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Overthinking
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual |
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All you can do is go and if he does turn up, maybe he finds it easier to verbalise when he's face to face? Some people worry about how they come across via text type interactions like on here and other mobile texting apps.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All you can do is go and if he does turn up, maybe he finds it easier to verbalise when he's face to face? Some people worry about how they come across via text type interactions like on here and other mobile texting apps.. "
Yes I was thinking that, I just over think so much, plus not been on a date for years  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
Maybe he'll find it easier to talk in person, or maybe he just doesn't like kids so doesn't ask about them. |
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Some men are like that hes either very laid back or he thinks as you said but neither the less he should of asked you at least something, so you can either go to the date with hope or think hes only after one thing but dont let your head rule your heart just be truthful to yourself, from what you put you seem a nice open lady  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people are terrible at chatting online. So maybe he will be different in the flesh although I know if I didn't get much back from initial conversations It wouldn't get to the date stage....but then I'm a major overthinker |
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual
Maybe he'll find it easier to talk in person, or maybe he just doesn't like kids so doesn't ask about them."
True maybe he likes face to face but surely he would of enquired a bit more
P.s love the tail |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some men are like that hes either very laid back or he thinks as you said but neither the less he should of asked you at least something, so you can either go to the date with hope or think hes only after one thing but dont let your head rule your heart just be truthful to yourself, from what you put you seem a nice open lady "
I don’t think he’s after one thing, but as you said if someone was saying “ I’m out at football with my son “ I’d reply and ask how old is he , or later “ how was football. Maybe I’m overthinking as I said. |
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By *lassy2Couple
over a year ago
sutton Coldfield |
I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x "
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x "
I read between the lines terrible! And it’s my biggest downfall, I always think the worst. |
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By *lassy2Couple
over a year ago
sutton Coldfield |
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on "
Good luck, hopefully you’ll have a great time. |
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"All you can do is go and if he does turn up, maybe he finds it easier to verbalise when he's face to face? Some people worry about how they come across via text type interactions like on here and other mobile texting apps..
Yes I was thinking that, I just over think so much, plus not been on a date for years "
Its easy to say don't over think, but try not to! Perhaps he's saving his anecdotes for the meet so he has something to discuss and therefore can sustain a conversation. I'm sure lots of people find the prospect of starting and sustaining a conversation with someone they don't know to be really hard. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on "
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator! |
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"Some men are like that hes either very laid back or he thinks as you said but neither the less he should of asked you at least something, so you can either go to the date with hope or think hes only after one thing but dont let your head rule your heart just be truthful to yourself, from what you put you seem a nice open lady
I don’t think he’s after one thing, but as you said if someone was saying “ I’m out at football with my son “ I’d reply and ask how old is he , or later “ how was football. Maybe I’m overthinking as I said. "
Just see tomorrow he will either be face to face like lola said but if he just sits there shame on him not many people get chances like that lord knows i dont but thats just me hopefully it turns out all good but if not hes the fool not you |
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"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!"
Me too |
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Its very hard for me to talk by text i only ever use it to send quick messages i could never have a full blown conversation. Wait and see what hes like in person. But i have to say i wouldny like it if someone was asking me about my past so early on. For me i reveal things as and when they are relivant i also wouldnt want to know someones life story on a single date. Everyone is different |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm such an overthinker.
It could be a red flag. See how he is in person."
My gut instinct is usually good. But he’s not been an arse hole and not talked sexual once, the only thing I am sensitive about is his lack of interest really. And when I ask him anything he replies but nothing back. X |
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I'm an over thinker as well but in reverse if I asked too many questions about someone's kids who I don't really know I'd think I was scaring them off and they wouldn't want me to overstep that boundary.
But youd expect to have the boundary tested at least to feel it out.
We overthinkers have to put ourselves out there too so unless we push ourselves and try we will only overthink the other way of why didn't we try?
