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What IS a relationship for?
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I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... |
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"Granny, begger off and get some work done, you've had a long enough break now.  "
Thanks Shaggy .......... I had only JUST come back tho ..... I'll try to do at least two hours before logging in again ..... I get block ..
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I agree with you Granny. Whenever I get lonely and start thinking about maybe looking for a relationship, I hang around with my married mates, listen to them bitch and moan about how unreliable/boring/frustrating each other is, and go home happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... "
Someone has to sleep in the wet patch.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guess independance suits some people and others are sociable and need/ want someone in their lives to enhance it.
Hell i dunno just having some conflicting issues with myself recently and its all a mix of heart and head...
Never been good with words |
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"Guess independance suits some people and others are sociable and need/ want someone in their lives to enhance it.
Hell i dunno just having some conflicting issues with myself recently and its all a mix of heart and head...
Never been good with words"
I agree AND disagree Sassy ... We are ALL social creatures. We all need affection and the security of belonging. Your needs are everyones needs.
Living on your own doesn't = independence if you crave a partner.
Too many people ,sadly younger ones mostly, think that a partner answers problems of lonliness. It doesn't. It just sets them up with inadequate partners. They become even lonlier in a relationship that doesn't allow them the freedom to fulfill their needs.
Independence is a state of mind. A state of heart if you like.
If relationships are just so that we are not alone then thank fuck I don't have one.
Ive gone now Shaggy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with you Granny. Whenever I get lonely and start thinking about maybe looking for a relationship, I hang around with my married mates, listen to them bitch and moan about how unreliable/boring/frustrating each other is, and go home happy."
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"someone to look after you when you are ill 
Godsssake! That's called a friend or a nurse.. you don't have to devote your life to the fucker!"
how many friends would look after you when you where ill though.  |
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"I agree with you Granny. Whenever I get lonely and start thinking about maybe looking for a relationship, I hang around with my married mates, listen to them bitch and moan about how unreliable/boring/frustrating each other is, and go home happy."
Dog meat is cheaper and theirs only one dish to wash.
Don't get a boxer either ..... they are sloppy kissers. |
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"someone to look after you when you are ill
Godsssake! That's called a friend or a nurse.. you don't have to devote your life to the fucker!
how many friends would look after you when you where ill though. "
Every true one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Companionship, love, anger, laughter, arguments, support, sex, nursing, nurturing, sex, sharing, caring and sex I'd say at a guess. |
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"Companionship, love, anger, laughter, arguments, support, sex, nursing, nurturing, sex, sharing, caring and sex I'd say at a guess."
A mate could do that. Maybe not the sex bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... "
Shared intimacy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You were talking about dogs and companionship a minute ago and how they're sloppy kissers.......I'm not even going to ask how you know!! 
Suppostition based on slobber!"
I'm not going to ask which end either!
You really ought to get out more Granny, have you tried the local luncheon club? I'm sure there'll be some human male that will gladly slobber on you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good points. I would want a man that looked after me but still respected me and let me be 'me'. There for me but not overpowering. Someone to have fun with, someone I trusted.
Oops what a load of crap, men like that don't exist. I'll stick with my fb for hot sex, my friends if I want to feel liked, and my boy for cuddles.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i am in a relationship because i love that person enjoy sharing the good and the bad and yes i understand that maybe that sounds like a good friendship but i think a good relationship is a good friendship u can laugh cry and tease and still know u r great with each other. if really lucky there will be great sex and they will share your sexual interests too and want to explore that together xxx |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"You were talking about dogs and companionship a minute ago and how they're sloppy kissers.......I'm not even going to ask how you know!!
Suppostition based on slobber!"
The boxer says don't get a granny they slobber as well....
Regards dr do little  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well Granny , it's like this for us .
We love to wake up together and enjoy coffee and breakfast together before getting ready for work .
We then go to work together and look forward to coffee at eleven , having a laugh before more work but the looking forward to lunch ....... We work in the same town in different shops .
By five we are looking forward to going home together and enjoying a nice meal and more often than not a cuddle upon arrival home.
A couple of times a week we will go to a club , have a play get home late and remember the fun we had with others and invariably enjoy more fun with each other.
On nights we don't go out playing we love watching movies or just chilling or just going out for a meal or a drive.
The important thing as this post will show , is that we love everything we do together , even the crap stuff like work is much more bearable knowing we have each other .
