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Women's strength "trigger warnings"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So this is a wee bit of a perplexed rant...
I buy dresses from a certain retailer, they have a Facebook friends group. I soon realised it wasn't for me as the list of banned topics "triggers" got longer and longer. Now I realise there are topics that will always be a kick in the gut for woman, due to personal experience, and a safe space from these topics is welcome. But on a dress site? it got to be too much for me. One of the issues was weight loss, you could not mention weight loss, any attempt at it, any desire for it. Because you might upset A. The body positive that did not believe any woman should want to lose weight. And B. The woman that wanted or tried to lose weight and weren't able to. And C. The woman that may have suffered body dysmorphia disorders.
Avoiding any kind of remotely sensitive topic on a woman's discussion site did not sit well with me.
So OK I left the group, while shaking my head at all the shut down topics.
But I stayed with their pre-loved group, to buy and sell pre-owned items. And now women there are complaining that "banned subjects" are being mentioned... As in "size 20 dress, great condition, selling dueto weight loss" 
Now I try not to upset people in my day to day life, but if someone is so triggered by seeing another woman sell a dress due to "weight loss" I can't help but think that this is not a good thing, not something we should be encouraging. Women need to reclaim their strength dealing with many issues, and this just isn't helping. If you can't cope with seeing another woman state she has lost weight, as a reason for selling a dress, should you even be online? Is it really every other woman's responsibility to protect you from that?
You could say I'm triggered lol |
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By *eorgeGRMan
over a year ago
Livingston |
I’m 100% in favour of creating a safe space online, not just for women but everyone, but this is getting ridiculous.
And my guess is that this is not done at the request of members but rather it’s admins and webmasters overcompensating “just in case”.
I’m not saying we should get back to the days where you could harass, bully and insult someone online with total impunity but we’re rapidly advancing towards a sterilised internet, where common sense and courtesy will be replaced by a draconian set of arbitrary rules
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Inclusive language is important and doesn’t cost anything. Insane female beauty standards, social media and photoshopped images and beauty filters create a culture where many women sadly turn to eating disorders In huge numbers. Claiming these women have lost ‘their strength as women’ is a bit harsh.
I think it’s a generational thing too. Younger people understand these issues more due to social media etc and probably value them more than older generation might. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry I am perplexed 
But are you triggered 
In what way?
Well do you see my point of view or not? If not I'm open to discussion "
Ah! Yes I do see your point of view and I do see many trigger warnings on Facebook myself. I just choose to stay away from Facebook groups x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Inclusive language is important and doesn’t cost anything. Insane female beauty standards, social media and photoshopped images and beauty filters create a culture where many women sadly turn to eating disorders In huge numbers. Claiming these women have lost ‘their strength as women’ is a bit harsh.
I think it’s a generational thing too. Younger people understand these issues more due to social media etc and probably value them more than older generation might. "
I totally agree with all you have said about social media and beauty standards. These are not young women though, mainly my age and older. I think in some ways the group talks and validate each other and feelings get stronger and it goes round and round... Are you saying women, in general, should not be strong be strong enough to cope with another women stating weight loss as a reason for selling a dress?
Come on ladies your female ancestors fought for the vote, for equal rights, they burned their bras and refused to be cowed. All so you can get upset because another woman needs to sell a dress because it doesn't fit her any more. Yay the sisterhood |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry I am perplexed
But are you triggered
In what way?
Well do you see my point of view or not? If not I'm open to discussion "
I totally see your point. This would probably trigger me also. Unfortunately we are in an era where everyone likes to play the victim card and look for offense at every opportunity. Totally innocent words and phrases are being bastardised to fit an offensive narrative. Absolutely nonsense in my mind. Context is everything.
This notion that we can't say certain things as it might offend has gone too far. A women selling a dress and mentioning that it's due to weight loss being shutdown is horrendous. Are we now at the point where being proud of weight loss is seen as a negative.