Just my 2c |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Its very hard for me to talk by text i only ever use it to send quick messages i could never have a full blown conversation. Wait and see what hes like in person. But i have to say i wouldny like it if someone was asking me about my past so early on. For me i reveal things as and when they are relivant i also wouldnt want to know someones life story on a single date. Everyone is different"
Yes I agree , not so much about the past but until this evening I didn’t even know how old or how many kids he had and we’ve spoke for over a week, and he doesn’t know anything about mine as he’s not asked. I just find it strange to not ask if I say to him I’m in footy 4 days a week with my lad , how old he is or who he plays for. Just nothing |
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"I'm such an overthinker.
It could be a red flag. See how he is in person.
My gut instinct is usually good. But he’s not been an arse hole and not talked sexual once, the only thing I am sensitive about is his lack of interest really. And when I ask him anything he replies but nothing back. X"
I get that. It could be nothing, but I've had some dodgy dynamics with that kind of weird unevenness too, which got worse. Not enough to say don't do it, but enough that I'd be wary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it only when it's to do with the kids he doesn't ask more questions as I actually don't like discussing mine with people I chat to online so maybe he's just trying to be respectful? Does he ask other stuff about your day/things you like or anything like that? If it's not at all, yeah that's a bit weird. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
Well he didn't run a mile when you mentioned you had kids. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!"
I think it would be weird if he was asking too much about the kids |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm such an overthinker.
It could be a red flag. See how he is in person.
My gut instinct is usually good. But he’s not been an arse hole and not talked sexual once, the only thing I am sensitive about is his lack of interest really. And when I ask him anything he replies but nothing back. X
I get that. It could be nothing, but I've had some dodgy dynamics with that kind of weird unevenness too, which got worse. Not enough to say don't do it, but enough that I'd be wary."
Yes I get you! Straight away it brings red flags up as to what type of person he is. But we shall see hey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
Just go enjoy yourself and what will be will be x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!
I think it would be weird if he was asking too much about the kids"
I don’t mean asking about the kids literally, but if he’s asking me what I’m doing this week and I explain I’m in football with my lad 4 days and talk about my kids if it was reversed I would enquire how old is your lad? Just generally, I don’t mean in depth. But he hasn’t even asked how many I have or their sex or their ages. Nothing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual Just go enjoy yourself and what will be will be x"
I will, I’m just going casual, plus I’m driving. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!
I think it would be weird if he was asking too much about the kids
I don’t mean asking about the kids literally, but if he’s asking me what I’m doing this week and I explain I’m in football with my lad 4 days and talk about my kids if it was reversed I would enquire how old is your lad? Just generally, I don’t mean in depth. But he hasn’t even asked how many I have or their sex or their ages. Nothing. "
perhaps he’s just not interested on your kids |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!
I think it would be weird if he was asking too much about the kids"
Yes me too. But "too much" and "not at all" aren't the only two options. Especially when she's already brought them up in conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!
I think it would be weird if he was asking too much about the kids
Yes me too. But "too much" and "not at all" aren't the only two options. Especially when she's already brought them up in conversation. "
Yes exactly, that’s what I find a bit strange (not strange as in weirdo) but if someone was to tell me about them being with their children at dance/football I’d automatically ask , maybe it’s just me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I tend to overthink things too, sometimes I miss out on opportunities because of being too cautious! Maybe as some say he will find it easier to talk in person, if not you don’t have to meet again.
D x
Yes true!! I’ll post on here tomorrow how we got on
Please do! I've typed out two different opinions and deleted them both because I can't decide if he's a bit weird for not asking about your kids, or maybe just not a confident text communicator!
I think it would be weird if he was asking too much about the kids
I don’t mean asking about the kids literally, but if he’s asking me what I’m doing this week and I explain I’m in football with my lad 4 days and talk about my kids if it was reversed I would enquire how old is your lad? Just generally, I don’t mean in depth. But he hasn’t even asked how many I have or their sex or their ages. Nothing.
perhaps he’s just not interested on your kids "
Maybe , probably, but I come with my kids as they are my world so we won’t be compatible. Kind of the point of my post |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Its a difficult one. Maybe your just not compatable. Im more like the guy in question i wouldnt be discussing kids. All you got to do is wait and see what happens"
Yes I agree, I usually talk myself out of dates before they happen because of this, but I do think it’s more my insecurities than anything |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
So he's got kids to? I think it's a bit odd when you have that in common and he hasn't even asked whether they are a bit or girl at least.