The desire we have for each other is enhanced by activities we have with others and we truly look forward to each new day together .
Hope this may help answer your question ? |
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"It is early, have only just got up so I don't know if I understand the question......Are you asking why have a relationship if you are into sex with multiple partners?"
FFS...... stop it ....
okay here goes......
Yes. You got it in one.
Now. I can understand those in a great relationship staying together when they discover swinging.
I find it more difficult to see why singles, who advocate swinging as a life style, then start looking for partners.
Everything anyone has mentioned above can be done by friends or family - any of it.
What makes a 'partner' different ? Why does anyone need one ? want one ?
I'm SERIOUS. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's more to a relationship than just sex and sickness .... there's making babies and raising them, something most prefer to do when in a relationship.
There's also security, physical and financial. Easier to share a debt and worry together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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whats wrong with wanting to be loved, to know that you are someones last thought at night and first thought in the morning when they wake up.
to snuggle up to and enjoy a passionate kiss because you long to be with that person and feel complete when your together.
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just because you like to swing and enjoy sex with different people doesnt mean you dont want any sort of closeness or love with anyone else.
i i could find a relationship with someone i felt comfortable swinging with that would be great.
but i am 31, not getting any younger, i would like someone to share the non swinging activities with, mabe have babies one day (although i am scared i will leave them somewhere - i'm very forgetful ) get married, explore the world with etc etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a close friend and he is away working right now and it feels like part of me is missing ... thats just how it feels as cant get on the net or phone easy .. we chat about everything . x |
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to us, a partner is the bestest of friends. one that you are happy to spend any time you can with.
yes, a friend is a friend is a friend, and maybe being a friend is enough, but its human nature to get that attraction to someone that transcends friendship.
you want to dedicate yourself to being with someone, no matter what your hobbies include
we did, however, come into swinging together, so not sure if this answer would be suitable for people that meet through swinging |
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"just because you like to swing and enjoy sex with different people doesnt mean you dont want any sort of closeness or love with anyone else.
i i could find a relationship with someone i felt comfortable swinging with that would be great.
but i am 31, not getting any younger, i would like someone to share the non swinging activities with, mabe have babies one day (although i am scared i will leave them somewhere - i'm very forgetful ) get married, explore the world with etc etc"
Noo you won't evie..... I tried leaving mind everywhere. People always give em back...... |
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"whats wrong with wanting to be loved, to know that you are someones last thought at night and first thought in the morning when they wake up.
to snuggle up to and enjoy a passionate kiss because you long to be with that person and feel complete when your together.
"
No idea. You tell me. |
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"whats wrong with wanting to be loved, to know that you are someones last thought at night and first thought in the morning when they wake up.
to snuggle up to and enjoy a passionate kiss because you long to be with that person and feel complete when your together.
"
wish i had said that, as thats how we are.
yes we argue, but we even enjoy that, because afterwars we have gotten things of our chests, and are even closer.
well said sweetheart.
x |
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"There's more to a relationship than just sex and sickness .... there's making babies and raising them, something most prefer to do when in a relationship.
There's also security, physical and financial. Easier to share a debt and worry together. "
Yeah ..... but anyone can do them with a mate.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well Granny , it's like this for us .
We love to wake up together and enjoy coffee and breakfast together before getting ready for work .
We then go to work together and look forward to coffee at eleven , having a laugh before more work but the looking forward to lunch ....... We work in the same town in different shops .
By five we are looking forward to going home together and enjoying a nice meal and more often than not a cuddle upon arrival home.
A couple of times a week we will go to a club , have a play get home late and remember the fun we had with others and invariably enjoy more fun with each other.
On nights we don't go out playing we love watching movies or just chilling or just going out for a meal or a drive.
The important thing as this post will show , is that we love everything we do together , even the crap stuff like work is much more bearable knowing we have each other .
The desire we have for each other is enhanced by activities we have with others and we truly look forward to each new day together .
Hope this may help answer your question ? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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love, facing the world together, accepting each others bad and good points, being there just for each other, cuddles when life as bitten you in the ass, support 24/7 not when they have time to fit you in and of course sex with someone that knows every little thing about your body and visa versa.
Yes friends and family can fill most of these but they also have lives of these own, in a relationship you face everything together as a unit. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"It is early, have only just got up so I don't know if I understand the question......Are you asking why have a relationship if you are into sex with multiple partners?
