FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > DOM or SUB
DOM or SUB
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to get hung up about this.....am I sub am I Domme???....I prefer plain kinky :P  "
Ditto lol, Go with the flow is what I say pure unadulterated kink! But whatever floats ya boat lol  |
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"Dom, for sure. Just the thought of being submissive makes me feel silly, unnatural. It's a part of who you are."
LOL. Nicely put. 
I dont make a big deal out of Dom, but I know for sure that I'm NOT sub.
;-)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmmm ?
i think im more sub to be honest, love it when a guy takes control . BUT only sexually and not into all this doing as im told lark, re orders and s and m .
Just likes a guy who knows what hes doing i suppose.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"is there such a thing as a switch???
Yes!
Nope! No true dom has a submissive side."
Never said i was a true dom did i? I said i was switch with dom tendencies. I like both sides but prefer to play dom and can switch between the two. Hence the term switch.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why limit yourself? Why settle for half of it when you can it all...but then again i suppose its down to what makes you feel most comfortable.
All i know is that sometimes i want to be a sub (but only if its because the woman im with gets off on the idea)...and sometimes (quite alot actually)i like to be the dominant one..taking full advantage of my victims..lol
As long as no pain is involved (don't mind my nips being pinched)im a happy chappy. |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
Naaaaaaaaa you cant play at being a pussy then want to strut around when the feeling suits. That’s like a eunuch strutting round pretending to be a sperm donor. It just doesn’t wash. A dom is a dom and nothing else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Naaaaaaaaa you cant play at being a pussy then want to strut around when the feeling suits. That’s like a eunuch strutting round pretending to be a sperm donor. It just doesn’t wash. A dom is a dom and nothing else."
Well i really don't really how you can say that. You don't know me and you don't know the millions of other people who are switch, sub or dom, therefore you can't make such a sweeping statement as that. And you can't say that your own personal ideas and experiences of what you believe to constitute being dom is, is the exact same as what someone elses idea of what being dom is. To say otherwise is just arrogant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not into Sub Dom thingmyjiggy stuff...
certainly couldnt be sub to anyone..
certainly couldnt be dom to anyone would feel I was abusing them in some way..
years and years ago, met a guy with a huge cock.. was sucking it, he had his hands at the back of my head.. forcing it in my mouth. I stopped, stood up and then smacked him in the mouth..... he was stunned.... funny, he never asked to meet again.
thats the closest to dom I ever got.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am a sub, but in my work, I am in control.
Dom/me / sub or even BDSM, where are the rules, why do some people think that it has to be like thins, it has to be like that.
We are all individuals, and each person has their own opinion of what they want or what it is.
So really no one should critisise what someone else believes. If you do then yes you are shallow, and not able to see other peoples points of fews, and accept that we are not all the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could only be sub with paul .... but I would say neither really it's all just naughty fun, although another girl really tried to dom me once and I wasn't having any of that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apparently I need to try and be less dominant and be more fluffy at work!
Perhaps I should learn to be more submissive in the bedroom 
Handcuffs and blindfold waiting to be collected in the Post Office this morning
I could always let my playmates use them on me instead of the other way round!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can switch but im mainly sub in that sort of situation....which is cool as everyone knows that the sub ALWAYS has total control anyway"
Yeah... Me too, Sub all the way... Help yourself ladies lol.. selfless to the last.... St Michael isn't a myth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"I can switch but im mainly sub in that sort of situation....which is cool as everyone knows that the sub ALWAYS has total control anyway
St Michael isn't a myth. "
No he is'nt, you can get really great food from St Michael  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can switch but im mainly sub in that sort of situation....which is cool as everyone knows that the sub ALWAYS has total control anyway"
good point , i think most people see domme as bully and sub as weak.it actually takes a very strong person to submit fully |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
"Then your not dom then mate end of.  "
there is a term for those who can be one or the other and thats a "switch" and in the fetish world they are as sort after as either a dom/domme or a sub |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can switch but im mainly sub in that sort of situation....which is cool as everyone knows that the sub ALWAYS has total control anyway
St Michael isn't a myth.
No he is'nt, you can get really great food from St Michael "
Toast, buttered or Not? |
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"Apparently I need to try and be less dominant and be more fluffy at work!
Perhaps I should learn to be more submissive in the bedroom
Handcuffs and blindfold waiting to be collected in the Post Office this morning
I could always let my playmates use them on me instead of the other way round!!! "
Handcuffs? Dead uncomfy - you want leather cuffs with nice padding inside so you don't hurt yourself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Naaaaaaaaa you cant play at being a pussy then want to strut around when the feeling suits. That’s like a eunuch strutting round pretending to be a sperm donor. It just doesn’t wash. A dom is a dom and nothing else."
I dont think that being a sub should be associated with being a "Pussy" as you call it.
Maybe your sexual parameters lack the capacity to expand mentally enough for you to appreciate the potenial and the full diversity of sex. As far as im concerned...if my dick gets hard because im being used and abused by a lady...im happy, and if i get hard by being dominant...im also happy!
