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Best putdowns
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"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.
Don't get it. 
Can you explain? I'm probably being a bit thick. I'm just a simpleton. "
It’s ok, it was a poor play on words, I had to put the cup down because it was burning my hand.  |
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"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !
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Your still bloody ugly "
Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill
“You are d*unk Sir!”
“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was waiting for my fella (at that time ) to turn up to a fetish event in manchester and he was, as he always was, late. So I was walking round in an outfit including stockings and a corset and an awful lot of cleavage and a few guys started to follow me around. It ended up like something out of a Benny hill sketch as I kept walking round and round . Eventually one of them asked 'are you on your own?' to which I replied 'do you think that's likely ?'
Then I apologised and explained but yes, I did have a giggle delivering that line |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !
Reply
Your still bloody ugly
Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill
“You are d*unk Sir!”
“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly”"
 |
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By *ee04Man
over a year ago
Essex |
"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !
Reply
Your still bloody ugly
Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill
“You are d*unk Sir!”
“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly” "
His other good one when last Astor said to home if you wer my husband I’d poison you.
He replied Lady if you were my wife I’d drink it |
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"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.
That cup must have been so upset. "
Luckily I managed to set it down before there was any spillage. The handle was quite perturbed but with proper support will pull through. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Had a message last werk saying "not much of a nipple but guess they will do" and also another saying i should stop posting pics of my horrid droopy boobs. I never did do what i was told  "
ttl  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once had a famous footballer come on to me in a bar in Newcastle. I politely declined his offer and asked him to leave me alone, to which he responded by saying ‘Do you know who I am?’
I replied ‘I know that I don’t care’, which had the barmaid crying with laughter.
Said footballer went on to set fire to three £20 notes in an ashtray (it was that long ago) in an effort to impress me  |
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"You’ve put some weight since I last saw you !
Reply
Your still bloody ugly
Hah! This is a succinct version of good ol’ Churchill
“You are d*unk Sir!”
“...yes madam, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly” "
The d*unk one was to Labour MP Bessie Braddock.
I liked the one (allegedly) to Lady Astor who said to him
"If you were my husband I would poison your coffee"
To which he replied.
"Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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M&f-We like you let's meet
Me-Sorry your not for me
M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"M&f-We like you let's meet
Me-Sorry your not for me
M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet "
Fucking twiglet  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"M&f-We like you let's meet
Me-Sorry your not for me
M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet
Fucking twiglet "
You called |
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By *edmark07 OP Man
over a year ago
liverpool |
"M&f-We like you let's meet
Me-Sorry your not for me
M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet "
I bet you regret not meeting now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"M&f-We like you let's meet
Me-Sorry your not for me
M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet
I bet you regret not meeting now"
I sure do as I'm really into angry immature ego junkies that can't take rejection lol it really turns me on |
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"M&f-We like you let's meet
Me-Sorry your not for me
M&f-f You then you little slut.You have the body of a girl not a woman and you shouldn't be on here.You think your as smooth as satin but your more like shit that's been sat in you fucking twiglet
I bet you regret not meeting now
I sure do as I'm really into angry immature ego junkies that can't take rejection lol it really turns me on "
*noted for future* just kidding obviously. Some people think there gods gift and just cant take a no |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't remember where I heard this, I think it was on a film, but it stuck with me for a long time..
Man 1 was telling man 2 about a large sum of money he'd made or received. Man 2 said "I wouldn't wipe my arse on that", man 1 quipped "I'm surprised you even wipe your arse".
There was no comeback from that really. |
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"I can't remember where I heard this, I think it was on a film, but it stuck with me for a long time..
Man 1 was telling man 2 about a large sum of money he'd made or received. Man 2 said "I wouldn't wipe my arse on that", man 1 quipped "I'm surprised you even wipe your arse".
There was no comeback from that really. "
There's a similar line in a book called 'No Name Lane' .... it's a scene in a pub where journalists are being discussed.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your teeth look like a broken window and your mom sucked the local builder for a pallet of bricks so she could build your sister a whore house.Lurve you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The next time you tell me how to do my job I'm going to follow you down the docks and tell you how to suck sailors cocks properly.
A"
must remember this |
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In the check out line for Lidl; a 20something in a very short skirt, and tiny vest top, gold and perfume sprayed everywhere on her:
E/european woman on till to 20something: “I like your outfit...very summery”
20something: “Er...thanks but it’s winter”
E/european woman [looking outside towards to heavy rain then looking her up and down:
“Yes, yes it is”
2nd:
After babysitting my nephew, watching Thomas the Tank Engine on a loop for two hours, on my way home I went to get some beers, in the queue I’m singing the theme tune, when this little kid in front spins round at yells at me “STOP SINGING IT WRONG! YOURE DOING IT WRONG”
His mum looked horrified she kept apologising but I couldn’t stop laughing, he was still going as his mum pulled him out the shop. |
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By *hMyGawdCouple
over a year ago
Midlands |
It was aimed at me...
Back in school, I walked into a lesson in year 10 to hear a guy I knew talking about Ross, Chandler, Monica and Joey.
"Why do you like Friends so much?" I laughed at him
"Why haven't you got any?" was the reply
Still feeling the burn today  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This cup with a broken handle, it was burning hot.
That cup must have been so upset.
Luckily I managed to set it down before there was any spillage. The handle was quite perturbed but with proper support will pull through. "
I still don't get it |
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