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By *eather OP Woman
over a year ago
glasgow |
Sue is a prostitute who doesny want her granny to know .One day the brothel gets raided by the police and they line all the girls up outside susan,s granny walks past and sees her quickly thinking sue tell her granny theyre lining up for oranges. the police are surprised to see sue,s granny there and ask her how do u do it at your age ,She replies I take my teeth out,peel back the skin,and suck then till theyre dry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In 20 years of marriage a wife has had a boob job, nose job, died her hair numerous times and finally had a face lift.
Yet when she has an argument with her husband her favorite and most used line aimed at him is " Your not the man i married anymore " ?????......lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a young heavily pregnant weegie lassie is in a phone box phoning the hozzy cos her waters have broken
she says..."hello hello....a think ma waters huv broken"
nurse says .." ok dont panic..where are you ringing from "
she says ..." fae ma fanny doon!!!! "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a young heavily pregnant weegie lassie is in a phone box phoning the hozzy cos her waters have broken
she says..."hello hello....a think ma waters huv broken"
nurse says .." ok dont panic..where are you ringing from "
she says ..." fae ma fanny doon!!!! "
"
hahhahahhahaha yer needin help |
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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago
south east |
10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.
Conclusion:
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Moral:
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
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By *eather OP Woman
over a year ago
glasgow |
A wee Glasgow guy goes to New York to help them build after super storm Sandy.President Obama pays a visit and hears the wee mans accent.Hey fella says the president where u from. Am fae govan.What states that in says the President. The same feckin state as this place |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Police Officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway.
At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man
behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps
on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?
The cop asks: 'What are you doing'?
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine'.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: ' And her,
what is she doing'?
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails'.
Now, the cop is totally confused.
A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ...
And nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'?
The young man says: 'I'm 19, sir'.
The cop asks: ' And her, ..... what's her age'?
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 16 in 11 minutes.. ' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know why, but I was just sacked from my job with The Samaritans.
They wouldn't discuss it with me.
Some guy phoned and said,
"I'm Abdul Mohammed and I'm going to kill myself. I'm lying on the railway track now waiting for the train to come".
All I said was,
"Remain calm and stay on the line" ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets
that 'help' you to get an erection.
You should have seen her face
when I came back and tossed her some diet pills.............
I'm still looking for a place to live |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lorry driver goes on a date with a girl, afterwards they go back to her parents place, they were just about to have sex on the couch when he could feel the cold barrel of a gun on his neck. Before he could turn around her father said "if your a real lorry driver"..." you'll be able to back out of there with a full load". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife walked in from work today and saw the dog licking marmite off my cock. Dont let him do that! she screamed, its fecking disgusting!
Thats your opinion i said, this is his second jar, he absolutely loves the stuff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mary meets john at dancing and like all gentlemen John asks Mary if he can see her home.
Mary agrees and invites John in for coffee but says to him " pls be qiet as my mum and dad are asleep up the stairs ".
Mary makes them coffe and settle down on the sofa for a kiss and a cuddle.
after about half an hour John says to Mary "I am realy bursting for the loo"
Mary says " Well you will just have to use the kitchen sink as the bathroom up the stairs and I dont want my parents wakened".
Johns says" Ok as long as your sure".
so of john goes into the kitchen and 2 minutes ltr he pops his head around the door and says to Mary " Have you got any Bog roll" |
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senga says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex" senga replys " i did Once and I saw rage" Her friend says "Why would he be angry during sex? to which senga replys "Because he was looking through the window at me and the milkman" |
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