FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Safety on the scene
Safety on the scene
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think relying on the verification list is somewhat flawed as it's more or less a typed ego boost and not necessarily a true representation of what a person's like , if all that will be shown and even written are positives ,
I'm not necessarily saying leave a bad verification but something that can flag up on a profile perhaps ..
In regards to the saftey issue for ourselves .. always trust your gut if something seems off it is
Don't ignore red flags , know your boundaries and stick to them
let someone you trust know where you are and have a code word should you need it with them
Make sure you can make a call at anytime .
I've not had a safety concern on here but can't hurt to have measures in place should you need it . We only know what others tell us . X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Is it ever safe?
There’s always a risk in it and I don’t think that ever can be taken away.
Meeting one female/male that someone you know has met can seem off or really making you feel uneasy and wonder why that friend has met them. Or they change after the social.
Think it’s about how to make it feel safe for you! Tell a friend where you are and just walk away if things don’t feel safe.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Any ideas? Things you do currently or think would be a good idea?
How do we make the scene safer for everyone?
Jigs x "
Meet socially in a public place.
Always tell a friend where im going.
Always go with my gut. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I saw this one and didn’t comment but after a few days of thinking I’ve thought it would be worth putting down that I think the vast majority of members, including myself, value the safety of others & also their feelings of safety.
I’d absolutely imagine that if someone in specific, or not, was under the impression that somehow they may have impacted on another’s feelings around safety that they would make every effort to not impose. I’m pretty certain this would apply to online and especially at any events they may attend at the same time.
Wires can be crossed and perhaps identities mistaken so it’s also maybe worth checking in with those here in the community from time to time as I know, especially the women for understandable reasons, fabbers can give each other peace of mind with regards to people they know etc  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andACouple
over a year ago
glasgow |
I think when it comes to fab it's important to check out who has verified people and then check the ones that have verified others. It's all about following the verifications and making sure they are all genuine. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I believe that your never 100% safe on the scene , especially as a single.
We can take as many precautions as we can and still something terrible can happen. I saw a comment recently of you asking someone to leave you alone right there for all to see on the forum...things can make us feel uneasy whether in "real life" dating scene or in this lifestyle but I guess it's to what degree. Iv encountered some dodgy stuff in my time but we live and we learn |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think when it comes to fab it's important to check out who has verified people and then check the ones that have verified others. It's all about following the verifications and making sure they are all genuine."
Alot of people use verifications just to be polite though, things are sometimes overlooked |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Meet in a public. Place
Let someone know where you are going
Carry some Cs gas  "
I find a tazer is better!!!
Due hugely to the non vanilla nature of myself, I have a basic rules which seem to work well for me.
A message vetting process - I can sniff out a fake a mile away through certain questions I present to individuals in messages.
I review verifications. If a person is verified by multiple people I have previously communicated with and trust. I can reach out to them and find out more. Do my own personal research.
Lastly, I insist on a club or event meet (not for everyone I know).
Without question, this is the one that determines if someone is really interested. They will make the effort.
The advantage of club or event is simple. If we get on great we can play in a safe environment there and then. If there is no connection, we are amongst others with similar tastes so the night is not a total lost, so no sour grapes.
If a situation turns nasty, there are staff on hand to deal with matters.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think when it comes to fab it's important to check out who has verified people and then check the ones that have verified others. It's all about following the verifications and making sure they are all genuine."
This. Has anyone ever seen a bad review? Everyone is glowing. No, because if you give one the person can choose not to display it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Unfortunately outdated opinions of using such a site leave us vulnerable ,God forbid you enjoy a healthy pro active sex life .
The stigma of it stops others from perhaps going to the police and leaves you wide open for harassment, assault.revenge porn , bl@@kmail (apparently can't even type the word in here and it rejects your post) .
There doesn't seem to be much retribution you can have with reporting it to admin either although somewhat understandable .
All you have is word of mouth and gut instinct.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
". I saw a comment recently of you asking someone to leave you alone right there for all to see on the forum...things can make us feel uneasy whether in "real life" dating scene or in this lifestyle but I guess it's to what degree. Iv encountered some dodgy stuff in my time but we live and we learn "
I lurk on the forums but I know the person this was aimed at very well (over 10 years) and I will say that left him absolutely thrown and in a real stage of upset. There are always two sides of stories, he is a well liked guy on the social side of fab, not in the slightest bit pushy and it was horrible seeing him doubting himself, cancelling nights outs and questioning if it’s best to leave the site. There was clearly a reason that comment was deleted! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm always boggled by the number of messages I get from men who think I'll just give out my address so they can just pop over for a quickie, or expect me to drop everything and turn up at a place of their choosing! There's even been several less, ahem, 'optimistic' correspondents who seem surprised when I reference anything to do with safety that's not about protected sex.