I'd say that would just be a normal few of conversation!
Hope it goes well tomorrow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual Just go enjoy yourself and what will be will be x
I will, I’m just going casual, plus I’m driving. X"
sounds like your ready for a quick getaway if needed ! Lolol enjoy you’ll be fine x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is me right now
Overthinking
I’ve had two ask me out on dates this week, but there’s something in the back of my mind saying no no no
Eternally single !! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So he's got kids to? I think it's a bit odd when you have that in common and he hasn't even asked whether they are a bit or girl at least.
I'd say that would just be a normal few of conversation!
Hope it goes well tomorrow "
Yes he’s got a girl, only because I asked , thinking he’d ask same in reply. But nothing. It’s like a bit dis-interested. We shall see tomorrow hey. Fingers crossed |
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I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He may be different face to face. Some people prefer to talk face to face than divulge much over text.
Just go and see. And enjoy yourself. It's easy to overthink everything and maybe the gut feeling could be butterflies?
You will be fine. Have a great date x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better. "
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is. "
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them"
i was just thinking the same. Maybe your over doing it talking about them constantly |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is. "
Ok. It's you he's interested in first and foremost. Maybe he wants to get to know *you* then your wider family. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about themi was just thinking the same. Maybe your over doing it talking about them constantly"
I don’t over talk about my kids at all! What I mean is, my life as a single mum is revolved around my kids ( their not baby’s by the way they are 16 and 15) but my son plays professional football and I have to take him 4 days a week. So if someone asks you every day what your doing and every day you say your in footy with your son, wouldn’t you even ask about him? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about themi was just thinking the same. Maybe your over doing it talking about them constantly
I don’t over talk about my kids at all! What I mean is, my life as a single mum is revolved around my kids ( their not baby’s by the way they are 16 and 15) but my son plays professional football and I have to take him 4 days a week. So if someone asks you every day what your doing and every day you say your in footy with your son, wouldn’t you even ask about him?"
Me personally probably not |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Tbh I usually trust my gut on things like this..even online I can get an energetic sense.
AND sometimes we expect alot of people before knowing what the unique connection actually is.
Soooo your call.
If it's mediocre or rubbish, at least you've broken the 'not had a date for years' thing.
OR you could save yourself for someone who meets your needs re level of communication.
X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them"
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about themi was just thinking the same. Maybe your over doing it talking about them constantly
I don’t over talk about my kids at all! What I mean is, my life as a single mum is revolved around my kids ( their not baby’s by the way they are 16 and 15) but my son plays professional football and I have to take him 4 days a week. So if someone asks you every day what your doing and every day you say your in footy with your son, wouldn’t you even ask about him?
Me personally probably not"
Good for you |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
He might not be very sociable. Which isn’t that he’s not interested, he just doesn’t express it very well?
I don’t ask folk many questions because I’m shy and feel put on the spot. Some folk are intimidating and if you don’t know them, or their humour, then it can get a bit awkward? But when you see them in person they come across better, more fun and warm so you relax in their company and the questions flow easier.
See how the date itself goes. He might not want to get ahead of himself and just takes things as they come.
Have fun and enjoy it. Don’t overthink it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He might not be very sociable. Which isn’t that he’s not interested, he just doesn’t express it very well?
I don’t ask folk many questions because I’m shy and feel put on the spot. Some folk are intimidating and if you don’t know them, or their humour, then it can get a bit awkward? But when you see them in person they come across better, more fun and warm so you relax in their company and the questions flow easier.
See how the date itself goes. He might not want to get ahead of himself and just takes things as they come.
Have fun and enjoy it. Don’t overthink it."
Thank you. X |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging "
how are you planning to fit this guy into your life |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life"
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question? |
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Over text I don’t have much game. I’m second guessing everything to try and make myself look great
In person I’m different. I can talk for England.
Go in with an open mind and enjoy. What do you have to lose.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?"
Where their is a will there is a way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
Hope you enjoy yourselves, be natural. I over think things alot and people don't know what page I'm on I say"here is a book mark" |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?"
