FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Opening up
Opening up
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
*Because I need a thread that's not related to *that* thing.
Do you find it easy to open up to people from fab? Is it something you actively choose not to do or do you prefer it when people do? Do you think someone can open up "too" much and you lose interest in them?
I was talking to a friend earlier and he said that keeping people at arms length (emotionally) is the way forward. I've always compartmentalised and rarely opened up on here, in doing so recently I've found I can feel a bit more exposed and worry; I fear if I go back to keeping people at a distance then I won't be true to me yet on the same hand I know that opening up too much can be a bit... much I guess. Anyway Sunday musings that are waffley. I can't keep on with my horny posting.  |
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By *ings66Man
over a year ago
Bristol |
If people are fare you may make friends you will never meet and say what ever you like to them from a rant to sexy talk I do talk to some people I know I will never meet and if you want to off load on me you can |
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Hey Meli
I disclose only what I want any one here to know and nothing more and I declare in my profile that any meetings are purely a ‘ temporary emotional fix’ because that’s all I’m looking for. I don’t think it’s wise to disclose all and everything. Besides the two sides of my life (Personal & fab) are very different. |
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To be honest Meli, no, I don't find people on Fab easier to open up to as I find that they can be a bit judgey and that has hit me in the past.
Off of Fab, I have some lovely friends who I can be open with and who do not take advantage of that vulnerability. Its easier to open up to people (and I say people but all of my friends are women), when you have shared an evening of wine and random chat. |
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Recently I’ve had my fingers very badly burnt by getting too close to someone I met on here. It hurt because I had protected myself but they continued to push boundaries. It’s a mistake I won’t make again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I’m known for opening up on here and my experience has always been positive.
I remember when I joined about 8 years ago, fab wasn’t too nice to tv/ts and I hope my openness has gone some way in helping create the level of acceptance the forums now show.  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Meli! Sorry, but the thread title, and you as the OP! I got really excited! How can this not be about that thing!! I thought you had a wide on!! 
D."
Sometimes I can post without my quim typing for me!  I'm flipping between horny and overthinking/general pondering right now.
Sorry for letting you down D, I'll send you a photo to make up for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I open up happily when I feel there is sufficient mutual trust. I have had a tendency to over share in the past and got burned quite badly a few yeas ago. However with those where we’ve built a strong bod of trust our mutual disclosure deepens over time. There are a very small number of people on Fab that I feel I trust sufficiently with my most intimate stuff. That said I’m not guarded and emotionally available most of the time. I wear a thin sensitive skin. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"If people are fare you may make friends you will never meet and say what ever you like to them from a rant to sexy talk I do talk to some people I know I will never meet and if you want to off load on me you can"
Ah, I think I've done enough offloading recently. It's nice to talk sometimes isn't it? We're not meant to be solitary creatures and by sharing our experiences, our narrative and our worries it helps make this crazy world feel a little bit more manageable and a lot less lonely. |
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I'm generally quite an open person, if you ask me a direct question I'll answer it. Yes I'm an emotional person who wears their heart of their sleeve. Used to think it made me weak and so I'd hide it away from the world. In the last few years I've decided to stop hiding who I am.
That has allowed to me find people who are on my wavelength and am less likely to get hurt.
I'm not ashamed of my past or my emotions. And that includes life outside fab and on it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I open up very easily with people on here, too easily in fact. It really puts me off when people don’t want to talk to me about things other than sex. That’s might be ideal for some but I think I make it quite clear on my profile that I need to know people mentally too  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Hey Meli
I disclose only what I want any one here to know and nothing more and I declare in my profile that any meetings are purely a ‘ temporary emotional fix’ because that’s all I’m looking for. I don’t think it’s wise to disclose all and everything. Besides the two sides of my life (Personal & fab) are very different."
Hey DC!
Purely a temporary emotional fix, even with recent people? Why do you not think it is wise to disclose things? I'm much the same, my personal and fab side are different. I can count on one hand the people who do know some things about me. It is oddly liberating to be able to talk freely about all aspects of my life and not censor it though. |
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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago
Ho Chi Minge City |
"I open up very easily with people on here, too easily in fact. It really puts me off when people don’t want to talk to me about things other than sex. That’s might be ideal for some but I think I make it quite clear on my profile that I need to know people mentally too "
Exactly this!  |
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"Meli! Sorry, but the thread title, and you as the OP! I got really excited! How can this not be about that thing!! I thought you had a wide on!!
D.
Sometimes I can post without my quim typing for me! I'm flipping between horny and overthinking/general pondering right now.
Sorry for letting you down D, I'll send you a photo to make up for it."