Stop the planet. I need to get off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry I am perplexed
But are you triggered
In what way?
Well do you see my point of view or not? If not I'm open to discussion
I totally see your point. This would probably trigger me also. Unfortunately we are in an era where everyone likes to play the victim card and look for offense at every opportunity. Totally innocent words and phrases are being bastardised to fit an offensive narrative. Absolutely nonsense in my mind. Context is everything.
This notion that we can't say certain things as it might offend has gone too far. A women selling a dress and mentioning that it's due to weight loss being shutdown is horrendous. Are we now at the point where being proud of weight loss is seen as a negative.
Stop the planet. I need to get off. "
The straw that broke the camels back for me on the main friends site, was when the company introduced a "wizards" print dress. And so many went mad saying it was a Harry Potter dress, even though wizards and witches been around for centuries before HP. They screamed that the company clearly supported Jk Rowling and were transphobic. Over a dress with wizards hats anyone saying they liked the dress were accused of not caring about trans rights. Anyone that said the dress had no connection to Harry Potter was called a TERF. Just seemed crazy to me that women were getting so bent out if shape about a generic "wizard print" dress. With so much terrible things in the world. Turn on your fellow women because she fancies a dress with witches hats and wands on...
Some perspective please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this is a wee bit of a perplexed rant...
I buy dresses from a certain retailer, they have a Facebook friends group. I soon realised it wasn't for me as the list of banned topics "triggers" got longer and longer. Now I realise there are topics that will always be a kick in the gut for woman, due to personal experience, and a safe space from these topics is welcome. But on a dress site? it got to be too much for me. One of the issues was weight loss, you could not mention weight loss, any attempt at it, any desire for it. Because you might upset A. The body positive that did not believe any woman should want to lose weight. And B. The woman that wanted or tried to lose weight and weren't able to. And C. The woman that may have suffered body dysmorphia disorders.
Avoiding any kind of remotely sensitive topic on a woman's discussion site did not sit well with me.
So OK I left the group, while shaking my head at all the shut down topics.
But I stayed with their pre-loved group, to buy and sell pre-owned items. And now women there are complaining that "banned subjects" are being mentioned... As in "size 20 dress, great condition, selling dueto weight loss"
Now I try not to upset people in my day to day life, but if someone is so triggered by seeing another woman sell a dress due to "weight loss" I can't help but think that this is not a good thing, not something we should be encouraging. Women need to reclaim their strength dealing with many issues, and this just isn't helping. If you can't cope with seeing another woman state she has lost weight, as a reason for selling a dress, should you even be online? Is it really every other woman's responsibility to protect you from that?
You could say I'm triggered lol"
We worry to much now about minority groups we are constantly in fear of upsetting someone sticks and stones and people need to grow a pair  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry I am perplexed
But are you triggered
In what way?
Well do you see my point of view or not? If not I'm open to discussion
I totally see your point. This would probably trigger me also. Unfortunately we are in an era where everyone likes to play the victim card and look for offense at every opportunity. Totally innocent words and phrases are being bastardised to fit an offensive narrative. Absolutely nonsense in my mind. Context is everything.
This notion that we can't say certain things as it might offend has gone too far. A women selling a dress and mentioning that it's due to weight loss being shutdown is horrendous. Are we now at the point where being proud of weight loss is seen as a negative.
Stop the planet. I need to get off.
The straw that broke the camels back for me on the main friends site, was when the company introduced a "wizards" print dress. And so many went mad saying it was a Harry Potter dress, even though wizards and witches been around for centuries before HP. They screamed that the company clearly supported Jk Rowling and were transphobic. Over a dress with wizards hats anyone saying they liked the dress were accused of not caring about trans rights. Anyone that said the dress had no connection to Harry Potter was called a TERF. Just seemed crazy to me that women were getting so bent out if shape about a generic "wizard print" dress. With so much terrible things in the world. Turn on your fellow women because she fancies a dress with witches hats and wands on...
