really see what the big deal is or why any one would be offended. If someone sat me down and wanted to have a conversation with me about being able to call me good boy, I’d tell them to fuck off and stop being daft. But then I’m not the east offended type." Okay, so there's a few things I'd love to address there. Feel free to scroll by but I would love for you to at least read my points. 1. So the fact that you say that if someone sat and had a conversation is really the point. These men are messaging women, with no prior conversation or discussion, about their sexual preferences, likes, dislikes etc. They are assuming a role and, therefore, assuming MY role which is subservient to them. 2. The fact that you would tell them to get to fuck is also the point. We don't get that chance. These men aren't allowing us the opportunity to have the discussion to be able to tell them what our sexual roles, preferences etc are. They are assuming that I should be on my knees in front of them and that I am their good girl. 3. You make reference to being male, or male identifying. Which means you have never even had half of the abuse, assumptions, names that we've had. You've likely never felt unsafe through a conversation with a female. You've likely never felt degraded, humiliated or inferior because they have assumed your role before they even got to know you. 4. And, lastly, you say that you're not easily offended which, when reading between the lines, means you're telling me I am. You're attempting to invalidate the anger and frustration I, and other women, have felt when we are spoken down to and aren't shown respect, just because we're a female. There is NOTHING on my page that says I'm a submissive, because I'm not, yet these men refer to me as good girl not because they've read I'm submissive, not because they've had the discussion with me, but because I am female and they are assuming the dominant role. For thousands of years, women have been the inferior sex, we have been the subservient, the meek, the mild. So in 2024, you would think we could come on to a sex site and celebrate our sexual freedom, our liberation from societal standards... but there are still men waiting to put us on our knees where we belong. So, with the greatest respect, you don't have to be easily offended because you've had nowhere near the shit to deal with that we have. Have I gone over the top on this comment? Absolutely. But, maybe it takes someone to spell it out to men in such a way that they'll digest it and won't reinforce the same ignorance in their next comment; telling women on a woman's post about women being spoken down to that we're easily offended. Thanks for your time. | |||
"Lmao!! How much were you dying to finish that sentence?? " Really quite a lot 😀. But then there is such a thing as restraint too. Besides, I think it was maybe funnier because it was left unsaid. | |||
"Lmao!! How much were you dying to finish that sentence?? Really quite a lot 😀. But then there is such a thing as restraint too. Besides, I think it was maybe funnier because it was left unsaid. " I'm with ya! Definitely said more without saying it! | |||
"I don’t really see what the big deal is or why any one would be offended. If someone sat me down and wanted to have a conversation with me about being able to call me good boy, I’d tell them to fuck off and stop being daft. But then I’m not the east offended type. Okay, so there's a few things I'd love to address there. Feel free to scroll by but I would love for you to at least read my points. 1. So the fact that you say that if someone sat and had a conversation is really the point. These men are messaging women, with no prior conversation or discussion, about their sexual preferences, likes, dislikes etc. They are assuming a role and, therefore, assuming MY role which is subservient to them. 2. The fact that you would tell them to get to fuck is also the point. We don't get that chance. These men aren't allowing us the opportunity to have the discussion to be able to tell them what our sexual roles, preferences etc are. They are assuming that I should be on my knees in front of them and that I am their good girl. 3. You make reference to being male, or male identifying. Which means you have never even had half of the abuse, assumptions, names that we've had. You've likely never felt unsafe through a conversation with a female. You've likely never felt degraded, humiliated or inferior because they have assumed your role before they even got to know you. 4. And, lastly, you say that you're not easily offended which, when reading between the lines, means you're telling me I am. You're attempting to invalidate the anger and frustration I, and other women, have felt when we are spoken down to and aren't shown respect, just because we're a female. There is NOTHING on my page that says I'm a submissive, because I'm not, yet these men refer to me as good girl not because they've read I'm submissive, not because they've had the discussion with me, but because I am female and they are assuming the dominant role. For thousands of years, women have been the inferior sex, we have been the subservient, the meek, the mild. So in 2024, you would think we could come on to a sex site and celebrate our sexual freedom, our liberation from societal standards... but there are still men waiting to put us on our knees where we belong. So, with the greatest respect, you don't have to be easily offended because you've had nowhere near the shit to deal with that we have. Have I gone over the top on this comment? Absolutely. But, maybe it takes someone to spell it out to men in such a way that they'll digest it and won't reinforce the same ignorance in their next comment; telling women on a woman's post about women being spoken down to that we're easily offended. Thanks for your time." You put this response so much more articulately than what I was trying to reply with. | |||
"You put this response so much more articulately than what I was trying to reply with." The first sentence my fingers inadvertently typed out was a bit less articulate and a bit more succinct 😏 | |||