Its all down to personal preference..sex is a journey...not a destination, and I always prefer to take the scenic route. |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
Some people have no concept what a dom or a sub is. The concept of a switch is interesting as it is generally someone who doesn’t have the inner strength to be a true sub and equally doesn’t have the insight or ability to stretch there mind to be a dom. |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"Well i would love to be dom and knock seven lots of shite out of a few fellas "
The fact of the matter is the sub is ultimately in control so it would be there choice what and how you dominated them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"think i opened a can of worms when i posted this thread !!!!!!!! "
I don't think you opened a can of worms at all and the thread had the potential to be quite interesting until it was ruined by a narrow minded person.
Ii's a shame some people have such closed minds and condescending 'know it all' attitudes and that they firmly believe the crap their spouting is the right and everyone else is wrong!
Seems some people think their dominant when really their just arrogant!
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
"think i opened a can of worms when i posted this thread !!!!!!!!
I don't think you opened a can of worms at all and the thread had the potential to be quite interesting until it was ruined by a narrow minded person.
Ii's a shame some people have such closed minds and condescending 'know it all' attitudes and that they firmly believe the crap their spouting is the right and everyone else is wrong!
Seems some people think their dominant when really their just arrogant!
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well i am always interested in other peoples points of view, and will listern intently, but wiegh up the info for myself, i personally can't understand why some people think their view point is the only view point,after all isn't it the fact that we have the ability to choose that makes us who and what we are ? |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
"
Seems some people think their dominant when really their just arrogant!
No no! Just a twue dom that's all :D"
again i say thats your veiw point and so being it's biased towards what you see as how you portray the part, my original post was which would you rather be? so it's obvious you'd rather be a dom, others would rather be a sub and some like to switch between the two, my post was reaserch in a way as i have a possible meet who wanted to be a sub for me and thought i'm easier with the go with the flow kind of thing i just wondered if it was possible to switch between the two and weather others would readily except someone who did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Seems some people think their dominant when really their just arrogant!
No no! Just a twue dom that's all :D"
To my mind he's nothing like a true dominant. I've met a fair few doms at munches and social events and none of them have had that arrogant 'i'm right and your wrong' attitude, and none have started hurling insults around. Mind you they have shown a lot more intelligence!
I can see why a lot of people don't bother coming on the forums and to be honest i don't blame them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tried switching during a session with a switch and just couldnt do it, i know some are happy to but whatever ur tendancies are ,if you and ur sub or dom/me are happy then it does not matter what anyone else thinks,you know your own mind, so live it xxkxx |
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Just in case that wasn't clear to anyone - that's why I said 'twue dom' as in those people who think their way is the only way and everyone else is fake. BDSM is a broad church. I've seen similar types of comments all over the place but most people I respect are comfortable with the idea that people can be anywhere on a sliding scale from dom - switch - sub. I favour that viewpoint. |
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"I tried switching during a session with a switch and just couldnt do it, i know some are happy to but whatever ur tendancies are ,if you and ur sub or dom/me are happy then it does not matter what anyone else thinks,you know your own mind, so live it xxkxx"
Yeah, I think for many people it works better to be either dom or sub with a particular partner or by play session. I could live with either way myself but I think I'll always find submitting and being dominant appealing. Ideally I'd love to be able to explore both types of play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I just have to laugh a little at this thread. Sorry but it is rather amusing reading it as there are sulking lips out in a few places.
In essence a true sub is far more fun to play with than a switch. Not that you cant have fun with switches but ultimately you can play far deeper with someone who is truly and utterly submissive. No doubt some will disagree with me on this. After all I only have 16 years experience in this area lol.
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I was going through writing a long response to that about the difference between being objective and subjective and personal taste as opposed to definable quality. But in the end I just can't be arsed. *sighs* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was going through writing a long response to that about the difference between being objective and subjective and personal taste as opposed to definable quality. But in the end I just can't be arsed. *sighs* "
Everyone has personal taste, however indecision is not a trait of sub dom play. Maybe some research on your part might help you overcome your apprehension.
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"
Everyone has personal taste, however indecision is not a trait of sub dom play. Maybe some research on your part might help you overcome your apprehension.
"
Personally I am attracted to the dominant and submissive roles. I am willing to accept that with further practice (for want of a better way to put it) I might display a preference for dom or sub.
That does not mean I'm indecisive though, this isn't something that I feel I'm choosing like a new car or a t-shirt.
Whilst I've done a lot of theoretical research and read a lot of opinion on the subject I am, of course, always keen to pursue practical research in the field. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Everyone has personal taste, however indecision is not a trait of sub dom play. Maybe some research on your part might help you overcome your apprehension.
Personally I am attracted to the dominant and submissive roles. I am willing to accept that with further practice (for want of a better way to put it) I might display a preference for dom or sub.
That does not mean I'm indecisive though, this isn't something that I feel I'm choosing like a new car or a t-shirt.
Whilst I've done a lot of theoretical research and read a lot of opinion on the subject I am, of course, always keen to pursue practical research in the field. "
I find it amusing inexperienced people voice with ardour but lack of personal knowledge. Paper research is no substitute for actual experience. Equally your ford sierra car manual does not make you a fully fledged car mechanic. However I am assuming you would shout it does lol. |
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"
I find it amusing inexperienced people voice with ardour but lack of personal knowledge. Paper research is no substitute for actual experience. Equally your ford sierra car manual does not make you a fully fledged car mechanic. However I am assuming you would shout it does lol."