FFS...... stop it ....
okay here goes......
Yes. You got it in one.
Now. I can understand those in a great relationship staying together when they discover swinging.
I find it more difficult to see why singles, who advocate swinging as a life style, then start looking for partners.
Everything anyone has mentioned above can be done by friends or family - any of it.
What makes a 'partner' different ? Why does anyone need one ? want one ?
I'm SERIOUS. "
lol
Having a relationship and looking out for each other isn't the same as having friends / family look out for you.
There is a connection that you don't have with anyone else.
If I was single though and enjoyed swinging but wanted a relationship, then it would be an obvious choice to look for a like minded person who enjoyed the same.
For us, swinging is only a small part of our lives, a relationship and what it entails is a huge part of your everyday life. |
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for me...it completes me...all social relationships bring out aspects of ourselves that if we were hermits would not get expressed.
A romantic(urgh hate that word) relationship when it works should mean you express yourself more than you would if alone...the problem is so many people actually give up a part of themselves in order to settle for something, just so as not to be alone.
i suppose i am in two relationships, one based on love and being each others soul mates, one based on friendship and being a totally kinky bitch...i would use the l word, but people assume it means hearts and flowers and i am not sure you want an essay on different forms of love
In both the people involved all get more than they would without the relationship, become better, more self aware, happier , i hope, people.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... "
The question on the thread wasn't clear Granny C. sounds like the OP on the thread was thinking while she typed and didn't finish the question.
I'm in a relationship I don't hide the fact, he is aware i am on fab and knows I go to meets, socials and have fun.
i like the aspect of being able to have what i want he has never stopped me. This said has made our relationship grow from strength to strength
a Relationship isn't just sex its the connection of being as one knowing that you can sit in room and just be silent (yes Evesham i said it) and sometimes a look can say it all.
i believe in sexual monogamy,i have never cheated he has always known about it. Yet wasn't my idea to swing alone yet i understand why we decided to do things and it works well for us.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Being able to be who I am, no pretence just"warts n all" as they say. Same applies to him, being accepted/ loved for what and who he is. Its a deep friendship that has grown and continues to do so. Swinging is a joint hobby, bit like photography or socialising.
If I were on my own, I would be looking for somebody to enjoy the scene as well as share some of my other interests. |
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"So far I have disagreed with almost every answer.
Though I must say they are improving toward the end.
Jaqs .... It was clear :P "
PFFT ... you agreed with me and my first answer ?????, how can anyone TRUST your judgement ....  Your a Phoney ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I have disagreed with almost every answer.
Though I must say they are improving toward the end.
Jaqs .... It was clear :P "
Gran you can be married and have close friends lovers even ... I had a Autie I was very close too ... she was happly married and had a live in lover was her friend too and everyone and family all happy ... no ones the same here and people have diffrent needs some could not cope with living like that but thay did for over 30 years . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ok granny i can't answer u i just know my life is better with him in it and i want him to stay there for as long as i make him happy. yes all the stuff he does a friend or fb could do i suppose i doubt it but i see your point. honestly i think relationships are hard to define and what makes them special to people is unique otherwise we would all look for the same stuff in a partner wouldn't we ? i want to be with him because he makes me happier thats my answer and we choose to be together because we want to but then we don't live together so lots of what others have said doesn't apply to us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sometimes I miss having someone to 'do things for' just cos it feels great doing it.
I miss knowing someone well enough to spot some little thing whilst shopping and know it'll make them laugh themselves silly if I take it home with me.
I ejoy doing that for friends too, but it's not quite the same somehow
...I don't miss all the other stuff |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So far I have disagreed with almost every answer.
Though I must say they are improving toward the end.
Jaqs .... It was clear :P "
So which ones do you agree with?
I still say it's shared intimacy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For as long as you make him happy
I got a lot from your answer xx thanks xx yes its give and take but most things in life like that ..Gran xxx
Thanks Jo. I'll write that down xxxx"
your a lovely woman Gran and love your posts xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A realationship is so you can be supported by and supportive to someone you love and will for the rest of your life. Swinging inside a partnership is just an extention of the trust you BOTh feel for each other! |
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"I am guessing you have had a relationship Granny....so what would your answer be?"
