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Farting
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"Twas approx 5 mins ago, loud, voluminous but no smell on account of the two shits I've had today 
You’ve had two shits today?! Incredible "
Soon as my feet touch the floor I need the first, the second is usually an hour behind that, regular as clockwork. I'm sure everyone's in a better place for knowing this  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Twas approx 5 mins ago, loud, voluminous but no smell on account of the two shits I've had today
You’ve had two shits today?! Incredible
Soon as my feet touch the floor I need the first, the second is usually an hour behind that, regular as clockwork. I'm sure everyone's in a better place for knowing this "
I used to shit at 10am everyday, as soon as I got home from my first shift at work
Now I have a baby, it’s about 8.30am |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Literally as I was reading this.
It was short, bit moist and was not silent
How did it smell?"
It didnt. I've got windows open and my door so I think it just went straight out of my room |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Literally as I was reading this.
It was short, bit moist and was not silent
How did it smell?
It didnt. I've got windows open and my door so I think it just went straight out of my room"
A ghost fart |
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"Twas approx 5 mins ago, loud, voluminous but no smell on account of the two shits I've had today
You’ve had two shits today?! Incredible "
I normally have had a least 2 shits before I've gone to work, I'm normally a 2-3 shits a day guy... But some days I don't go at all but when I have one of those days I can lay a turd the length of the titanic  happy to send some pictures if you wish |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you noticed how farts in the bath always smell worse?
I once farted in a wetsuit, all the gas went into my boots and made them super buoyant, when I eventually righted myself at the surface it all shot up into my hood and out mast my face, not good  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you noticed how farts in the bath always smell worse?
I once farted in a wetsuit, all the gas went into my boots and made them super buoyant, when I eventually righted myself at the surface it all shot up into my hood and out mast my face, not good "
omg |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you noticed how farts in the bath always smell worse?
I once farted in a wetsuit, all the gas went into my boots and made them super buoyant, when I eventually righted myself at the surface it all shot up into my hood and out mast my face, not good
omg"
Fucking pride of the Royal Navy me!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you noticed - people like the smell of their own farts but, not other peoples.
Ok ok granted some do have a fart fetish  "
Your own never seem as bad so they?
My sons are like acid, now he’s eating food they’re absolutely rank, and constant! |
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"Have you noticed - people like the smell of their own farts but, not other peoples.
Ok ok granted some do have a fart fetish
Your own never seem as bad so they?
My sons are like acid, now he’s eating food they’re absolutely rank, and constant!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Due to a complication, now and then my farts don't blow out, they suck in.
Its a useful attribute, as I can easily acquire many items if I set about shoplifting.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Due to a complication, now and then my farts don't blow out, they suck in.
Its a useful attribute, as I can easily acquire many items if I set about shoplifting.
"
That’s where all the hand sanitiser went |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you noticed how farts in the bath always smell worse?
I once farted in a wetsuit, all the gas went into my boots and made them super buoyant, when I eventually righted myself at the surface it all shot up into my hood and out mast my face, not good "
I farted in my motorcycle leathers once (while riding) and said fart must have slowly worked its way up the leathers as I got the full force of it some 20 minutes or so later. Dead rat for those interested in the smell ....  |
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By *unknSoulCouple
over a year ago
dumfries-ish |
It was devine. Had all the ingredience of a classic room clearer power noise smell. A slight waft of the quilt and inhale made for sharing which it was. Dont understand why Funk was running round the bedroom calling me a dirty bastard and selfish. |
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"I slipped one out a moment ago into the chair. The next person to sit down on it is gonna get a bouncing betty
P"
Pmsl at bouncing betty - comparing a stealthy fart to a jumping land mine genuinely still pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Wait...what? Women fart? I thought it was just men! I was with ny ex for 17 years and I never heard her fart once! True story"
I’ve mastered the art of farting silently |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven’t been able to fart since we lost the dogs... if the kids know its me they’ll want another dog - main reason we haven’t is because ‘they’ were always farting "
oh no! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'Eproctophilia (fart fetish) is a sexual fetish, most commonly in straight men in which they receive arousal from their partner's flatulence.