Because it just sounds as your life is so full you dont have any space for a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?"
And even if I didn’t know anyone, would you say I had no chance of meeting anyone ? If my life was as it is and I’m committed to my sons football , would you say no man would be interested because I have very little free time ? If you say yes this is probably why I went into depression about 4 years ago! Felt trapped and my life wasted and running away whilst everyone else out enjoying themselves.
So I’d think before you comment, |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?Because it just sounds as your life is so full you dont have any space for a relationship"
No not at all. I do this to give myself something to do rather than sit at home and maybe self harm, or feel down. His dad can take him but I choose to. Don’t judge until you know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
omg youre not kate Middleton, think about it if he started getting to personal with his questions at this early stage you'd probably shut up shop, hes probably saving it until youve met   |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?Because it just sounds as your life is so full you dont have any space for a relationship
No not at all. I do this to give myself something to do rather than sit at home and maybe self harm, or feel down. His dad can take him but I choose to. Don’t judge until you know "
I wasnt judging i was asking |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think he’s probably waiting till he meets you in person. You’ll be able to make a much better decision after that. Probably just not very good at chit-chat on text. "
I agree , as I did above x |
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"I think he’s probably waiting till he meets you in person. You’ll be able to make a much better decision after that. Probably just not very good at chit-chat on text.
I agree , as I did above x"
. didn’t read it all  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?Because it just sounds as your life is so full you dont have any space for a relationship
No not at all. I do this to give myself something to do rather than sit at home and maybe self harm, or feel down. His dad can take him but I choose to. Don’t judge until you know I wasnt judging i was asking"
Sorry x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual omg youre not kate Middleton, think about it if he started getting to personal with his questions at this early stage you'd probably shut up shop, hes probably saving it until youve met "
Have you read this full thread!!! |
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"Not read the whole thread but go with your instinct, gut reaction etc. If he isnt interested in small talk, what is that telling you?
Yep "
I
Why not just give the guy a chance face to face? You've effectively persuaded yourself that you aren't going to get along |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Not read the whole thread but go with your instinct, gut reaction etc. If he isnt interested in small talk, what is that telling you?
Yep I
Why not just give the guy a chance face to face? You've effectively persuaded yourself that you aren't going to get along"
I will, we are meeting tomorrow, I usually persuade myself not to (my own insecurities) but I will meet him tomorrow. Even though I feel really really inadequate and not good enough, even before I’ve met him. |
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
I dont think you are.
Even by text/phone you get a sense of a person.
For example when I ask someone a question or where are you from?
London
If that was me I'd ask the question back.
When people dont do that it puts me off straight away.
But he may be different when you meet him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual
I dont think you are.
Even by text/phone you get a sense of a person.
For example when I ask someone a question or where are you from?
London
If that was me I'd ask the question back.
When people dont do that it puts me off straight away.
But he may be different when you meet him."
Exactly, it’s normal behaviour |
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual
I dont think you are.
Even by text/phone you get a sense of a person.
For example when I ask someone a question or where are you from?
London
If that was me I'd ask the question back.
When people dont do that it puts me off straight away.
But he may be different when you meet him.
Exactly, it’s normal behaviour "
It's how you find out about each other.
You ask questions and vice versa |
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It sounds like you have recognised the potential issue, so the key is to minimise your focus on to those things. Switch it up, make it more upbeat and relaxed for you
Let the date start tomorrow. Do and think of other things until then. And potentially avoid creating such involvement with people before you meet anyone. |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It sounds like you have recognised the potential issue, so the key is to minimise your focus on to those things. Switch it up, make it more upbeat and relaxed for you
Let the date start tomorrow. Do and think of other things until then. And potentially avoid creating such involvement with people before you meet anyone. "
I’ll update tomorrow, I’ll go and see if he’s more open face to face x |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?Because it just sounds as your life is so full you dont have any space for a relationship"
She was using her kids as an example that he didnt seem that interested in what was going on in her life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?"