Your quim is a prolific poster to be fair
You know I like all your posts even the geeky ones but a sorry pic is an opportunity I wouldn’t want to miss!
D. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"To be honest Meli, no, I don't find people on Fab easier to open up to as I find that they can be a bit judgey and that has hit me in the past.
Off of Fab, I have some lovely friends who I can be open with and who do not take advantage of that vulnerability. Its easier to open up to people (and I say people but all of my friends are women), when you have shared an evening of wine and random chat."
I get the judgey thing, I really do. I've been hurt in the past from opening up and it makes me incredibly wary now. It is about being vulnerable and having that used against you - when you open up you risk that. I try and be optimistic - sometimes that risk fades when you have the ability to just be the most authentic you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I open up on the forums, probably a bit too much as I’ve often had things I’ve said used against me, but I do like hearing other people’s opinions and getting advice from all angles. You can only get proper advice when people know the full story so I’m always honest.
That being said, I do need to keep people in interested in romantically at arms length at least until I know we’re on the same page.
It’s hard for me cos I always see the bigger picture, I can tell from just a few conversations if someone is a match for my personality and when I find people that are (it’s rare) I tend to get attached to them! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Arms length definitely. Maybe even an arm and a leg length! I choose what people know about me on fab, and it’s not an awful lot. My personal life is just that. However 2 or 3 people have crossed from fab to real friends so I no longer see them as “fab” people. They know actual me, not just Nora x |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I like open, authentic people , it doesn’t mean I need to know your deepest darkest secrets and I won’t tell you mine but true friendship (and strength) develops by being open and making yourself vulnerable, not being closed. |
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"To be honest Meli, no, I don't find people on Fab easier to open up to as I find that they can be a bit judgey and that has hit me in the past.
Off of Fab, I have some lovely friends who I can be open with and who do not take advantage of that vulnerability. Its easier to open up to people (and I say people but all of my friends are women), when you have shared an evening of wine and random chat.
I get the judgey thing, I really do. I've been hurt in the past from opening up and it makes me incredibly wary now. It is about being vulnerable and having that used against you - when you open up you risk that. I try and be optimistic - sometimes that risk fades when you have the ability to just be the most authentic you."
I think it depends how you use fab, what you are looking for. For me, I will always be a long forgotten verification, and that's cool. My appetite on here is for a different flavour than I get in my non-fab life, I have never managed to marry the two |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like open, authentic people , it doesn’t mean I need to know your deepest darkest secrets and I won’t tell you mine but true friendship (and strength) develops by being open and making yourself vulnerable, not being closed."
I agree
I was going to say something similar but you put it across more eloquently |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"*Because I need a thread that's not related to *that* thing.
Do you find it easy to open up to people from fab? Is it something you actively choose not to do or do you prefer it when people do? Do you think someone can open up "too" much and you lose interest in them?
I was talking to a friend earlier and he said that keeping people at arms length (emotionally) is the way forward. I've always compartmentalised and rarely opened up on here, in doing so recently I've found I can feel a bit more exposed and worry; I fear if I go back to keeping people at a distance then I won't be true to me yet on the same hand I know that opening up too much can be a bit... much I guess. Anyway Sunday musings that are waffley. I can't keep on with my horny posting. "
Took me a while |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
I used to find it quite easy to open up to anyone that I felt would be interested. I'd feel the vibe etc, I wouldn't want to open up if it didn't feel right etc.
However I'm much more reserved in doing so now, having been at a low point and being open about it with somebody that had even encouraged me to be, to then be brushed aside while needing somebody has greatly put me off doing so with most people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ll open up to a certain degree but it’s better to keep people at arms length given the nature of this website. However, I will always respect and reflect how open and honest someone is with me and move from there. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Recently I’ve had my fingers very badly burnt by getting too close to someone I met on here. It hurt because I had protected myself but they continued to push boundaries. It’s a mistake I won’t make again. "
Sorry to read this, it's a real crappy thing to go through. It's not a mistake getting too close to someone though - getting too close to the wrong sort is. Don't lose hope, there are some good ones out there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I open up very easily with people on here, too easily in fact. It really puts me off when people don’t want to talk to me about things other than sex. That’s might be ideal for some but I think I make it quite clear on my profile that I need to know people mentally too "
You are a very easy person to talk to  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I think I’m known for opening up on here and my experience has always been positive.
