FabSwingers.com > Forums > Scotland > Queer visibility
Queer visibility
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Iv found it the other way just haven't come across any gay women yet. What does cis mean?    "
Oh there are some but yeah not many. Quite some bi representation tho! Cis just means not trans. |
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By *eaSlutsCouple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"Just 'cause this site has a very strong straight and cis taste to it, if you are queer and out drop a line! "
100%, the straight and cis vibes live surprisingly strong here!
But… we’re queer, out and here too, so is it time to launch our queer agenda?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just 'cause this site has a very strong straight and cis taste to it, if you are queer and out drop a line!
100%, the straight and cis vibes live surprisingly strong here!
But… we’re queer, out and here too, so is it time to launch our queer agenda?? "
Isn't that just a reflection of life in general though? Can't really say it's "surprisingly" strong.
Live the life you want and good people will accept you for who you are. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Isn't that just a reflection of life in general though? Can't really say it's "surprisingly" strong.
"
I guess that depends on the age range you select for, it's very common among young people. |
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I think there is a real mix on here but yeah mainly straight site. I like this being a mini Pride parade in Forum form ??????
It's a shame a lot of homphobic/transphobic comments get left up in the Forums though even if reported. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bi but not fully bi, like to suck and be sucked but not kissing, cuddling or fucking. Hence why I say bi-curious on my profile. That way a conversation ensues and the boundaries get ironed out lol
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just 'cause this site has a very strong straight and cis taste to it, if you are queer and out drop a line!
Queer as fuck and punk as fuck.  "
Hey there very nice profile |
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"Just 'cause this site has a very strong straight and cis taste to it, if you are queer and out drop a line!
Queer as fuck and punk as fuck.
Hey there very nice profile "
The feeling is *extremely* mutual; message me?
Also please give my regards to Mayadaya. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just 'cause this site has a very strong straight and cis taste to it, if you are queer and out drop a line!
Queer as fuck and punk as fuck.
Hey there very nice profile
The feeling is *extremely* mutual; message me?
Also please give my regards to Mayadaya. "
Will give yiur regards hehe
We are a little busy atm, but I will definitely hotlist you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just to give an idea of its toxicity: an admin changed my profile from woman to TS/TV without saying a word. I never asked for this change. I am a woman according to British law and I see myself as such. I find it pretty denigrating. Much to my regret I will leave the site unless they change it back. I guess this is part of the selection bias that makes fabswingers so unfriendly to queer folks. |
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"Just to give an idea of its toxicity: an admin changed my profile from woman to TS/TV without saying a word. I never asked for this change. I am a woman according to British law and I see myself as such. I find it pretty denigrating. Much to my regret I will leave the site unless they change it back. I guess this is part of the selection bias that makes fabswingers so unfriendly to queer folks."
That’s appalling. The use of that ‘category’ is such an anachronistic feature of the site. It was indefensible when it was “just not updated to reflect current language use” but for that to happen is dire.
True survivor bias in action - the forums are full of people defending it, which the admins clearly give a lot of weight to (or just don’t care). Those who have left, are leaving, or never joined in the first place seem invisible to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope the day comes when we can do away with all this TV/TS, bi, gay straight, black, white, and just all identify and accept each other human beings.
I have been told I'm expecting too much of the human race though.
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"I hope the day comes when we can do away with all this TV/TS, bi, gay straight, black, white, and just all identify and accept each other human beings.
I have been told I'm expecting too much of the human race though.
"
Although I don’t doubt your good intent, people’s identities aren’t the issue. It’s the hostility towards those identities which is the danger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hope the day comes when we can do away with all this TV/TS, bi, gay straight, black, white, and just all identify and accept each other human beings.
I have been told I'm expecting too much of the human race though.
Although I don’t doubt your good intent, people’s identities aren’t the issue. It’s the hostility towards those identities which is the danger. "
Yes, and if the day came where we accepted each other as all human beings, there would be no more hostility. There are no 2 people on the planet earth that are the same, the only thing we all have in common is our uniqueness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to give an idea of its toxicity: an admin changed my profile from woman to TS/TV without saying a word. I never asked for this change. I am a woman according to British law and I see myself as such. I find it pretty denigrating. Much to my regret I will leave the site unless they change it back. I guess this is part of the selection bias that makes fabswingers so unfriendly to queer folks."
As much as I agree, and feel the same way, you are defo a woman, and a very sexy one at that  I will play devils advocate.
