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Smacking children
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Over the past few generations, attitudes to child rearing have changed enormously. It's now considered (by most) a bad thing to smack children, so the answer is no. Whether our children grow into better adults as a result is a moot point. |
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By *hallasMan 36 weeks ago
in a skip |
Just putting forward a different perspective.
Let's look at the direct correlation between discipline or lack thereof to increase in bad antisocial behaviour over the past 30 plus years.
It's growing at an alarming rate.
So what can a parent do to discipline a child?
Answer pretty much nothing children and I'm including up to the age of 18 in this pretty much can do what they like without fear of consequences, because we have created a society where the word "NO" is almost abolished.
I would go above 18 to say grown ups are also doing whatever the fuck they want.
So how do we stem the flow?
Well simple discipline and respect from an early age now I'm not suggesting that we bring back canning in school or parents smacking children.
But for those against please tell me a viable and realistic deterrent for bad behaviour?
Take phone and off kid's? Yeah great until they all start a campaign about the removal of their freedom's saying it's their right to have internet access.
Stop them going out, fine works up until a certain age then they say" fuck you I'm going out" how do you stop them?
It's about education, teaching respect and that bad behaviour has direct consequences, wearing uniform is a must ,no phones IN school is a must.
I'm just asking how do we discipline children when as parents and a society have been hamstrung to the point of why bother because everything is in favour of the child not the adult?
I'm going to say again I am not suggesting smacking is allowed but realistically how can you discipline them as clearly the current system is not working??? |
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"Just putting forward a different perspective.
Let's look at the direct correlation between discipline or lack thereof to increase in bad antisocial behaviour over the past 30 plus years.
It's growing at an alarming rate.
So what can a parent do to discipline a child?
Answer pretty much nothing children and I'm including up to the age of 18 in this pretty much can do what they like without fear of consequences, because we have created a society where the word "NO" is almost abolished.
I would go above 18 to say grown ups are also doing whatever the fuck they want.
So how do we stem the flow?
Well simple discipline and respect from an early age now I'm not suggesting that we bring back canning in school or parents smacking children.
But for those against please tell me a viable and realistic deterrent for bad behaviour?
Take phone and off kid's? Yeah great until they all start a campaign about the removal of their freedom's saying it's their right to have internet access.
Stop them going out, fine works up until a certain age then they say" fuck you I'm going out" how do you stop them?
It's about education, teaching respect and that bad behaviour has direct consequences, wearing uniform is a must ,no phones IN school is a must.
I'm just asking how do we discipline children when as parents and a society have been hamstrung to the point of why bother because everything is in favour of the child not the adult?
I'm going to say again I am not suggesting smacking is allowed but realistically how can you discipline them as clearly the current system is not working???"
Exactly! Smacking does seem an anachronism in 2024, but what is the alternative? I've seen child 'negotiation' in action, and more often than not the child wins. What does that tell the child? Moreover, what kind of adult results? |
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Ooooo. I could send you in a billion directions for this. (but you can find them all over the web yourself)
'Parenting children without violent physical intervention' has been an established art for more than 25 years, for those who wish to make use of it. Sadly, we don't do parenting school/s in the UK. Anyone can have a child and just go for it. Remember that the child will more often than not be a mirror of who we are. Parents look to have a good sense of themselves before endeavouring to raise children.
Parents need education, just as we all need education. There is nothing Zen about it, just mostly common sense strategies for child-rearing. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"Ooooo. I could send you in a billion directions for this. (but you can find them all over the web yourself)
'Parenting children without violent physical intervention' has been an established art for more than 25 years, for those who wish to make use of it. Sadly, we don't do parenting school/s in the UK. Anyone can have a child and just go for it. Remember that the child will more often than not be a mirror of who we are. Parents look to have a good sense of themselves before endeavouring to raise children.
Parents need education, just as we all need education. There is nothing Zen about it, just mostly common sense strategies for child-rearing."
This |
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But parenting in general is an important topic. We have teachers protesting because they couldn't handle the kids anymore
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0klq72r5w9o
Not really surprised. The number of parents I see in public who are busy with their phones while their kids indulge in antisocial behaviour is astounding. |
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First thing that needs to be sorted is the definitions.
Hitting and smacking are seen as the same thing and arguably deliberately interchanged by those against it to further their support.
They are quite different in intent.
Smacking is about a punishment for doing wrong. Both parties know the rules and consequences.
Hitting has nothing to do with the above. It it about one persons grievance against another for whatever personal reason that may be and often is not controlled nor quantified proportional ly.
