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just a giggle

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

THE HORTH WHITHPERER

A bloke calls his mate, a horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His mate asks 'how will i recognise him?'

'Thats easy, he's a dwarf with a speech impediment'

So, the dwarf shows up and the breeder askes him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nice thorth, can i thee her eyeth?'

So the breeder lifts him up and he gives the horses eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can i thee her earzth?' so the breeder lifts him again and he checks the horses ears.

'hmmm nith earzth, can i thee her mouf?'

The breeder is getting pretty ticked off by this point but he picks the little fella up again and shows him the horses mouth.

'nith mouf, can i see her twat?' the breeder is furious by this pint and picks him up under the arms and shoves the dwarf's head up the horses fanny, pulls him out and slams him onto the ground. The dwarf, couging and spluttering gets up and says 'perhapth i should rephath that, ...can i thee her wun awound a widdlebit??'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dopey visits the Pope

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an audience, and as they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack.

"Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment, and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe "

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back and says, "Your extreme holiness! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

After consulting with his advisors, the Pope responds, "I'm sorry my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling, laughing and pounding the floor - tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting: "Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Snow white is doing het weekly shope in tescos when she bumps in to Richard branson at a trade stall.

Good morning Richard says Snow white,

And good morning to you as well Snow White My dear say Richard.

What brings you here Richard enquires snow White?

I am actually here promoting my new virgin Cola Snow white, would you like to try some My dear?

No thankyou says snow White I prefer 7up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *eatherWoman over a year ago

glasgow

Mick says to paddy shut yer curtains when yer shaggin yer wife the whole street saw u last night well says paddy more fool them cause i wasny there last night

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By *7JayMan over a year ago

Methil/edinburgh

"Mick says to paddy shut yer curtains when yer shaggin yer wife the whole street saw u last night well says paddy more fool them cause i wasny there last night

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By *ir laugh a lotMan over a year ago

glasgow

Schwartz, Cohen and Ginsburg were all close friends since childhood.

They decided they wanted to go into business together.

Schwartz says, "OK! I'll invest $100,000."

Cohen says, "I will go for $200,000."

Ginsburg says, "All right, I'll put in $1,000."

Cohen says, "Since I'm putting in $200,000, I'll be the President and

CEO of the corporation. Schwartz, for your $100,000, you can be Vice

President and CFO. And Ginsburg, for your $1,000, you will be our Sexual Adviser."

Puzzled, Ginsburg asks Cohen, "What is a Sexual Adviser?"

Cohen replies, "When we want your fucking advice, we'll ask for it."

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By *u-cee smurfetteWoman over a year ago

aberdeen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sister Mary Teresa is lying soaking in her warm bath when there is a knock at the door,

Who is it she asked, A vioce says Its the blinddddddddd mannnnnnnnnnn.

Oh says Sister Mary Teresa you cant come in I am taking a warm bath.

Again a knock at the door she says who is it, A vioce again repies Its the blinddddddddddddd mannnnnnnnnn.

again sister mary repeats you can come in I am taking a warm bath.

Again there is a knock at the door and she says who is it, its the blinddddddd mannnnnnnnnn the vioce replys.

Sister Mary Teresa says to herself it will be ok if I let him in and says oh come in then.

The man comes and says right where are yeh wantin yer blinds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between your mother in law and an american pit bull terrier?

The lipstick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a bulldog with a shitzhu?

A bullshitter

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

i've been flashing my tits at the tomatoes so they turn red from blushing........ its not worked but the cucumbers r HUGE!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Teacher asks the class for a sentence with the word....contageous in it.

Wee Johnny jumps up and says ..

I was out in the car with my dad and we saw a truck full of ping pong balls that had spilt out all over the place.

My dad said it will take the....cunt...ages.... to pick them up

lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By *issNaughtyxxxWoman over a year ago

Aberdeen

Made me smile.

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By *owboy BebopMan over a year ago

Glasgow

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By *ocialchameleonMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Knock, knock," I said to my blind mate.

"Who's there?" He asked.

"Doctor,"

"Doctor who?"

"Correct!" I giggled.

"I see what you did there," he replied.

