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Doms - Real or Pretenders

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So naturally I'm very Dominant, much prefer to be in charge, don't like being told what to do. I want to explore the other side of that and see if it's possible for me to consider submitting to the right person but I have major trust issues. Heard a lot of horror stories about 'fake' Doms, people using it as a cover for abuse etc which naturally puts me off exploring. Any Doms be willing to let me talk through stuff and pick their brains?

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There are a lot who have some strange ideas about both what a dominant is and also what a submissive should be on both sides of the coin.

My advice to you would be not to limit your conversations to just Dom/mes but speak to submissives too, they will often give a different, and possibly better, perspective than a dominant as to what makes a good Dom/me

It may also be worth taking a step back and doing some thinking of your own as to what interests you about taking a more submissive role, and what type of submissive you think you may be - which may help you define what you would be looking for in a dominant.

There really is no single answer to the question though, only *your* answer - and so long as that has come from a position of knowledge and informed consent, then there is no wrong answer *for you*

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By *ensualMan over a year ago

Sutton

A short cut would be to green arrow the "Dom" threads that G-Man has contributed to and read his advice on those first)

(then other contributors) on those threads, honourable mention to Lady Jayne's comments too.

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By *eplicant JoWoman over a year ago

Sussex countryside

"There are a lot who have some strange ideas about both what a dominant is and also what a submissive should be on both sides of the coin.

There really is no single answer to the question though, only *your* answer - and so long as that has come from a position of knowledge and informed consent, then there is no wrong answer *for you*"

What he says.

It can mean different experiences for different people, gather a variety of views etc.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"A short cut would be to green arrow the "Dom" threads that G-Man has contributed to and read his advice on those first)

(then other contributors) on those threads, honourable mention to Lady Jayne's comments too. "

Wise words - I mean to suggest looking at other BDSM and D/s threads and picking out those whose words appeal to open conversations with, but as usual got carried away with my own rhetoric

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A short cut would be to green arrow the "Dom" threads that G-Man has contributed to and read his advice on those first)

(then other contributors) on those threads, honourable mention to Lady Jayne's comments too.

Wise words - I mean to suggest looking at other BDSM and D/s threads and picking out those whose words appeal to open conversations with, but as usual got carried away with my own rhetoric

I have done that already, something I've been looking at for a while but struggling to find a Dom that will actually talk to me about any of it rather than just what to show me.

I know the sort of thing I want to do but need to ask a lot if questions first. As I said, I have very big trust issues

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"A short cut would be to green arrow the "Dom" threads that G-Man has contributed to and read his advice on those first)

(then other contributors) on those threads, honourable mention to Lady Jayne's comments too.

Wise words - I mean to suggest looking at other BDSM and D/s threads and picking out those whose words appeal to open conversations with, but as usual got carried away with my own rhetoric

I have done that already, something I've been looking at for a while but struggling to find a Dom that will actually talk to me about any of it rather than just what to show me.

I know the sort of thing I want to do but need to ask a lot if questions first. As I said, I have very big trust issues"

It may pay to talk to other submissives, as I suggested earlier, and learn from their experiences and thoughts - takes away the "let's meet and I'll show you" angle for starters, and they may be able to give some pointers about which Doms are likely to be open to such a discussion too.

I'm open to further discussion privately if you think it would help and can assure you there is no hidden agenda - which I know anyone can say, but the offer stands and is yours to take or not without qualms either way from me.

Nothing wrong with trust issues, especially around BDSM and D/s, in fact in some ways they should almost be a pre-requisite - either way they are totally understandable.

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By *adyJayneWoman over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"A short cut would be to green arrow the "Dom" threads that G-Man has contributed to and read his advice on those first)

(then other contributors) on those threads, honourable mention to Lady Jayne's comments too. "

shucks. Thanks!

I'm happy to natter away to people who want to learn more about BDSM. I have spent enough years doing just that! It's one of the reasons I don't have any filters on my messages at all.

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By *yx_InannaWoman over a year ago

Burslem

I also suggest looking into other BDSM roles. There's more than just Dom/me and sub

I'm a Primal aka huntress, or alpha Primal bitch

depending on who I'm meeting. Dominant role with prey or another alpha which is fun.

There's many different types

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan over a year ago

I could never take being a dom/sub seriously but when playing I like us to switch from time to time,

Ever thought about playing a little bratty ?

As others have said try and speak to a few people and see how far you want to take the roll of being a sub,

There are a few Women who regularly use the General chat room who are 100% sub, You could ask them a few questions

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By *leasure82Man over a year ago

portsmouth

"A short cut would be to green arrow the "Dom" threads that G-Man has contributed to and read his advice on those first)

(then other contributors) on those threads, honourable mention to Lady Jayne's comments too.

Wise words - I mean to suggest looking at other BDSM and D/s threads and picking out those whose words appeal to open conversations with, but as usual got carried away with my own rhetoric

I have done that already, something I've been looking at for a while but struggling to find a Dom that will actually talk to me about any of it rather than just what to show me.

I know the sort of thing I want to do but need to ask a lot if questions first. As I said, I have very big trust issues"

I have PM you sparkles

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey Sparkles. I know exactly what you mean. Was recently chatting to a guy who said he was Dom, it was interesting but the trust issues did appear...

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

Hiya, I'm submissive in our relationship. And have massive trust issues, to fact I didn't want to be submissive as I found it too scary a prospect. Happy to chat about my experience if you want, Frida

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wanna submit to me?

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I can chat from my perspective, however I always advise you talk to Submissive, I suspect you will not find sub people on ladders leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street proclaiming how high they can piss.

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By *laveofwomenMan over a year ago

Warwickshire

"Wanna submit to me?"

Yes I would submit to you without question

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Wanna submit to me?

Yes I would submit to you without question"

Without knowing the first thing about QL? Really?

You'll be saying you have no limits next