Your experience is anecdotal. It's not research. It's about something that's subjective - personal taste. You can't make the assumption that it applies to everyone.
However what you could do is read a lot of opinions from other people and see if they agree with you. As for the most part, they don't, you should consider that you might be incorrect.
Also, please do a bit of reading on ad hominem arguments, it might help you out. |
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"Well i would love to be dom and knock seven lots of shite out of a few fellas
The fact of the matter is the sub is ultimately in control so it would be there choice what and how you dominated them."
Its not a fact at all ,there are many examples where the sub has no choice of there situation or events which effect there lives.
Try thinking outside of fluffy Wuffy bdsm world, its all a bit chocolate box and make believe (yes even the 24/7 TPE)as you say the sub can walk away when he or she wants.
But your being hasty in presuming its always that way and a fact.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i knows that , thats why i dont
Not sure I believe that. If you really want to domme someone work out what you want to do and find someone whose happy to have it done to them "
Nope, im sub and not dom ...and always will be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I find it amusing inexperienced people voice with ardour but lack of personal knowledge. Paper research is no substitute for actual experience. Equally your ford sierra car manual does not make you a fully fledged car mechanic. However I am assuming you would shout it does lol."
Were not all inexperienced and even if we were everyone has a right to voice an opinion. People with experience are by no means 'experts', nor do they have a monopoly on having and expressing a view.
There are far too many people who think that their views are right and that their definition of what a sub/dom/switch/swinger is the correct one and everyone else has to follow suit. To be honest anyone in the scene who thinks they know it all and can successfully define everything so exact will be lying. Everyones life and experiences will always be different and there are certainly no right or wrong definitions that we should all use as a benchmark.
As a newbie you develop your sub/dom/switch sides by either learning things yourself via your own personal instincts, you learn by experiencing other peoples methodology or you learn via one or more mentors (or a mixture of all). Each person you encounter will have their own ideas and views and some or all of those ideas will be taken up by yourself while some will be discarded, as well as you possessing your own ideas. Therefore no one can say their way is the only way and they can't say their way is the right way. And if no one else fits into their own narrow experiences and ideologies then they have no right or grounds to say that someone isn't a 'proper' submissive, dominant or a switch.
Whose to say the people you learnt from, or the things you learnt yourself, or even your own natural instincts are right in the first place?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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with patrick am actually very sub, but could not imagine that with anyone else. i lean more naturally to being a dom. there is a guy i met for a chat from this forum, and he brings out that dom bit with me. he knows this and would welcome me being like this. patrick finds it a turn on witnessing this side of me with someone else |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"with patrick am actually very sub, but could not imagine that with anyone else. i lean more naturally to being a dom. there is a guy i met for a chat from this forum, and he brings out that dom bit with me. he knows this and would welcome me being like this. patrick finds it a turn on witnessing this side of me with someone else"
Echoing that entirely, hun... (no, not with Patrick... lol) xx |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
ok i'm going to bring out the DOM in me and say i think this thread has served my needs so i'm calling to an close, thanks for all your input and its been educational, and informative too XXXXXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people have no concept what a dom or a sub is. The concept of a switch is interesting as it is generally someone who doesn’t have the inner strength to be a true sub and equally doesn’t have the insight or ability to stretch there mind to be a dom."
Well...thats the thing about opinions, there like assholes...everyone,s got one, the trick though is not to try and force them onto others.
Judging by your replies...id say that your confused about the deffinition of sub/dom, you come across as being aggressive (like a bully) which is probably second nature to you...therefor you instinctivly feel that being in control should also be actively pursued through any sexual encounters.
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"Who is Dom??????
Can i meet him?????
dunno where he is but a few dicks around
ya telling me!!!
God everytime i see SUB in the title it makes me think of a Sub sandwich!!!!! At least they ARE very filling!!!! LOL"
I think most people ARE taking about meatball marinara.
Hope they dont pop in in the hole they are talking about lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"God everytime i see SUB in the title it makes me think of a Sub sandwich!!!!! At least they ARE very filling!!!! LOL
I think most people ARE taking about meatball marinara.
Hope they dont pop in in the hole they are talking about lol
"
Mine is always Italian Herb and Cheese, 6in, Italian BMT with extra bacon and double cheese, toasted, with all the salads and Cesar dressing |
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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago
a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5 |
"God everytime i see SUB in the title it makes me think of a Sub sandwich!!!!! At least they ARE very filling!!!! LOL
I think most people ARE taking about meatball marinara.
Hope they dont pop in in the hole they are talking about lol
Mine is always Italian Herb and Cheese, 6in, Italian BMT with extra bacon and double cheese, toasted, with all the salads and Cesar dressing "
All this talk of sex and food makes me ravenous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn’t read this topic until a few moments ago simply because I have no idea which if either I am.
