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Mental abuse from partner
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " yes its a form of bullying stop it in its infancy or it will only get worse  | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Of course it does, and it affects you in ways you don’t even understand. | |||
"Let's ask Johnny Depp. " was he bullied too? | |||
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"Has anyone on this thread been affected by it " Yes, both of us in previous relationships. It is not restricted to male or female, happens both ways. It's why we have a very deep understanding of each other | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Of course it does! | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " God yes. ;-( | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " big time!!! | |||
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"Has anyone on this thread been affected by it " Yes, over many years. | |||
"Has anyone on this thread been affected by it Yes, over many years. " Me too and I know plenty of others. They tell you that you’re not good enough, after a while they don’t need to tell you - you tell yourself. It can be sorted out with love and a good therapist but don’t underestimate it - it’s a big task | |||
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"Yes it most definitely does and don't fully realise it until you're away from the situation. " Also this, how obvious it becomes once you’ve stepped away | |||
"Has anyone on this thread been affected by it Yes, over many years. " Yup. | |||
"Yes it most definitely does and don't fully realise it until you're away from the situation. Also this, how obvious it becomes once you’ve stepped away " . Yesss 
You wonder why you endured for as long as you did and hate the part of you that still wishes things could have been different with them. | |||
"Yes it most definitely does and don't fully realise it until you're away from the situation. Also this, how obvious it becomes once you’ve stepped away . Yesss
You wonder why you endured for as long as you did and hate the part of you that still wishes things could have been different with them. "Yes, also how stupid you feel, even though so many people say that’s what happened to them too. Hugs to you | |||
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"Yes it most definitely does and don't fully realise it until you're away from the situation. Also this, how obvious it becomes once you’ve stepped away " Sometimes it's not immediately obvious when you have stepped away until someone points it out to you that what you went through was actually abuse . | |||
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"Has anyone on this thread been affected by it " yes I was married to a narcissist (psychologist confirmed) 9 years divorced, still single and rebuilding/repairing myself we share children so the games/abuse never stop | |||
"I had it in my first marriage, saw the signs early and ignored them. I even once had to turn down a job promotion as it involved working with too many women, and forget any nights out, constant texts and phone calls. Let's just say she's no longer around "Similar to what I went through in my first relationship. The accusations just got ridiculous.. In the long run I think it's made me a stronger person. | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Yes my ex was mentally abused by her ex and are 2 years together was hell for me as I was more of a councilor than a partner she was left with hang ups about her body, eating habits, fashion, and in the bed room it was like walking thought a minefield to the point where I just have up trying to have sex. The relationship ended after she couldn't see how unhappy I was as I had to push all of my feeling and issues to the side to deal with hers | |||
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"I had it in my first marriage, saw the signs early and ignored them. I even once had to turn down a job promotion as it involved working with too many women, and forget any nights out, constant texts and phone calls. Let's just say she's no longer around
Similar to what I went through in my first relationship. The accusations just got ridiculous.. In the long run I think it's made me a stronger person."Agree it's made me stronger now, but took a while to get there. I unfortunately now won't allow anyone to 'tell' me what to do even at work, they have to ask not tell otherwise I ignore them, suppose that's the scar 10 years has left. | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Yes too this day it still affects me hurts more that I criticise my body now because of how my ex used to make me feel  | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Yes. I was in an mentally abusive relationship for 13 years and affected me greatly. Fortunately I am rising above it and getting back on track with a lot of help from my lovely partner. Luke | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run Yes my ex was mentally abused by her ex and are 2 years together was hell for me as I was more of a councilor than a partner she was left with hang ups about her body, eating habits, fashion, and in the bed room it was like walking thought a minefield to the point where I just have up trying to have sex. The relationship ended after she couldn't see how unhappy I was as I had to push all of my feeling and issues to the side to deal with hers " Sorry you had to go through that. I’ve experienced the same albeit for a longer time. It’s horrible. | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Absolutely | |||
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"One of the hardest things to do is find the confidence to get out of the situation when you're suffering this kind of abuse at the hands of someone you thought loved you. You have to get out by any means possible and totally cut them out of your life if you have any chance to recover. You will recover and find life gets so much better with time and finding yourself once more. You will have scars that are hard to deal with and hard for others who dont understand what it is to suffer like this but it does get better i promise you, I suspect many of us here are proof that life does go on and you can be happy again." Well said x | |||