Guessing? Have I never said ? mmmmm Im a bit like that.
ermmmmm
It all ties in with culture and age.
I never want another exclusive relationship. I wouldn't mind short contractual ones....... titter....Ive just REALLY liked that idea.
Before anyone raises the assumption that im unsuccessful with relationships I was married to my childhood sweetheart for thirty years.
I think all marriages should be short term and then renew them as necessary.
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"So far I have disagreed with almost every answer.
Though I must say they are improving toward the end.
Jaqs .... It was clear :P
So which ones do you agree with?
I still say it's shared intimacy."
Not very many Dogger. I don't disagree with them either.
I believe humans should live in groups not pairs.
No one should depend on one person for security and intimacy.
I really do not believe that monogamy is possible for humans.
I believe the best of us achieve it - as we don't want to be liars or cheats.
I honestly believe monogamy cultivates jealousies.
We isolate ourselves mainly to protect children and raise only our own. Which is why there are so many emotionally sick people and ill cared for children.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not in a relationship, and I'm not actively looking for one, but I wouldn't rule one out for 'the right guy'. I think I would like to continue swinging, but with him rather than as individuals (however I may change my mind if it was to really happen). For me it would be having someone to share it all with...both the swinging and the real life stuff. Someone I could take to a family wedding, but also go to a swinger's club with, and be happy to share my bed with for the whole night!
I know my friends would be there for me when I need, but I wouldn't have sex with any of them (although I have on occasion shared a bed!)...nor would I share my swinging experiences with them. I confide in them a lot, but not about everything. A partner is someone I think I would be able to confide in about everything...although that doesn't necessarily mean I'd have to tell them absolutely everything, just that I know I could. Someone who'd still let me have my independence, but be there for me when I need them to (and vice versa).
Sorry if that's rambling a bit, but it's not an easy thing to define, and I guess it will be different for each person and couple. |
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I liked it!
I wouldn't have sex with my friends either.
Why does everyone want everything in ONE convenient package.
No one person can fill another persons needs. If they could no one would swing or have freinds or hobbies.
Different people for friendship and sex and hobbies etc ....
No need for a relationship.
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
"just because you like to swing and enjoy sex with different people doesnt mean you dont want any sort of closeness or love with anyone else.
i i could find a relationship with someone i felt comfortable swinging with that would be great.
but i am 31, not getting any younger, i would like someone to share the non swinging activities with, mabe have babies one day (although i am scared i will leave them somewhere - i'm very forgetful ) get married, explore the world with etc etc
Noo you won't evie..... I tried leaving mind everywhere. People always give em back...... "
its true,and when they can walk,the buggers always find their way home |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I liked it!
I wouldn't have sex with my friends either.
Why does everyone want everything in ONE convenient package.
No one person can fill another persons needs. If they could no one would swing or have freinds or hobbies.
Different people for friendship and sex and hobbies etc ....
No need for a relationship.
"
Maybe it's just the comfort of having a constant in the background of everything else? I've never been 'in love' so I couldn't explain that kind of pull to one person, but I can see the benefits of having someone there to be able to share your experiences with if you wanted to, and to share in theirs
I wouldn't want him to be with me 24/7 (I can't cope with anyone constantly!), but it'd be nice to have someone to tell about the kick ass concert you'd just been to with the girls, or to whinge about how shitty work had been that day...and maybe to cheer you up with a hot and steamy session! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have my life in a few differant areas. Family,friends work, hobbies, interests. I don't have many overlaps in these areas and I enjoy what each bring to my life.
I can dip in and out as I please - apart from Family - and give and take from each one as much or as little as I want.
Most of my life is run how I want it to be.
I seem to have relationships in each part of my life (not all sexual) and I draw satisfaction from it.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I liked it!
I wouldn't have sex with my friends either.
Why does everyone want everything in ONE convenient package.
No one person can fill another persons needs. If they could no one would swing or have freinds or hobbies.
Different people for friendship and sex and hobbies etc ....
No need for a relationship.
"
That was my quote and still is to some degree. It is unfair almost to expect one person to meet all your needs - hence having different relationships with several people sounds cool to me, too. It is just that many people pin too much to the sexual aspect of relationships. Nothing wrong with having one person go to concerts with, another to share another hobby, friendships all along. I still subscribe to that - and allow my OH the same. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I think it is such an interesting discussion as relationship means different things to different people. So consequently, that means different people have different boundaries within their relationships - there is no right or wrong really...