The aim and outcome are quite different.
Unless these are understood then there cannot be any form or debate. I'd also say from my experience many of those who have been hit have a skewed idea of punishment.
Interestingly my kids had smacking as part of a their disciplinary upbringing, all girls, 3 work with kids, one with vulnerable ones. All say would defend the appropriate use of smacking in discipline as part of the tools for raising kids. |
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To help clarify some misunderstanding maybe consider this:
The act of smacking, one or two smacks to the buttocks where as hitting is physical abuse, is beating, to strike repeatedly (also k#ck, p*nch, ch#ke) any part of the body.
The intent of smacking is training, to correct problem behaviour. Hitting is violence a physical force intended to injure or abuse to appease an emotion of the inflictor.
The attitude in smacking is with love and concern, with hitting it is with anger and malice.
The effects of smacking is behavioural correction, with hitting it is emotional and physical injury.
One is for good the other isn't.
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Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked? |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?"
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline? |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?"
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
"
You comparing a young child with an adult? A dependant with a non dependent. One who is yet to learn reasoning with one who has developed reasoning capabilities?
I've heard this argument that children should have the same rights as adults. Do you think this? |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
"
Also slapping is not spanking. Slapping is to degrade, to shame, to put down, to diminish. It's purpose is complete antithesis to discipline imo. |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
"
Historically, husbands disciplined wives. |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
You comparing a young child with an adult? A dependant with a non dependent. One who is yet to learn reasoning with one who has developed reasoning capabilities?
I've heard this argument that children should have the same rights as adults. Do you think this?"
Yes I am treating them as the same. What right should any human have to be physically violent to another. No matter what age?
I'm illustrating how it would feel to an adult. A reasonable adult wouldn't smack anyone.
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"Yes
But they must know what they have done wrong for it to be punishment."
how can it ever be acceptable. If I was to slap you hard across the face or knock you out with a punch that would be unacceptable and against the law unless it was in self defence. So how come some idiots think its acceptable to hit a toddler or small child who is half your size? |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
You comparing a young child with an adult? A dependant with a non dependent. One who is yet to learn reasoning with one who has developed reasoning capabilities?
I've heard this argument that children should have the same rights as adults. Do you think this?
Yes I am treating them as the same. What right should any human have to be physically violent to another. No matter what age?
I'm illustrating how it would feel to an adult. A reasonable adult wouldn't smack anyone.
"
I guess if you see smacking a child as being physically violent towards them then I'd agree.
I guess we differ with our view, understanding and application. You're mixing discipline and abuse.
I have tried to explain the difference in a previous comment. |
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"Maybe we should ask this another way.
So you are sat at home (adults) and your partner asks to do something, and you refuse to do it. Might be a domestic chore - one that does need doing, like getting rid of kitchen waste into the outside bin - no matter how many times you ask or shout they flat out refuse to do it.
At which point do they deserve to be smacked?
Ask it any way you like but I'll ask a question...is this discipline?
Well, if the adult was slapped, would that teach him/her to do what was asked in the future?
You comparing a young child with an adult? A dependant with a non dependent. One who is yet to learn reasoning with one who has developed reasoning capabilities?
I've heard this argument that children should have the same rights as adults. Do you think this?
Yes I am treating them as the same. What right should any human have to be physically violent to another. No matter what age?
I'm illustrating how it would feel to an adult. A reasonable adult wouldn't smack anyone.
I guess if you see smacking a child as being physically violent towards them then I'd agree.
I guess we differ with our view, understanding and application. You're mixing discipline and abuse.
I have tried to explain the difference in a previous comment."
I'm not seeing anything but physical violence and to call it anything else is just a semantic of vocabulary. |
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Yes.
How do you know you like being spanked, or into bdsm unless you are smacked on the bum as a kid.
Banning smacking will deprive future generations, from finding out if they like being spanked, whipped, or flogged. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"Yes.
How do you know you like being spanked, or into bdsm unless you are smacked on the bum as a kid.
Banning smacking will deprive future generations, from finding out if they like being spanked, whipped, or flogged."
how many kids are bound and gagged ?  |
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"Discipline is not child abuse. If you think it is you probably actually were abused."
I think the point is. Most of the time it's not discipline, it's the parent being angry at the kid and smacking them. |
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By *I Two OP Couple 36 weeks ago
PDI 12-26th Nov 24 |
"Yes
But they must know what they have done wrong for it to be punishment. how can it ever be acceptable. If I was to slap you hard across the face or knock you out with a punch that would be unacceptable and against the law unless it was in self defence. So how come some idiots think its acceptable to hit a toddler or small child who is half your size? "
It isn't and that's not the point.
