I am in a long term relationship and met my partner through a swingers website 10 years ago. We continued playing as a couple for a few years and had a good time and made good friends. But gradually my partner started not to enjoy this life style and one day my partner indicated she doesn't wish to continue swinging. I agreed to her request. However I realised I'm missing the excitement of meeting diffent people. So every now and then I just go and have a massage/escort appointment but paying for service is never like meeting like minded people. So I discreetly joined fab without telling my partner. It doesn't feel good I'm doing this behind her back. She will not agree for me going out and play with other women but I feel we started our relationship on that term and it was her decision to stop swinging. I love my partner and keen for our relationship to continue
Anyone has been in a similar situation or have an advice what I should do or is it like I want to have my cake and eat it.
Thank you for your thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard to accept she's changed, but obviously she has and you have to decide whether you want her or your old life. Fucking around when she doesn't want you to is just not on (if you want to keep your relationship with her - no judgment here). It must be hard to stop swinging, I certainly have no intentions to, but if she has then unfortunately that is where your relationship has gone; you can't cajole her into starting again. Relationships change for many reasons, once my kids came along my relationship that was previously _ased basically on drinking with my partner was effectively over. If your relationship was _ased on swinging and that has stopped for her then I suspect it's the beginning of the end...? Of course you could find an FWB in a similar position and let that work for you, but you sound like it's the thrill of individual meets you're looking for. It's just a matter of time if you continue doing as you are now.......... |
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By *byeguysCouple (MM)
over a year ago
Paisley |
I’ve never been in your position so I don’t know if my advice holds much weight. We swing because we’re bisexual and it scratches that itch when it comes to our sexual desires for women.
Ultimately, my love for my partner takes priority though so if he wanted to stop, I’d stop. If I felt like I couldn’t or didn’t want to, fist thing I’d do it sit down and talk to him about it and explain how I feel.
Relationships, especially ones where swinging is involved, need to have that _ase of trust. And a big part of ensuring that trust is communicating. Try talking to her and see if she’ll understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am in a long term relationship and met my partner through a swingers website 10 years ago. We continued playing as a couple for a few years and had a good time and made good friends. But gradually my partner started not to enjoy this life style and one day my partner indicated she doesn't wish to continue swinging. I agreed to her request. However I realised I'm missing the excitement of meeting diffent people. So every now and then I just go and have a massage/escort appointment but paying for service is never like meeting like minded people. So I discreetly joined fab without telling my partner. It doesn't feel good I'm doing this behind her back. She will not agree for me going out and play with other women but I feel we started our relationship on that term and it was her decision to stop swinging. I love my partner and keen for our relationship to continue
Anyone has been in a similar situation or have an advice what I should do or is it like I want to have my cake and eat it.
Thank you for your thoughts."
People can start their relationships on all sorts of basis but people change and evolve. You know the answer to this question already. You want the best of both worlds. Lying to your partner is one thing but you shouldn't lie to yourself. |
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"I’ve never been in your position so I don’t know if my advice holds much weight. We swing because we’re bisexual and it scratches that itch when it comes to our sexual desires for women.
Ultimately, my love for my partner takes priority though so if he wanted to stop, I’d stop. If I felt like I couldn’t or didn’t want to, fist thing I’d do it sit down and talk to him about it and explain how I feel.
Relationships, especially ones where swinging is involved, need to have that _ase of trust. And a big part of ensuring that trust is communicating. Try talking to her and see if she’ll understand. "
This is perfect advice. You definitely need to have a conversation with your partner and be honest about how you feel.
They may not realise how much it means to you and may agree for you to keep swinging even although they don't want to. Or they may say they don't feel comfortable with that and you'll need to choose what matters most to you. |
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You need to speak with her and establish if she is 100% done with the lifestyle. If so, you should to tell her how you feel about carrying on and see if you can find some common ground which let's you do that. If not you will unfortunately have to choose giving up, playing in secret or splitting up. Good luck. The irony is I can give that advice but I'm in a not to dissimilar position and I haven't been able to initiate "the chat". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your answer is yes , you want your cake and to eat it too.
Mate you do what you want and don't listen to others . If you want to meet others then thats what to do. If it costs you your relationship then that was your decision and no point crying over it . Accept that you will no doubt hurt your partner if she finds out but again that's on you. As long as your willing to take full responsibility for your actions and not try to use excuses like your partner changing away from the swinging lifestyle then go for it. Don't listen to the doom and gloomers that say cheats always get caught, trust me , they don't.
Do what's right for you mate and good luck.  |
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