Just came to that conclusion after a hob nob |
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I hope it was a lemon Hob Nob... I may have to invent those..... no stealing the idea....
I'd agree nothing is wrong. It's amazing how many people challenge something that's not been said tho .... it's almost like ... well .... an insecurity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking from experience I'd say don't confuse sex and love.
I understand some of the things you are saying Granny.
We are partly educated animals and all have animal instincts like find partners, mate, have offspring, protect, nurture, teach and pass on our own ethics and ideals.
We select our friends, we select our way of life and we select a partner. Some relationships last and some don't.
Throughout this selection we will get attracted to others that are not our partners, some will follow the animal urge and have sex with that particular person, some will walk away and back to their mate.
In circumstances like this some will get jealous and angry that their partner has strayed, some will turn a blind eye and some will enjoy sharing their other half.
Sharing the intimacy or keeping that intimacy for each other depends on the person/people and their way of using the relationship they are in.
Did you and your childhood sweetheart share your relationship with others or keep it for yourselves Granny? |
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"There's more to a relationship than just sex and sickness .... there's making babies and raising them, something most prefer to do when in a relationship.
There's also security, physical and financial. Easier to share a debt and worry together. "
And erm... You cant help who you love
That person that you fall for and cant be without.. The person that makes you smile that makes you cry the person that makes your world...
Swinging is just an addition to this and enhances the sex life |
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I am not aware that he had extra marital relationships or fumbles. Can't see that he had the time. Had no reason to doubt him ever and think he was way above the idea and also too bloody scared. So .....I'd open the faithful box if I needed to label him. |
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"There's more to a relationship than just sex and sickness .... there's making babies and raising them, something most prefer to do when in a relationship.
There's also security, physical and financial. Easier to share a debt and worry together.
And erm... You cant help who you love
That person that you fall for and cant be without.. The person that makes you smile that makes you cry the person that makes your world...
Swinging is just an addition to this and enhances the sex life "
Don't say the L word. I'll have to start a whole new thread ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not aware that he had extra marital relationships or fumbles. Can't see that he had the time. Had no reason to doubt him ever and think he was way above the idea and also too bloody scared. So .....I'd open the faithful box if I needed to label him. "
As a couple you stayed monogamous? |
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"I am not aware that he had extra marital relationships or fumbles. Can't see that he had the time. Had no reason to doubt him ever and think he was way above the idea and also too bloody scared. So .....I'd open the faithful box if I needed to label him.
As a couple you stayed monogamous?"
I can only repeat what I said above.
You already asked that. The above is what I answered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"someone to look after you when you are ill
Godsssake! That's called a friend or a nurse.. you don't have to devote your life to the fucker!
how many friends would look after you when you where ill though.
Every true one"
Maybe if you're female. I can't imagine any male friend of mine or any of my mates' mates either mopping the brow of their chum or cooking up a pot of hearty stew to nurse them back to health. Covering for you at work, perhaps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sometimes I miss having someone to 'do things for' just cos it feels great doing it.
I miss knowing someone well enough to spot some little thing whilst shopping and know it'll make them laugh themselves silly if I take it home with me.
I ejoy doing that for friends too, but it's not quite the same somehow
...I don't miss all the other stuff "
I miss all that too. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm not in a relationship, and I'm not actively looking for one, but I wouldn't rule one out for 'the right guy'. I think I would like to continue swinging, but with him rather than as individuals (however I may change my mind if it was to really happen). For me it would be having someone to share it all with...both the swinging and the real life stuff. Someone I could take to a family wedding, but also go to a swinger's club with, and be happy to share my bed with for the whole night!
I know my friends would be there for me when I need, but I wouldn't have sex with any of them (although I have on occasion shared a bed!)...nor would I share my swinging experiences with them. I confide in them a lot, but not about everything. A partner is someone I think I would be able to confide in about everything...although that doesn't necessarily mean I'd have to tell them absolutely everything, just that I know I could. Someone who'd still let me have my independence, but be there for me when I need them to (and vice versa).
Sorry if that's rambling a bit, but it's not an easy thing to define, and I guess it will be different for each person and couple."