I remember when I joined about 8 years ago, fab wasn’t too nice to tv/ts and I hope my openness has gone some way in helping create the level of acceptance the forums now show. "
You being so open about your journey - the goods and the bads are a real testament to the person you are. I've loved reading them over the years and I have no doubt they've gone some way to helping that level, x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do open up a little more now about things especially in the forums when I'm in a grouchy mood because I can get a bit snappy and sarky. I have a handful of friends on here that I talk to about most things, I know I can trust them. I don't talk to anyone else really haha! |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I open up happily when I feel there is sufficient mutual trust. I have had a tendency to over share in the past and got burned quite badly a few yeas ago. However with those where we’ve built a strong bod of trust our mutual disclosure deepens over time. There are a very small number of people on Fab that I feel I trust sufficiently with my most intimate stuff. That said I’m not guarded and emotionally available most of the time. I wear a thin sensitive skin."
You do YOWD and it's one of the things I like about you. That mutual disclosure does strengthen bonds and having that trust makes a relationship (loosely used term) even better for it. I'm finally learning to be truly open and myself (I still make mistakes!). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do open up a little more now about things especially in the forums when I'm in a grouchy mood because I can get a bit snappy and sarky. I have a handful of friends on here that I talk to about most things, I know I can trust them. I don't talk to anyone else really haha! "
you really suit your username. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I'm generally quite an open person, if you ask me a direct question I'll answer it. Yes I'm an emotional person who wears their heart of their sleeve. Used to think it made me weak and so I'd hide it away from the world. In the last few years I've decided to stop hiding who I am.
That has allowed to me find people who are on my wavelength and am less likely to get hurt.
I'm not ashamed of my past or my emotions. And that includes life outside fab and on it
"
You have such a good approach to it! You're right, being emotional doesn't make you weak. Likewise, not being one who doesn't readily open up make you any less. I hope in time I am where you are.
I think I've always felt like if I am too open about how I feel it will push people away. Like the real, atypical, anxious Meli isn't okay and if I am just confident me then that's far more palatable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will only share with people I have chatted to for a while and as got to know as well as anyone can over the internet. Unfortunately, no-one really wants what I have to share...!  |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I open up very easily with people on here, too easily in fact. It really puts me off when people don’t want to talk to me about things other than sex. That’s might be ideal for some but I think I make it quite clear on my profile that I need to know people mentally too "
You and I are alike in so many ways (apart from you being like the hotter, slightly older me ). I want to know what makes someone tick and smile and laugh.
I have everything crossed you find that someone who ticks your mental and physical requirements soon. |
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I’ve opened up on here just a couple of times and it’s usually been ok, sometimes a few people have shown enormous support.
I’ve made a handful of friends who have crossed into knowing the whole me and that’s is heartwarming.
Even better is that I’ve been able to be supportive to a few people, it’s really nice to be that person to others |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Meli! Sorry, but the thread title, and you as the OP! I got really excited! How can this not be about that thing!! I thought you had a wide on!!
D.
Sometimes I can post without my quim typing for me! I'm flipping between horny and overthinking/general pondering right now.
Sorry for letting you down D, I'll send you a photo to make up for it.
Your quim is a prolific poster to be fair
You know I like all your posts even the geeky ones but a sorry pic is an opportunity I wouldn’t want to miss!
D."
My quim postings have taken a break recently! It's only because my go to outlet is more appealing to my maternal side right now that I've been posting I'm horny spaff. I shall send you a good one for being so understanding. |
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I think it depends really. Need to be careful on here because our mutual interest is often very physical, however because of that we’ve already Instantly overcome some of the traditional barriers in normal friendships and even with intimate relationships where it’s difficult to be totally open about preferences etc. So on here you start from a very different place and can open in different ways |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure where I stand on it at all. I'm not sure my heart is really into being here and I feel like my guard is up and I'm not letting anyone in but then I know that without forming a connection I won't want to take things further.
I guess it's about finding a balance and that's only going to happen with the right people, I can keep myself closed off and distant until they come along. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I’ve posted a couple of stories. I Am private enough not to give my location or face. Had a few good conversations. ... "
Stories are an outlet, sure. I've posted a few on different sites but not yet braved not being anonymous. Showing your face is a big step in opening up. I think most have seen my chubby mug by now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not sure where I stand on it at all. I'm not sure my heart is really into being here and I feel like my guard is up and I'm not letting anyone in but then I know that without forming a connection I won't want to take things further.
I guess it's about finding a balance and that's only going to happen with the right people, I can keep myself closed off and distant until they come along. "
I totally get this. Once they’re “in” I probably open up too much and they know pretty much everything but not many people get that close. I have to really trust them. I’m still totally honest with people though. Always. Choosing not to discuss some things isn’t being dishonest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I open up quite easily with most anyone, on here or in real life. I do prefer to listen though, but that's not me being guarded. My only problem I find when I do "open up", at times I get taken the wrong way, or I can sound flippant and blunt while not meaning to be, or as with online can be tricky, as it's hard to convey expression, body language and tone.