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"I had a full on mental breakdown 15 months after the end of the abusive relationship I was in. When the relationship was initially over I was carefree and thought I'd escaped unscathed. How wrong I was. You see, what happens is things get imprinted on your psyche without you even knowing it. Then you find yourself reacting in ways you wouldn't have before the abuse. The breakdown trigger sounds pathetic, but it was this... one of the people at work got the wrong end of the stick and reported back to management that I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I was point blank accused of it by my GM rather than him talking to me about it. Then he involved other people as "back up evidence" saying they had said I'd done it too. I knew he was lying because I hadn't fucking done what he said. I also knew that the person who told him I had was someone I tended to clash with, who he was close to. I asked the other staff if they thought my behaviour had been off or if I had been lacking in work and they were all shocked and some got quite upset that I could even think they would not only think that, but go to management with concerns about me. I was the mumma bear, the one they all came to with worries, personal problems. Work was always my safe place when I was in the relationship and now my safe place was displaying the signs of toxicity and manipulation. I lost it. Full on breakdown. Like, full on. 9 months recovery to be able to step foot back in the building and I now didn't trust a fucking soul there. I soul search an awful lot now. I question my reactions to things because sometimes I don't know if I really feel the way I think I feel or if it's a reaction to try to protect myself. I don't know if you ever truly fully recover, but what I do know is these days I can easily cut people out of my life and it doesn't take much for me to do so. I care a great deal about lots of people and things, I have a kinship with nature .... but people.... well, I don't give many chances and I don't entertain liars. That's my protective shell, but you know what? I'm worth fucking protecting coz I'm actually a pretty fucking exceptional human being, and I'm worth it. P" It's so shit when you lose the thing you cherish most as you find out your reactions to what would be classed as normal are way off. I'd give you a huge hug right now if I could from one survivor to another. And yes, these shit experiences can and often do make you into a truly exceptional person because you know life can harm you so much from the inside and you know you not only survived but came out of the other side stronger for it xx | |||
"I had a full on mental breakdown 15 months after the end of the abusive relationship I was in. When the relationship was initially over I was carefree and thought I'd escaped unscathed. How wrong I was. You see, what happens is things get imprinted on your psyche without you even knowing it. Then you find yourself reacting in ways you wouldn't have before the abuse. The breakdown trigger sounds pathetic, but it was this... one of the people at work got the wrong end of the stick and reported back to management that I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I was point blank accused of it by my GM rather than him talking to me about it. Then he involved other people as "back up evidence" saying they had said I'd done it too. I knew he was lying because I hadn't fucking done what he said. I also knew that the person who told him I had was someone I tended to clash with, who he was close to. I asked the other staff if they thought my behaviour had been off or if I had been lacking in work and they were all shocked and some got quite upset that I could even think they would not only think that, but go to management with concerns about me. I was the mumma bear, the one they all came to with worries, personal problems. Work was always my safe place when I was in the relationship and now my safe place was displaying the signs of toxicity and manipulation. I lost it. Full on breakdown. Like, full on. 9 months recovery to be able to step foot back in the building and I now didn't trust a fucking soul there. I soul search an awful lot now. I question my reactions to things because sometimes I don't know if I really feel the way I think I feel or if it's a reaction to try to protect myself. I don't know if you ever truly fully recover, but what I do know is these days I can easily cut people out of my life and it doesn't take much for me to do so. I care a great deal about lots of people and things, I have a kinship with nature .... but people.... well, I don't give many chances and I don't entertain liars. That's my protective shell, but you know what? I'm worth fucking protecting coz I'm actually a pretty fucking exceptional human being, and I'm worth it. P It's so shit when you lose the thing you cherish most as you find out your reactions to what would be classed as normal are way off. I'd give you a huge hug right now if I could from one survivor to another. And yes, these shit experiences can and often do make you into a truly exceptional person because you know life can harm you so much from the inside and you know you not only survived but came out of the other side stronger for it xx" Thank you, and I'd hug you right back. P | |||
"It does. Emotional abuse is used to gain power and control in a relationship. The abuse may take a number of forms, such as : insulting, criticising, threatening, gaslighting, ridiculing, shaming, intimidating, swearing, name-calling, lying, belittling and ignoring. In time, possibly in years, this too will pass. God bless " This is all very typical from a narcissistic partner... and it's all too common that they're able to get themselves a co- dependent partner who just takes it all because they're just that kind of giving person who thinks they can 'fix' the other. Sadly they lose themselves in the process and a narcissist just cannot be fixed. | |||