I cant sleep so decided to read it and to be perfectly honest it opened my eyes since I readily admit to knowing nothing about the sub/dom scene.
Thank you to those who decided to explain the differences.
And to be honest I thought being dom meant being a sort of bully - which a few people have pointed out is not what it is at all and really the sub has the control - which again is not something I understood before reading this.
I really take my hat of to anyone who can give someone else the control as its something I don’t feel I could do successfully mind you I don’t think I could be the sub/dom simply because I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it.
I agree with View it would feel like bullying to me and like Wishy said its who you are I don’t think its something you can become you either are or your not, but maybe I am wrong since I don’t really understand the full implications with it?
I would never agree that being sub (be you male or female) makes you a pussy tho simply because as HPC said to be a sub you really have all the power - well that’s how I understand it at the moment.
Shona
x x x |
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Yup, the sub has all the power in the sense that they are always entitled to end play. That's obviously the way it has to be (although the dom can end play too!). The dom may push and stretch boundaries but has to come to know their sub well in order to make the play work well. |
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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago
a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5 |
"Yup, the sub has all the power in the sense that they are always entitled to end play. That's obviously the way it has to be (although the dom can end play too!). The dom may push and stretch boundaries but has to come to know their sub well in order to make the play work well. "
Your correct, the sub has the power to call a halt to it all, not many people understand it, but I do.
None of my men have called a halt tho, I am delighted to say, fingers crossed. |
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"Yup, the sub has all the power in the sense that they are always entitled to end play. That's obviously the way it has to be (although the dom can end play too!). The dom may push and stretch boundaries but has to come to know their sub well in order to make the play work well.
Your correct, the sub has the power to call a halt to it all, not many people understand it, but I do.
None of my men have called a halt tho, I am delighted to say, fingers crossed."
That's probably because you are so good at achieving the right balance. The fact you're hot probably doesn' thurt either |
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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago
a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5 |
"Yup, the sub has all the power in the sense that they are always entitled to end play. That's obviously the way it has to be (although the dom can end play too!). The dom may push and stretch boundaries but has to come to know their sub well in order to make the play work well.
Your correct, the sub has the power to call a halt to it all, not many people understand it, but I do.
None of my men have called a halt tho, I am delighted to say, fingers crossed.
That's probably because you are so good at achieving the right balance. The fact you're hot probably doesn' thurt either "
Flattery will get you in my knickers you know, so beware!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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couldn't Domme her way out of a wet paper bag, thats already ripped ... and who wants to be in control lol ... never did get the sub being in control thing ... i'm naturally submissive ... and that to me means that pleasing is more important than my own pleasure ... my pleasure comes from pleasing him.
but then i dont want to submit totally to someone i dont trust to ensure they dont break their toy ... letting yourself go and allowing someone else to make every decision with no safe words being totally controlled without an easy get out when its a bit much, pushing your boundaries ... is a very liberating experience xx |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
the way i see it the whole sub/dom thing, we are all sub/dom to some degree, because while playing we will at some point do something,say something to indicate to our play partner what it is we want, so ergo the sayer, becomes the dom, the doer becomes the sub, and so goes the merry go round, i think if we are all truly honest about the whole thing, we all have the ability to be one or the other as and when the time suit's the individual or the situation, i mean your not going to just let someone carry on doing something your not 100% enjoying are you, so you'll indicate or direct them to do something else( the dom)but if your enjoying something they are doing you'll just allow it to carry on( the sub) so i feel that although we don't realise we are, we are all capable of being one or both at any time,
this conclusion is drawn from reading each input you have all made on this subject matter.
I think if you all read it carefully you'll see that some if not all of you show tendancies towards one if not both.
It's been really interesting to read your post's and given insight's into every one who has posted, but i bet not a one of you have really seen what it reflect's about who you are at any given time, on the whole as i say most if not all have shown that given the right condition's they can be either a sub or a dom, it just depends on the state of play at any given time  |
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" i mean your not going to just let someone carry on doing something your not 100% enjoying are you, so you'll indicate or direct them to do something else( the dom)but if your enjoying something they are doing you'll just allow it to carry on( the sub) so i feel that although we don't realise we are, we are all capable of being one or both at any time, "
I think most subs would absolutely allow a dom to continue with something they werent' 100% enjoying. They might not be enjoying the actual act but deriving satisfaction from submission itself. |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
" i mean your not going to just let someone carry on doing something your not 100% enjoying are you, so you'll indicate or direct them to do something else( the dom)but if your enjoying something they are doing you'll just allow it to carry on( the sub) so i feel that although we don't realise we are, we are all capable of being one or both at any time,
I think most subs would absolutely allow a dom to continue with something they werent' 100% enjoying. They might not be enjoying the actual act but deriving satisfaction from submission itself. "
my remark was aimed at the average person who say's i'm not one or the other, and you took it out of context, are you a news paper reporter under cover on this site lol |
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" my remark was aimed at the average person who say's i'm not one or the other, and you took it out of context, are you a news paper reporter under cover on this site lol "
I'm afraid that wasn't clear to me and still wasn't when I re-read it. I didn't deliberately take your quote out of context I was trying to clarify the common elements of sub/dom play for you. |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
" my remark was aimed at the average person who say's i'm not one or the other, and you took it out of context, are you a news paper reporter under cover on this site lol
I'm afraid that wasn't clear to me and still wasn't when I re-read it. I didn't deliberately take your quote out of context I was trying to clarify the common elements of sub/dom play for you. "
and all i was doing was pointing out that even subconsiously we have a tendancy towards one or the other dependent on the situation at any given time, and if you take everything you have pointed out and analise it your saying a dom is a sub and a sub is a dom, due mainly because a sub is in control of the dom so assuming your theory is correct and a sub is in total control they are infact a dom playing out a sub's position |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" i mean your not going to just let someone carry on doing something your not 100% enjoying are you, so you'll indicate or direct them to do something else( the dom)but if your enjoying something they are doing you'll just allow it to carry on( the sub) so i feel that although we don't realise we are, we are all capable of being one or both at any time,
I think most subs would absolutely allow a dom to continue with something they werent' 100% enjoying. They might not be enjoying the actual act but deriving satisfaction from submission itself. "
that was exactly my point ... if you are truly submissive .... but for many i know they like being submissive for a particular time, and maybe next time will switch, and in that case yes, i suppose they are ultimately in control
.... some of us can't and actually don't want to turn it off |
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_ouvak:
The sub ultimately being in control is a reference to the fact that they have to consent. The power they wield is limited to their right to stop play or enforce hard limits (things they would never do such as anal play). So in a sense the sub has to have the final word.