But I think its great to see forums like this, showing how supportive people are just in general and empathise with others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been told my conversation flits from one subject to another and that I am random. I guess it's because I'm an open book and will always answer truthfully. |
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I'm a very guarded person, both on here and in the big wide world...unfortunately experience has taught me that there are a lot of nasty pasties around. Once somebody gains my trust though, they'll have all of me, whether they want it or not!
So, in answer to your OP, I don't open up to people on here on the whole, although there are a couple of exceptions. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I open up on the forums, probably a bit too much as I’ve often had things I’ve said used against me, but I do like hearing other people’s opinions and getting advice from all angles. You can only get proper advice when people know the full story so I’m always honest.
That being said, I do need to keep people in interested in romantically at arms length at least until I know we’re on the same page.
It’s hard for me cos I always see the bigger picture, I can tell from just a few conversations if someone is a match for my personality and when I find people that are (it’s rare) I tend to get attached to them! "
You don't open up too much. I admire you for being you - yeah sure, sometimes you are a bit outlandish in your thoughts (said with love) but you are always you and that's not a bad thing. People know where they stand with you.
I do try and keep people at a bit of arms length; what happens if they hurt you? I think now though I just think fuck it. Life is too short and I'd rather be me and enjoy all of it and show me as I am, not a carefully edited version. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust, it's hard to earn and easy to lose. I'm generally less trusting and therefore almost certainly less open than I used to be....
But if another gains my trust then they get all of me, not just random musings on fab.... |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Arms length definitely. Maybe even an arm and a leg length! I choose what people know about me on fab, and it’s not an awful lot. My personal life is just that. However 2 or 3 people have crossed from fab to real friends so I no longer see them as “fab” people. They know actual me, not just Nora x"
Yes, I get this! It's wonderful isn't it? I don't see them as being from fab or whatever else, they get me warts and all. It's relatively easy to be open when you have that relationship, even for an overthinker like me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Arms length definitely. Maybe even an arm and a leg length! I choose what people know about me on fab, and it’s not an awful lot. My personal life is just that. However 2 or 3 people have crossed from fab to real friends so I no longer see them as “fab” people. They know actual me, not just Nora x
Yes, I get this! It's wonderful isn't it? I don't see them as being from fab or whatever else, they get me warts and all. It's relatively easy to be open when you have that relationship, even for an overthinker like me."
It is. And to be honest that’s one thing I never thought I’d find here x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I open up very easily with people on here, too easily in fact. It really puts me off when people don’t want to talk to me about things other than sex. That’s might be ideal for some but I think I make it quite clear on my profile that I need to know people mentally too
You and I are alike in so many ways (apart from you being like the hotter, slightly older me ). I want to know what makes someone tick and smile and laugh.
I have everything crossed you find that someone who ticks your mental and physical requirements soon. "
If he even exists |
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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago
Serendipity |
There are a few people from here I’ve known a long time, so they are friends now, not Fab friends. I tell them all sorts of crap and know it’s safe to share. Everyday chat here, no I keep that at arms length, having said that I can’t just talk sex, that bores me after a while.
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I like open, authentic people , it doesn’t mean I need to know your deepest darkest secrets and I won’t tell you mine but true friendship (and strength) develops by being open and making yourself vulnerable, not being closed."
I love this. I'm not going to tell anyone my deepest darkest secrets any time soon but being open does make a friendship a lot more honest and true. Being closed is almost my default but I am changing that slowly and hoping to build relationships in part because of that. |
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"I'm generally quite an open person, if you ask me a direct question I'll answer it. Yes I'm an emotional person who wears their heart of their sleeve. Used to think it made me weak and so I'd hide it away from the world. In the last few years I've decided to stop hiding who I am.
That has allowed to me find people who are on my wavelength and am less likely to get hurt.
I'm not ashamed of my past or my emotions. And that includes life outside fab and on it
You have such a good approach to it! You're right, being emotional doesn't make you weak. Likewise, not being one who doesn't readily open up make you any less. I hope in time I am where you are.
I think I've always felt like if I am too open about how I feel it will push people away. Like the real, atypical, anxious Meli isn't okay and if I am just confident me then that's far more palatable."
I used to feel the same that if I'm my emotional self it'll put people off. But then are these people really my friends if I too scared to show them the real me. How can I expect them to understand me if I'm not honest with them? Some of my actions are due to my past, I as a person makes a lot more sense if you understand my motives. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I overshare tbh. I'm also too trusting (naive).