Why are you even worrying about these things haven’t even met him yet ? |
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"It sounds like you have recognised the potential issue, so the key is to minimise your focus on to those things. Switch it up, make it more upbeat and relaxed for you
Let the date start tomorrow. Do and think of other things until then. And potentially avoid creating such involvement with people before you meet anyone. "
Surely if you are getting to know someone you involve them in your life? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is.
If you’ve constantly talked about your kids maybe he’s tired of hearing about them
I’m not constantly talking about my children!!! I literally meant when someone asks you something about what your doing and your reply is “ with my son “ every night. Wouldn’t you ask ,? Why are you questioning me like I’m a weird person who talks about my kids constantly! NO I have a son who plays professional football 4 days a week and a daughter who does gymnastics and I work full time. But thanks for judging how are you planning to fit this guy into your life
By compromise, I know people in the academy who can take my son. Why the question?
Why are you even worrying about these things haven’t even met him yet ?"
I’m just asking friends people on a forum their opinion. Sorry if this offends you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's how you find out about each other.
You ask questions and vice versa"
That sounds like an interview. You can get to know someone and them you, a bit more organically |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
It's how you find out about each other.
You ask questions and vice versa
That sounds like an interview. You can get to know someone and them you, a bit more organically "
Read the full thread |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
It's how you find out about each other.
You ask questions and vice versa
That sounds like an interview. You can get to know someone and them you, a bit more organically
Read the full thread "
I did. I was replying to that guy's comment |
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual
I dont think you are.
Even by text/phone you get a sense of a person.
For example when I ask someone a question or where are you from?
London
If that was me I'd ask the question back.
When people dont do that it puts me off straight away.
But he may be different when you meet him.
Exactly, it’s normal behaviour "
It's normal behaviour for some people but not everyone. Some people have difficulty with social interaction that others find standard. Some people don't understand social cues the way others do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual
I dont think you are.
Even by text/phone you get a sense of a person.
For example when I ask someone a question or where are you from?
London
If that was me I'd ask the question back.
When people dont do that it puts me off straight away.
But he may be different when you meet him.
Exactly, it’s normal behaviour
It's normal behaviour for some people but not everyone. Some people have difficulty with social interaction that others find standard. Some people don't understand social cues the way others do. "
Yes true, I shouldn’t have said that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hey OP. Learn to trust your instincts. Easy to say, but not always to do as our brains start looking for excuses for irrational behaviour we don’t like. I really, really hope things work out for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m the worst for overthinking but in this case I wouldn’t worry too much if he’s not asking questions about your kids.
Even if you mention them he probably doesn’t want to overstep the mark or appear like he’s asking inappropriate questions.
Just see how things are in person before thinking too much into it. |
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"I’m the worst for overthinking but in this case I wouldn’t worry too much if he’s not asking questions about your kids.
Even if you mention them he probably doesn’t want to overstep the mark or appear like he’s asking inappropriate questions.
Just see how things are in person before thinking too much into it. "
Exactly. Probably doesn't want to come across looking like a weirdo asking loads of questions about your kids. Or doesn't want to seem too eager in case you think he's planning on moving in next week and joining families up. Or he wants to get to know you first to see if there's anything between you before finding out about the kids. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m the worst for overthinking but in this case I wouldn’t worry too much if he’s not asking questions about your kids.
Even if you mention them he probably doesn’t want to overstep the mark or appear like he’s asking inappropriate questions.
Just see how things are in person before thinking too much into it. "
Yes I agree, I’m just like you I read into things too much x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Anyway op hope it goes well and come back and tell us how it went"
I will update you all tomorrow, I’m already doubting myself, I’m not good enough blah blah. I don’t really care for once in my life I’m going as “me” I’m going comfortably, |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Apologies if any of this has been covered but I haven't read the whole thread - as an overthinker myself OP I know how easy it is to read things into things that simply aren't there when you think about them logically or with a more objective head on.
So for what it's worth my thoughts are this - you've obviously seen *something* in this guy to have agreed to meet him in the first place, so focus on thinking about those things rather than the things he hasn't done.
As for those things that are niggling you, maybe he isn't good at text talk, maybe he's being respectful and doesn't want to ask too much about your private life, maybe he doesn't want to come across as too full on before you've even met, maybe a million and one things, you may never know.