In practice doms want to say what goes and often want to push their subs boundaries and challenge them. They decide what form play will take and punishment. A sub who continually abused their right to stop play would probably find themselves without a dom. |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
in fact the whole thing revolves around the plyability of both the sub and the dom, because the dom has nothing if the sub don't allow him control,,,,, ergo the sub is a dom in reverse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"in fact the whole thing revolves around the plyability of both the sub and the dom, because the dom has nothing if the sub don't allow him control,,,,, ergo the sub is a dom in reverse "
which is one of the reasons i prefer to have partners i know well rather than 'doing the rounds' ... it's much easier to allow the Dom total control when you get to know and trust each other ... but once the control is freely given .... and the chance of stopping something is taken away .... the sub is no longer in control, it is purely up to the dominant what happens and what doesn't.
so yes the sub has to willingly give that up, but all that is ... is consent to allow things to go as far as he wants
.... but then i suppose that depends whether the sub wants any control .... some of us see that as a real turn off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All this debate about a submissive having the power and always being in control again reinforces what i said about there being no benchmarks as to what being a submissive or a dom(me) is. Therefore no one can say what they constitute being a sub or dom is being 100% correct...it's only right for them.
A submissive is NOT always in control as there are different types of submissive, so the whole 'all subs are in control' is merely a sweeping statement.
For example some submissives have the necessessity and desire to be a 'slave' where there is no safe word, they do as their told even if they don't exactly enjoy doing it, and they submit entirely to what their 'masters' wants. Also there are submissives who want and need any power they may have to be taken away from them, which can be as part of various relationships or such areas as 'rape play'.
So like i said, no one can say what a sub, dom or switch should be or is, because their isn't any set definitions or set of rules to adhere to. And why isn't there a set of defined rules? Because people who are genuinely into the scene do not say my way is the only way and your way isn't right, their alot more respectful and realise the whole sub/dom issue is different from person to person and lies heavily in a persons psychology.
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
as i've said often already in this thread.
dom/sub is a matter for personal choice, and sunject to set peramiters as defined by the individuals involved at any given time, thus the issue as i see it is,,,,, are sub's or dom's truly in control or is it just like any other situation in life,,,, a matter of personal prefference's subjectively set out by the individual to maintain a degree of control over any set situation, ergo we all have a bit of the dom/me or sub in us all but to differing degree's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All this debate about a submissive having the power and always being in control again reinforces what i said about there being no benchmarks as to what being a submissive or a dom(me) is.
"
exactly ... and wouldn't it be flipping boring if everyone was the same |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"All this debate about a submissive having the power and always being in control again reinforces what i said about there being no benchmarks as to what being a submissive or a dom(me) is. Therefore no one can say what they constitute being a sub or dom is being 100% correct...it's only right for them.
A submissive is NOT always in control as there are different types of submissive, so the whole 'all subs are in control' is merely a sweeping statement.
For example some submissives have the necessessity and desire to be a 'slave' where there is no safe word, they do as their told even if they don't exactly enjoy doing it, and they submit entirely to what their 'masters' wants. Also there are submissives who want and need any power they may have to be taken away from them, which can be as part of various relationships or such areas as 'rape play'.
So like i said, no one can say what a sub, dom or switch should be or is, because their isn't any set definitions or set of rules to adhere to. And why isn't there a set of defined rules? Because people who are genuinely into the scene do not say my way is the only way and your way isn't right, their alot more respectful and realise the whole sub/dom issue is different from person to person and lies heavily in a persons psychology.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All this debate about a submissive having the power and always being in control again reinforces what i said about there being no benchmarks as to what being a submissive or a dom(me) is. Therefore no one can say what they constitute being a sub or dom is being 100% correct...it's only right for them.
