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Dominant men
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"Balancing my coffee on your butt." What if it spills? | |||
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But I'd say that those that *are* do so without needing to shout about it or say that they are, regardless of their gender...they just *are* | |||
"I'm not
But I'd say that those that *are* do so without needing to shout about it or say that they are, regardless of their gender...they just *are*"Agree | |||
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"Balancing my coffee on your butt. What if it spills? " It was made at the perfect temperature which wouldn't burn and also I believe in you and your butt  | |||
"I'm not
But I'd say that those that *are* do so without needing to shout about it or say that they are, regardless of their gender...they just *are*"Totally spot on as usual mr g | |||
"Balancing my coffee on your butt. What if it spills? It was made at the perfect temperature which wouldn't burn and also I believe in you and your butt "You’re such a good dad | |||
"I'm not
But I'd say that those that *are* do so without needing to shout about it or say that they are, regardless of their gender...they just *are*"Exactly  | |||
"I’m far too big to be anything else I suppose. It just comes naturally, I don’t try to be dominant or claim to be a Dom or anything like that but I always seem to take that position for some reason." Oh it has absolutely nothing to do with size at all!! | |||
"What makes you dominant?" Great question, looking forward to the replies posted | |||
"I’m far too big to be anything else I suppose. It just comes naturally, I don’t try to be dominant or claim to be a Dom or anything like that but I always seem to take that position for some reason." Nahhhhhhh, I'd have you on your knees whimpering like a lost pupper 
P | |||
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"Everyone is born equal, just some more equal that others." Did you find Susan yet | |||
"Mrs very much likes being sub with me so that kind of makes me the Dom. I’ve never set out to be a Dom " How does it make you the Dom? | |||
"I’m far too big to be anything else I suppose. It just comes naturally, I don’t try to be dominant or claim to be a Dom or anything like that but I always seem to take that position for some reason. Oh it has absolutely nothing to do with size at all!!" Yeah, I get that but my personality and life choices just don’t angle that way. I do think I’d like to try a dominant woman at some point in my life. Put the shoe on the other foot kinda thing! | |||
"I’m far too big to be anything else I suppose. It just comes naturally, I don’t try to be dominant or claim to be a Dom or anything like that but I always seem to take that position for some reason." Size really has nothing to do with it Mrs x | |||
"I’m far too big to be anything else I suppose. It just comes naturally, I don’t try to be dominant or claim to be a Dom or anything like that but I always seem to take that position for some reason. Nahhhhhhh, I'd have you on your knees whimpering like a lost pupper
P"Pah. We’d still only be eye level then 
Besides... I’d be too busy lapping at your teets to whimper | |||
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"I’m far too big to be anything else I suppose. It just comes naturally, I don’t try to be dominant or claim to be a Dom or anything like that but I always seem to take that position for some reason. Nahhhhhhh, I'd have you on your knees whimpering like a lost pupper
P
Pah.
We’d still only be eye level then
Besides... I’d be too busy lapping at your teets to whimper "The height thing would be less funny if it wasn't true 
P | |||
"Everyone is born equal, just some more equal that others. Did you find Susan yet" I stopped looking, got distracted by shiny things, ooh shiny | |||
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"Everyone is born equal, just some more equal that others. Did you find Susan yet I stopped looking, got distracted by shiny things, ooh shiny" Sheeeeeeny shiny | |||
"Everyone is born equal, just some more equal that others." How does that work? | |||
"Everyone is born equal, just some more equal that others. Did you find Susan yet I stopped looking, got distracted by shiny things, ooh shiny Sheeeeeeny shiny" I like to polish things  | |||
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"What makes you dominant?" I’m not, I’d rather compromise. | |||
"I said no to making tea for an ex once" I don’t make tea for anyone I don’t drink it, and therefore dunno if I’m doing it right (yes I know how to make it, but up to their standards? Nah) | |||
"I said no to making tea for an ex once" Was she an ex at the time of asking for tea or after you said "no"? | |||
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"I said no to making tea for an ex once I don’t make tea for anyone I don’t drink it, and therefore dunno if I’m doing it right (yes I know how to make it, but up to their standards? Nah)" If you want something done right and all that.... | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are" Quite right DC.....now come here and bring me my crop 
Fuzz | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are" Whichever one they think they are | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are Whichever one they think they are "Both lets be honest are far too much hard work | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are Quite right DC.....now come here and bring me my crop
Fuzz"Should I bring my glasses Fuzz? | |||
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"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are Quite right DC.....now come here and bring me my crop
Fuzz
Should I bring my glasses Fuzz? "Only if you bring that look with you
Fuzz | |||
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"I only play with Dominant men but when I ask them the say thing I get replies like I will fuck you so hard you will be destroyed Or I will throw you around the bedroom to show my Dominance Or They are that Dominant Ive been told to call them Master or Sir from my first reply. Im looking forward to reading the responses here on this forum thread OP X " No tea for you | |||
"I don’t really get the whole Dom / sub thing. I just like having sex. " Sex can be fun | |||
"I don’t really get the whole Dom / sub thing. I just like having sex. Sex can be fun" Nearly always! | |||
"I don't think I'm naturally dominant. It's more a role I'm able to play with certain people, although Peach does say I have a quietly dominant side that I'm not that aware of... Fuzz" A perfect example of my earlier point | |||
Shucks G man
Fuzz | |||
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"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are Quite right DC.....now come here and bring me my crop
Fuzz
Should I bring my glasses Fuzz?
Only if you bring that look with you
Fuzz"THAT look! | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are Quite right DC.....now come here and bring me my crop
Fuzz
Should I bring my glasses Fuzz?
