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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Scotland has become the first country in the world to offer free sanitary products to women... about bloody time.
That's shite."
Only if you use them wrongly  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Scotland has become the first country in the world to offer free sanitary products to women... about bloody time.
That's shite."
It wasnt meant to be funny. Vagina jokes are not funny. PERIOD! |
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes...
No idea...
What’s do you call a sleeping deer with no eyes...
Still no idea...
"
A no-legged, deaf, in a southern European country, on fire, with no eyes in a layby?
Still deaf in Italy flaming no eyed deer by the way.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?
One is a Goodyear, the other is a bloody great year 
Old one are the best "
Always have been |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What do you call a deer with no eyes...
No idea...
What’s do you call a sleeping deer with no eyes...
Still no idea...
A no-legged, deaf, in a southern European country, on fire, with no eyes in a layby?
Still deaf in Italy flaming no eyed deer by the way.
"
Now that is good!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The motorway was closed the other day due to a lorry load of immigrants being on fire up ahead .
Guy came up to my window and said they had started a wee collection for them.
I said sure , just syphon a couple of gallons .
Let's see the PC brigade get their teeth into that one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The motorway was closed the other day due to a lorry load of immigrants being on fire up ahead .
Guy came up to my window and said they had started a wee collection for them.
I said sure , just syphon a couple of gallons .
Let's see the PC brigade get their teeth into that one."
A scotsman english man Welsh Irish polish romamian american Iraqi Canadian and aussie built a fence... the rest is a feckin joke
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the optisions the other day and the lady says , look into the hole in the box and tell me what you see . I see rows and rows of grounded planes . People wearing face coverings of every description , empty city centre streets . Closed pubs everywhere . She says excellent . You have 2020 vision |
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"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Halloumi
Too cheesy? "
Have you heard about the explosion in the German cheese factory?
All that was left was de brie.
What cheese isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
What cheese hides horses?
Marscopone
What cheese can you tempt a bear with?
Camembert
How did the cheese paint his wife?
He Double Gloucester.
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paddy went to the Dentist's to have a tooth pulled.
The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot.
"No way" ! No needles ! "I hate needles" !, paddy said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and paddy immediately objected.
"I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me" !
The Dentist then asks him if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection", paddy said. "I'm fine with pills".
The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet, paddy totally at a loss for words, said in amazement,
"WOW" ! "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer" !
"It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out..." |
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A guy gets cornered in an alleyway by a gang. They say “wanna play a game?” Thinking it’s best to play along he nods. The hand him a dice the leader says “throw a 1-5 and we kick the shit outa ya”
Seeing some hope the guy says “what if I throw a 6?”
“You get another throw”
How are the Sicilian Mafia and pussy similar?
One slip of the tongue and you’re in the shit. |
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"paddy went to the Dentist's to have a tooth pulled.
The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot.
"No way" ! No needles ! "I hate needles" !, paddy said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and paddy immediately objected.
"I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me" !
The Dentist then asks him if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection", paddy said. "I'm fine with pills".
The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet, paddy totally at a loss for words, said in amazement,
"WOW" ! "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer" !
"It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth out..." "
Brilliant, nearly spat my coffee out, I’m nicking this one |
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