A submissive is NOT always in control as there are different types of submissive, so the whole 'all subs are in control' is merely a sweeping statement.
For example some submissives have the necessessity and desire to be a 'slave' where there is no safe word, they do as their told even if they don't exactly enjoy doing it, and they submit entirely to what their 'masters' wants. Also there are submissives who want and need any power they may have to be taken away from them, which can be as part of various relationships or such areas as 'rape play'.
So like i said, no one can say what a sub, dom or switch should be or is, because their isn't any set definitions or set of rules to adhere to. And why isn't there a set of defined rules? Because people who are genuinely into the scene do not say my way is the only way and your way isn't right, their alot more respectful and realise the whole sub/dom issue is different from person to person and lies heavily in a persons psychology.
"
I'm not good at reading what emoticons mean, so does this mean your shocked, confused, overawed or something different??????
So it seems that apart from one guy who still thinks we all have to conform to his narrow views about sub/doms and switches were all in agreement! Yay...now next topic! |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"All this debate about a submissive having the power and always being in control again reinforces what i said about there being no benchmarks as to what being a submissive or a dom(me) is. Therefore no one can say what they constitute being a sub or dom is being 100% correct...it's only right for them.
A submissive is NOT always in control as there are different types of submissive, so the whole 'all subs are in control' is merely a sweeping statement.
For example some submissives have the necessessity and desire to be a 'slave' where there is no safe word, they do as their told even if they don't exactly enjoy doing it, and they submit entirely to what their 'masters' wants. Also there are submissives who want and need any power they may have to be taken away from them, which can be as part of various relationships or such areas as 'rape play'.
So like i said, no one can say what a sub, dom or switch should be or is, because their isn't any set definitions or set of rules to adhere to. And why isn't there a set of defined rules? Because people who are genuinely into the scene do not say my way is the only way and your way isn't right, their alot more respectful and realise the whole sub/dom issue is different from person to person and lies heavily in a persons psychology.
I'm not good at reading what emoticons mean, so does this mean your shocked, confused, overawed or something different??????
So it seems that apart from one guy who still thinks we all have to conform to his narrow views about sub/doms and switches were all in agreement! Yay...now next topic!"
we are not in agree ment far from it so ner!!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All this debate about a submissive having the power and always being in control again reinforces what i said about there being no benchmarks as to what being a submissive or a dom(me) is. Therefore no one can say what they constitute being a sub or dom is being 100% correct...it's only right for them.
A submissive is NOT always in control as there are different types of submissive, so the whole 'all subs are in control' is merely a sweeping statement.
For example some submissives have the necessessity and desire to be a 'slave' where there is no safe word, they do as their told even if they don't exactly enjoy doing it, and they submit entirely to what their 'masters' wants. Also there are submissives who want and need any power they may have to be taken away from them, which can be as part of various relationships or such areas as 'rape play'.
So like i said, no one can say what a sub, dom or switch should be or is, because their isn't any set definitions or set of rules to adhere to. And why isn't there a set of defined rules? Because people who are genuinely into the scene do not say my way is the only way and your way isn't right, their alot more respectful and realise the whole sub/dom issue is different from person to person and lies heavily in a persons psychology.
I'm not good at reading what emoticons mean, so does this mean your shocked, confused, overawed or something different??????
So it seems that apart from one guy who still thinks we all have to conform to his narrow views about sub/doms and switches were all in agreement! Yay...now next topic!we are not in agree ment far from it so ner!!!!!!"
OK, feel free to share your views as i'd love to see them! |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
well gothica they will differ from yours big styly!!! and to be honest i havent got the time or the inclination to write a thesis on this subject , so il take the high road and you take the low road and we caan agree to differ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well gothica they will differ from yours big styly!!! and to be honest i havent got the time or the inclination to write a thesis on this subject , so il take the high road and you take the low road and we caan agree to differ "
Yeah, not going to debate with you as were friends but if your views are different to mine then i assume their the opposite (though thats not necessarily the case).
That would mean you think there is no such thing as someone who has both sub and dom tendencies meaning there is no such thing as a switch. Maybe we need to tell all those millions of people all over the world, and those on proper bdsm sites that their wrong and switches don't exist.