Only if you bring that look with you
Fuzz
THAT look! "Yes THAT look.....don't make me ask you twice now DC
Fuzz | |||
"What makes you dominant?" A Dominant should play the submissive like a musical instrument. Sometimes a violin, fiddling to make sweet music. Sometimes a drum , pounding hard to make the rhythm. | |||
"What makes you dominant? A Dominant should play the submissive like a musical instrument. Sometimes a violin, fiddling to make sweet music. Sometimes a drum , pounding hard to make the rhythm. " That’s poetic | |||
" So, to flip the question around, what makes a sub see someone as Dom?" A very interesting question and one that I can't properly explain in words - for me it's more a "sense" of someone who I feel submissive to rather than being a specific characteristic or trait - there are many people I'd consider superior or better than me for various reasons, but very few that I have that "sense" of dominance from. | |||
"I instinctively stay clear of any profiles that actively describe themselves as 'dominant' - for me it's a big red flag that they've watched Fifty Shades and think that's it. For me personally, it's a natural personality trait, not something that can be forced or faked. A damn sexy personality trait at that "#50ShadesOfFab | |||
"What makes you dominant? A Dominant should play the submissive like a musical instrument. Sometimes a violin, fiddling to make sweet music. Sometimes a drum , pounding hard to make the rhythm. " A standing ovation for this comment | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are" This is very insightful. Anyone can dominate with the right degree of confidence and assertion, but being a true dom - this requires a very sensitive, safe and trusting relationship. It's typical that people assume the dom is "in charge". Nothing could be further from the truth. | |||
" So, to flip the question around, what makes a sub see someone as Dom? A very interesting question and one that I can't properly explain in words - for me it's more a "sense" of someone who I feel submissive to rather than being a specific characteristic or trait - there are many people I'd consider superior or better than me for various reasons, but very few that I have that "sense" of dominance from. " Peach can you answer the same question Gemini Man did. It will be interesting to know your side as Fuzz doesn't feel his dominance the way you feel it. | |||
"What makes you dominant? A Dominant should play the submissive like a musical instrument. Sometimes a violin, fiddling to make sweet music. Sometimes a drum , pounding hard to make the rhythm. That’s poetic " I'm a kinky pansexual switch, so think about this sort of stuff a lot. Never met a man I'd submit to, but a couple of specific women could Domme me gladly. The people I would submit to are those I really love and want to serve, if it makes them happy. The people I Dom are generally subs who want to make me happy and I'm willing to play that way with people I'm attracted to. But sometimes being a Dom/me is drinking a cup of tea you don't want, just to have your sub serving you. Also, a lot of people seem to confuse Dom/sub with Master/slave, which is another level. I'd generally class myself as a "daddy Dom" nurturing, caring but in control, encouraging my subs to improve themselves. | |||
" So, to flip the question around, what makes a sub see someone as Dom? A very interesting question and one that I can't properly explain in words - for me it's more a "sense" of someone who I feel submissive to rather than being a specific characteristic or trait - there are many people I'd consider superior or better than me for various reasons, but very few that I have that "sense" of dominance from. Peach can you answer the same question Gemini Man did. It will be interesting to know your side as Fuzz doesn't feel his dominance the way you feel it." I'm naturally submissive sexually, craving guidance, punishment, reward and exploring my limits in bdsm. We've found over the years that our dynamic works better as role play. I may want to submit to Fuzz but my beautiful brat will not stop playing him up as I know I'll get away with it! To control the brat he would have to be prepared to go that bit further and neither of us feel that we want to test our relationship that way. Does that make sense? When I watch him with someone else I see his dominance clearer, it's a natural, calm and caring dominance and I must admit I find it very arousing! We've happily accepted that our kinks and needs in this aspect may be satisfied by others but we still enjoy role play for sure! Peach x | |||
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"I instinctively stay clear of any profiles that actively describe themselves as 'dominant' - for me it's a big red flag that they've watched Fifty Shades and think that's it. For me personally, it's a natural personality trait, not something that can be forced or faked. A damn sexy personality trait at that "This ^ I'm strong by character and powerful in life but don't always want to be, so I play with strong men, who challenge me. All are dominant in that they take the lead. They are generally well-grounded, confident, self-assured and are not rocked by me. I have (and do) also play in a D/s scenario where their level of assumed power and control completely overtakes my nature. One thing they all have in common is their absolute focus on and desire to give pleasure and take me places I otherwise wouldn't experience - not for their enjoyment of taking me there but for them seeing/experiencing my orgasmic and heightened reactions. And no, they would never mention being Dominant or wanting D/s. It just is, or becomes. | |||
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"What makes you dominant?" Surely the only thing that’s makes a man dominant is if the other person is submissive? As it would be pretty hard to dominate someone who was not | |||
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"Who or what allowed you to question me?" | |||
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"Who or what allowed you to question me?" I allowed her. Fuzz  | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me?" OMG! I always thought you were holding a fishing rod in that picture! Mind blown  | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? OMG! I always thought you were holding a fishing rod in that picture! Mind blown " | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? I allowed her. Fuzz "Behave! | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? OMG! I always thought you were holding a fishing rod in that picture! Mind blown "I don’t fish, I hunt. | |||
" So, to flip the question around, what makes a sub see someone as Dom? A very interesting question and one that I can't properly explain in words - for me it's more a "sense" of someone who I feel submissive to rather than being a specific characteristic or trait - there are many people I'd consider superior or better than me for various reasons, but very few that I have that "sense" of dominance from. Peach can you answer the same question Gemini Man did. It will be interesting to know your side as Fuzz doesn't feel his dominance the way you feel it. I'm naturally submissive sexually, craving guidance, punishment, reward and exploring my limits in bdsm. We've found over the years that our dynamic works better as role play. I may want to submit to Fuzz but my beautiful brat will not stop playing him up as I know I'll get away with it! To control the brat he would have to be prepared to go that bit further and neither of us feel that we want to test our relationship that way. Does that make sense? When I watch him with someone else I see his dominance clearer, it's a natural, calm and caring dominance and I must admit I find it very arousing! We've happily accepted that our kinks and needs in this aspect may be satisfied by others but we still enjoy role play for sure! Peach x" Thanks Peach . Does it make sense ? Of course it does, for you and those you choose to include. That's the most important thing, it only needs to make sense to those involved, and not to be attempted to be defined by others . Does it make sense for me? It does partially as you have elements of sharing yours with others , we didn't. We were both switches with bratty cheekyness that made us push eachothers limits. We had roleplay evolved to include elements of lifestyle, elements we wanted and chose to include. Mainly sexual tasks , mostly involving some form of evidence to be enjoyed later only by us. To calm those afraid of public flashing or other things like that , no , never involving public or intrusion to unsuspecting members of society.
And that's the Beauty&Beast of individual dynamics diversity.
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"Who or what allowed you to question me?" Me, Mrs Domme | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? Me, Mrs Domme" I would normally say FAF but today I won’t ask, I’ll just do it! | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? Me, Mrs Domme I would normally say FAF but today I won’t ask, I’ll just do it!" Fuck yeah | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? Me, Mrs Domme I would normally say FAF but today I won’t ask, I’ll just do it! Fuck yeah" And now you have the answer to your question. Mwah | |||
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
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"Who or what allowed you to question me? OMG! I always thought you were holding a fishing rod in that picture! Mind blown
I don’t fish, I hunt."Grrr, that gave me some images I definitely didn't need in public | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
"It was my bloody question | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
It was my bloody question "You got yours answered the way you wanted , I asked mine. And it's not even about my question . Sins choice to put his words on here for others that read with interest , not for me personally. | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
It was my bloody question
You got yours answered the way you wanted , I asked mine.
And it's not even about my question .