"It does. Emotional abuse is used to gain power and control in a relationship. The abuse may take a number of forms, such as : insulting, criticising, threatening, gaslighting, ridiculing, shaming, intimidating, swearing, name-calling, lying, belittling and ignoring. In time, possibly in years, this too will pass. God bless This is all very typical from a narcissistic partner... and it's all too common that they're able to get themselves a co- dependent partner who just takes it all because they're just that kind of giving person who thinks they can 'fix' the other. Sadly they lose themselves in the process and a narcissist just cannot be fixed. " Agreed | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " 'Abuse' is always destructive and often pollutes every fascet of the victims life, esp their self-image, self-worth, confidence etc. My kinks often cause me to meet beautiful, strong, people who've been damaged by abuse in their pasts. | |||
"I had a full on mental breakdown 15 months after the end of the abusive relationship I was in. When the relationship was initially over I was carefree and thought I'd escaped unscathed. How wrong I was. You see, what happens is things get imprinted on your psyche without you even knowing it. Then you find yourself reacting in ways you wouldn't have before the abuse. The breakdown trigger sounds pathetic, but it was this... one of the people at work got the wrong end of the stick and reported back to management that I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I was point blank accused of it by my GM rather than him talking to me about it. Then he involved other people as "back up evidence" saying they had said I'd done it too. I knew he was lying because I hadn't fucking done what he said. I also knew that the person who told him I had was someone I tended to clash with, who he was close to. I asked the other staff if they thought my behaviour had been off or if I had been lacking in work and they were all shocked and some got quite upset that I could even think they would not only think that, but go to management with concerns about me. I was the mumma bear, the one they all came to with worries, personal problems. Work was always my safe place when I was in the relationship and now my safe place was displaying the signs of toxicity and manipulation. I lost it. Full on breakdown. Like, full on. 9 months recovery to be able to step foot back in the building and I now didn't trust a fucking soul there. I soul search an awful lot now. I question my reactions to things because sometimes I don't know if I really feel the way I think I feel or if it's a reaction to try to protect myself. I don't know if you ever truly fully recover, but what I do know is these days I can easily cut people out of my life and it doesn't take much for me to do so. I care a great deal about lots of people and things, I have a kinship with nature .... but people.... well, I don't give many chances and I don't entertain liars. That's my protective shell, but you know what? I'm worth fucking protecting coz I'm actually a pretty fucking exceptional human being, and I'm worth it. P" That's awful. You absolutely are worth protecting and must always do what that takes. I can't imagine how you managed to walk back into that same workplace (I have just been off work myself for 5 months due to stress) but the fact you did after 9 months proves you have super mental strength and can rise above anything those people could throw at you. I really hope things are better now but for sure you are a stronger person for having gone through this. I wonder even if you needed it to sort of purge yourself of what you'd been through before and heal that? And I totally get the kinship with nature...its nature that has been with me through the past few months and it's been so healing. Im totally seeing the challenge of interacting with people again now though after so many months off in a sort of self imposed isolation! Fun times ahead! | |||
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"This question should have been in the ‘ask a daft question’ thread I saw earlier. " I thought similar, it's seems self answering...BUT it's actually been one of the most interesting threads I've seen recently. Its good to be lighthearted, but there seems to be a ton of inane, childish threads on this forum. | |||
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"This question should have been in the ‘ask a daft question’ thread I saw earlier. I thought similar, it's seems self answering...BUT it's actually been one of the most interesting threads I've seen recently. Its good to be lighthearted, but there seems to be a ton of inane, childish threads on this forum." I think there's much to be said for processing pain together, where we can. | |||
"I had a full on mental breakdown 15 months after the end of the abusive relationship I was in. When the relationship was initially over I was carefree and thought I'd escaped unscathed. How wrong I was. You see, what happens is things get imprinted on your psyche without you even knowing it. Then you find yourself reacting in ways you wouldn't have before the abuse. The breakdown trigger sounds pathetic, but it was this... one of the people at work got the wrong end of the stick and reported back to management that I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I was point blank accused of it by my GM rather than him talking to me about it. Then he involved other people as "back up evidence" saying they had said I'd done it too. I knew he was lying because I hadn't fucking done what he said. I also knew that the person who told him I had was someone I tended to clash with, who he was close to. I asked the other staff if they thought my behaviour had been off or if I had been lacking in work and they were all shocked and some got quite upset that I could even think they would not only think that, but go to management with concerns about me. I was the mumma bear, the one they all came to with worries, personal problems. Work was always my safe place when I was in the relationship and now my safe place was displaying the signs of toxicity and manipulation. I lost it. Full on breakdown. Like, full on. 9 months recovery to be able to step foot back in the building and I now didn't trust a fucking soul there. I soul search an awful lot now. I question my reactions to things because sometimes I don't know if I really feel the way I think I feel or if it's a reaction to try to protect myself. I don't know if you ever truly fully recover, but what I do