I have given up 'looking' for one but if it happened I would give it a fair trial... as long as we never had to live together. I found swinging a happier experience with someone that I cared about and knew they cared about me. If we met people separately there was someone to share the experience with after. If we met people together then just seeing my partner enjoying himself made me feel joyous. Just as the smile on his face did when he looked into my eyes as someone else transported my body to bliss.
I enjoy myself on here but the shared intimacy of a relationship with someone that you don't have to explain every word or gesture to is special. My platonic friends know what I do but telling them is just not the same - it lacks that intimacy and understanding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not aware that he had extra marital relationships or fumbles. Can't see that he had the time. Had no reason to doubt him ever and think he was way above the idea and also too bloody scared. So .....I'd open the faithful box if I needed to label him.
As a couple you stayed monogamous?
I can only repeat what I said above.
You already asked that. The above is what I answered."
What about you, were you monogamous? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... "
To make babies, fold sheets, order 2 for one meal deals, help fill the dishwasher, leave the toilet seat up for and a hundred other things that you don't really want to do your self. I would rather have the peace and quiet though myself |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
I have sort of always known we were a little different! I always got turned on when other guys were eyeing up Innuendo. But for years we just accepted the way we were.. We became a couple and after we had the kids and they were almost out of the nest, we started swinging...
Neither of us can really agree with having a monogomous relationship when it comes to sex, but in all other parts of it we are!
The question of why singles who are having sex with others in the swing scene want or need to get partners? Probably the same as the reasons we are together. Love and companionship! The love we have for each other cannot be equalled by any casual or even semi long term relationship! Nor would we want it to be..
The sex with others is fun and is rather like going sailing, motorcycling or flying! Not something you want to do all the time, but a blast when you indulge. The rest of the time we are like any other long term married couple and that is just as we like it. |
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"It is early, have only just got up so I don't know if I understand the question......Are you asking why have a relationship if you are into sex with multiple partners?
FFS...... stop it ....
okay here goes......
Yes. You got it in one.
Now. I can understand those in a great relationship staying together when they discover swinging.
I find it more difficult to see why singles, who advocate swinging as a life style, then start looking for partners.
Everything anyone has mentioned above can be done by friends or family - any of it.
What makes a 'partner' different ? Why does anyone need one ? want one ?
I'm SERIOUS. "
I can be "alone" in a crowd of thousands....
Even after 44 years on this planet, I can truly count my real friends on my fingers and toes, and most of those friends I have met in the last three years...
Family are important to me, yet I hardly speak to them from one month to the next....
But Jayne.... well, with her in my life, no matter where I am, I am never alone...she is THE only friend I need...if I cant speak to her daily I am miserable.
Without her, I am nothing, with her I am everything.
Yes, its a bunch of cliche's, but its the truth, and no matter how close you are to friends, family, fuckbuddies et al, when you have a connection like this, it puts another level on intimacy, friendship and companionship that no-one else can achieve. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
Yes, its a bunch of cliche's, but its the truth, and no matter how close you are to friends, family, fuckbuddies et al, when you have a connection like this, it puts another level on intimacy, friendship and companionship that no-one else can achieve. "
I like that |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
relationships are a basic instinct,probably best not analysed.
in fact,analysing your relationship would most likely,not be good for the relationship.
relationships don't have a set criteria,if it feels right,it probably is.
relationships are not all about sex,you could get that most weekends,in any town centre.
relationships,are not hats,they do not have to be for anything.
if your happy in your relationship,just go with the flow,don't question it. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"relationships are a basic instinct,probably best not analysed.
in fact,analysing your relationship would most likely,not be good for the relationship.
relationships don't have a set criteria,if it feels right,it probably is.
relationships are not all about sex,you could get that most weekends,in any town centre.
relationships,are not hats,they do not have to be for anything.
if your happy in your relationship,just go with the flow,don't question it."
Saucy, when Granny asks a question - you are expected to answer in an illogical way so she can rip you apart. Its part of her unique selling point
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... "
Are you lacking in something here Granny? Are you secretly wanting a long team bo that will warm your jim jams in front of the fire, make you cock at tensies and bring some jammy dodgers and a couple of custard creams? I seance a loss so what ya missing out on Nanna crumpet? |
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" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested...