Would you also believe that all doms and subs are the same and there is no differences between them any of them. If thats the case i think i'll quit the whole bdsm scene because it would be such a stagnant and really boring scene to be in. Who wants to be in a scene where everyone is the same and everyone does the same things! One thing that i liked about bdsm is the variety and the many different types of people you meet within it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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actually on the BDSM scene, a lot of Doms and subs ... don't get switches either lol ... some subs consider themselves slaves, some think being a slave is equivalent to being a doormat, so whatever circles you move in, everyone will have a different opinion .... there is no real answer, both domination and submission is down to each individul to decide where their boundaries are .... and how much of themselves they are willing to let go .... most people i know say i'm far too dominant to be submissive .... but my excuse is, i'm a parent and don't take any crap .... but with the right person ...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"actually on the BDSM scene, a lot of Doms and subs ... don't get switches either lol ... some subs consider themselves slaves, some think being a slave is equivalent to being a doormat, so whatever circles you move in, everyone will have a different opinion .... there is no real answer, both domination and submission is down to each individul to decide where their boundaries are .... and how much of themselves they are willing to let go .... most people i know say i'm far too dominant to be submissive .... but my excuse is, i'm a parent and don't take any crap .... but with the right person ...... "
Exactly. Though some doms/subs may not get what a switch is about (though it's not a hard concept to understand) there are many, many more who do. If a switch didn't exist then no site would have it as an option. Just like some people don't understand why someone would want to be submissive, or why someone would want to be dominant all the time. Variety keeps the scene fresh and long may it continue to be! |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"actually on the BDSM scene, a lot of Doms and subs ... don't get switches either lol ... some subs consider themselves slaves, some think being a slave is equivalent to being a doormat, so whatever circles you move in, everyone will have a different opinion .... there is no real answer, both domination and submission is down to each individul to decide where their boundaries are .... and how much of themselves they are willing to let go .... most people i know say i'm far too dominant to be submissive .... but my excuse is, i'm a parent and don't take any crap .... but with the right person ......
Exactly. Though some doms/subs may not get what a switch is about (though it's not a hard concept to understand) there are many, many more who do. If a switch didn't exist then no site would have it as an option. Just like some people don't understand why someone would want to be submissive, or why someone would want to be dominant all the time. Variety keeps the scene fresh and long may it continue to be!"
gothica!!! start ya bloody own thread entitled switch!!! lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been reading this thread with interest.
There have been some very good and valid points raised,also some very blinkered arrogant ones too.
Being a Dominatrix,the diverse requirements of my clients proves that not everything in the BDSM world is black and white.
I admit when a couple live as Dom and sub as a 24/7 lifestyle the boundries are set and usualy rigorously adhered to.
That however doesn't apply to the world of the professional Dominatrix where a greater flexibility is often called for.
Yes,without doubt there are some who could no more play a mildy sub role as fly,the majority of my colleagues fit that bill.
Luckily,I'm not averse to the odd spanking,should the situation and client satisfaction call for it.
I must stress though that spanking is as far as it goes,definately not total submission.
A switch in the professional BDSM world is a rare commodity,you can imagine the thrill a sub would get to be able to turn the tables and spank their Mistress in a roleplay situation.
It goes without saying though that the Mistress always finishes on top.
So to say there is no such thing as a switch is utter rubbish,the word exists in the BDSM world "I think therefore I am!".
In sexuality,you don't just have Straight or Gay,you have Bi as well.
Just look upon a Switch as the Bi between Dom and sub!
XXX |
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"actually on the BDSM scene, a lot of Doms and subs ... don't get switches either lol ... some subs consider themselves slaves, some think being a slave is equivalent to being a doormat, so whatever circles you move in, everyone will have a different opinion......(cut to save space) "
You can never be a true slave while you can walk away ,people who call themselves "slaves" are really just abusing the word and the concept.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"actually on the BDSM scene, a lot of Doms and subs ... don't get switches either lol ... some subs consider themselves slaves, some think being a slave is equivalent to being a doormat, so whatever circles you move in, everyone will have a different opinion......(cut to save space)
You can never be a true slave while you can walk away ,people who call themselves "slaves" are really just abusing the word and the concept.
"
Really don’t like the use of the word slave in play context. Somehow it feels disrespectful to people who have in the past or are now suffering such fate.  |
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"
Really don’t like the use of the word slave in play context. Somehow it feels disrespectful to people who have in the past or are now suffering such fate. "
It's hard to disassociate it from the icky habits of our ancestors. But then some people love to use things that make me think of visiting the York Dungeon (madame tussauds for medieval torture). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Really don’t like the use of the word slave in play context. Somehow it feels disrespectful to people who have in the past or are now suffering such fate.
It's hard to disassociate it from the icky habits of our ancestors. But then some people love to use things that make me think of visiting the York Dungeon (madame tussauds for medieval torture). "
The past shouldn’t be forgotten as mans act of suffering of fellow man isn’t pleasant.
Dungeon play can be very rewarding but blood letting is really not the done thing these days.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been reading this thread with interest.
There have been some very good and valid points raised,also some very blinkered arrogant ones too.
Being a Dominatrix,the diverse requirements of my clients proves that not everything in the BDSM world is black and white.
I admit when a couple live as Dom and sub as a 24/7 lifestyle the boundries are set and usualy rigorously adhered to.
That however doesn't apply to the world of the professional Dominatrix where a greater flexibility is often called for.
Yes,without doubt there are some who could no more play a mildy sub role as fly,the majority of my colleagues fit that bill.
Luckily,I'm not averse to the odd spanking,should the situation and client satisfaction call for it.
I must stress though that spanking is as far as it goes,definately not total submission.
A switch in the professional BDSM world is a rare commodity,you can imagine the thrill a sub would get to be able to turn the tables and spank their Mistress in a roleplay situation.
It goes without saying though that the Mistress always finishes on top.
So to say there is no such thing as a switch is utter rubbish,the word exists in the BDSM world "I think therefore I am!".