Sins choice to put his words on here for others that read with interest , not for me personally."I got mine answered the way I wanted? Huh? What are you on about | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
"I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic. I’m just who I am. | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am."
I don’t label myself as dominant or submissive. I was just having a joke with Mr Sin  | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am.
I don’t label myself as dominant or submissive. I was just having a joke with Mr Sin "Unless I’m missing something...didn’t realise I couldn’t have a joke with someone on my own thread | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am.
I don’t label myself as dominant or submissive. I was just having a joke with Mr Sin "I like that you refer to me as Mr! Such a good girl! | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am.
I don’t label myself as dominant or submissive. I was just having a joke with Mr Sin
I like that you refer to me as Mr! Such a good girl!"Anything for you | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am.
I don’t label myself as dominant or submissive. I was just having a joke with Mr Sin
I like that you refer to me as Mr! Such a good girl!
Anything for you "You! That would be a good start! | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am."You don't know , but it's there. And that answers the "nature" part. I'm shy too and don't walk around in a t-shirt with "I'm Dominant , get on your knees". Few answers from subs and Dom's here already , from musical to sense and feel. And thanks for your input now.
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"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
I don’t know. I’m rather shy and reserved. I’m not physically imposing. I think you’d be better off asking subs what makes them want to submit to someone. What trait of characters, attitudes, words or actions triggers the dynamic.
I’m just who I am.
You don't know , but it's there.
And that answers the "nature" part.
I'm shy too and don't walk around in a t-shirt with "I'm Dominant , get on your knees".
Few answers from subs and Dom's here already , from musical to sense and feel.
And thanks for your input now.
"Yes, Mr Sin. Thank you for your input. I enjoyed it greatly | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
It was my bloody question
You got yours answered the way you wanted , I asked mine.
And it's not even about my question .
Sins choice to put his words on here for others that read with interest , not for me personally.
I got mine answered the way I wanted? Huh? What are you on about"Ahh stop it , you had your joke with Sin and you know that was what I ment. Not fooling me like on the last thread you did. Poor me was thinking for moment then I upset you and you were just winding me up. | |||
"Nice one Sin&Queen
Besides fucking around with royalty , are you going to answer the question in words for others that might enjoy and insight from another dominant?
I'm not fishing for a challenge, especially not with someone holding a bamboo cane.
It was my bloody question
You got yours answered the way you wanted , I asked mine.
And it's not even about my question .
Sins choice to put his words on here for others that read with interest , not for me personally.
I got mine answered the way I wanted? Huh? What are you on about
Ahh stop it , you had your joke with Sin and you know that was what I ment.
Not fooling me like on the last thread you did.
Poor me was thinking for moment then I upset you and you were just winding me up.
"You haven’t upset me. I just have no idea what you’re on about | |||
"(Also, I’m genuinely curious. So many of you label yourselves as dominant.) "Cheeky bump as I'm still curious | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are" I thought Dom was short for Dominant. What is the difference? | |||
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"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are I thought Dom was short for Dominant. What is the difference? " Dom *is* short for dominant - but many who claim to be dominant aren't Doms They usually make comments like "you can't be a real sub if..." or "I'm a Dom therefore you have to do what I say" and other variations along those lines | |||
"Who or what allowed you to question me? OMG! I always thought you were holding a fishing rod in that picture! Mind blown
I don’t fish, I hunt."WOW | |||
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"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are I thought Dom was short for Dominant. What is the difference? Dom *is* short for dominant - but many who claim to be dominant aren't Doms They usually make comments like "you can't be a real sub if..." or "I'm a Dom therefore you have to do what I say" and other variations along those lines " Doesn't make much sense to me. Are people who claim to be Doms not dominant? | |||
"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are I thought Dom was short for Dominant. What is the difference? Dom *is* short for dominant - but many who claim to be dominant aren't Doms They usually make comments like "you can't be a real sub if..." or "I'm a Dom therefore you have to do what I say" and other variations along those lines " The usual caveat applies and that is that everyone sees kink definitions in their own way and there is no one true way to do except "with consent and without abuse". I see defining dominance in two ways. The first way A Dominant is a noun, a dominant man "dominant" is an adjective. The second way is that the same noun can have two meanings. He is a doctor (of medicine) He is a doctor (of philosophy). They are both doctors but have different attributes although derived from the same source. So in modern BDSM a dominant is seen as someone who brings more than dominance and rough sex to the table. It is also about being connected and supportive, helping the sub feel safe in the world of kink and to help the sub feel good about being their submissive. | |||
"What makes you dominant?" Confidence, assertiveness, and to know my own mind. | |||
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"Dominant or DOM? There’s are difference. Very few men here are actually DOM and whilst many might claim to be Dominant few are I thought Dom was short for Dominant. What is the difference? Dom *is* short for dominant - but many who claim to be dominant aren't Doms They usually make comments like "you can't be a real sub if..." or "I'm a Dom therefore you have to do what I say" and other variations along those lines The usual caveat applies and that is that everyone sees kink definitions in their own way and there is no one true way to do except "with consent and without abuse". I see defining dominance in two ways. The first way A Dominant is a noun, a dominant man "dominant" is an adjective. The second way is that the same noun can have two meanings. He is a doctor (of medicine) He is a doctor (of philosophy). They are both doctors but have different attributes although derived from the same source. So in modern BDSM a dominant is seen as someone who brings more than dominance and rough sex to the table. It is also about being connected and supportive, helping the sub feel safe in the world of kink and to help the sub feel good about being their submissive. " Was supposed to reply to Mickey that one will show up and use his unique way and carefully selected words to explain . As usual a pleasure to read Z | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go "Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d . Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play. | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
"you put it much better than I did! X | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
you put it much better than I did! X"Ha ha, no I didn’t, I just put it differently. | |||
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"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
"After thought on this, I have never met a lady who has a sexual submissive nature who is not in control in the domestic world. Suspect that passing the control of their super ego on to someone else actually allows the release of their I.d.. | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
"The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance. | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance."Who says? | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance.
Who says?"Freud who coined the terms | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance.
Who says? Freud who coined the terms"He coined them as traits, and it was Jung who coined Electra. | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance.
Who says? Freud who coined the terms
He coined them as traits, and it was Jung who coined Electra."Its not even something that can be discussed on fab due to guidelines but it isn't anything to do with dominance but the sexual attraction of the opposite gender of a parental figure and forms basis of adult attractions. Freudian discussions certainly isn't allowed based on rules due to the nature of his works and theories. He was a massive psychological interpreter but in this day and age his works would be classed as sadistic and no basis in society. Yet still used to educate today. Thankfully not taken literally but as a guide. Otherwise women would still be institutionalized for "hysteria" | |||
"What makes you dominant?" You can be the dominant partner without be a Dom. Just by nature of the other person being more submissive. Being a Dom means you understand the dynamic of the situation - everyone and everything is different. I always classed myself (Mr) as a top as I tend to be take charge in control person. The only person I'm a dom to is Mrs, that comes from.communication and trust, what makes me the dom is that Mrs has chosen to submit to me and abide by my decisions (in our case only sexually, I don't decide what clothes she wears). | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance.