Not all eproctophiles enjoy the notorious cake farts. In fact, several of them are just as grossed out as normal people and only a slim minority of them like it. Instead, the majority of them enjoy the smell and/or sound their partner's farts make.
It was revealed in writer James Joyce's love letters to his wife that he had a fart fetish'
Found this online...
Notorious cake farts!
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whilst sat on the toilet this morning.
My cat looked at me like I had just killed his mother then walked away in disgust. "
I fart whenever I sit on the toilet! |
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"'Eproctophilia (fart fetish) is a sexual fetish, most commonly in straight men in which they receive arousal from their partner's flatulence.
Not all eproctophiles enjoy the notorious cake farts. In fact, several of them are just as grossed out as normal people and only a slim minority of them like it. Instead, the majority of them enjoy the smell and/or sound their partner's farts make.
It was revealed in writer James Joyce's love letters to his wife that he had a fart fetish'
Found this online...
Notorious cake farts!
"
Notorious Cake Farts would be a good rapper name.
I know someone with this.
If he's good I eat Brussel Sprouts  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"'Eproctophilia (fart fetish) is a sexual fetish, most commonly in straight men in which they receive arousal from their partner's flatulence.
Not all eproctophiles enjoy the notorious cake farts. In fact, several of them are just as grossed out as normal people and only a slim minority of them like it. Instead, the majority of them enjoy the smell and/or sound their partner's farts make.
It was revealed in writer James Joyce's love letters to his wife that he had a fart fetish'
Found this online...
Notorious cake farts!
Notorious Cake Farts would be a good rapper name.
I know someone with this.
If he's good I eat Brussel Sprouts "
That made me laugh - the rapper name not the cake farting. Does he have a particular favourite cake variety?
Ace pic btw - had to fab it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm actually surprised and disgusted at the amount of women who are openly admitting to farting!
Why? "
It's just not very ladylike! I think I can count on one hand how many times I've heard a woman fart |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm actually surprised and disgusted at the amount of women who are openly admitting to farting!
Why?
It's just not very ladylike! I think I can count on one hand how many times I've heard a woman fart"
It’s not very ladylike to fart?!
Yeah. Fuck normal bodily functions. It ain’t ladylike.
Oh and men shouldn’t cry. Not very manly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm actually surprised and disgusted at the amount of women who are openly admitting to farting!
Why?
It's just not very ladylike! I think I can count on one hand how many times I've heard a woman fart
It’s not very ladylike to fart?!
Yeah. Fuck normal bodily functions. It ain’t ladylike.
Oh and men shouldn’t cry. Not very manly "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm actually surprised and disgusted at the amount of women who are openly admitting to farting!
Why?
It's just not very ladylike! I think I can count on one hand how many times I've heard a woman fart"
You’ve led a sheltered life! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm actually surprised and disgusted at the amount of women who are openly admitting to farting!
Why?
It's just not very ladylike! I think I can count on one hand how many times I've heard a woman fart
You’ve led a sheltered life!"
Thankfully! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"'Eproctophilia (fart fetish) is a sexual fetish, most commonly in straight men in which they receive arousal from their partner's flatulence.
Not all eproctophiles enjoy the notorious cake farts. In fact, several of them are just as grossed out as normal people and only a slim minority of them like it. Instead, the majority of them enjoy the smell and/or sound their partner's farts make.
It was revealed in writer James Joyce's love letters to his wife that he had a fart fetish'
Found this online...
Notorious cake farts!
Notorious Cake Farts would be a good rapper name.
I know someone with this.
If he's good I eat Brussel Sprouts "
And now you know two people with this! ?? |
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By *ip2Man
over a year ago
Near Maidenhead |
A bit like letting the last of the air out of a balloon... The fact I'd given myself a bit of an enema in order play with my anal beads and glass wand toy might have had something to do with it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A bit like letting the last of the air out of a balloon... The fact I'd given myself a bit of an enema in order play with my anal beads and glass wand toy might have had something to do with it?"