So far it's worked out ok, but I think I've been lucky "
Fingers crossed your luck continues, you deserve it too. Being too trusting doesn't always equal naivety - it can be nice having that faith in others. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Anyway Sunday musings that are waffley. I can't keep on with my horny posting.
Took me a while"
This was the very much abridged version, the original was full on questions and thoughts with no real direction. |
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Meli, your very own thread! Oh happy day.
I have found fab, and the fora in particular, to be a revelation in terms of being able to open up about the sexual side of me. That's been hugely liberating and enjoyable.
As far as personal information goes, we don't tend to share much - jobs, family etc. - that is mostly kept to ourselves. I'm sure some people could join the dots if they really wanted to but we try to be careful on that front. We've been burned before.
Personality wise - it's all out there for the world to see. I do tend to overthink and overshare, on here, on social media in general, and in life. I have honestly found it's brought nothing but good things into my life. People who think they're the only ones who think like that/do that weird thing/worry about that have often privately thanked me for letting it all hang out.
Meets-wise, (is that even a word?) being part of a couple has meant that the emotional boundaries are very clearly defined. I need to have a connection with the people we meet, but everyone knows that's as far as it goes. I think I would find this much harder to manage as a single person on fab, given how I am.
I think you can be open about plenty things in life without being reckless, even on fab. It's something which has brought strength to me over the years.
Mrs TMN x
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I used to find it quite easy to open up to anyone that I felt would be interested. I'd feel the vibe etc, I wouldn't want to open up if it didn't feel right etc.
However I'm much more reserved in doing so now, having been at a low point and being open about it with somebody that had even encouraged me to be, to then be brushed aside while needing somebody has greatly put me off doing so with most people. "
I do understand this Kietonel, I really do. And it must have been bloody awful for you. Being reserved is a good defence mechanism and protects you from future hurt. When you need someone you are at your most vulnerable and to be brushed aside is awful. Sorry you experienced it, x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I overshare tbh. I'm also too trusting (naive).
So far it's worked out ok, but I think I've been lucky
Fingers crossed your luck continues, you deserve it too. Being too trusting doesn't always equal naivety - it can be nice having that faith in others."
Thank you lovely |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I thought this was gonna be about you fisting yourself on cam yesterday morning, Meli!  "
BOLDY! My self fisting abilities are now going to be expected every time I cam with someone.  Thanks a lot hunnnibun. XO |
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I used to open up to people, probably too much, which can lead to all sorts of complications.
I also feel that you can talk to people too much and end up in the 'friends zone' rather than in the 'I can't wait to get naked with you'.
We feel there is a happy medium where we can be friends and chat yet still keep the sexy side.
|
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By *ings66Man
over a year ago
Bristol |
"If people are fare you may make friends you will never meet and say what ever you like to them from a rant to sexy talk I do talk to some people I know I will never meet and if you want to off load on me you can
Ah, I think I've done enough offloading recently. It's nice to talk sometimes isn't it? We're not meant to be solitary creatures and by sharing our experiences, our narrative and our worries it helps make this crazy world feel a little bit more manageable and a lot less lonely."
Meli
It can be a small world but I know you and I are unlikely to ever meet in real life so if you want to message anytime please do as I am happy to chat |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I keep people well at arms length in terms of opening up.
Here I don't open up. What for? Who to? Opening up can't be done to a stranger in the ether ..... not in my mind. "
Personally I wasn't talking from an opening up to a stranger perspective but I did leave it deliberately vague so people could interpret it as they want. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I'm open and honest with people who I talk to on a regular basis. Knowing people are there for me during tough times is lovely "
I think this is adorable. Yeah, my friends from here have seen me through some really difficult times and I wouldn't be the woman I am now if it wasn't for them. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I will only share with people I have chatted to for a while and as got to know as well as anyone can over the internet. Unfortunately, no-one really wants what I have to share...! "
You've just not found the one who does.
I think most don't want what I have to share but I shall keep sharing to those poor sods I call friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no reason to "open up" to anyone on here. I have other avenues for "opening up". My fab friends are purely on a sexual basis. I'm not very trusting instinctively and don't bare my soul to many. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I’ve opened up on here just a couple of times and it’s usually been ok, sometimes a few people have shown enormous support.
I’ve made a handful of friends who have crossed into knowing the whole me and that’s is heartwarming.
Even better is that I’ve been able to be supportive to a few people, it’s really nice to be that person to others"
The whole you? Brave folk. 