The site may have assigned the tv/ts for other users who may not be so open minded and it can be seen as (and please don’t read too much into the wording) warning that you are not for them.
Someone with a very closed mind might not click, sees you have ‘woman’ assigned as gender, be caught off guard and by surprise and get angry.
So, it might even be a safety mechanism for your own protection.
Maybe it’ll give you another point of view and you will stay around. Maybe not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hope the day comes when we can do away with all this TV/TS, bi, gay straight, black, white, and just all identify and accept each other human beings.
I have been told I'm expecting too much of the human race though.
Although I don’t doubt your good intent, people’s identities aren’t the issue. It’s the hostility towards those identities which is the danger.
Yes, and if the day came where we accepted each other as all human beings, there would be no more hostility. There are no 2 people on the planet earth that are the same, the only thing we all have in common is our uniqueness."
I think you are but… wouldn’t it be nice if the human race could. “Imagine all the people, living life in peace” ~ John Lennon  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just to give an idea of its toxicity: an admin changed my profile from woman to TS/TV without saying a word. I never asked for this change. I am a woman according to British law and I see myself as such. I find it pretty denigrating. Much to my regret I will leave the site unless they change it back. I guess this is part of the selection bias that makes fabswingers so unfriendly to queer folks.
As much as I agree, and feel the same way, you are defo a woman, and a very sexy one at that I will play devils advocate.
The site may have assigned the tv/ts for other users who may not be so open minded and it can be seen as (and please don’t read too much into the wording) warning that you are not for them.
Someone with a very closed mind might not click, sees you have ‘woman’ assigned as gender, be caught off guard and by surprise and get angry.
So, it might even be a safety mechanism for your own protection.
Maybe it’ll give you another point of view and you will stay around. Maybe not. "
I am open about my transness exactly for that reason, I don't want to be attacked and hurt by some insecure man. However, it's 2022. It is admin's choice to act based on bigotted reports. The site doesn't offer any other choice than woman or tv/ts, and I find the latter lumping disrespectful. It is the site that puts me in this position in the first. My only choice if I want to keep an ounce of self-respect is to go for woman. I can then choose to disclose my transness on my profile or in 1 to 1 conversations. If I do the former I get admins doing the bidding of bigots. If I do the latter I risk abuse. Damned uf you do, damned if you don't.
Not gonna lie, it kind of got to me, I slept 3h last night. Even places like tinder are more inclusive than this walking anachronism of a site. Lucky fir them there are awesome peopke on here (somehow) so I thought twice before deleting my profile and keeping in touch with peeps through messaging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hope the day comes when we can do away with all this TV/TS, bi, gay straight, black, white, and just all identify and accept each other human beings.
I have been told I'm expecting too much of the human race though.
Although I don’t doubt your good intent, people’s identities aren’t the issue. It’s the hostility towards those identities which is the danger.
Yes, and if the day came where we accepted each other as all human beings, there would be no more hostility. There are no 2 people on the planet earth that are the same, the only thing we all have in common is our uniqueness."
The day won't come unless we actively fight for it to be the case. To actively fight for it we must fight for those sectors of society that have been oppressed, discriminated and marginalised. We cannot just go "all lives matter", because currently only some of them do, we must fight so that those who currently don't, do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not gonna lie, it kind of got to me, I slept 3h last night. Even places like tinder are more inclusive than this walking anachronism of a site. Lucky fir them there are awesome peopke on here (somehow) so I thought twice before deleting my profile and keeping in touch with peeps through messaging."
Sorry to hear it effected you so, everything in life is about choice, and maybe the site policy will be updated as more people are educated…one can hope.
And for the record I wasn’t trying to justify the actions of admin.
There’s always pros and cons. I suppose if you can put way the cons it’s worth sticking to. |
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"Not gonna lie, it kind of got to me, I slept 3h last night. Even places like tinder are more inclusive than this walking anachronism of a site. Lucky fir them there are awesome peopke on here (somehow) so I thought twice before deleting my profile and keeping in touch with peeps through messaging.
Sorry to hear it effected you so, everything in life is about choice, and maybe the site policy will be updated as more people are educated…one can hope.
And for the record I wasn’t trying to justify the actions of admin.
There’s always pros and cons. I suppose if you can put way the cons it’s worth sticking to. "
We’ve got structural and direct discrimination happening here.
The presumed lumping-in of trans identities (using the out-dated and debated ‘TS’ term) with transvestes and cross dressers is bad enough.
For the an admin to react to ‘reports’ by then presuming that they know better than the OP herself and changing the category of her profile is far worse.