Smacking a child is clearly defined in law. |
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"I'm surprised someone hasn't added that depriving children of treats or tv will cause them irreparable mental damage lol"
I'm surprised parents haven't been done for their kids being over weight, now that's child abuse imho |
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"I'm surprised someone hasn't added that depriving children of treats or tv will cause them irreparable mental damage lol
I'm surprised parents haven't been done for their kids being over weight, now that's child abuse imho"
you serious |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access. |
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By *ermbiMan 36 weeks ago
Ballyshannon |
"To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access."
The problem is finding competent parents who know how to parent. Too often they are the child's 'best friend' and fail to show loving discipline. The word no seems to be non existent. Then we have the parents who believe everything their little one says and admonishes the school for daring to look sideways at them. Then there's lazy incompetent parents who couldn't be bothered and let the children run wild. Rules of society are being challenged today. What will it be like in another 10 years. You have been warned... |
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"To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access.
The problem is finding competent parents who know how to parent. Too often they are the child's 'best friend' and fail to show loving discipline. The word no seems to be non existent. Then we have the parents who believe everything their little one says and admonishes the school for daring to look sideways at them. Then there's lazy incompetent parents who couldn't be bothered and let the children run wild. Rules of society are being challenged today. What will it be like in another 10 years. You have been warned..."
are you talking from experience ? |
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"To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access.
The problem is finding competent parents who know how to parent. Too often they are the child's 'best friend' and fail to show loving discipline. The word no seems to be non existent. Then we have the parents who believe everything their little one says and admonishes the school for daring to look sideways at them. Then there's lazy incompetent parents who couldn't be bothered and let the children run wild. Rules of society are being challenged today. What will it be like in another 10 years. You have been warned..."
Not the first time societal rules are challenged and changed.
Not the first time the wrong intervention is being advocated.
Good parents tend to be good because they have recognised their failings or insufficient skills and have sought help to improve and consistently improve.
We learn our parenting skills good or bad from our own. Often we inadvertently apply these because it's all we know.
"Parents Don’t Just Contribute To Society. They Create It." I think as a society we do a shockingly bad job at ensuring that parents are provided with the support and tools required for good parenting to build supportive and nurturing homes.
Society keeps stripping away parental values their responsibilties. This response is symbolic of how our society tries to address issues, with a plaster, a quick fix which doesn't fix anything. Much like dealing with alcoholics, it sees alcohol as the issue whereas it's a response or reaction to a greater underlying issue. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access.
The problem is finding competent parents who know how to parent. Too often they are the child's 'best friend' and fail to show loving discipline. The word no seems to be non existent. Then we have the parents who believe everything their little one says and admonishes the school for daring to look sideways at them. Then there's lazy incompetent parents who couldn't be bothered and let the children run wild. Rules of society are being challenged today. What will it be like in another 10 years. You have been warned..."
I blame the parents of the parents. Shoulda smacked the bad parenting out of them at a younger age. |
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"I'm surprised someone hasn't added that depriving children of treats or tv will cause them irreparable mental damage lol
I'm surprised parents haven't been done for their kids being over weight, now that's child abuse imho"
I did hear that they were looking into making parents more responsible for this, but I think it got stopped quite quickly. |
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By *ermbiMan 36 weeks ago
Ballyshannon |
"To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access.
The problem is finding competent parents who know how to parent. Too often they are the child's 'best friend' and fail to show loving discipline. The word no seems to be non existent. Then we have the parents who believe everything their little one says and admonishes the school for daring to look sideways at them. Then there's lazy incompetent parents who couldn't be bothered and let the children run wild. Rules of society are being challenged today. What will it be like in another 10 years. You have been warned...are you talking from experience ?"
Indirectly from experience. Seen plenty to know what's going on |
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"To be fair, if you're a competent parent the need to smack is minimal. A good example would be continuing to abuse an animal despite you making it clear they must stop immediately. Besides a bigger problem is all these braindead parents that allow their children unsupervised internet access.
The problem is finding competent parents who know how to parent. Too often they are the child's 'best friend' and fail to show loving discipline. The word no seems to be non existent. Then we have the parents who believe everything their little one says and admonishes the school for daring to look sideways at them. Then there's lazy incompetent parents who couldn't be bothered and let the children run wild. Rules of society are being challenged today. What will it be like in another 10 years. You have been warned...are you talking from experience ?
Indirectly from experience. Seen plenty to know what's going on"
So what is going on ? |
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