Who says? Freud who coined the terms
He coined them as traits, and it was Jung who coined Electra.
Its not even something that can be discussed on fab due to guidelines but it isn't anything to do with dominance but the sexual attraction of the opposite gender of a parental figure and forms basis of adult attractions. Freudian discussions certainly isn't allowed based on rules due to the nature of his works and theories. He was a massive psychological interpreter but in this day and age his works would be classed as sadistic and no basis in society. Yet still used to educate today. Thankfully not taken literally but as a guide. Otherwise women would still be institutionalized for "hysteria""Please point me to the guidelines. Equally I’m talking about the traits, the behaviour from them not an actual act. I feel sorry for all the dd/lg who post, and those needing a mistress for security, if what you say is true. | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance.
Who says? Freud who coined the terms
He coined them as traits, and it was Jung who coined Electra.
Its not even something that can be discussed on fab due to guidelines but it isn't anything to do with dominance but the sexual attraction of the opposite gender of a parental figure and forms basis of adult attractions. Freudian discussions certainly isn't allowed based on rules due to the nature of his works and theories. He was a massive psychological interpreter but in this day and age his works would be classed as sadistic and no basis in society. Yet still used to educate today. Thankfully not taken literally but as a guide. Otherwise women would still be institutionalized for "hysteria"
Please point me to the guidelines.
Equally I’m talking about the traits, the behaviour from them not an actual act.
I feel sorry for all the dd/lg who post, and those needing a mistress for security, if what you say is true.
"Can't discuss anything that details information about the discussion of minors, anything under the age of 18 and most of Freud's work is based on such. Most of his psychoanalysis is based on pre puberty, his other focus was on adult women. | |||
"I never know how to articulate it but I think what makes me Dominant is how much I love pleasing, teasing and foreplay. I genuinely love, enjoy and yearn to satisfy someone to the absolute pinnacle of my abilities and always try to intensify and magnify their pleasure to the max. This often translates into me coming across as being dominant as I’m more focused on them and take charge quite a lot. I’m most certainly not a Dom nor am I even a Dominant person by nature or in day to day life but I’ve found I can come across as Dominant in the Bedroom but it’s not so much to do with Power, Ego or Control as such. Maybe Control comes into it in terms of dictating the tempo, nature and ratio of giving/receiving. Made a pure ballix trying to explain this but there ye go
Or a super ego controlling someone else’s I.d .
Would explain the Oedipus and Electra complexity found in the play.
The Oedipus and electra complex have nothing to do with dominance.
Who says? Freud who coined the terms
He coined them as traits, and it was Jung who coined Electra.
Its not even something that can be discussed on fab due to guidelines but it isn't anything to do with dominance but the sexual attraction of the opposite gender of a parental figure and forms basis of adult attractions. Freudian discussions certainly isn't allowed based on rules due to the nature of his works and theories. He was a massive psychological interpreter but in this day and age his works would be classed as sadistic and no basis in society. Yet still used to educate today. Thankfully not taken literally but as a guide. Otherwise women would still be institutionalized for "hysteria"
Please point me to the guidelines.
Equally I’m talking about the traits, the behaviour from them not an actual act.
I feel sorry for all the dd/lg who post, and those needing a mistress for security, if what you say is true.
Can't discuss anything that details information about the discussion of minors, anything under the age of 18 and most of Freud's work is based on such. Most of his psychoanalysis is based on pre puberty, his other focus was on adult women. "Il also add dd/lg relationships aren't based on Oedipus complex. Unresolved Oedipus complex means you end up marrying the person that is alike to the parent. Ie marrying someone who is alike to your mother/father | |||
"I instinctively stay clear of any profiles that actively describe themselves as 'dominant' - for me it's a big red flag that they've watched Fifty Shades and think that's it. For me personally, it's a natural personality trait, not something that can be forced or faked. A damn sexy personality trait at that " | |||
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"Good explaining guys " Are you shag | |||
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"My desire to bend you to my will." Seems legit | |||
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"I am quietly confident without being loud and arrogant. I used to work for a perfumery/cosmetic company. The women there respected me as I knew when to say "no" (work related!). I suppose not dominant as such but cannot be dominated." This confidence and self awareness is what's attractive. Then mutual respect and being on the same wavelength and trusting enough to submit to and be their slut. Doesn't mean being that way for all. | |||
"What makes you dominant?" Generally it's my affinity with chord V. Sorry, that's a joke for musicians. | |||
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"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy." By the same chalk though if a dominant refuses to take control then the submissive doesn't get what they desire - which is why I would actually argue that the power is held equally between a dominant and a submissive - they are just two sides of the same coin that complement each other. | |||
"What makes you dominant?" Many times it's just the thing they think girls want to hear | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy." Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist | |||
"Comes very natural, competitive, make decisions fast, enjoy taking care of and looking after people and things, very in tune and aware of my flight or flight responses in all kinds of everyday situations e.g negotiating a discount or contract, arguing with a good friend or annoying a stranger in the gym, the same mode seems to operate; freeze/pause/think, decide, act. In the bedroom love to take control , but no need to be in control , it’s about her pleasure not mine. But it invariably results in her being restrained, tied, taped, pinned down, ch****d , hair pulled, spanked, gagging on cock and covered in cum, but never in an aggressive controlling way, just a great negotiator "See, in "real" life, I'm like you. Totally in control, fast paced job, important decisions on the spot etc. But in the bedroom, I'm totally opposite. I enjoy giving control over and being submissive. Anyone who knows my husband would laugh if I said he was dominant, but he def is! It's interesting how different facets of people's characters come out...... | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist " As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. " It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as." Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. | |||
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"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom." As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything." I could say you going on about subs being in control is your obsession and one you are blinded to. In fact I discuss a number of different issues on threads. I repeat my view in opposition to your view because what I believe is reasonable view and people are entitled to see a different view put politely. People like me who hold the different view or different views should not be called narcissists or abusers, and this is why continue to state it. The fact that some people insist there is only one view (and one that is wrong and a wish fantasy) does the scene and newbies no good. Your examples do not support your argument because without the support of the belief in the human right to control your own body a sub tied to a bed who says stop has no practical control only a belief that the wishes will be respected. I know too many subs who have been in that position and their command not respected. Therefore to protect subs it is not a case of saying the sub is in control. It is teaching subs to try to only play with respectful doms, and to teach doms to respect boundaries. So I will continue putting the alternative view and I really do not need your permission to do so. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything. I could say you going on about subs being in control is your obsession and one you are blinded to. In fact I discuss a number of different issues on threads. I repeat my view in opposition to your view because what I believe is reasonable view and people are entitled to see a different view put politely. People like me who hold the different view or different views should not be called narcissists or abusers, and this is why continue to state it. The fact that some people insist there is only one view (and one that is wrong and a wish fantasy) does the scene and newbies no good. Your examples do not support your argument because without the support of the belief in the human right to control your own body a sub tied to a bed who says stop has no practical control only a belief that the wishes will be respected. I know too many subs who have been in that position and their command not respected. Therefore to protect subs it is not a case of saying the sub is in control. It is teaching subs to try to only play with respectful doms, and to teach doms to respect boundaries. So I will continue putting the alternative view and I really do not need your permission to do so. " You're clearly a Dom who doesn't like being told you don't have control. A real Dom respects boundaries and limits and doesn't do anything against anyone against their wishes. A sub respects their Doms boundaries and limits. Anything other than that isn't acceptable. The way you go on about it is giving right to a Dominant to do unconsented abuse and I don't mean cnc that takes trust and knowledge of each other a bond. If you think it's fanciful and wishful thinking that a subs control of the situation then you are a Dom to be avoided. You're a risk to going beyond a subs limits and boundaries because you refuse to acknowledge that when a sub wants to stop they have no control to instruct you to stop. A true Dom would stop the scenario/play not ignore the command to stop. You are ignorant to this fact which proves no sub is safe with you. The label abuser applies to you if you ignore the control over the command to stop. Anyone says stop in the scenario it means stop!! Dom says stop its stop sub says stop it's stop, the belief I have is hoping that the dominant stops not that belief the control is with the sub because it is if your a decent human being. Having faith in a decent human being among the disgusting abusive people. Practical information for anyone going into BDSM relationship of any kind is research and communication, understand each other and learn about what it is you're looking for. Don't rush in and putting yourself in a compromised situation. It doesn't matter if it's a dominant or a submissive. No means no stop means stop and I'm referring to what ever safe words a person uses END OF! | |||
"You're clearly a Dom who doesn't like being told you don't have control. A real Dom respects boundaries and limits and doesn't do anything against anyone against their wishes. A sub respects their Doms boundaries and limits. Anything other than that isn't acceptable. The way you go on about it is giving right to a Dominant to do unconsented abuse and I don't mean cnc that takes trust and knowledge of each other a bond. If you think it's fanciful and wishful thinking that a subs control of the situation then you are a Dom to be avoided. You're a risk to going beyond a subs limits and boundaries because you refuse to acknowledge that when a sub wants to stop they have no control to instruct you to stop. A true Dom would stop the scenario/play not ignore the command to stop. You are ignorant to this fact which proves no sub is safe with you. The label abuser applies to you if you ignore the control over the command to stop. Anyone says stop in the scenario it means stop!! Dom says stop its stop sub says stop it's stop, the belief I have is hoping that the dominant stops not that belief the control is with the sub because it is if your a decent human being. Having faith in a decent human being among the disgusting abusive people. Practical information for anyone going into BDSM relationship of any kind is research and communication, understand each other and learn about what it is you're looking for. Don't rush in and putting yourself in a compromised situation. It doesn't matter if it's a dominant or a submissive. No means no stop means stop and I'm referring to what ever safe words a person uses END OF! " In fairness I think you're somewhat twisting _ensual's words and suggesting things he simply hasn't said, either here or on other threads, to fit your own interpretation of those words. Having known _ensual for some time and read his posts with interest, I confess they can sometimes be wordy and difficult to follow, but at no time has he given me (as a submissive) the slightest inkling he advocates any of the things you have suggested here. I actually think, having read all of the above, that you *are*, as he suggested right at the start, saying the same things from different angles (or at least were until your last post above). For the record, at no point *ever* have I seen _ensual suggest that stop doesn't mean stop immediately or that that wouldn't be respected, or for that matter that he doesn't show the utmost respect and consideration for a submissive. The idea of "who holds the power and control" in a D/s situation is a complex one for sure and there are many strands to that control and power - however in it's most basic form, I stand by my earlier suggestion (that started all this) that power and control is held *equally* by both dominant and submissive alike - or at least it is in my version of D/s and would venture that applies to all but the most extreme cases amongst those that have a level of knowledge and ability to consent from that position of knowledge, and even in those extreme cases it still applies to an extent. My reasons for this view are simply that a submissive is of course able to withdraw their consent, but just as equally so is a dominant - either can take away the control at any time and simply walk away - if that's not a shared and *equal* level of power then I'm really not sure what is. Similarly a dominant has as much ability to set their boundaries and limits as a submissive does - and so long as *both* boundaries and limits are respected that is *all* that matters - again equality of power and control. And on it goes... | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything. I could say you going on about subs being in control is your obsession and one you are blinded to. In fact I discuss a number of different issues on threads. I repeat my view in opposition to your view because what I believe is reasonable view and people are entitled to see a different view put politely. People like me who hold the different view or different views should not be called narcissists or abusers, and this is why continue to state it. The fact that some people insist there is only one view (and one that is wrong and a wish fantasy) does the scene and newbies no good. Your examples do not support your argument because without the support of the belief in the human right to control your own body a sub tied to a bed who says stop has no practical control only a belief that the wishes will be respected. I know too many subs who have been in that position and their command not respected. Therefore to protect subs it is not a case of saying the sub is in control. It is teaching subs to try to only play with respectful doms, and to teach doms to respect boundaries. So I will continue putting the alternative view and I really do not need your permission to do so. You're clearly a Dom who doesn't like being told you don't have control. A real Dom respects boundaries and limits and doesn't do anything against anyone against their wishes. A sub respects their Doms boundaries and limits. Anything other than that isn't acceptable. The way you go on about it is giving right to a Dominant to do unconsented abuse and I don't mean cnc that takes trust and knowledge of each other a bond. If you think it's fanciful and wishful thinking that a subs control of the situation then you are a Dom to be avoided. You're a risk to going beyond a subs limits and boundaries because you refuse to acknowledge that when a sub wants to stop they have no control to instruct you to stop. A true Dom would stop the scenario/play not ignore the command to stop. You are ignorant to this fact which proves no sub is safe with you. The label abuser applies to you if you ignore the control over the command to stop. Anyone says stop in the scenario it means stop!! Dom says stop its stop sub says stop it's stop, the belief I have is hoping that the dominant stops not that belief the control is with the sub because it is if your a decent human being. Having faith in a decent human being among the disgusting abusive people. Practical information for anyone going into BDSM relationship of any kind is research and communication, understand each other and learn about what it is you're looking for. Don't rush in and putting yourself in a compromised situation. It doesn't matter if it's a dominant or a submissive. No means no stop means stop and I'm referring to what ever safe words a person uses END OF! " In honour of G-man I will keep this short. I only entered into this debate because by having a different view I was generically labelled a narcissist, which is wrong. I have and read and recommended more books and articles on BDSM on this site than most. "The sub is in control" is a slogan and not a fact. I have pictures of my ex sub after she was tied and gagged and worked over by someone who at that time had a good reputation on the rope scene. I was the person she initially turned to for help and to confront the friends of this person. A lot of people said he was a nice guy or it was an accident, until with her consent, I showed the pictures. Being in the London scene almost every sub I have spoken with has had a bad experience with a Dom when they started. So yes I have an obsession to prevent newbies being abused and for doms to understand consent, but in a practical setting. Although I think D/S is intensely personal, when discussing it I always stop at being rude about the person with whom I am debating as being rude displays a lack of thought and self control. Therefore your abuse does not bother me. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything. I could say you going on about subs being in control is your obsession and one you are blinded to. In fact I discuss a number of different issues on threads. I repeat my view in opposition to your view because what I believe is reasonable view and people are entitled to see a different view put politely. People like me who hold the different view or different views should not be called narcissists or abusers, and this is why continue to state it. The fact that some people insist there is only one view (and one that is wrong and a wish fantasy) does the scene and newbies no good. Your examples do not support your argument because without the support of the belief in the human right to control your own body a sub tied to a bed who says stop has no practical control only a belief that the wishes will be respected. I know too many subs who have been in that position and their command not respected. Therefore to protect subs it is not a case of saying the sub is in control. It is teaching subs to try to only play with respectful doms, and to teach doms to respect boundaries. So I will continue putting the alternative view and I really do not need your permission to do so. You're clearly a Dom who doesn't like being told you don't have control. A real Dom respects boundaries and limits and doesn't do anything against anyone against their wishes. A sub respects their Doms boundaries and limits. Anything other than that isn't acceptable. The way you go on about it is giving right to a Dominant to do unconsented abuse and I don't mean cnc that takes trust and knowledge of each other a bond. If you think it's fanciful and wishful thinking that a subs control of the situation then you are a Dom to be avoided. You're a risk to going beyond a subs limits and boundaries because you refuse to acknowledge that when a sub wants to stop they have no control to instruct you to stop. A true Dom would stop the scenario/play not ignore the command to stop. You are ignorant to this fact which proves no sub is safe with you. The label abuser applies to you if you ignore the control over the command to stop. Anyone says stop in the scenario it means stop!! Dom says stop its stop sub says stop it's stop, the belief I have is hoping that the dominant stops not that belief the control is with the sub because it is if your a decent human being. Having faith in a decent human being among the disgusting abusive people. Practical information for anyone going into BDSM relationship of any kind is research and communication, understand each other and learn about what it is you're looking for. Don't rush in and putting yourself in a compromised situation. It doesn't matter if it's a dominant or a submissive. No means no stop means stop and I'm referring to what ever safe words a person uses END OF! In honour of G-man I will keep this short. I only entered into this debate because by having a different view I was generically labelled a narcissist, which is wrong. I have and read and recommended more books and articles on BDSM on this site than most. "The sub is in control" is a slogan and not a fact. I have pictures of my ex sub after she was tied and gagged and worked over by someone who at that time had a good reputation on the rope scene. I was the person she initially turned to for help and to confront the friends of this person. A lot of people said he was a nice guy or it was an accident, until with her consent, I showed the pictures. Being in the London scene almost every sub I have spoken with has had a bad experience with a Dom when they started. So yes I have an obsession to prevent newbies being abused and for doms to understand consent, but in a practical setting. Although I think D/S is intensely personal, when discussing it I always stop at being rude about the person with whom I am debating as being rude displays a lack of thought and self control. Therefore your abuse does not bother me." If you consider my words abuse so be it it is your opinion on that take it as you see fit. The blinding obvious fact as you still refer to the subs abuser as Dom is the issue. That person isn't a Dom but an abuser. There lies the difference between us. Your ideas on what makes a Dom a Dom and what others consider the difference between a "real" Dom and an abuser. I've posted on threads in which pointing out behaviours of these "doms" failing to adhere to a subs boundaries and limits, the ones who think they have free reign to do as what ever they like to a sub because they think they are a "dom". You always refer to the fact there are different types of dominants and that people judge. You are giving the abusers and misguided subs an impression that it's acceptable to be abuse and be abused because the dom willed it. Whether it's a sadist and a masochist what happens in the scenario or play isn't the issue of the abuse because it's consensual it's when consent is withdrawn. When someone says stop. No matter what a real Dominant will stop. Advising subs that hey your abuser is a dom he's just a different kind isn't right and down right stupid. To Gemini I've never mentioned that any BDSM relationship is unequal in any way. Having the right dominant / sub where it's mutually enjoyable and beneficial is key. The power between both lies with boundaries and limits of both as I have said many times before. The sub is the one in the most compromised position especially regarding anything which involves restraint and use of objects of any kind. There should be no compromise when someone says stop no matter the role they take on. If you ignore the control a sub has to say stop in those compromising situations I'm sorry to say it will always be abuse no matter what a "dominant" thinks. No one can force a person to inflict more on them against your will especially when they restrained, but the restrained person the "dominant" has the power to carry on or do more than the sub wishes this is an abuser nothing more nothing less. If the Dom listens to the sub and stops when they say the control of which was by the sub that is the final say of it and they have the ultimate control over what happens to them, just as a Dom will have the final say in the responsibility of not going too far even if the submissive requests or demands more. The role of the Dom is responsibility and being within each others boundaries. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything. I could say you going on about subs being in control is your obsession and one you are blinded to. In fact I discuss a number of different issues on threads. I repeat my view in opposition to your view because what I believe is reasonable view and people are entitled to see a different view put politely. People like me who hold the different view or different views should not be called narcissists or abusers, and this is why continue to state it. The fact that some people insist there is only one view (and one that is wrong and a wish fantasy) does the scene and newbies no good. Your examples do not support your argument because without the support of the belief in the human right to control your own body a sub tied to a bed who says stop has no practical control only a belief that the wishes will be respected. I know too many subs who have been in that position and their command not respected. Therefore to protect subs it is not a case of saying the sub is in control. It is teaching subs to try to only play with respectful doms, and to teach doms to respect boundaries. So I will continue putting the alternative view and I really do not need your permission to do so. You're clearly a Dom who doesn't like being told you don't have control. A real Dom respects boundaries and limits and doesn't do anything against anyone against their wishes. A sub respects their Doms boundaries and limits. Anything other than that isn't acceptable. The way you go on about it is giving right to a Dominant to do unconsented abuse and I don't mean cnc that takes trust and knowledge of each other a bond. If you think it's fanciful and wishful thinking that a subs control of the situation then you are a Dom to be avoided. You're a risk to going beyond a subs limits and boundaries because you refuse to acknowledge that when a sub wants to stop they have no control to instruct you to stop. A true Dom would stop the scenario/play not ignore the command to stop. You are ignorant to this fact which proves no sub is safe with you. The label abuser applies to you if you ignore the control over the command to stop. Anyone says stop in the scenario it means stop!! Dom says stop its stop sub says stop it's stop, the belief I have is hoping that the dominant stops not that belief the control is with the sub because it is if your a decent human being. Having faith in a decent human being among the disgusting abusive people. Practical information for anyone going into BDSM relationship of any kind is research and communication, understand each other and learn about what it is you're looking for. Don't rush in and putting yourself in a compromised situation. It doesn't matter if it's a dominant or a submissive. No means no stop means stop and I'm referring to what ever safe words a person uses END OF! In honour of G-man I will keep this short. I only entered into this debate because by having a different view I was generically labelled a narcissist, which is wrong. I have and read and recommended more books and articles on BDSM on this site than most. "The sub is in control" is a slogan and not a fact. I have pictures of my ex sub after she was tied and gagged and worked over by someone who at that time had a good reputation on the rope scene. I was the person she initially turned to for help and to confront the friends of this person. A lot of people said he was a nice guy or it was an accident, until with her consent, I showed the pictures. Being in the London scene almost every sub I have spoken with has had a bad experience with a Dom when they started. So yes I have an obsession to prevent newbies being abused and for doms to understand consent, but in a practical setting. Although I think D/S is intensely personal, when discussing it I always stop at being rude about the person with whom I am debating as being rude displays a lack of thought and self control. Therefore your abuse does not bother me. If you consider my words abuse so be it it is your opinion on that take it as you see fit. The blinding obvious fact as you still refer to the subs abuser as Dom is the issue. That person isn't a Dom but an abuser. There lies the difference between us. Your ideas on what makes a Dom a Dom and what others consider the difference between a "real" Dom and an abuser. I've posted on threads in which pointing out behaviours of these "doms" failing to adhere to a subs boundaries and limits, the ones who think they have free reign to do as what ever they like to a sub because they think they are a "dom". You always refer to the fact there are different types of dominants and that people judge. You are giving the abusers and misguided subs an impression that it's acceptable to be abuse and be abused because the dom willed it. Whether it's a sadist and a masochist what happens in the scenario or play isn't the issue of the abuse because it's consensual it's when consent is withdrawn. When someone says stop. No matter what a real Dominant will stop. Advising subs that hey your abuser is a dom he's just a different kind isn't right and down right stupid. To Gemini I've never mentioned that any BDSM relationship is unequal in any way. Having the right dominant / sub where it's mutually enjoyable and beneficial is key. The power between both lies with boundaries and limits of both as I have said many times before. The sub is the one in the most compromised position especially regarding anything which involves restraint and use of objects of any kind. There should be no compromise when someone says stop no matter the role they take on. If you ignore the control a sub has to say stop in those compromising situations I'm sorry to say it will always be abuse no matter what a "dominant" thinks. No one can force a person to inflict more on them against your will especially when they restrained, but the restrained person the "dominant" has the power to carry on or do more than the sub wishes this is an abuser nothing more nothing less. If the Dom listens to the sub and stops when they say the control of which was by the sub that is the final say of it and they have the ultimate control over what happens to them, just as a Dom will have the final say in the responsibility of not going too far even if the submissive requests or demands more. The role of the Dom is responsibility and being within each others boundaries. " I have said before, Dominating is a verb, as is submitting, as soon as you create nominalisation taking the verb into a noun, you are up the creek. It is often better to keep discussion like this in process and not in nouns. Korzbyski, once said, if two lovers entered a forest, would they have the same perspective as a lumberjack? Or a ornithologist? Same woods, however, would they describe them the same? It is only as you discuss the process do you get a better understanding of what the other is projecting. Well in my world. | |||
"A true dom always knows its the sub that truely holds the power if they say no the dom loses all there control x All down to trust but finding a true dominant man isnt easy. Agreed, this is a the test of a true Dom or a plain narcissist As G-Man said this is wrong. I would add that it is a position that does not hold in logic. It stands on the flimsy premise that what the sub brings to a relationship is more important than what the dom brings. It is like saying the wife controls a marriage because she can a) leave the relationship, b) not allow the husband to use her. In a D/S relationship both equally need each other to fulfil their desires. As in the great scene in The Secrerary where she tries to spank herself. It don't work if it is not done by a dom. In the same way being a dom does not work without having a sub. People in kink really have to stop being rude about people who hold different views to them. Especially where holding that different view does not point to abuser. Plus in my experience of the kink scene anyone who talks about "twew doms" or "twew subs" is generally not taken seriously. It is true both parties Dom and sub need each other but since most of the risk is taken by the sub, they give you the trust and their will. But if they stop you stop which ever means they use to stop the scenario or play. The sub has the control there. It's up to both to discuss boundaries but take the scenario of the Dom flogging the sub they and only they should have the power to stop you inflicting more than they want as a Dom you can stop you aren't the one receiving the pain though. You have the power to stay in your boundaries you're also responsible to keep within your subs boundaries and limits. This is what we talk about when we say the one in control is the sub, they may hand you their will to do what ever within both of your boundaries but sub says stop thats end of. No ifs no buts. Anyone who goes beyond that has no right to call themselves a dominant. The only label they deserve is abuser it isn't being dominant inflicting anything on someone that they don't want simple as. Firstly thank you for your reasoned response and I think in practice we are on the same page. However in principle we approach it from different angles. My reasoning is this. The right to decide what is inflicted on a person's body is not a right restricted to being a sub. It is the right of every person of sound mind in a democratic society to decide what happens to their bodies. Corporal punishment has been banned even on children, so no-one (within the requirements of the law) should have anything done to them without their consent. So to me the right in relation to one's body is different from being in control of the relationship. Additionally the sub's right to control their body is a negative right to prevent and not a positive right to have things done to their body. Which following the logic of the sub being in control of the relationship would mean the sub could make the dom do things to the subs body whether the dom wanted to or not. So to use your example of flogging if the sub demands more and intense flogging and the dom can see the sub is not handling it well the dom can refuse to continue. The dom does not have to do what the sub