Deeply unethical, and also unlawful.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are a number of transwomen in The Lounge who are still shown in their profiles as women.
So motives and everything else aside, if your profile has been changed without your agreement then there's obviously inconsistencies with how admin are looking at stuff. |
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"Hate the term 'queer' "
I used to have a real problem with it. It was never a slur used much here in my experience. First heard it when visiting relatives in England when I was quite young, but it was used in such a vicious and othering way the sting really lasted.
I’ve learned to accept and ‘reclaim’ it.
I still have a similar difficulty with ‘poof’ which some have reclaimed to use quite casually these days. I choose not to use it and can avoid it without too much trouble. I guess I’d maybe feel differently if it became an everyday term so I can understand why some LGBT+ people don’t like ‘queer’.
Where I have little sympathy is for the people who don’t like it because of the diversity of its use and representation. That’s just bad old bigotry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I hope the day comes when we can do away with all this TV/TS, bi, gay straight, black, white, and just all identify and accept each other human beings.
I have been told I'm expecting too much of the human race though.
Although I don’t doubt your good intent, people’s identities aren’t the issue. It’s the hostility towards those identities which is the danger.
Yes, and if the day came where we accepted each other as all human beings, there would be no more hostility. There are no 2 people on the planet earth that are the same, the only thing we all have in common is our uniqueness.
The day won't come unless we actively fight for it to be the case. To actively fight for it we must fight for those sectors of society that have been oppressed, discriminated and marginalised. We cannot just go "all lives matter", because currently only some of them do, we must fight so that those who currently don't, do."
I agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate the term 'queer'
I used to have a real problem with it. It was never a slur used much here in my experience. First heard it when visiting relatives in England when I was quite young, but it was used in such a vicious and othering way the sting really lasted.
I’ve learned to accept and ‘reclaim’ it.
I still have a similar difficulty with ‘poof’ which some have reclaimed to use quite casually these days. I choose not to use it and can avoid it without too much trouble. I guess I’d maybe feel differently if it became an everyday term so I can understand why some LGBT+ people don’t like ‘queer’.
Where I have little sympathy is for the people who don’t like it because of the diversity of its use and representation. That’s just bad old bigotry. "
I get what you're saying, at 1st I wasn't keen on those names as well but after working on the tools and playing football it doesn't faze me at all anymore, I've learned to take it on the chin and give it back just as good. |
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" I get what you're saying, at 1st I wasn't keen on those names as well but after working on the tools and playing football it doesn't faze me at all anymore, I've learned to take it on the chin and give it back just as good."
I don’t know if I necessarily agree - in the circumstances you describe it’s still being used as an insult, almost in an “if you can’t beat them, join them” sense.
If there’s a member of the team who is not straight, they’re not going to feel able to come out if homophobic comments are the order of the day.
That’s how I’ve felt, certainly, when younger around family who would think nothing of casually using “poof” as an insult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I get what you're saying, at 1st I wasn't keen on those names as well but after working on the tools and playing football it doesn't faze me at all anymore, I've learned to take it on the chin and give it back just as good.
I don’t know if I necessarily agree - in the circumstances you describe it’s still being used as an insult, almost in an “if you can’t beat them, join them” sense.
If there’s a member of the team who is not straight, they’re not going to feel able to come out if homophobic comments are the order of the day.
That’s how I’ve felt, certainly, when younger around family who would think nothing of casually using “poof” as an insult. "
I understand what you're saying, I should clarify that they didn't use those words before I was out but now they know it's only used now and then and it's genuinely not used aggressively, I've actually had them stand up for me during a game because of it and they are all full of support but yeah that could still be very scary to someone who isn't out. |
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" I get what you're saying, at 1st I wasn't keen on those names as well but after working on the tools and playing football it doesn't faze me at all anymore, I've learned to take it on the chin and give it back just as good.
I don’t know if I necessarily agree - in the circumstances you describe it’s still being used as an insult, almost in an “if you can’t beat them, join them” sense.
If there’s a member of the team who is not straight, they’re not going to feel able to come out if homophobic comments are the order of the day.
That’s how I’ve felt, certainly, when younger around family who would think nothing of casually using “poof” as an insult.
I understand what you're saying, I should clarify that they didn't use those words before I was out but now they know it's only used now and then and it's genuinely not used aggressively, I've actually had them stand up for me during a game because of it and they are all full of support but yeah that could still be very scary to someone who isn't out."
Ah, sorry, yeah, I get you now.  |
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