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"I actually had an example of this earlier with someone I've been talking to. We ended up on a topic where calling her "good girl" would be thematic and appropriate, so I asked if it would be okay to do and she said it would turn her legs to jelly if I did. XD But it could just as easily have been the kind of thing that made her skin crawl to hear." And all it took was the question. No harm done if she had said no. I don't understand what's so hard about that for some men?? | |||
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"I don’t really see what the big deal is or why any one would be offended. If someone sat me down and wanted to have a conversation with me about being able to call me good boy, I’d tell them to fuck off and stop being daft. But then I’m not the east offended type. Okay, so there's a few things I'd love to address there. Feel free to scroll by but I would love for you to at least read my points. 1. So the fact that you say that if someone sat and had a conversation is really the point. These men are messaging women, with no prior conversation or discussion, about their sexual preferences, likes, dislikes etc. They are assuming a role and, therefore, assuming MY role which is subservient to them. 2. The fact that you would tell them to get to fuck is also the point. We don't get that chance. These men aren't allowing us the opportunity to have the discussion to be able to tell them what our sexual roles, preferences etc are. They are assuming that I should be on my knees in front of them and that I am their good girl. 3. You make reference to being male, or male identifying. Which means you have never even had half of the abuse, assumptions, names that we've had. You've likely never felt unsafe through a conversation with a female. You've likely never felt degraded, humiliated or inferior because they have assumed your role before they even got to know you. 4. And, lastly, you say that you're not easily offended which, when reading between the lines, means you're telling me I am. You're attempting to invalidate the anger and frustration I, and other women, have felt when we are spoken down to and aren't shown respect, just because we're a female. There is NOTHING on my page that says I'm a submissive, because I'm not, yet these men refer to me as good girl not because they've read I'm submissive, not because they've had the discussion with me, but because I am female and they are assuming the dominant role. For thousands of years, women have been the inferior sex, we have been the subservient, the meek, the mild. So in 2024, you would think we could come on to a sex site and celebrate our sexual freedom, our liberation from societal standards... but there are still men waiting to put us on our knees where we belong. So, with the greatest respect, you don't have to be easily offended because you've had nowhere near the shit to deal with that we have. Have I gone over the top on this comment? Absolutely. But, maybe it takes someone to spell it out to men in such a way that they'll digest it and won't reinforce the same ignorance in their next comment; telling women on a woman's post about women being spoken down to that we're easily offended. Thanks for your time." This response is just 👌🏻 | |||
I also don’t like being referred to as a cum slut, cumbucket, those kind of words. I find them very degrading personally and that’s not my thing. I can be quite submissive at times, but that kind of language doesn’t float my boat.
Being told I’m a dirty wee slut is fine though!
It’s horses for courses isn’t it.
And different things work with different people.
I think the important thing is communication. I know there are meets that are purely functional and it’s literally wham bam, but even those, it’s good to be clear about what you are comfortable with.
I’ve found that some men (and I don’t mean all, and this is only my experience!), read a profile, have a chat and think it’s ok to speak to woman during sex, like absolute sh*te and then get annoyed when they are told the women doesn’t like that kind of language. I had a couple of uncomfortable experiences like that when I first joined Fab, so now I make sure I’m clear before a meet with someone new, and also make sure I hear what they are saying about what they are comfortable with.
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"It's definitely became a bigger issue in my own inbox - I appreciate partially because I state I'm submissive -, after reading this it just seems to be fab generally. It's not difficult to not use honourifics/pet names without consent first. Unsure why people think it's acceptable, whether they think the recipient will be into it or they're just chancing it or would we this is how they think people should be treated? I just delete or block, there's too many these days. " I completely agree. I don't think it's a lot to ask that you're respectful and if the topic comes up before a meet, then you can discuss it. The irony is that any genuine D/s dynamic absolutely HAS to start with these conversations taking place. If these things aren't discussed, preferences, safe words, hard limits, soft limits, then nobody feels secure in that dynamic. So to just throw it about is not only disrespectful to women, but we're then also heading into it being disrespectful to a whole genre of kink where people have very specific rules, boundaries, safety concerns, and to make light of this undermines the work and care that goes into maintaining this type of dynamic. | |||
"I don’t mind it, in the right circumstances with the right person. And I can’t lie, the words “oh daddy” may have slipped out of my mouth on the odd occasion too, again, in the right circumstances with the right person. I do find it a bit uncomfortable if I am having a chat with someone new and it starts getting bandied about before we’ve spoken about preferences. Also, it irritates me a bit if I’ve met someone and we’ve used that kind of language, and it then becomes the default, and all the chat is about being a good girl for daddy. Sometimes I just want sex, without any of that. Good, old fashioned, straight forward sex. Without being told to be a good girl or daddy is happy. The 3rd person chat sometimes gives me the ick!