And that's when I reported him for benefit fraud.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 deaf lesbians walkin down road with their hands down each others pants ,,a guy walks past n say,s thats disgusting u shud b ashamed of ur selfs ,,there reply was but we r only lip reading ,,,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Snow White is washing her lunch dishes in the kitchen sink bye the window when a smal bird flies and says "Snow White there has been a cave in at the mine".

Snow White immediately drops everthing and makes haste to the mines entrance.

When she arrive the entrance is block with hundreds ot tons of rocks."Omg" shouts Snow White "my boys where are my boys"she cries in anguish.

Havin know one to help try to clear the rocks she desides to cup her hand onthe mound of stone.Pacing her mouth to her hand she sings " Hi HOOOOOOOOOO "

she places her ear to the rocks and listens. Not a sound and she weeps openly thinking of her small friends somewhere deep in the mine.

Again she cups her hand on the rock and sings in a higher pitch" Hi Hooooooooo".

Again nothing. Snow White is now getting frantic and not knowing what to do she again cups her hand to the rock and bellows in her highest vioce "HI HOOOOOOO.

Out of the blue she heres a distant voice saying, "Rangers for Cup".

Snow White smiles and says " Thank Fuck Dopey is Still Alive".

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By *eatherWoman over a year ago

glasgow

The irish divers who went down to see the Titanic were really amazed that the swimming was still full of water

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By *u-cee smurfetteWoman over a year ago

aberdeen

Mick walks into paddys barn and catches him naked in front of a tractor. Mick says "Paddy what are you doing?" Paddy says "well me and mary havent been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommend i do something sexy to a tractor"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

On a lovely spring afternoon Little red Ring Hood desides she will give her gran a surprises visit.

She leaves home and head into the woods to follow the trail that leads to her grannies home.

After about 10minutes skipping down the track Little Red Riding Hood hears a russle from behind the bushes.

She pulls back the bush and there sitting in a sqat postion is a very large wolf."Good morning Mr wolf" Little Redriding Hood says.

"Fuckoff" repies the Wolf,

amazed at the wolf stern reply she lets go the bush and starts to skip down the track towards her grannies home.

After another 10 mins she again hears a rustle from behind the bushes so she pullsit back and again here is a very large wolf in the sqatting postion.

"good morning Mr Wolf " says Little Redriding Hood.

"I told you before Fuck Off" angerly repies the wolf.

Again she lets go of the and bewildered at the wolfs reply she starts to skip down the trail towards her grannies home.

100 yards from her Grans home Little Redriding hood again here a rustle from behind the bushes. she pulls it back and again here is a very large wolf in the squatting position,

"Good morning Mr Wolf says Little Redriding Hood.

The wolf looks up and says

"For Fuck Sake Can I Know Get A Shite In Peace"

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By *u-cee smurfetteWoman over a year ago

aberdeen

"On a lovely spring afternoon Little red Ring Hood desides she will give her gran a surprises visit.

She leaves home and head into the woods to follow the trail that leads to her grannies home.

After about 10minutes skipping down the track Little Red Riding Hood hears a russle from behind the bushes.

She pulls back the bush and there sitting in a sqat postion is a very large wolf."Good morning Mr wolf" Little Redriding Hood says.

"Fuckoff" repies the Wolf,

amazed at the wolf stern reply she lets go the bush and starts to skip down the track towards her grannies home.

After another 10 mins she again hears a rustle from behind the bushes so she pullsit back and again here is a very large wolf in the sqatting postion.

"good morning Mr Wolf " says Little Redriding Hood.

"I told you before Fuck Off" angerly repies the wolf.

Again she lets go of the and bewildered at the wolfs reply she starts to skip down the trail towards her grannies home.

100 yards from her Grans home Little Redriding hood again here a rustle from behind the bushes. she pulls it back and again here is a very large wolf in the squatting position,

"Good morning Mr Wolf says Little Redriding Hood.

The wolf looks up and says

"For Fuck Sake Can I Know Get A Shite In Peace"

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By *ohnny4playMan over a year ago

Kinross

"Mick walks into paddys barn and catches him naked in front of a tractor. Mick says "Paddy what are you doing?" Paddy says "well me and mary havent been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommend i do something sexy to a tractor"

Groan

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just competed in the paralympics.

I was in the blindfold masturbation event but fuck knows where I came

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