know is these days I can easily cut people out of my life and it doesn't take much for me to do so. I care a great deal about lots of people and things, I have a kinship with nature .... but people.... well, I don't give many chances and I don't entertain liars. That's my protective shell, but you know what? I'm worth fucking protecting coz I'm actually a pretty fucking exceptional human being, and I'm worth it. P That's awful. You absolutely are worth protecting and must always do what that takes. I can't imagine how you managed to walk back into that same workplace (I have just been off work myself for 5 months due to stress) but the fact you did after 9 months proves you have super mental strength and can rise above anything those people could throw at you. I really hope things are better now but for sure you are a stronger person for having gone through this. I wonder even if you needed it to sort of purge yourself of what you'd been through before and heal that? And I totally get the kinship with nature...its nature that has been with me through the past few months and it's been so healing. Im totally seeing the challenge of interacting with people again now though after so many months off in a sort of self imposed isolation! Fun times ahead! " The purging thing makes sense. I was basically a ticking time bomb and I didn't know it. I crumbled at work that day, like proper crumbled. I scrubbed all of the writing off the comms white board and defaced it with something like "whomever thinks it's acceptable to lie about people coz it makes you feel big, powerful and the puppet master, you're nothing but a lying piece of shit and you really should go fuck yourself" before falling to a heap on the floor and having to be taken to the GP by one of my coworkers. The best way I can describe how it felt was like a toddler. You know when they need a nap and they're sobbing and inconsolable over seemingly fuck all and just the fact that they're tired. You think go to sleep and you'll be sound ya div. That's how it felt but I felt like I needed to sleep for years instead of hours. My brain was fried. The doc confirmed CPTSD and I was signed off. Spent 3 weeks on the sofa practically sleeping. Was only moving to go to the loo or get a drink. I can't describe how hard it was to even do those things. I'd wake, and cry that I was awake, I needed more sleep. I had totally shut down. After 3 weeks I kind of woke up, I could tackle more (by more.... getting a shower!) Everything felt like running a marathon, all the tiny things you do every day on autopilot took all of my energy and mental strength. My now "safe place" was the fab forums. They were so supportive and understanding. 6 months down the line I was getting counselling. That really helped build my confidence back up and pushed me out of my comfort zone. Seriously I'd be celebrating if I made it round Asda without running out leaving the trolley in the aisle with tears rolling. Everyone was danger in my mind, even if unintentionally. It took 9 months for the flight to fuck off and the fight to come back. Now I'm a fucker for calling people out on bullshit, I won't tolerate it. I don't deserve it. I also don't care if I have to stand alone, I'll fight for what's right. The old me is resurfacing, but this one knows just how manipulative and sneaky people can be, and that is something that does give me anxiety. Play your own toxic games, just leave me and mine the fuck out of them, and if ya can't manage that simple request, expect there to be fallout. P | |||
" Now I'm a fucker for calling people out on bullshit, I won't tolerate it. I don't deserve it. I also don't care if I have to stand alone, I'll fight for what's right. The old me is resurfacing, but this one knows just how manipulative and sneaky people can be, and that is something that does give me anxiety. Play your own toxic games, just leave me and mine the fuck out of them, and if ya can't manage that simple request, expect there to be fallout. P" This.....I love this and feel exactly the same. Keep this about you always but don't forget to let people in bit by bit too. There will be that one person who simply cares and won't play games with you xx | |||
"This question should have been in the ‘ask a daft question’ thread I saw earlier. I thought similar, it's seems self answering...BUT it's actually been one of the most interesting threads I've seen recently. Its good to be lighthearted, but there seems to be a ton of inane, childish threads on this forum." That’s true I guess. | |||
"This question should have been in the ‘ask a daft question’ thread I saw earlier. I thought similar, it's seems self answering...BUT it's actually been one of the most interesting threads I've seen recently. Its good to be lighthearted, but there seems to be a ton of inane, childish threads on this forum. I think there's much to be said for processing pain together, where we can." Oh yes definitely agree with regard to helping each other. But in terms of the answer to the the initial question; I think it’s an obvious answer. | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Yes absolutely. It depends on many factors though on whether you are able to come back from it. It takes more strength to cope afterwards than I ever imagined. | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run Yes absolutely. It depends on many factors though on whether you are able to come back from it. It takes more strength to cope afterwards than I ever imagined. " It's hard to see it in yourself but chatting to you i get the feeling that you're doing better than you may think xx | |||
"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x "So proud of you for posting. P | |||
"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x "I fully agree with you that abusers seek out those who are kind and caring as easy victims to abuse, I know that is exactly what happened to me and the damage runs extremely deep with some things. On a good side though, those who have been through similar things can become massively supportive friends to find and often are the only people who can understand you because its just too hard to convey to those who haven't experienced it themselves. | |||
"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x
So proud of you for posting.