The date is in a few hours, so focus on enjoying it, meeting him and finding out face to face whether there's a connection and chemistry enough to want to take it further.
Have a great time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Apologies if any of this has been covered but I haven't read the whole thread - as an overthinker myself OP I know how easy it is to read things into things that simply aren't there when you think about them logically or with a more objective head on.
So for what it's worth my thoughts are this - you've obviously seen *something* in this guy to have agreed to meet him in the first place, so focus on thinking about those things rather than the things he hasn't done.
As for those things that are niggling you, maybe he isn't good at text talk, maybe he's being respectful and doesn't want to ask too much about your private life, maybe he doesn't want to come across as too full on before you've even met, maybe a million and one things, you may never know.
The date is in a few hours, so focus on enjoying it, meeting him and finding out face to face whether there's a connection and chemistry enough to want to take it further.
Have a great time "
Thank you and your words are appreciated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual omg youre not kate Middleton, think about it if he started getting to personal with his questions at this early stage you'd probably shut up shop, hes probably saving it until youve met
Have you read this full thread!!!"
no......... i have limited time to spend here is this a new trend?  |
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I think strangers asking too many questions about your kids would be seen as a red flag. Maybe he is just being sensible and taking it slow. Yes you are overthinking it. Just relax and enjoy the date. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyway op hope it goes well and come back and tell us how it went
I will update you all tomorrow, I’m already doubting myself, I’m not good enough blah blah. I don’t really care for once in my life I’m going as “me” I’m going comfortably, "
Great plan! Just enjoy, don’t over think too much and go with the flow... he’s a lucky guy to go on a date with you so just take advantage of the feeling of being admired and desires x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He might not be very sociable. Which isn’t that he’s not interested, he just doesn’t express it very well?
I don’t ask folk many questions because I’m shy and feel put on the spot. Some folk are intimidating and if you don’t know them, or their humour, then it can get a bit awkward? But when you see them in person they come across better, more fun and warm so you relax in their company and the questions flow easier.
See how the date itself goes. He might not want to get ahead of himself and just takes things as they come.
Have fun and enjoy it. Don’t overthink it."
omg you interrogate dates |
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"I have to consciously remind myself to ask people those type of questions. It isn't because I'm not interested it's because I assume that if they haven't told me they don't want me to know so asking would be an intrusion. I've learned through watching other people that isn’t necessarily the case.
He might not want to appear too intrusive about your personal life until you know him better.
Yes I get that , however I’ve constantly talked about my kids this week as they are literally my life outside of work, like yesterday (fridays) I’m in work 7-3, then I’m home pick my son up feed him pasta then straight to football until 9pm. By the time I’m home it’s 10pm min. And not once did he or has he asked where he plays or how old he is , or what his name is. "
Some people (myself included) are very privacy conscious. I wouldn't tell someone I hadn't met where I worked for example so I can get why he wouldn't ask who your son plays for or what his name is as some people wouldn't be comfortable answering those questions yet. I agree with others that especially as a man he might feel uncomfortable seeming too interested in your kids. I get what others are saying about how that doesn't mean he doesn't have to ask anything about them but very often men are more black and white and if he's unsure where the boundary would be with questions it likely feels safer not to ask at all.
It's also possible he's waiting to get to know you in person. First dates can be a bit nerve wracking so he might not want to use up all the "obvious" questions in the lead up in case he draws a blank through nerves on the day.
I hope your first date goes well OP. And as for the doubting if you're good enough part, you also need to decide if he's good enough for you. It's also entirely possible that you could both turn out to be fantastic people but just not compatible and that is not a failure on anyone's part. If things don't work out with someone that isn't a measure of your self worth if you just weren't right for each other. In my opinion people only aren't good enough if they treat the other person badly. |
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
We live in an age where people feel the need to share the minutea of their lives with all and sundry, so when we meet people who are cautious it throws us.
I wouldn't be divulging anything too personal to someone I hadn't met or asking personal questions either. If on meeting I feel relaxed and comfortable I open up a bit more.
We have lost the art of getting to know people: court. Everything is wham! bam!