It is nice isn't it? I like knowing that if someone wants to or needs to talk to me about anything they can, however daft. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I think it depends really. Need to be careful on here because our mutual interest is often very physical, however because of that we’ve already Instantly overcome some of the traditional barriers in normal friendships and even with intimate relationships where it’s difficult to be totally open about preferences etc. So on here you start from a very different place and can open in different ways "
I don't know if physicality is something that needs to be "overcome" in normal friendships but there definitely is a different kind of openness (for me anyway) from those I build from the site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I open up happily when I feel there is sufficient mutual trust. I have had a tendency to over share in the past and got burned quite badly a few yeas ago. However with those where we’ve built a strong bod of trust our mutual disclosure deepens over time. There are a very small number of people on Fab that I feel I trust sufficiently with my most intimate stuff. That said I’m not guarded and emotionally available most of the time. I wear a thin sensitive skin.
You do YOWD and it's one of the things I like about you. That mutual disclosure does strengthen bonds and having that trust makes a relationship (loosely used term) even better for it. I'm finally learning to be truly open and myself (I still make mistakes!). "
That’s good. Disclosure tends to beget disclosure. I tend to shutdown a bit if it isn’t reciprocal, but I’m normally pretty open. The important thing is discernment in how much to share and when.
Getting burnt is a bit of an occupational hazard, however each time I’ve been burnt I’ve come out the other side a bit stronger and a little bit wiser |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I'm not sure where I stand on it at all. I'm not sure my heart is really into being here and I feel like my guard is up and I'm not letting anyone in but then I know that without forming a connection I won't want to take things further.
I guess it's about finding a balance and that's only going to happen with the right people, I can keep myself closed off and distant until they come along. "
Ach Poppy. You've been through a lot (in a not patronising way). There's no need to find a balance or those people right away as you well know, the fora are great for passing time or distraction. I really do hope you get to that position where you can let your guard down - you're a hilarious, brilliant person. x |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"I open up quite easily with most anyone, on here or in real life. I do prefer to listen though, but that's not me being guarded. My only problem I find when I do "open up", at times I get taken the wrong way, or I can sound flippant and blunt while not meaning to be, or as with online can be tricky, as it's hard to convey expression, body language and tone.
But I think its great to see forums like this, showing how supportive people are just in general and empathise with others. "
Online conversations really can be a bugger to navigate at times for all of the reasons you mentioned. Clarity as much as possible only goes some way in the recipient getting your message as intended - people do read things differently. Keep at it, you'll find your people soon, x |
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The facts of my life are open to all; I don't hold back and will answer almost any question asked. I know I have a tendency to overshare and some people find that off-putting.
My emotions and feelings tend to be mine alone though, I rarely share them in real life or on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure where I stand on it at all. I'm not sure my heart is really into being here and I feel like my guard is up and I'm not letting anyone in but then I know that without forming a connection I won't want to take things further.
I guess it's about finding a balance and that's only going to happen with the right people, I can keep myself closed off and distant until they come along.
Ach Poppy. You've been through a lot (in a not patronising way). There's no need to find a balance or those people right away as you well know, the fora are great for passing time or distraction. I really do hope you get to that position where you can let your guard down - you're a hilarious, brilliant person. x"
thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have opened up to a few on here, you can sort of gauge what people want by chatting to them a bit and I will always be drawn to people that will. Sometimes it can become an avalanche once you both start, but I like that I have been given that trust. It isnt always a good idea though but I dont regret being the sort of person to trust easily and will probably carry on just blurting things out to people. |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"Meli, your very own thread! Oh happy day.
I have found fab, and the fora in particular, to be a revelation in terms of being able to open up about the sexual side of me. That's been hugely liberating and enjoyable.
As far as personal information goes, we don't tend to share much - jobs, family etc. - that is mostly kept to ourselves. I'm sure some people could join the dots if they really wanted to but we try to be careful on that front. We've been burned before.
Personality wise - it's all out there for the world to see. I do tend to overthink and overshare, on here, on social media in general, and in life. I have honestly found it's brought nothing but good things into my life. People who think they're the only ones who think like that/do that weird thing/worry about that have often privately thanked me for letting it all hang out.
Meets-wise, (is that even a word?) being part of a couple has meant that the emotional boundaries are very clearly defined. I need to have a connection with the people we meet, but everyone knows that's as far as it goes. I think I would find this much harder to manage as a single person on fab, given how I am.
I think you can be open about plenty things in life without being reckless, even on fab. It's something which has brought strength to me over the years.
Mrs TMN x
"
Thank you, I thought I'd do my own thread for once! It's actually not gone too shabbily.