Some perspective please "
What is a TERF??
This is the problem with society today. We are all accepting as long as we are within the acceptable boundaries of acceptance. If you don't agree that biological men should compete against bialogical females you are a transphobic bigot. This really boils my blood. A phobia is an irrational fear. Does this mean if i don't agree with this I am scared of trans people. BULLSHIT. I want to meet trans females. Doesn't mean I agree with the in vogue narrative.
We should all be free to have our own opinions as long as we aren't physically causing anyone any harm. Thoughts and opinions are subjective and shouldn't dictate how open sites are policed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry I am perplexed
But are you triggered
In what way?
Well do you see my point of view or not? If not I'm open to discussion
I totally see your point. This would probably trigger me also. Unfortunately we are in an era where everyone likes to play the victim card and look for offense at every opportunity. Totally innocent words and phrases are being bastardised to fit an offensive narrative. Absolutely nonsense in my mind. Context is everything.
This notion that we can't say certain things as it might offend has gone too far. A women selling a dress and mentioning that it's due to weight loss being shutdown is horrendous. Are we now at the point where being proud of weight loss is seen as a negative.
Stop the planet. I need to get off.
The straw that broke the camels back for me on the main friends site, was when the company introduced a "wizards" print dress. And so many went mad saying it was a Harry Potter dress, even though wizards and witches been around for centuries before HP. They screamed that the company clearly supported Jk Rowling and were transphobic. Over a dress with wizards hats anyone saying they liked the dress were accused of not caring about trans rights. Anyone that said the dress had no connection to Harry Potter was called a TERF. Just seemed crazy to me that women were getting so bent out if shape about a generic "wizard print" dress. With so much terrible things in the world. Turn on your fellow women because she fancies a dress with witches hats and wands on...
Some perspective please
What is a TERF??
This is the problem with society today. We are all accepting as long as we are within the acceptable boundaries of acceptance. If you don't agree that biological men should compete against bialogical females you are a transphobic bigot. This really boils my blood. A phobia is an irrational fear. Does this mean if i don't agree with this I am scared of trans people. BULLSHIT. I want to meet trans females. Doesn't mean I agree with the in vogue narrative.
We should all be free to have our own opinions as long as we aren't physically causing anyone any harm. Thoughts and opinions are subjective and shouldn't dictate how open sites are policed. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sorry I am perplexed
But are you triggered
In what way?
Well do you see my point of view or not? If not I'm open to discussion
I totally see your point. This would probably trigger me also. Unfortunately we are in an era where everyone likes to play the victim card and look for offense at every opportunity. Totally innocent words and phrases are being bastardised to fit an offensive narrative. Absolutely nonsense in my mind. Context is everything.
This notion that we can't say certain things as it might offend has gone too far. A women selling a dress and mentioning that it's due to weight loss being shutdown is horrendous. Are we now at the point where being proud of weight loss is seen as a negative.
Stop the planet. I need to get off.
The straw that broke the camels back for me on the main friends site, was when the company introduced a "wizards" print dress. And so many went mad saying it was a Harry Potter dress, even though wizards and witches been around for centuries before HP. They screamed that the company clearly supported Jk Rowling and were transphobic. Over a dress with wizards hats anyone saying they liked the dress were accused of not caring about trans rights. Anyone that said the dress had no connection to Harry Potter was called a TERF. Just seemed crazy to me that women were getting so bent out if shape about a generic "wizard print" dress. With so much terrible things in the world. Turn on your fellow women because she fancies a dress with witches hats and wands on...
Some perspective please
What is a TERF??
This is the problem with society today. We are all accepting as long as we are within the acceptable boundaries of acceptance. If you don't agree that biological men should compete against bialogical females you are a transphobic bigot. This really boils my blood. A phobia is an irrational fear. Does this mean if i don't agree with this I am scared of trans people. BULLSHIT. I want to meet trans females. Doesn't mean I agree with the in vogue narrative.
