"What's the difference between bing Crosby and walt Disney
Bing sings and Walt disnae "
Just a wee improvement on that;
What’s the differance between White Christmas and Snow White?
Bing sings but Walt disnae !!! |
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A bloke walks into a pub with a dog and says "How much fir a pint?"
"£3.10, pal," says the barman.
"Ah've got a talking dug here. If ah show you it will you gie me a free pint?"
"Aye, alright." says the barman.
"Right," says the bloke "Whit's the opposite of smooth?"
"Rough!" says the dog.
"Good lad. Whit do you call the long grass on a golf course?"
"Rough!"
"Aye lad. Who was Scotland's goalie in the '82 World Cup?"
"Rough!"
"Aye, very funny," says the barman. "Get oot."
The guy walks outside and says to the dog, "Well, that went shite, didn't it?"
"Aye." Says the dog. "Wis it Jim Leighton?" |
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A jock walks into a London pub and says to the barman ‘quick. Two double whiskies. If you had what I had you’d understand’ he tans them and says the same thing. He does it a third time and the barman says ‘how what is it you’ve got?’
Fuck all but a Scottish fiver pal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Frog and toad are walking down the road when toads balls fall off. Frog picks them up and says, "Do you want your balls toad?" And toad replies, "No how do you want your arse kicked?" |
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A guy goes into a Scottish bakery and asks "How much is that cake?" "A poond." "And how much is that one?" "A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!" "Oh, OK. What about that one?" "Ach, that one's two poonds." "Oh. Why's that then?" "That's Madeira cake.
I'll get my coat... |
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"A guy goes into a Scottish bakery and asks "How much is that cake?" "A poond." "And how much is that one?" "A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!" "Oh, OK. What about that one?" "Ach, that one's two poonds." "Oh. Why's that then?" "That's Madeira cake.
I'll get my coat..."
 love that one  |
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By *otnew12Man
over a year ago
blackness |
Genuinely went into greggs one day and pointed at the doughnuts and said “is that a doughnut or am ah rang?”
She just looked at me like a moron and said
“It’s obviously a doughnut”
I think she was the doughnut tbh... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guy in gym picks up phone, "hi darling, just seen a coat but it's £700"..."go ahead, it's cold". Ring, ring..."just seen a new car but it's £25k"..."go ahead, you're worth it". Ring, ring..."darling, just seen a brilliant house but it's £450k"..."ok, but offer £420k"....Guy puts phone down, "anyone know whose phone this is?".... |
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