Agree with everything that's already been said about vetting, diligence, meeting in public and playing in clubs if possible (although really only if the club itself is serious about safety, some are happy enough to allow bad actors as long as they're getting the entry fee and they behave themselves on premises).
Nothing's foolproof though. Experienced predators are really good at playing nice right up until it's behind closed doors and it becomes your word against theirs ("but they're always so lovely at events!")
A personal attack alarm can be a good idea, loud enough to attract attention and put someone off. There's also a personal safety app called Hollie Guard that has built in functions for checking in with a contact as well.
I definitely think there needs to be a bit more awareness around safety though (especially from cis het men) around the sort of risks people (especially non cis het men) have to navigate in pursuing less conventional lifestyles. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ookie69Man
over a year ago
Whistle Dixie |
"I'm always boggled by the number of messages I get from men who think I'll just give out my address so they can just pop over for a quickie, or expect me to drop everything and turn up at a place of their choosing! There's even been several less, ahem, 'optimistic' correspondents who seem surprised when I reference anything to do with safety that's not about protected sex.
Agree with everything that's already been said about vetting, diligence, meeting in public and playing in clubs if possible (although really only if the club itself is serious about safety, some are happy enough to allow bad actors as long as they're getting the entry fee and they behave themselves on premises).
Nothing's foolproof though. Experienced predators are really good at playing nice right up until it's behind closed doors and it becomes your word against theirs ("but they're always so lovely at events!")
A personal attack alarm can be a good idea, loud enough to attract attention and put someone off. There's also a personal safety app called Hollie Guard that has built in functions for checking in with a contact as well.
I definitely think there needs to be a bit more awareness around safety though (especially from cis het men) around the sort of risks people (especially non cis het men) have to navigate in pursuing less conventional lifestyles."
Comment of today from this Lass x  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm always boggled by the number of messages I get from men who think I'll just give out my address so they can just pop over for a quickie, or expect me to drop everything and turn up at a place of their choosing! There's even been several less, ahem, 'optimistic' correspondents who seem surprised when I reference anything to do with safety that's not about protected sex.
Agree with everything that's already been said about vetting, diligence, meeting in public and playing in clubs if possible (although really only if the club itself is serious about safety, some are happy enough to allow bad actors as long as they're getting the entry fee and they behave themselves on premises).
Nothing's foolproof though. Experienced predators are really good at playing nice right up until it's behind closed doors and it becomes your word against theirs ("but they're always so lovely at events!")
A personal attack alarm can be a good idea, loud enough to attract attention and put someone off. There's also a personal safety app called Hollie Guard that has built in functions for checking in with a contact as well.
I definitely think there needs to be a bit more awareness around safety though (especially from cis het men) around the sort of risks people (especially non cis het men) have to navigate in pursuing less conventional lifestyles.
Comment of today from this Lass x "
Agreed  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry should've put fab should have something In place that would flag up on a profile
I hear ya.
Fab has nothing to do in who you choose to engage with though x"
I get that .. in theory would be good ,if someone's a threat that there was stronger measures in place other that a lifetime ban as how many folk that's recieved them come back under a different alias .. totally get tho it's not fabs place to vet everyone but things could be done to try and make sure users are safe |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was attacked over a year ago by a very jealous husband during a cuckold meet.
It put me off meeting anyone on here for a while but I realised that this will have been a one off and I’d probably never experience this ever again.
But I don’t know how the site could make it safer.
The site doesn’t do anything to prevent these so called people from being outed and if we used names of the profiles to avoid, we’d be the one getting in trouble.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ookie69Man
over a year ago
Whistle Dixie |
"Sorry should've put fab should have something In place that would flag up on a profile
I hear ya.
Fab has nothing to do in who you choose to engage with though x
I get that .. in theory would be good ,if someone's a threat that there was stronger measures in place other that a lifetime ban as how many folk that's recieved them come back under a different alias .. totally get tho it's not fabs place to vet everyone but things could be done to try and make sure users are safe "
Absolutely! X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Sorry should've put fab should have something In place that would flag up on a profile
I hear ya.
Fab has nothing to do in who you choose to engage with though x
I get that .. in theory would be good ,if someone's a threat that there was stronger measures in place other that a lifetime ban as how many folk that's recieved them come back under a different alias .. totally get tho it's not fabs place to vet everyone but things could be done to try and make sure users are safe "
I've found the social side of the scene really helps with safety. It's good to talk as they say.
Building up a wee network of people and word can certainly get around quickly of those to avoid. Not saying its fullproof and never malicious (some folk do like to badmouth for fun) but it certainly helps.
Best safety advice is trust your gut. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