I also don’t like being referred to as a cum slut, cumbucket, those kind of words. I find them very degrading personally and that’s not my thing. I can be quite submissive at times, but that kind of language doesn’t float my boat.
Being told I’m a dirty wee slut is fine though!
It’s horses for courses isn’t it.
And different things work with different people.
I think the important thing is communication. I know there are meets that are purely functional and it’s literally wham bam, but even those, it’s good to be clear about what you are comfortable with.
I’ve found that some men (and I don’t mean all, and this is only my experience!), read a profile, have a chat and think it’s ok to speak to woman during sex, like absolute sh*te and then get annoyed when they are told the women doesn’t like that kind of language. I had a couple of uncomfortable experiences like that when I first joined Fab, so now I make sure I’m clear before a meet with someone new, and also make sure I hear what they are saying about what they are comfortable with.
"Oh my gosh, yes!!! When guys find out I used to be a ProDomme, they sometimes go into sub mode and ask what I'm going to do TO them etc... and I'm just like
Prior to them finding this out, we were all about mutual fun, and what they would do to me and now I'm being made to feel like I'm in charge and I don't want ANYONE in charge. If I wanted to do that, I'd go back to the kink scene and I'd do it properly with actual submissives. But here on Fab, call me crazy, I just want good sex. No Miss, no good boy, no kink.
The fact that some men can't appreciate that there doesn't have to be a dominant role is crazy. Even just down to silly things like holding my head down when I'm sucking them off... mate, do that to me again and I will put you on your arse!! 😂
And, as you say, as we've ALL said, it boils down to communication. If you're not mature enough to communicate your needs to me and to hear mine from me, then you're not mature enough to be in my inbox 😂😂 | |||
" Oh my gosh, yes!!! When guys find out I used to be a ProDomme, they sometimes go into sub mode and ask what I'm going to do TO them etc... and I'm just like
Prior to them finding this out, we were all about mutual fun, and what they would do to me and now I'm being made to feel like I'm in charge and I don't want ANYONE in charge. If I wanted to do that, I'd go back to the kink scene and I'd do it properly with actual submissives. But here on Fab, call me crazy, I just want good sex. No Miss, no good boy, no kink.
The fact that some men can't appreciate that there doesn't have to be a dominant role is crazy. Even just down to silly things like holding my head down when I'm sucking them off... mate, do that to me again and I will put you on your arse!! 😂
And, as you say, as we've ALL said, it boils down to communication. If you're not mature enough to communicate your needs to me and to hear mine from me, then you're not mature enough to be in my inbox 😂😂"Hard agree on all of that! 110%! | |||
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"Read with interest. I agree with your point regarding the way some people can say things without getting to know a person. I think words without consent is a contentious issue. I'd never use any phrase like that as I find them cringe worthy beyond belief. All it takes if someone refers to you with that is to ask them not to call you it. I know there are some people that won't listen and carry on regardless and those are the ones that need to be blocked etc. " I do think there's a bigger issue though, than asking someone not to use it. Like ideally, yes, that should be how it goes. But it isn't as simple as that. This is men who have already assumed my place, my role, my relevance to them. I'm on my knees in front of them being a good girl... they've already assigned me a sexual role, a sexual preference and a sexual act before they've even had a conversation with me about these things. I don't think it's too much to ask that the conversation is had beforehand. And that isn't to say that they should start a conversation with, "So do you like to be submissive, do you fancy my cock and will you get on your knees and suck it?" What I mean is that they should have gotten to know me before any of that because if there really is going to be any sort of Dominant/submissive dynamic, these things HAVE to be discussed before any type of kink play. Or, in my opinion, they do. Thanks for your input, interesting to hear all the views | |||
"I think it's a generic thing just like some women want to see a dick pick and others are repulsed by them....I've seen too many due to my prior job so I'm repulsed by them. UNLESS it's a pic of a dick I've had before then yes please... I actually like the term good girl or baby girl etc. Yes I happen to be sexually submissive but I'm single and fully Dominant in my everyday life. Therefore sexually the last thing I want is to coddle and have to teach a man, so if I'm constantly asked can I do this can I do that can I say this etc it's a turn off.. I prefer a man use his upper head and truly be a REAL Dom and anticipate and comprehend a situation as he shoul.! Seems far too many were raised by girls instead of women but that's another rant..." But, if you don't mind me saying, you're contradicting yourself there. You're saying you want a man to be a REAL Dom but any self respecting genuine Dominant will have that conversation beforehand. So he's not asking you in the middle of play what you like to be called etc. Therefore your REAL Dom has already had that conversation with you. If he hasn't and he's assuming you're submissive in the middle of play, in my opinion, he's not a REAL Dom. No real Dom would enter into play without setting the boundaries of that play first. For his safety and the safety of his submissive. As you've put it "to anticipate and comprehend a situation", the Dom would have considered these things already. He'll have discussed your hard limits, your soft limits, your safe words, your likes, dislikes including names, swearing, pain levels etc. I think comparing it to a dick pic is like apples and oranges on a site where this can be used as your profile picture so if you're coming on here, expecting never to see a dick, then you're in the wrong place but I don't think it's too much to ask that we come on here and are treated with respect and consideration. | |||
