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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear Joe,
I tried to, M. A. G. A
a m u g
k e. l a
e. r l i
i i n
c b
a l
e
But it just didn't work out the way I thought it would. I actually thought I might even become the first US Emperor. I really liked how the people all bow down to little Kim Jong Un, and I'm even way taller than him. I knew you won the election on November 5th.
"Remember Remember the 5th of Nov !"
But, I was just so upset I lost to Obama's Vice President that I cried on Rudy's lap, and even threw a temper tantrum at the White House in front of all my servants. Even Milania hasn't slept with since then, and I'm getting a bad case of blue balls over it because even the strippers won't sleep with me anymore. Ted Cruz did offer to help me out, but his scruffy beard is a bit rough and he hasn't learned to keep his teeth out of the way. He tries really hard, but he's not very good at it yet. I'd much rather have Lindsey do it, hes so much better at it, he's had ALOT more practice over the last four years, but he's mad at
me right. Oh well, at least I'm headed back to MaraLago and my gardener Juan can help me out until Ivanka comes to visit.
I know I've been an asshole to everyone for more than four years, and a bunch of people died because I really didnt understand how to do the job of president, so I just played golf as much as possible so people wouldn't figure it out.
But anyway, long story short, I could sure use a pardon from you Joe.
Please, Please, Please, pardon me, because I'm really starting to get a bit scared now. I know they know I'm guilty of a bunch of stuff because William told me monday, right after I had already pardoned some more of my crooked friends that might be able to help me and my family in the future.
I've always really like you ALOT Joe, and consider you a friend, even though you still associate with that Obama guy and his family. So, since I consider you a friend, and
friends help other friends, help a buddy out by pardoning me for everything I've ever done, and it would be a really wonderful thing if you could find a way to pardon me for everything I may do in
the future too. Your BFF, love Donny.
PS. Thanking you early for pardoning me my friend. Isn't friendship a wonderful thing.
Before I forget, tell Mike Pence I'm still mad at him, but I will send back his blow up boy scout doll Eric borrowed, and the blow up Lexington Steele doll Ivanka borrowed. Oh, and tell Ted I said to practice every day with that little lifelike dildo of mine before he comes to visit me this spring. Thanks again, donny.
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