Get dressed up, relax, go and enjoy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hope all goes well today and you have a good time, even if there isn't that much chemistry and you think naaaaah, I hope you do take a confidence boost from it.
As for the questions, he may be worried you'll have bugger all to talk about if all bases have been covered beforehand and he's kept a mental note of things you've mentioned and which to expand on.
That will show you he's listened and not wanting to talk just about himself
P
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"
It's how you find out about each other.
You ask questions and vice versa
That sounds like an interview. You can get to know someone and them you, a bit more organically "
In what way?
Surely to get to know someone you discover about them?
|
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"
I have a date tomorrow daytime from the fishy site. And we’ve been chatting for about 2 weeks now mainly text, but have spoke via telephone twice.
My issue is I always overthink things, I just read too much into certain situations, say so far he’s not very forthcoming in anything he doesn’t or hasn’t asked me anything regarding my past or what I’m looking for, but maybe that’s just him, and I’ve not asked him so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I’ve spoke about my kids all week (example) taking my son to football and my daughter dance, now I would automatically ask how old are they etc. But nothing.
Maybe I’m being over sensitive but I just get a sense he’s not interested as such , it’s kind of I ask a question I get a reply no return question or interest.
I’ll probably go and think “ fuck kate you should of trusted your gut”. I’m not even getting dressed up, just going casual "
Usually when someone doesn’t show that kind of interest it makes me uninterested.
Go with gut feelings as see how it goes.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How did it go?"
Crap, he was lovely but I done all the talking. There was loads of awkward moments and I filled them with chit chat. I talk a lot and I’m very out going, he was very reserved. Oh well , x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How did it go?
Crap, he was lovely but I done all the talking. There was loads of awkward moments and I filled them with chit chat. I talk a lot and I’m very out going, he was very reserved. Oh well , x"
awww that’s a shame duck x maybe we should go out ! As I like chatting too x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How did it go?
Crap, he was lovely but I done all the talking. There was loads of awkward moments and I filled them with chit chat. I talk a lot and I’m very out going, he was very reserved. Oh well , x awww that’s a shame duck x maybe we should go out ! As I like chatting too x"
Distance would be an issue  |
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"How did it go?
Crap, he was lovely but I done all the talking. There was loads of awkward moments and I filled them with chit chat. I talk a lot and I’m very out going, he was very reserved. Oh well , x"
Better luck next time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"How did it go?
Crap, he was lovely but I done all the talking. There was loads of awkward moments and I filled them with chit chat. I talk a lot and I’m very out going, he was very reserved. Oh well , x
Better luck next time "
Thank you |
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"He's not interested in your life.
He was just very reserved, I’m very chatty, I filled every gap with chit chat. He didn’t ask me one question, x"
That doesn't sound reserved, it sounds like someone with a lack of interpersonal skills. When I was reading your first post I thought as much, and I think you already knew it too. Trust your instincts, if nothing else at least they're been proved to be accurate xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He's not interested in your life.
He was just very reserved, I’m very chatty, I filled every gap with chit chat. He didn’t ask me one question, x
That doesn't sound reserved, it sounds like someone with a lack of interpersonal skills. When I was reading your first post I thought as much, and I think you already knew it too. Trust your instincts, if nothing else at least they're been proved to be accurate xx"
Yes I agree, I was the one talking constantly, I still don’t think he knows how many children I have or their names. Where as I know everything about him. Every time there was a pause , I was waiting for him to ask me about myself but he didn’t. So I just asked him more. X |
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"He's not interested in your life.
He was just very reserved, I’m very chatty, I filled every gap with chit chat. He didn’t ask me one question, x
That doesn't sound reserved, it sounds like someone with a lack of interpersonal skills. When I was reading your first post I thought as much, and I think you already knew it too. Trust your instincts, if nothing else at least they're been proved to be accurate xx
Yes I agree, I was the one talking constantly, I still don’t think he knows how many children I have or their names. Where as I know everything about him. Every time there was a pause , I was waiting for him to ask me about myself but he didn’t. So I just asked him more. X"
His loss to be honest if your going to meet someone you make the time to converse to the other build good foundations,im always a good conversationalist but just over looked |
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