We should all be free to have our own opinions as long as we aren't physically causing anyone any harm. Thoughts and opinions are subjective and shouldn't dictate how open sites are policed. "
TERF is trans exclusionary radical feminist. I would recommend looking into it online.
But my post wasn't about trans issues really. Surely whatever you believe, getting upset about a wizard themed dress is just out there. It's like we cannot cope with anything outwith our accepted beliefs. And more and more, we are being enabled to stay within this realm of not coping, rather than breaking free |
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"Inclusive language is important and doesn’t cost anything. Insane female beauty standards, social media and photoshopped images and beauty filters create a culture where many women sadly turn to eating disorders In huge numbers. Claiming these women have lost ‘their strength as women’ is a bit harsh.
I think it’s a generational thing too. Younger people understand these issues more due to social media etc and probably value them more than older generation might. "
"Insane female beauty standards" are you actually having a laugh with your hypocrisy?? |
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I'd also like to take a second to point out that for generations, men were telling women how to act and what they could and could not say. Women fought real fights and real sniggering, re' suggeragettes, to give women a voice. To give women equal rights.
It is now women that are telling women what they can and can't say, think, act and support and ironically, for the most part, they are benching women's right for the rights of other minorities.
I'm sure there is a law, many laws that ensure that no person/groups rights shall be placed before another's and the rights of one shall be upheld without infringement of the rights of another's.
Meaning one group can't expect by law, their rights to be held any higher than another's. The court of public opinion and social media ignores this and the only rights that are being infringed upon are firstly men and secondly women.
If that triggers you, you maybe need to learn the old playground mantra "sticks and stones..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd also like to take a second to point out that for generations, men were telling women how to act and what they could and could not say. Women fought real fights and real sniggering, re' suggeragettes, to give women a voice. To give women equal rights.
It is now women that are telling women what they can and can't say, think, act and support and ironically, for the most part, they are benching women's right for the rights of other minorities.
I'm sure there is a law, many laws that ensure that no person/groups rights shall be placed before another's and the rights of one shall be upheld without infringement of the rights of another's.
Meaning one group can't expect by law, their rights to be held any higher than another's. The court of public opinion and social media ignores this and the only rights that are being infringed upon are firstly men and secondly women.
If that triggers you, you maybe need to learn the old playground mantra "sticks and stones...""
Actually agree here for the most part. People's rights are something that should never be brought into question. Regardless of colour, creed or sexuality. We are all equal at the end of the day.
The suffragettes cause was real and very relevant at the time. But looking back would not be tolerated now. In the sense that they incited violence.
The women's rights movement has went to far in my opinion. We have women promoting body positivity and sexual empowerment yet these same women are the reason we no longer have grid girls in F1 or strip clubs in Edinburgh for example. These women chose that career yet its been taken away because the vocal minority deem it as exploitation and sexual objectification.
As for men's rights we no longer have any. We have to fight for the right to see our children. We are instantly branded as soon as there is any claim against us from a female Regardless of court proceedings. Financially obliged to support the spouse. Socially obligated to leave the marital home. The list goes on.
This is not intended to take anything away from women's struggles. Just pointing out men don't have it as easy as the equality movement has us believe |
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I also buy dresses from the same “certain retailer” & know exactly what you mean. I originally joined the pages to see inspiring photos of the dresses being worn to give me an idea of whether I would like to buy the dress myself/how would it look on a woman with my size figure/accessories etc. Rarely go on nowadays as too much negativity & people taking offence to the most simplist of comments! The phrase of “whatever happened to women supporting women” springs to mind! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Inclusive language is important and doesn’t cost anything. Insane female beauty standards, social media and photoshopped images and beauty filters create a culture where many women sadly turn to eating disorders In huge numbers. Claiming these women have lost ‘their strength as women’ is a bit harsh.
I think it’s a generational thing too. Younger people understand these issues more due to social media etc and probably value them more than older generation might. "
Younger people?
