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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The pre-dawn raid was the largest of its kind ever mounted in Cambridgeshire. Two double-decker buses and three helicopters were used to transport police to the Wheelbarrow club in Fish Street on Sunday morning. 144 gnomes were arrested for an act of 'gross indecency' and the possession of potting compost in contravention of the explosives act.
Several underage teenage girls have been charged with providing oral sex in exchange for duty-free cigarettes, but it is unclear at this time whether the officers in attendance took them up on their offer. "It was hell in there," commented one shaken negotiator wearing a balaclava and full Teflon body armour, as he watched another trouserless gnome being bundled into the back of a bulging police van. "Some of them were packing formidable weapons."
Police removed large quantities of suspected drugs, wood alcohol and designer tracksuit bottoms for forensic analysis. Two bags of industrial strength potting compost—thought to be employed in bomb-making equipment—were also found on the premises.
A lawyer acting on behalf of the newly formed Gnome Rights Alliance (NRA), angrily dismissed the police claim that 144 gnomes had been arrested as 'a gross exaggeration', insisting that his twelve clients were arrested several times, as the identical red hats they have been forced to wear under new anti-Gnome legislation made it impossible for officers to tell them apart in the dimly lit interior.
I asked the officer who led the raid, Chief Inspector Rod Slipper, why the gnomes had targeted this particular club.
"It's right next door to a bleedin' garden centre, isn't it?" commented the Chief Inspector as he escorted another trouserless gnome to a waiting police van. "I said it was a bit previous when they built the place. We've suspected for some time that gnomes were running a vice ring to fund their terrorist activities but never dreamed they'd chose St Neots as their headquarters. It just goes to show how cunning the little shits have been."
"Did you encounter stiff resistance?"
"Some of the gnomes were packing formidable weapons but once they saw the size of my lads they soon wilted. A fat little shit in a red hat wielding a miniature garden rake is no match for a bloke kitted out in full Teflon body armour poking a Kalashnikov in his face." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"no like you tae withdraw fae a guy fugy lol
lol lol mr44 fookin cracker lol lol
am straight tho folks...just tae remind ye aw!"
Me thinks he doth protest too much! what do you say .... Mr44? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Was that erm straight outta the potting (the brown) shed Fuggles lol???
Kay xx  "
Am so not saying anything....he str8 you know??....nah neither did I...hehehehe |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"The pre-dawn raid was the largest of its kind ever mounted in Cambridgeshire. Two double-decker buses and three helicopters were used to transport police to the Wheelbarrow club in Fish Street on Sunday morning. 144 gnomes were arrested for an act of 'gross indecency' and the possession of potting compost in contravention of the explosives act.
Several underage teenage girls have been charged with providing oral sex in exchange for duty-free cigarettes, but it is unclear at this time whether the officers in attendance took them up on their offer. "It was hell in there," commented one shaken negotiator wearing a balaclava and full Teflon body armour, as he watched another trouserless gnome being bundled into the back of a bulging police van. "Some of them were packing formidable weapons."
Police removed large quantities of suspected drugs, wood alcohol and designer tracksuit bottoms for forensic analysis. Two bags of industrial strength potting compost—thought to be employed in bomb-making equipment—were also found on the premises.
A lawyer acting on behalf of the newly formed Gnome Rights Alliance (NRA), angrily dismissed the police claim that 144 gnomes had been arrested as 'a gross exaggeration', insisting that his twelve clients were arrested several times, as the identical red hats they have been forced to wear under new anti-Gnome legislation made it impossible for officers to tell them apart in the dimly lit interior.
I asked the officer who led the raid, Chief Inspector Rod Slipper, why the gnomes had targeted this particular club.
"It's right next door to a bleedin' garden centre, isn't it?" commented the Chief Inspector as he escorted another trouserless gnome to a waiting police van. "I said it was a bit previous when they built the place. We've suspected for some time that gnomes were running a vice ring to fund their terrorist activities but never dreamed they'd chose St Neots as their headquarters. It just goes to show how cunning the little shits have been."
"Did you encounter stiff resistance?"
"Some of the gnomes were packing formidable weapons but once they saw the size of my lads they soon wilted. A fat little shit in a red hat wielding a miniature garden rake is no match for a bloke kitted out in full Teflon body armour poking a Kalashnikov in his face.""
a police spokesman later confirmed the raids were initiated on information recieved from an undercover gnome who infiltrated the organization dressed as a fisherman  |
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