Are you lacking in something here Granny? Are you secretly wanting a long team bo that will warm your jim jams in front of the fire, make you cock at tensies and bring some jammy dodgers and a couple of custard creams? I seance a loss so what ya missing out on Nanna crumpet? "
Quite apparently, from what i can see , not a great deal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am not aware that he had extra marital relationships or fumbles. Can't see that he had the time. Had no reason to doubt him ever and think he was way above the idea and also too bloody scared. So .....I'd open the faithful box if I needed to label him.
As a couple you stayed monogamous?
I can only repeat what I said above.
You already asked that. The above is what I answered.
What about you, were you monogamous?"
You didn't answer Granny. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested...
Are you lacking in something here Granny? Are you secretly wanting a long team bo that will warm your jim jams in front of the fire, make you cock at tensies and bring some jammy dodgers and a couple of custard creams? I seance a loss so what ya missing out on Nanna crumpet?
Quite apparently, from what i can see , not a great deal. "
Ahh i get ya its the something's missing and you dont know what it is and reading thins your not sure its an other half or a puppy. A puppy is cheaper. |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"relationships are a basic instinct,probably best not analysed.
in fact,analysing your relationship would most likely,not be good for the relationship.
relationships don't have a set criteria,if it feels right,it probably is.
relationships are not all about sex,you could get that most weekends,in any town centre.
relationships,are not hats,they do not have to be for anything.
if your happy in your relationship,just go with the flow,don't question it.
Saucy, when Granny asks a question - you are expected to answer in an illogical way so she can rip you apart. Its part of her unique selling point
"
i know i've bought it plenty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And infinitely more intelligent."
What all other half's are not as intelligent as the primary? All other people aren't as intelligent as you or are you hinting at some feminazi bullshit that you think men aren't as intelligent as men? I figure all humans are more intelligent than dogs full stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great Post and a good one to ask on a swinging site.
I think relationships are good to be a part of but only if you're lucky enough to find someone who truly understands you and knows how you work as an individual and lets you be one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with you Granny. Whenever I get lonely and start thinking about maybe looking for a relationship, I hang around with my married mates, listen to them bitch and moan about how unreliable/boring/frustrating each other is, and go home happy."
coupled with the fact that my mother left my father for another man she was seeing behind his back really doesn't give a good impression of what love, relationship and marriage is all about especially as she seemed blase about the whole affair, hence my loathing of cheating, not much fun being a child caught in the middle |
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By *waymanMan
over a year ago
newcastle |
" I haven't commented on C n S's thread about single v relationships but I have been reading it.
The replies - and even the question if I am honest - confuse me.
All people have replied in terms of monogamy. Why they like a partner - how they found a partner etc etc etc.
This is where my problem lies. This is a swinging site. People here - in theory - are not really commited to sexual fidelity. Some who found their partners here want to carry on the lifestyle. We've all seen those who 'piss off' once they find a partner.
So .. what is the partner for ? What is the relationship for ?
If..... If.....If... you really do not believe in sexual monogamy.
WTF is the relationship for ?
I'm really interested... "
Surely every relationship is situational - it has its own internal logic and reasons for existence. So it's possible to live with someone and for it not to be about sex, but companionship, affection, friendship - all sorts of non-sexual things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are many reasons why people choose to be in a relationship, all individual and personal. There is nothing for people to agree or disagree with, we stay in what is comfortable and right for us.
Sex is only a small part of the jigsaw in terms of relationships. Many of us get so much more than that, companionship, security, part of a family unit, friendship to quote a few. But someone mentioned above about being in a relationship means never standing alone, and that is of huge importance to me.
At work at times I come into contact with elderly people. It brings a warm feeling to me when I see two 80 year olds, him pushing her in a wheelchair, wrapping the rug around her legs to keep her warm, her holding his hand when being spoken to, both of them looking with such fondness at each other, proud they have been wed 60 years, finishing off each others sentences, so in tune with one another. That image signifies the importance of a relationship for me.
And we all know of old folk whom when one dies, the other follows within a short space of time. Because they've given up the will to live, to continue alone, without their lifelong mate.
When I see and hear of those things then it brings home just how powerful being in a close relationship is |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"There are many reasons why people choose to be in a relationship, all individual and personal. There is nothing for people to agree or disagree with, we stay in what is comfortable and right for us.
Sex is only a small part of the jigsaw in terms of relationships. Many of us get so much more than that, companionship, security, part of a family unit, friendship to quote a few. But someone mentioned above about being in a relationship means never standing alone, and that is of huge importance to me.