You mean the younger people who post the minutiae of their daily lives every millisecond on Instagram for approval and validation? The younger women who spend £££ on fillers, tattooed eyebrows,boob jobs and other expensive body enhancements? The younger people (women especially) who can't post a picture on social media without umpteen filters despite having spent the £££ in the various body enhancements to look better?
Women are entirely complicit in creating, adhering to and enforcing these "beauty standards". This is not a new phenomenon and has been around for years and years (think back to the Hollywood starlets like Marilyn Monroe).
OP, the FB group sounds like it's populated by fuckwits. A woman (or man) could be losing weight for any number of reasons besides wanting to look slimmer. Do they have a round of applause when someone puts half a stone on?
....and don't get me started on Harry fucking Potter! I'm no even supposed to be on here just now!
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Ugh I'm so sick of hearing about people and their feelings, no point in even trying to tiptoe around people as no doubt someone somewhere will be crying about whatever you said or done. Imagine being so narcissistic thinking the world revolves around you and your feelings that you think you can just float through life without encountering anything that may upset you or disagree with you, and imagine being so arrogant that you feel the need to express how upset you are thinking the world now owes you an apology... just because you are the one who is acting all upset and offended and doing all the crying that doesn't automatically make you right |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I also buy dresses from the same “certain retailer” & know exactly what you mean. I originally joined the pages to see inspiring photos of the dresses being worn to give me an idea of whether I would like to buy the dress myself/how would it look on a woman with my size figure/accessories etc. Rarely go on nowadays as too much negativity & people taking offence to the most simplist of comments! The phrase of “whatever happened to women supporting women” springs to mind! "
Exactly this. Glad I'm not the only one sad to see what's going on there. It really wound me up last night. Hence my wee rant post here. Because can't comment on their site about it... Its a shame that instead of being supported to learn ways to cope with "triggers", women are being encouraged to not cope really. And I do realise some issues are very painful and avoiding triggers is maybe easiest (a wee reminder there are always online support groups dedicated to all sorts of women's issues). But to complain and stop women from stating their dress is for sale due to weight loss... Should we really be encouraging that level of "trigger avoidance"? And that level of sanctions on what other women can post? |
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"Inclusive language is important and doesn’t cost anything. Insane female beauty standards, social media and photoshopped images and beauty filters create a culture where many women sadly turn to eating disorders In huge numbers. Claiming these women have lost ‘their strength as women’ is a bit harsh.
I think it’s a generational thing too. Younger people understand these issues more due to social media etc and probably value them more than older generation might.
Younger people?
You mean the younger people who post the minutiae of their daily lives every millisecond on Instagram for approval and validation? The younger women who spend £££ on fillers, tattooed eyebrows,boob jobs and other expensive body enhancements? The younger people (women especially) who can't post a picture on social media without umpteen filters despite having spent the £££ in the various body enhancements to look better?
Women are entirely complicit in creating, adhering to and enforcing these "beauty standards". This is not a new phenomenon and has been around for years and years (think back to the Hollywood starlets like Marilyn Monroe).
OP, the FB group sounds like it's populated by fuckwits. A woman (or man) could be losing weight for any number of reasons besides wanting to look slimmer. Do they have a round of applause when someone puts half a stone on?
....and don't get me started on Harry fucking Potter! I'm no even supposed to be on here just now!
"
Not going to lie, I was hoping I would see you reply to this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ugh I'm so sick of hearing about people and their feelings, no point in even trying to tiptoe around people as no doubt someone somewhere will be crying about whatever you said or done. Imagine being so narcissistic thinking the world revolves around you and your feelings that you think you can just float through life without encountering anything that may upset you or disagree with you, and imagine being so arrogant that you feel the need to express how upset you are thinking the world now owes you an apology... just because you are the one who is acting all upset and offended and doing all the crying that doesn't automatically make you right"
You just described my ex  |
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