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Freedom to choose your preferred relationship style
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
Things are going to change around here now I’ve been made government minister for relationships. No longer is marriage and monogamy going to be seen as the only acceptable way to have a “successful relationship”
Instead, a successful relationship is going to be one that makes you happy. Radical, eh? I’m going to outlaw guilt, that can fucking do one as a reason to be together, instead I’m going to bring in compulsory caring and the rule of not being a twat to your partner.
Also compulsory is an annual relationship MoT test. A qualified examiner sits you both (or maybe all 3 or 4 of you) down and asks you about your relationship. You have to answer honestly. If there’s a problem, you can either agree to fix it or if not, move on.
To have a successful relationship you don’t need to look like a married couple, for some it might be living apart during the week and seeing one of your (many) partners during the weekend.
What would be the essential ingredients to your ideal relationship? For me, I’d like:
To feel desired, to share intimacy, and for the line between “friend” and “partner” to be blurred a bit.
What would yours look like? |
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I identify as a relationship anarchist so relate to the line between partner and friend being blurred.
I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating. I have friends I'm open with about it that I can talk to but there's been a lot of moments of having to put on a fake grin and pretend I'm not hurting or agree that I sympathise with people separated from partners without being able to say I'm one of them.
My essential ingredients in a relationship are openess and honesty, a free flow of communication from both sides, a shared sense of humour and enjoying deep conversation. |
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I am very fortunate to be in a relationship that is as perfect as is possible in real life.
We support each other, don't dictate how the other should live their own life and have enjoyed exploring different experiences together.
Our love has only grown, over the 20 years we have been a couple. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I identify as a relationship anarchist so relate to the line between partner and friend being blurred.
I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating. I have friends I'm open with about it that I can talk to but there's been a lot of moments of having to put on a fake grin and pretend I'm not hurting or agree that I sympathise with people separated from partners without being able to say I'm one of them.
My essential ingredients in a relationship are openess and honesty, a free flow of communication from both sides, a shared sense of humour and enjoying deep conversation."
Oh Lacey! Hugs. I could have written this. Your honesty on here is part of the reason I came to terms with and began to accept who I am. It's so bloody difficult not being able to see those you are dating and I really do hope you're able to see those you miss soon. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I identify as a relationship anarchist so relate to the line between partner and friend being blurred.
I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating. I have friends I'm open with about it that I can talk to but there's been a lot of moments of having to put on a fake grin and pretend I'm not hurting or agree that I sympathise with people separated from partners without being able to say I'm one of them.
My essential ingredients in a relationship are openess and honesty, a free flow of communication from both sides, a shared sense of humour and enjoying deep conversation.
Oh Lacey! Hugs. I could have written this. Your honesty on here is part of the reason I came to terms with and began to accept who I am. It's so bloody difficult not being able to see those you are dating and I really do hope you're able to see those you miss soon. x"
It’s good to read other people are feeling the same way kinda, I mean it makes me feel like I’m not alone feeling this way but on the other hand I take no pleasure from reading it as I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone else.
I’m rambling again....
Big love to anyone whose missing loved ones  |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating"
I’ve just highlighted this part - perhaps this is the best thing about Fab and the friends we make here - it allows us to be really honest about our feelings.
I laughed at your “relationship anarchist” bit, strange to call it that when actually you’re enjoying the relationships you have, they’re just not conforming to someone else’s rules. Rules that are basically made up but we stick to so rigidly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the ultimate goal for me is to feel like I belong. I'm not sure what that relationship would look like, I don't know who or how many would be involved but I'd like to feel that contentment you get when you know it's right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not necessarily poly, but I’d love to have an open conversation about being in a long term relationship and having my own life while living separately. My last 2 have been very codependent relationships and the thought of having to share my life and time with someone that fully makes me super anxious! I always joke about only wanting a part time boyfriend but it’s true!  |
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By *dam1971 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedford |
"I think the ultimate goal for me is to feel like I belong. I'm not sure what that relationship would look like, I don't know who or how many would be involved but I'd like to feel that contentment you get when you know it's right. "
Allow yourself to think about it and relax some of the restrictions that society, or your upbringing, puts on yourself.
If you don’t think about, or acknowledge, what you want, you’ll never get it. That would be a shame |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the ultimate goal for me is to feel like I belong. I'm not sure what that relationship would look like, I don't know who or how many would be involved but I'd like to feel that contentment you get when you know it's right.
Allow yourself to think about it and relax some of the restrictions that society, or your upbringing, puts on yourself.
If you don’t think about, or acknowledge, what you want, you’ll never get it. That would be a shame"
I think that's the problem though, if I think about it I'm then assuming what I think I want will be right. I'd rather just wait until something comes along and happens naturally, I trust myself to know when it just feels right. |
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"I identify as a relationship anarchist so relate to the line between partner and friend being blurred.
I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating. I have friends I'm open with about it that I can talk to but there's been a lot of moments of having to put on a fake grin and pretend I'm not hurting or agree that I sympathise with people separated from partners without being able to say I'm one of them.
My essential ingredients in a relationship are openess and honesty, a free flow of communication from both sides, a shared sense of humour and enjoying deep conversation.
Oh Lacey! Hugs. I could have written this. Your honesty on here is part of the reason I came to terms with and began to accept who I am. It's so bloody difficult not being able to see those you are dating and I really do hope you're able to see those you miss soon. x"
Oh Meli, that's so lovely and I'm so happy you've begun to accept yourself. Thank you and you too . |
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"I identify as a relationship anarchist so relate to the line between partner and friend being blurred.
I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating. I have friends I'm open with about it that I can talk to but there's been a lot of moments of having to put on a fake grin and pretend I'm not hurting or agree that I sympathise with people separated from partners without being able to say I'm one of them.
My essential ingredients in a relationship are openess and honesty, a free flow of communication from both sides, a shared sense of humour and enjoying deep conversation.
Oh Lacey! Hugs. I could have written this. Your honesty on here is part of the reason I came to terms with and began to accept who I am. It's so bloody difficult not being able to see those you are dating and I really do hope you're able to see those you miss soon. x
It’s good to read other people are feeling the same way kinda, I mean it makes me feel like I’m not alone feeling this way but on the other hand I take no pleasure from reading it as I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone else.
I’m rambling again....
Big love to anyone whose missing loved ones "
Ramble away. It helps knowing you're not alone in feeling the way you do. Especially in a world that mostly doesn't understand . |
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"I'd love to live in a world I could be totally open about wanting to date multiple people. One of the hardest parts of this lockdown is living with my long term partner but so many people in my life not realising how badly I'm missing someone else I had been dating
I’ve just highlighted this part - perhaps this is the best thing about Fab and the friends we make here - it allows us to be really honest about our feelings.
I laughed at your “relationship anarchist” bit, strange to call it that when actually you’re enjoying the relationships you have, they’re just not conforming to someone else’s rules. Rules that are basically made up but we stick to so rigidly "
Relationship anarchy is an actual "thing" not just my term  .
I'm very fortunate to have both some on here that get it and other poly friends in my life. Otherwise the feeling of loneliness by being "other" and most relationship referencing not applying to you would be harder. Even just listening to songs! I touch myself by Divinyls was on the radio the other day and I wanted to send it to a partner as I knew it would make him laugh but the line "I don't want anybody else" kind of ruined it. |
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