In sexuality,you don't just have Straight or Gay,you have Bi as well.
Just look upon a Switch as the Bi between Dom and sub!
XXX"
Excellent comment!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"and who said that swinging was just a leasure industry lol it's been an education too specially this thread "
It has indeed.
And i hope most people can see (with the obvious exception of a couple of closed minded people) that the bdsm scene is somewhat complex and those who partake of it are all different. There is nothing set as being right or wrong within bdsm and that is just one more thing that makes it so much fun.
We can't even define just what a swinger is or should be because everyone has their own definition, so no one could possibly define what a sub, dom or a switch is or should be within the more complex bdsm!
More threads like this would be great! |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
i've learnt a great deal form my original thread, and i think i can safely say i swing neither one way or the other as far as being a dom or a sub, i seem to like elements within both.
i like the idea that someone would do as i asked without hessitation but i also like the idea of being told what to do and when.
so bearing that in mind where does that put me as to who i am if i was into BDSM ?.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i've learnt a great deal form my original thread, and i think i can safely say i swing neither one way or the other as far as being a dom or a sub, i seem to like elements within both.
i like the idea that someone would do as i asked without hessitation but i also like the idea of being told what to do and when.
so bearing that in mind where does that put me as to who i am if i was into BDSM ?.
"
Being as you like the idea of being both sub and dom then i would suggest you have switch tendencies. Sometimes people start off being dom/sub or switch but as they delve more into bdsm they suddenly realise there the opposite to what they started out as, so nothing is certain and everyone eventually finds their own way.
Though according to the minority on here you can't have switch tendencies and be both dom and sub, so where does that leave you, me and the millions of others i wonder! |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
"i've learnt a great deal form my original thread, and i think i can safely say i swing neither one way or the other as far as being a dom or a sub, i seem to like elements within both.
i like the idea that someone would do as i asked without hessitation but i also like the idea of being told what to do and when.
so bearing that in mind where does that put me as to who i am if i was into BDSM ?.
Being as you like the idea of being both sub and dom then i would suggest you have switch tendencies. Sometimes people start off being dom/sub or switch but as they delve more into bdsm they suddenly realise there the opposite to what they started out as, so nothing is certain and everyone eventually finds their own way.
Though according to the minority on here you can't have switch tendencies and be both dom and sub, so where does that leave you, me and the millions of others i wonder! "
floating somewhere in the nether reigons of the BDSM world lol, well i think the only way to find out is to enter the great unknown and fly with the wind and see where i land |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i've learnt a great deal form my original thread, and i think i can safely say i swing neither one way or the other as far as being a dom or a sub, i seem to like elements within both.
i like the idea that someone would do as i asked without hessitation but i also like the idea of being told what to do and when.
so bearing that in mind where does that put me as to who i am if i was into BDSM ?.
Being as you like the idea of being both sub and dom then i would suggest you have switch tendencies. Sometimes people start off being dom/sub or switch but as they delve more into bdsm they suddenly realise there the opposite to what they started out as, so nothing is certain and everyone eventually finds their own way.
Though according to the minority on here you can't have switch tendencies and be both dom and sub, so where does that leave you, me and the millions of others i wonder!
floating somewhere in the nether reigons of the BDSM world lol, well i think the only way to find out is to enter the great unknown and fly with the wind and see where i land "
Good luck to you, i hope you enjoy your journey! |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"i've learnt a great deal form my original thread, and i think i can safely say i swing neither one way or the other as far as being a dom or a sub, i seem to like elements within both.
i like the idea that someone would do as i asked without hessitation but i also like the idea of being told what to do and when.
so bearing that in mind where does that put me as to who i am if i was into BDSM ?.
Being as you like the idea of being both sub and dom then i would suggest you have switch tendencies. Sometimes people start off being dom/sub or switch but as they delve more into bdsm they suddenly realise there the opposite to what they started out as, so nothing is certain and everyone eventually finds their own way.
Though according to the minority on here you can't have switch tendencies and be both dom and sub, so where does that leave you, me and the millions of others i wonder!
floating somewhere in the nether reigons of the BDSM world lol, well i think the only way to find out is to enter the great unknown and fly with the wind and see where i land "
Have you had a go yet |
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By *ouvak OP Man
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
"i've learnt a great deal form my original thread, and i think i can safely say i swing neither one way or the other as far as being a dom or a sub, i seem to like elements within both.
i like the idea that someone would do as i asked without hessitation but i also like the idea of being told what to do and when.
so bearing that in mind where does that put me as to who i am if i was into BDSM ?.
Being as you like the idea of being both sub and dom then i would suggest you have switch tendencies. Sometimes people start off being dom/sub or switch but as they delve more into bdsm they suddenly realise there the opposite to what they started out as, so nothing is certain and everyone eventually finds their own way.
Though according to the minority on here you can't have switch tendencies and be both dom and sub, so where does that leave you, me and the millions of others i wonder!
floating somewhere in the nether reigons of the BDSM world lol, well i think the only way to find out is to enter the great unknown and fly with the wind and see where i land
Have you had a go yet "
nope still working on it lol |
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