asks. The dom can refuse to act the way a sub wants. So in my view the D/S relationship requires the meeting of the boundaries and minds of both the sub and the dom. As an example some doms are into service and require formal behaviour, protocols and procedures and are not interested in the slightest in impact, a sub can't force that dom to do impact on them. The other point I would make is the inflicting of sensation issue that gets being seen in one dimension. As mentioned above not all D/S is about sensation, however when sensation is raised it is in the light of horrible doms doing horrible stuff to subs who heroically put up with this horrible stuff. Which is not the always the case. In a properly negotiated scene the sub wants the sensation and the dom wantd to provide it. So there is an equal exchange and equal receipt of pleasure. I have seen many posts on FL where the sub has said I am sitting back and getting the pleasure and the dom is doing all the hard physical work , what do they get out of it? Mutual exchange of pleasure We all know about scenes and relationships that go horrendously wrong. But for some subs the need for that submissive itch to be scratched and the pleasure when it is done properly is what brings them back or keeps the longing going. Similarly with doms. The difficulty is matching the right sub with the right dom. As I have mentioned the Dom can just stop, walk away. Doing things within both their boundaries and limits. Everyone has a human right to say no. But you're obsession on many of the threads is that subs don't have control. A sub that is restrained to a bed cannot force a Dom to do anything but a Dom can to the sub they are powerless. If that sub says stop its STOP! This is the control. Stop going on about subs making doms do things the dom can walk away at any time the dom can refuse to do anything. No one is saying doms have to do anything. I could say you going on about subs being in control is your obsession and one you are blinded to. In fact I discuss a number of different issues on threads. I repeat my view in opposition to your view because what I believe is reasonable view and people are entitled to see a different view put politely. People like me who hold the different view or different views should not be called narcissists or abusers, and this is why continue to state it. The fact that some people insist there is only one view (and one that is wrong and a wish fantasy) does the scene and newbies no good. Your examples do not support your argument because without the support of the belief in the human right to control your own body a sub tied to a bed who says stop has no practical control only a belief that the wishes will be respected. I know too many subs who have been in that position and their command not respected. Therefore to protect subs it is not a case of saying the sub is in control. It is teaching subs to try to only play with respectful doms, and to teach doms to respect boundaries. So I will continue putting the alternative view and I really do not need your permission to do so. You're clearly a Dom who doesn't like being told you don't have control. A real Dom respects boundaries and limits and doesn't do anything against anyone against their wishes. A sub respects their Doms boundaries and limits. Anything other than that isn't acceptable. The way you go on about it is giving right to a Dominant to do unconsented abuse and I don't mean cnc that takes trust and knowledge of each other a bond. If you think it's fanciful and wishful thinking that a subs control of the situation then you are a Dom to be avoided. You're a risk to going beyond a subs limits and boundaries because you refuse to acknowledge that when a sub wants to stop they have no control to instruct you to stop. A true Dom would stop the scenario/play not ignore the command to stop. You are ignorant to this fact which proves no sub is safe with you. The label abuser applies to you if you ignore the control over the command to stop. Anyone says stop in the scenario it means stop!! Dom says stop its stop sub says stop it's stop, the belief I have is hoping that the dominant stops not that belief the control is with the sub because it is if your a decent human being. Having faith in a decent human being among the disgusting abusive people. Practical information for anyone going into BDSM relationship of any kind is research and communication, understand each other and learn about what it is you're looking for. Don't rush in and putting yourself in a compromised situation. It doesn't matter if it's a dominant or a submissive. No means no stop means stop and I'm referring to what ever safe words a person uses END OF! In honour of G-man I will keep this short. I only entered into this debate because by having a different view I was generically labelled a narcissist, which is wrong. I have and read and recommended more books and articles on BDSM on this site than most. "The sub is in control" is a slogan and not a fact. I have pictures of my ex sub after she was tied and gagged and worked over by someone who at that time had a good reputation on the rope scene. I was the person she initially turned to for help and to confront the friends of this person. A lot of people said he was a nice guy or it was an accident, until with her consent, I showed the pictures. Being in the London scene almost every sub I have spoken with has had a bad experience with a Dom when they started. So yes I have an obsession to prevent newbies being abused and for doms to understand consent, but in a practical setting. Although I think D/S is intensely personal, when discussing it I always stop at being rude about the person with whom I am debating as being rude displays a lack of thought and self control. Therefore your abuse does not bother me. If you consider my words abuse so be it it is your opinion on that take it as you see fit. The blinding obvious fact as you still refer to the subs abuser as Dom is the issue. That person isn't a Dom but an abuser. There lies the difference between us. Your ideas on what makes a Dom a Dom and what others consider the difference between a "real" Dom and an abuser. I've posted on threads in which pointing out behaviours of these "doms" failing to adhere to a subs boundaries and limits, the ones who think they have free reign to do as what ever they like to a sub because they think they are a "dom". You always refer to the fact there are different types of dominants and that people judge. You are giving the abusers and misguided subs an impression that it's acceptable to be abuse and be abused because the dom willed it. Whether it's a sadist and a masochist what happens in the scenario or play isn't the issue of the abuse because it's consensual it's when consent is withdrawn. When someone says stop. No matter what a real Dominant will stop. Advising subs that hey your abuser is a dom he's just a different kind isn't right and down right stupid. To Gemini I've never mentioned that any BDSM relationship is unequal in any way. Having the right dominant / sub where it's mutually enjoyable and beneficial is key. The power between both lies with boundaries and limits of both as I have said many times before. The sub is the one in the most compromised position especially regarding anything which involves restraint and use of objects of any kind. There should be no compromise when someone says stop no matter the role they take on. If you ignore the control a sub has to say stop in those compromising situations I'm sorry to say it will always be abuse no matter what a "dominant" thinks. No one can force a person to inflict more on them against your will especially when they restrained, but the restrained person the "dominant" has the power to carry on or do more than the sub wishes this is an abuser nothing more nothing less. If the Dom listens to the sub and stops when they say the control of which was by the sub that is the final say of it and they have the ultimate control over what happens to them, just as a Dom will have the final say in the responsibility of not going too far even if the submissive requests or demands more. The role of the Dom is responsibility and being within each others boundaries. I have said before, Dominating is a verb, as is submitting, as soon as you create nominalisation taking the verb into a noun, you are up the creek. It is often better to keep discussion like this in process and not in nouns. Korzbyski, once said, if two lovers entered a forest, would they have the same perspective as a lumberjack? Or a ornithologist? Same woods, however, would they describe them the same? It is only as you discuss the process do you get a better understanding of what the other is projecting. Well in my world." Add on. And if I was to advise someone who likes submissive behaviour and if the Dominant natured person cannot explain process, it’s a good chance they may have been watching too much porn. | |||
