Just wondering what folk might think…
A close friends partner has told me something very personal about her (she’s never mentioned it).
I don’t want to colour folks opinions and it’s difficult to judge without details but what would your instinct be. Should I ignore him or tell her what he’s said.
For some context, I hardly know him but have known her over 20 years.
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By *xybumWoman 28 weeks ago
East Kilbride |
"Id speak with her.
I don't know what it is. But is 20 years worth of friendship worth being destroyed by keeping something to yourself what's being said about her?.
"
Exactly, he obv can’t be trusted and she needs to know what kind of guy she’s with. |
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It sounds like potentially an unusual personal thing . It may be difficult to introduce in normal conversation . Previously in my own situation I used television and news papers to show positive things regarding crossdressing ( didn’t work to well sadly ) maybe if there was a podcast , face-book post or similar you could introduce it into conversation .
Sometimes though maybe it’s best to use brutal straight to the point to avoid misconceptions .
Maybe try bouncing it off others not connected to your friend where it’s safe to mention the thing that’s been said .  |
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By *evils PuddingCouple 28 weeks ago
the pub or in the nude in Paisley |
Tough to call. If you've known her that long but he knows more about her than you, then she'll probably side with him in any conflict.
On the other hand, the fact he's telling you who he hardly knows means he's probably told everyone else too, and depending what it is could be the end of their relationship.
Hard to say without knowing details but it looks like she'll either lose a friend or a partner. |
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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago
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It’s a hard one, have a quiet word with him explain your not happy with him and if what ever he says continues you might have no option but to tell your women friend. |
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Thank you everyone, everything you’ve said is exactly what’s run through my mind. I feel he’s being very manipulative, I’ve decided to say nothing as I feel part of the manipulation is he wants me to say to her. Anyway sorry to be vague about exact circumstances and thanks again for your input  |
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If you were even contemplating telling her then it must have been important enough for you to you to think you should.
It’s difficult to decide the right thing in these type of situations but it does sound like your initial instincts were right.
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"I'd probably ask him what he hoped I'd do with the information "
This ^^^
Did he ask you to keep it to yourself? Is there a possibility that she has asked him to tell you as she doesn’t know how to? Why did he tell you? What does he want you to do with the info? |
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Does the information affect your relationship with her?
Did he speak with you because it affects him and he needed to talk to someone?
Was the information delivered to you in a derogatory/negitive way or way which was otherwise positive? |
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I’ve asked myself all those questions and sweated on further action. I’ve decided against doing anything because on reflection I feel he’s controlling and a bully. If that’s the case m worried for her but see no signs of physical abuse though I’m aware mental abuse is as bad and both can be hidden. As some have suggested I’ll watch for opportunities to open up a dialogue of some sort with her. I think he dislikes my friendship with her because it undermines his control.
Thanks again folks. It’s really good to hear different opinions |
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"I’ve asked myself all those questions and sweated on further action. I’ve decided against doing anything because on reflection I feel he’s controlling and a bully. If that’s the case m worried for her but see no signs of physical abuse though I’m aware mental abuse is as bad and both can be hidden. As some have suggested I’ll watch for opportunities to open up a dialogue of some sort with her. I think he dislikes my friendship with her because it undermines his control.
Thanks again folks. It’s really good to hear different opinions "
For your friends sake, I hope you are wrong. |
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"I’ve asked myself all those questions and sweated on further action. I’ve decided against doing anything because on reflection I feel he’s controlling and a bully. If that’s the case m worried for her but see no signs of physical abuse though I’m aware mental abuse is as bad and both can be hidden. As some have suggested I’ll watch for opportunities to open up a dialogue of some sort with her. I think he dislikes my friendship with her because it undermines his control.
Thanks again folks. It’s really good to hear different opinions
For your friends sake, I hope you are wrong. "
Me too, thank you x |
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"I’ve asked myself all those questions and sweated on further action. I’ve decided against doing anything because on reflection I feel he’s controlling and a bully. If that’s the case m worried for her but see no signs of physical abuse though I’m aware mental abuse is as bad and both can be hidden. As some have suggested I’ll watch for opportunities to open up a dialogue of some sort with her. I think he dislikes my friendship with her because it undermines his control.
Thanks again folks. It’s really good to hear different opinions
For your friends sake, I hope you are wrong.
Me too, thank you x"
Glasgowwomensaid.org.uk |
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