Jesus Christ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to guff in bed and force an ex's head under the duvet. Would not suggest trying this though unless you know for sure she's game for it.
Actually I'm sure someone has been charged in the past for assault due to boffing. |
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"I miss the 12 pints of Guinness followed by chicken curry farts, the windows really rattled with them, it wouldn't have been the first time I woke myself up with the noise of one of those."
Real ale farts.... and a beef vindaloo chaser... one way of staying single - had the rats throwing themselves on the traps in my old flat... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not only straight guys enjoy farts.
I'm bi and I'm submissive too, so being made or even f0rced to smell a good stinky fart works for me.
Of course, it's even better when that person (female or male) is sat on you doing it.
That's my personal take on it anyway.
Dave |
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"When was the last time you farted?
Please describe the fart to me"
Last night had a good fart after testing out a new toy. It was a little sloppy and wet sounding and disconcerting due to the lube but it was ultimately just loud. No mess no smell. A good fart. |
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"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away 
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat  "
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment! |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!"
Ooh I say xx |
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"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!
Ooh I say xx"
Sorry I know I'm very unladylike but I grew up with an older brother and hung out with him and his friends a lot |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!
Ooh I say xx
Sorry I know I'm very unladylike but I grew up with an older brother and hung out with him and his friends a lot"
Girl your great xx |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!
Ooh I say xx
Sorry I know I'm very unladylike but I grew up with an older brother and hung out with him and his friends a lot"
Il tell you a secret I fart all the time but shhhhh |
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"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!
Ooh I say xx
Sorry I know I'm very unladylike but I grew up with an older brother and hung out with him and his friends a lot
Il tell you a secret I fart all the time but shhhhh"
Your secret is safe |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!
Ooh I say xx
Sorry I know I'm very unladylike but I grew up with an older brother and hung out with him and his friends a lot
Il tell you a secret I fart all the time but shhhhh
Your secret is safe "
Xxxxxxxxx |
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"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!"
Strangley you don't mention IBS on you profile. |
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"I just did a quiet one in the kitchen and walked away
Hey that's my trick, then wait a few minutes until you hear "Jesus Christ that's f**king toxic"
What do you eat
I have IBS so sometimes it can be nasty but I tend to know if its gonna be nasty and can go into the garden but they finished my chocolate so deserved the punishment!
Strangley you don't mention IBS on you profile. "
Of course I don't! People don't mention they're diabetic, epileptic or other health conditions that have no impact on their sex life so why should I mention something that has no impact on my sex life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I just did a dirty warm fart, wasn’t sure if it was going to be wet or follow through, one of them dog diarrhoea type stinks, you know the one you can’t even bare to sit in yourself, god it was bad, still floating around lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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10 FACTS ABOUT FARTING YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum.
These are some things you should know about them:
1. An average person farts around 14 times a day.Those 14 farts a day are enough to fill up a balloon.
2. Farts are made up of hydrogen sulfide that reduces mitochondrial damage. Smelling farts can be healthy, thus next time you fart take a nice deep breath and thank the person.
3. This is not something to be embarrassed about as it means that you are healthy. A healthy digestive tract produces farts. If you are not farting at all go to the doctor
4. The original meaning of fart if forth as wind from the anus. This word was coined in 1962.
5. Gum and soda make you fart more, thus if you know somebody who farts a lot and they drink a lot of soda and chewing gum, hide it from them.
6. Most of the farting happens at night when we sleep.
7. If you have very tight sphincter you will produce louder farts as they have smaller tighter area to squeeze out from.
8. Farts go as fast as 10 ft/sec.
9. Female farts tend to be stinkier as females have higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide. Female farts are healthier to smell.
10. Men fart more than women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"10 FACTS ABOUT FARTING YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum.
These are some things you should know about them:
1. An average person farts around 14 times a day.Those 14 farts a day are enough to fill up a balloon.
2. Farts are made up of hydrogen sulfide that reduces mitochondrial damage. Smelling farts can be healthy, thus next time you fart take a nice deep breath and thank the person.