At work at times I come into contact with elderly people. It brings a warm feeling to me when I see two 80 year olds, him pushing her in a wheelchair, wrapping the rug around her legs to keep her warm, her holding his hand when being spoken to, both of them looking with such fondness at each other, proud they have been wed 60 years, finishing off each others sentences, so in tune with one another. That image signifies the importance of a relationship for me.
And we all know of old folk whom when one dies, the other follows within a short space of time. Because they've given up the will to live, to continue alone, without their lifelong mate.
When I see and hear of those things then it brings home just how powerful being in a close relationship is "
Beautifully typed, Iconic! xx That actually made me choke up a bit and I feel the same when I see older couples together..
Thank you |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"There are many reasons why people choose to be in a relationship, all individual and personal. There is nothing for people to agree or disagree with, we stay in what is comfortable and right for us.
Sex is only a small part of the jigsaw in terms of relationships. Many of us get so much more than that, companionship, security, part of a family unit, friendship to quote a few. But someone mentioned above about being in a relationship means never standing alone, and that is of huge importance to me.
At work at times I come into contact with elderly people. It brings a warm feeling to me when I see two 80 year olds, him pushing her in a wheelchair, wrapping the rug around her legs to keep her warm, her holding his hand when being spoken to, both of them looking with such fondness at each other, proud they have been wed 60 years, finishing off each others sentences, so in tune with one another. That image signifies the importance of a relationship for me.
And we all know of old folk whom when one dies, the other follows within a short space of time. Because they've given up the will to live, to continue alone, without their lifelong mate.
When I see and hear of those things then it brings home just how powerful being in a close relationship is
Beautifully typed, Iconic! xx That actually made me choke up a bit and I feel the same when I see older couples together..
Thank you "
As always, Iconic has so aptly expressed what many feel - including me.
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally feel some people just have the need to be loved and wanted, they need someone to go home to after work, like the cooking tea for their partner, want to company and companionship, the sharing, the feeling of being wanted etc
While others dont
I have never felt the need to be with someone, even when i was with someone i was always happier when i was alone, i hated it if we ever had time off work together, i know that sounds horrible but the being together 24/7 even for a week end used to irritate me, and thats not just with 1 partner, thats with any guy ive ever had a relationship with, it wasnt the person its just the situation i cant be doing with
Ive been single now for 3 years and i know i will never get into another relationship because its not something i need or want in my life, when i come home from work i dont need anyone there to kiss me as i walk thro the door, nor do i fear growing old alone, some do
What a relationships for is a very personal thing and everyone has their own reasons for wanting to be in one
Me? i cant see the point in getting into another one , a relationship can not offer me anything i dont already have or anything i need or want so i see no reason to engange in another |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess I am looking for a relationship and what I am looking for goes way beyond sex for me yes love but companionship and friendship equal support with each other so used to being independant and doing everything myself but would like to share my life too. When does sex become love making. I am that used to having sex and I would'nt say I switch off feelings because I adore sex but not too sure about the cross over does that make any sence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are many reasons why people choose to be in a relationship, all individual and personal. There is nothing for people to agree or disagree with, we stay in what is comfortable and right for us.
Sex is only a small part of the jigsaw in terms of relationships. Many of us get so much more than that, companionship, security, part of a family unit, friendship to quote a few. But someone mentioned above about being in a relationship means never standing alone, and that is of huge importance to me.
At work at times I come into contact with elderly people. It brings a warm feeling to me when I see two 80 year olds, him pushing her in a wheelchair, wrapping the rug around her legs to keep her warm, her holding his hand when being spoken to, both of them looking with such fondness at each other, proud they have been wed 60 years, finishing off each others sentences, so in tune with one another. That image signifies the importance of a relationship for me.
And we all know of old folk whom when one dies, the other follows within a short space of time. Because they've given up the will to live, to continue alone, without their lifelong mate.
When I see and hear of those things then it brings home just how powerful being in a close relationship is "
I love seeing old people hold hands, there is a lovely couple that come into the pub for a meal every week, its obvious from his behaviour that he loves her deeply, unfortunately now he has come to the conclusion that he is not safe to drive they won't be coming any more and it concerns me as to who is going to look after him as she certainly cannot.
My grandparents were the same, and when my grandad died my grandmother followed him a few months later, miss them terribly |
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