Overthinking and oversharing is good for the most part - an old forumite Nell Gwynn helped me realise it was okay to be open about being different in how I viewed the world. You being so open would definitely help people feel less weird and open. I'm really glad you found the fora, your posts are always informative and well thought and very you, x |
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"Hey Meli
I disclose only what I want any one here to know and nothing more and I declare in my profile that any meetings are purely a ‘ temporary emotional fix’ because that’s all I’m looking for. I don’t think it’s wise to disclose all and everything. Besides the two sides of my life (Personal & fab) are very different.
Hey DC!
Purely a temporary emotional fix, even with recent people? Why do you not think it is wise to disclose things? I'm much the same, my personal and fab side are different. I can count on one hand the people who do know some things about me. It is oddly liberating to be able to talk freely about all aspects of my life and not censor it though."
I trust my recent ‘fix’ but yep it’s as and when. I would trust very few here ( there are exceptions) but for the main it’s cyber world and I don’t trust those I’ve never met - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m not good at opening up to anyone either on here or off to family and friends. I do share a few basics but I’ve learned to be a closed book re my thoughts and feelings and it’s a hard habit to break.
Only a couple of people get to see a bit of the real me, I’m too scared to let anyone in too much. X |
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My fab relationship friends are aware of what happens in my real life, everyone else is in the outer circle, I dip in and out of peoples lives occasionally and to help if there is a problem or they just need to chat, there's a nice fab community of people to converse with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So as a few of you may already know. Opening up is a funny thing for me (ivory) have the emotional stability of a child,it has the risk of fucking things up if I do it with the wrong people. I am very different from most men in that when I feel comfortable with people,I can be nothing but open. I'm am so lucky in that sometimes people don't see it as necessarily a bad thing. I am always scared because when I do feel it's right, I have zero ability to hide how I'm feeling. For all of the people that find it weird,we have found people that embrace it and we can both be honest and share things outside of the world of Fab. And if anything it just makes the relationship even more special,I guess that is just a long way of saying how lucky we are hehe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey Meli
I disclose only what I want any one here to know and nothing more and I declare in my profile that any meetings are purely a ‘ temporary emotional fix’ because that’s all I’m looking for. I don’t think it’s wise to disclose all and everything. Besides the two sides of my life (Personal & fab) are very different."
This |
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It comes down to trust, and how much you trust people can be based on how you've been treated in life by others in your life. If you've been let down by people you out your total trust in, then it makes you very wary.
|
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"It comes down to trust, and how much you trust people can be based on how you've been treated in life by others in your life. If you've been let down by people you out your total trust in, then it makes you very wary.
"
*people you put |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It comes down to trust, and how much you trust people can be based on how you've been treated in life by others in your life. If you've been let down by people you out your total trust in, then it makes you very wary.
"
Or it comes down to realise it's not really wise to give too much of yourself to a stranger on a sleazy sex site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I like to open up to people I chat to on here. I’m very honest and always tell the truth. But if my depression is getting the better of me which it is now,I don’t want the people I know to worry about me. As for keeping people at arms length I did that for years then finally got with the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and wanted to spend my life with her. We split a while ago and now my wall has gone straight back up and will do for years to come. But I’ve chatted to some very nice people on here and I thank them for it. |
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I will open up to people I feel comfortable with after chatting for a while, find it much easier to chat with people on here about my lingerie kink, mostly because they are less judgemental on fab than in the real world! Anything more personal then it would usually take longer, as in getting to the arranging a meet stage! |
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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago
from Home Counties to Middle Earth |
Publicly on fab (forums) I'm mostly a private person. I look at some threads and decide not to share, even if I'd quite like to join in.
I'm pretty open and honest with fab friends, though don't necessarily discuss all aspects of my life as it doesn't seem appropriate.
There are a few good friends on here who know the whole of me, in every sense. There's a mutual trust and deep understanding, which I love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to be very open about sexual experiences and the rest, if asked, is as honest and open as I'm prepared to go with the person asking. It doesn't need to involve any emotions x |
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By *ings66Man
over a year ago
Bristol |
"I will open up to people I feel comfortable with after chatting for a while, find it much easier to chat with people on here about my lingerie kink, mostly because they are less judgemental on fab than in the real world! Anything more personal then it would usually take longer, as in getting to the arranging a meet stage!"
Was chatting with a lady a bit back and her friends were telling her what to do on this site and she was very down I said as long as the first meet was in a public place and not at someone's home that should be OK and and it can be a yes or no to a second meet and if they keep on use the block button |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Somewhat.
