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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Once upon a time there was a very vertically challenged little gnome. His name was Fugy. Everyone loved him. His hair was....well....only just hanging on, his eyes were bloodshot and his hairy legs were enveloped in his red velvet pantaloons. Well, when I say everyone loved him, that's not quite true.
His little gnome pals envied his yellow gingham shirts. His mother hated him masturbating with her favourite wooden spoons and the boys just wanted to get into his pantaloons.... but we're getting ahead of ourselves.
His grandmother really did love him (in a non-sexual way) and gave him a frilly red thong and a matching red pointy hat on his 21st birthday. This made Fugy very happy. He was especially happy when he wore the garments whilst sat on his favourite toadstool at the garden pond, fishing. It was not long before everyone started calling him 'Little Red Riding Fugy'.
One day when he was wearing nothing but his thong and pointy hat, fishing at the pond, his mother peered at him through her thick, penfold style glasses and said irritably: "Oh you're such a slut, Fugy. Don't you know you'll go blind if you keep doing that?"
"Oh, it's OK, mum, " he said with a giggle, "The goldfish can always see when I'm coming."
His mother shook her head sadly and said: "Look, here's some spliff, some potted shrimp and a bottle of Brandy. It's not the best but she'll never notice the difference. Take them to your grandmother. She's been a bit low lately. Some spliff , shrimp and a few stiff drinks will cheer her up no end. You'd better start now while it's still light before all the sailors come ashore. Don't talk to strangers or stray dogs, you know you always end up in trouble with the police when you do that. For goodness sake zip that top up and cover that slutty thong. If you're not carefulesome smelly old man will rip those pretty red knickers off you and auction them on eBay before you've even noticed they're missing. And when you get to her flat, don't go poking about in your grandmother's drawers looking for things to shove up your ass. That's how your sister ended up in hospital."..................
To be continued |
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