"Seems far too many were raised by girls instead of women but that's another rant..." As for this part of your comment, it doesn't make anyone less of a man to respect women's boundaries. So what makes a man? Someone taking charge? Someone calling you baby girl? Where does it end? Someone pulling your hair? Someone spanking you? All of these are okay if you're in that D/s dynamic, but I've went apeshit at a guy who spanked me without my consent! I think attitudes like this are a massive part of the problem!! Suggesting that men aren't real men if they're respectful of us, if they ask our consent, if they listen to what we need rather than taking what they want... this just contributes to the problem and perpetuates the stereotype that all women want to be put in their place and for the man to take charge! | |||
"Read with interest. I agree with your point regarding the way some people can say things without getting to know a person. I think words without consent is a contentious issue. I'd never use any phrase like that as I find them cringe worthy beyond belief. All it takes if someone refers to you with that is to ask them not to call you it. I know there are some people that won't listen and carry on regardless and those are the ones that need to be blocked etc. I do think there's a bigger issue though, than asking someone not to use it. Like ideally, yes, that should be how it goes. But it isn't as simple as that. This is men who have already assumed my place, my role, my relevance to them. I'm on my knees in front of them being a good girl... they've already assigned me a sexual role, a sexual preference and a sexual act before they've even had a conversation with me about these things. I don't think it's too much to ask that the conversation is had beforehand. And that isn't to say that they should start a conversation with, "So do you like to be submissive, do you fancy my cock and will you get on your knees and suck it?" What I mean is that they should have gotten to know me before any of that because if there really is going to be any sort of Dominant/submissive dynamic, these things HAVE to be discussed before any type of kink play. Or, in my opinion, they do. Thanks for your input, interesting to hear all the views "I totally agree with you. It's great points you make. | |||
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"I enjoy being called it but only when flirting or during sex with someone I already have a connection and mutual attraction with. I do get off on praise though. However I don’t appreciate it when it comes from some random cock womble on the internet. It’s like you said.. them making an assumption." Exactly. And, for yourself, it then completely undermines the dynamic you have built with a genuine Dominant, for some random to just waltz in and demand he's a Dom, and you're submissive all because he says so... sure pal!xx | |||
"Got a mate who never buys a round. When he does, we all like to say “good girl” to wind him up. Not a phrase I would use any other time though unless requested " I mean, a bit of banter between pals is one thing. But yeah, you're not coming into folks inboxes asking if they've been a good girl... boak!! | |||
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"They're just words- stick and stones lay break your bones!" But words can put your potential partner out of the mood and then your ardent hopes can be dashed. No broken bones but not the result you were looking for. Words do have a lot of power psychologically. And much (most?) of good sex is seated in the brain. If you set the right mood for them - get their mind really into the exact kinky spot where they want and need to be - then you can give them some of the best sex they have ever experienced. If you do the opposite: anything from "meh" to marching orders. | |||
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"They're just words- stick and stones lay break your bones! But words can put your potential partner out of the mood and then your ardent hopes can be dashed. No broken bones but not the result you were looking for. Words do have a lot of power psychologically. And much (most?) of good sex is seated in the brain. If you set the right mood for them - get their mind really into the exact kinky spot where they want and need to be - then you can give them some of the best sex they have ever experienced. If you do the opposite: anything from "meh" to marching orders." Absolutely this 👌 Words have power, they hold weight. And if you can't understand how disrespectful it is to assume a woman's sexual preferences and role before you've even chatted about it with her then you're part of the problem. Is it really too much to ask men to have a bit of respect? These are, very often, the same men who are offended by our words when we say, "No thanks," or "You're not my type," so they fully understand how words can offend, but they only seem to care when it's offending them. | |||
"Muffin loves being called a good girl" Again, though, there will be conversations taking place prior to this. If Muffin didn't like being called cum slut, cum bucket, whore, bitch, then it still stands true. My point is that a conversation to establish these boundaries and preferences, such as names and role, have to take place in order to have a successful partnership. I'm not referring solely to "good girl" but anything equally disrespectful, demeaning or assumptive, it just so happens that "good girl" was what riled me that night. | |||
