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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a train seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and
began reading.
After a few minutes the dishevelled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Sir, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the d*unk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. he grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks," How did you do that???? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!!!" The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes tot the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. he drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all....SPLAT!!!!!! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him," You're really a bastard when you're d*unk, Superman."  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another very d*unk man keep falling off his stool.
The man finishes his drink whilst watching the other man try to get back up on the stool.
Feeling sorry for the d*unk, the man tries to stand him up, but the d*unk keeps falling.
The man thinks that this d*unk needs to be taken home, so he finds his address in his wallet. On the way to his car, the man had to practically carry the d*unk man.
After finally finding his house, the man carries the d*unk man to the front door. He rings the doorbell and a lady answers.
"Madam, your husband is d*unk, so I decided to give him a lift home."
The woman replies, "Thank you sir, but I have one question...Where's his f**king wheelchair?"
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Things that are difficult to say when d*unk -
1. Innovate
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when d*unk -
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive aggressive disorder
4. Transubstaniate
Things that are DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when d*unk -
1. No Thanks, I'm married
2. Nope, no more booze for me !
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type
xxxxxx |
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"Things that are difficult to say when d*unk -
1. Innovate
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when d*unk -
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive aggressive disorder
4. Transubstaniate
Things that are DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when d*unk -
1. No Thanks, I'm married
2. Nope, no more booze for me !
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type
xxxxxx"
your calling credits running low please arrange a top up |
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By *adgeeMan
over a year ago
Sw Scotland |
"Things that are difficult to say when d*unk -
1. Innovate
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when d*unk -
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive aggressive disorder
4. Transubstaniate
Things that are DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when d*unk -
1. No Thanks, I'm married
2. Nope, no more booze for me !
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type
xxxxxx"
Haha very good Minesa  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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lol
i canna mind half o what i said at weekend.....
But thanks to my pals they forwarded me back the texts i sent em..............
OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooopppppppppppppppppss!!!!
lol |
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