I'm particularly close to two guys on fab. One is one who I got talking to on the forums within the first couple of weeks of being on here almost five years ago who lives in Glasgow and is basically a platonic friend who's genitals I've seen and who's seen mine but we're yet to meet in person. The other is someone I've known for going on two years now who I bang whenever I get the chance. I adore them both and they're both brilliant friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm really open, people may think too much.
I kind of hope that by being open people will understand more about who I am, why I am, and I'd like to think it may make them think twice about being cunty, but lets be honest there are those that WILL use stuff against me. They'll see any vulnerability and shark in on it as if it's a winning ticket to fuckherupsville.
Being open humanises us. It can connect us on levels of "I've been there, I understand"
It can create camaraderie. It has many positive elements and so many times just knowing someone "gets ya", someone understands... well, we all know how much of a relief that can be in feeling you're not weird, that there's not something wrong with you, but most importantly not alone.
P |
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"Up yer bum Peach, I was just gonna say all that xxx 
snooze ya lose beeeyatch
P"
It's true though, sometimes I'm a little bit too open and candid about myself, occasionally it has been my downfall, but I've learnt my lessons |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Up yer bum Peach, I was just gonna say all that xxx
snooze ya lose beeeyatch
P
It's true though, sometimes I'm a little bit too open and candid about myself, occasionally it has been my downfall, but I've learnt my lessons "
Probably the same with me but I'm just not sure I could be any other way.
I think if it puts people off then we probably wouldn't get on that well anyway. Do they want me to hide me? I'd not be being true to myself then surely?
If people use it against me. Well *shakes head* then that's really fucking sad.
P |
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I'm not an open book on here and until I get to know someone and that trust is built, I'll keep you at arms length.
I've been hurt,in the not to distant past and had those conversations used against me, I won't allow that to happen again. Why someone would enjoy doing that to another person is beyond comprehension but humans are complicated and sometimes cruel.
However, there is someone I've know for quite some time on Fab. (He's not on the forums). I trust implicitly. It's nice to have that connection. |
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For me, it's definitely not just NSA. I probably get too attached too easily. I'm open with those that know me. I regard my good friends as more like family than some of my family.
I'm not saying that i wouldn't have sex with comparitive strangers, sometimes there's a need, we all know it on here. But for me, being open with my emotions, building something that is a real relationship - which it can be even without being exclusive - dare i say even having love in my heart and hopefully reciprocated? This is who i am.
Lol, well that'll have scared a few away... |
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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
. |
"So as a few of you may already know. Opening up is a funny thing for me (ivory) have the emotional stability of a child,it has the risk of fucking things up if I do it with the wrong people. I am very different from most men in that when I feel comfortable with people,I can be nothing but open. I'm am so lucky in that sometimes people don't see it as necessarily a bad thing. I am always scared because when I do feel it's right, I have zero ability to hide how I'm feeling. For all of the people that find it weird,we have found people that embrace it and we can both be honest and share things outside of the world of Fab. And if anything it just makes the relationship even more special,I guess that is just a long way of saying how lucky we are hehe. "
Your differences are your strength and part of the reason I adore you. I think hiding how you feel is dull and part of the joy of living is being able to feel and express them to those who matter. Keep being you, I'm incredibly lucky to have you in my life x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"*Because I need a thread that's not related to *that* thing.
Do you find it easy to open up to people from fab? Is it something you actively choose not to do or do you prefer it when people do? Do you think someone can open up "too" much and you lose interest in them?
I was talking to a friend earlier and he said that keeping people at arms length (emotionally) is the way forward. I've always compartmentalised and rarely opened up on here, in doing so recently I've found I can feel a bit more exposed and worry; I fear if I go back to keeping people at a distance then I won't be true to me yet on the same hand I know that opening up too much can be a bit... much I guess. Anyway Sunday musings that are waffley. I can't keep on with my horny posting. "
in the swinging life keeping them at arms length is probably the only way, just depends what you want from here i am pretty open with people i know but then I'm not what I'd call a swinger  |
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As a couple we're very different. Bear is open and wears his heart on his sleeve, really what you see is what you get and he accepts the risks associated from letting others in. Having been the same in the past and let down before I'm a lot more wary. I do but it takes more time.
H |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've a few friends on Fab with whom I'm totally candid, but it's taken time and a mutually acknowledged shared respect and chemistry to get to that point.
Everyone else? I'd rather be somewhat enigmatic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes people just need to talk.
Currently I’m laying stuff on one of the only people I feel I can, possibly a bit selfishly.
Although the same person seems to be in a similar head space.
Life’s can be tough, everybody needs somebody sometimes.
Keeping yourself emotionally closed can lead to much worse than a friend suddenly seeing the real you. |
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