3. This is not something to be embarrassed about as it means that you are healthy. A healthy digestive tract produces farts. If you are not farting at all go to the doctor
4. The original meaning of fart if forth as wind from the anus. This word was coined in 1962.
5. Gum and soda make you fart more, thus if you know somebody who farts a lot and they drink a lot of soda and chewing gum, hide it from them.
6. Most of the farting happens at night when we sleep.
7. If you have very tight sphincter you will produce louder farts as they have smaller tighter area to squeeze out from.
8. Farts go as fast as 10 ft/sec.
9. Female farts tend to be stinkier as females have higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide. Female farts are healthier to smell.
10. Men fart more than women."
Thank you Queenie. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"10 FACTS ABOUT FARTING YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum.
These are some things you should know about them:
1. An average person farts around 14 times a day.Those 14 farts a day are enough to fill up a balloon.
2. Farts are made up of hydrogen sulfide that reduces mitochondrial damage. Smelling farts can be healthy, thus next time you fart take a nice deep breath and thank the person.
3. This is not something to be embarrassed about as it means that you are healthy. A healthy digestive tract produces farts. If you are not farting at all go to the doctor
4. The original meaning of fart if forth as wind from the anus. This word was coined in 1962.
5. Gum and soda make you fart more, thus if you know somebody who farts a lot and they drink a lot of soda and chewing gum, hide it from them.
6. Most of the farting happens at night when we sleep.
7. If you have very tight sphincter you will produce louder farts as they have smaller tighter area to squeeze out from.
8. Farts go as fast as 10 ft/sec.
9. Female farts tend to be stinkier as females have higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide. Female farts are healthier to smell.
10. Men fart more than women.
Thank you Queenie. "
You’re welcome.
Did you know all of these facts? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"10 FACTS ABOUT FARTING YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum.
These are some things you should know about them:
1. An average person farts around 14 times a day.Those 14 farts a day are enough to fill up a balloon.
2. Farts are made up of hydrogen sulfide that reduces mitochondrial damage. Smelling farts can be healthy, thus next time you fart take a nice deep breath and thank the person.
3. This is not something to be embarrassed about as it means that you are healthy. A healthy digestive tract produces farts. If you are not farting at all go to the doctor
4. The original meaning of fart if forth as wind from the anus. This word was coined in 1962.
5. Gum and soda make you fart more, thus if you know somebody who farts a lot and they drink a lot of soda and chewing gum, hide it from them.
6. Most of the farting happens at night when we sleep.
7. If you have very tight sphincter you will produce louder farts as they have smaller tighter area to squeeze out from.
8. Farts go as fast as 10 ft/sec.
9. Female farts tend to be stinkier as females have higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide. Female farts are healthier to smell.
10. Men fart more than women.
Thank you Queenie.
You’re welcome.
Did you know all of these facts?"
No, not all of them, especially 9 and 10. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"10 FACTS ABOUT FARTING YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum.
These are some things you should know about them:
1. An average person farts around 14 times a day.Those 14 farts a day are enough to fill up a balloon.
2. Farts are made up of hydrogen sulfide that reduces mitochondrial damage. Smelling farts can be healthy, thus next time you fart take a nice deep breath and thank the person.
3. This is not something to be embarrassed about as it means that you are healthy. A healthy digestive tract produces farts. If you are not farting at all go to the doctor
4. The original meaning of fart if forth as wind from the anus. This word was coined in 1962.
5. Gum and soda make you fart more, thus if you know somebody who farts a lot and they drink a lot of soda and chewing gum, hide it from them.
6. Most of the farting happens at night when we sleep.
7. If you have very tight sphincter you will produce louder farts as they have smaller tighter area to squeeze out from.
8. Farts go as fast as 10 ft/sec.
9. Female farts tend to be stinkier as females have higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide. Female farts are healthier to smell.
10. Men fart more than women."
No 10 no they don't |
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