P"Thank you!!! Xxx | |||
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"Let's ask Johnny Depp. " Yeah, who'd have guessed that Amber Heard was a lying, manipulative, abusive bitch, trying to ruin a man's career.  | |||
"Yes .. but if is possible to grow stronger, wiser, know yourself better having to overcome or heal or simply deal with the echoes of an abusive relationship. X "  | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " That or subtle mental manipulation certainly does. My kids and I bore the brunt of the latter. | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Yes I endured 20+ years of it When I escaped 7 years ago I was at the bottom of the pile .... the person you see now still struggles with insecurity as I’m only just finding out who I actually am Mental abuse doesn’t show up like bruises from physical abuse so often comes as a shock to friends and family | |||
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"Has anyone on this thread been affected by it Yes, over many years. Me too and I know plenty of others. They tell you that you’re not good enough, after a while they don’t need to tell you - you tell yourself. It can be sorted out with love and a good therapist but don’t underestimate it - it’s a big task" Maybe sometimes it can't be sorted and you are just left a broken shell | |||
"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x
I fully agree with you that abusers seek out those who are kind and caring as easy victims to abuse, I know that is exactly what happened to me and the damage runs extremely deep with some things.
On a good side though, those who have been through similar things can become massively supportive friends to find and often are the only people who can understand you because its just too hard to convey to those who haven't experienced it themselves."So true. It comes across especially shocking to others if you're confident in other areas too. I was the last person anyone would expect to "put up" with that kind of situation. It happens that over time your new "normal" behind closed doors changes little by little. There is no justification. Nobody deserves it. I saw a trailer for a programme on the telly and one sentence struck home so so much. I can't remember it word for word but it goes something like... People stay in relationships because they don't think they're worthy of getting out of them. That holds so much truth. Everyone is worthy, everyone deserves happiness. It's the brainwashing that convinces us otherwise. P | |||
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"Fuck the brainwashing. It's so hard to escape." It is. I wish I could save everyone, and I find it a real frustration that I can't. Support support support. I don't have experience of the new legislation and I pray it makes the difference and makes it easier now for those suffering and existing instead of living to break free. P | |||
"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x
I fully agree with you that abusers seek out those who are kind and caring as easy victims to abuse, I know that is exactly what happened to me and the damage runs extremely deep with some things.
On a good side though, those who have been through similar things can become massively supportive friends to find and often are the only people who can understand you because its just too hard to convey to those who haven't experienced it themselves.
So true.
It comes across especially shocking to others if you're confident in other areas too. I was the last person anyone would expect to "put up" with that kind of situation. It happens that over time your new "normal" behind closed doors changes little by little.
There is no justification. Nobody deserves it.
I saw a trailer for a programme on the telly and one sentence struck home so so much. I can't remember it word for word but it goes something like...
People stay in relationships because they don't think they're worthy of getting out of them.
That holds so much truth.
Everyone is worthy, everyone deserves happiness. It's the brainwashing that convinces us otherwise.
P"Your words have really resonated with me today, particularly the phrase about the amount of time it took for the flight to fuck off and the fight to comeback. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster, and today I’m completely exhausted and emotionally drained, and I’ve been in tears this morning. I put up with over 20 years of it, and only now have I started to see the full extent of the damage. Trusting is hard, trusting others and myself. I’m lucky, I’ve got some amazing people in my life, friends, at work and from here who have been unbelievably supportive of me, and rally helped me when I needed it. | |||
"This question should have been in the ‘ask a daft question’ thread I saw earlier. " | |||
"Fuck the brainwashing. It's so hard to escape. It is. I wish I could save everyone, and I find it a real frustration that I can't. Support support support. I don't have experience of the new legislation and I pray it makes the difference and makes it easier now for those suffering and existing instead of living to break free. P" Fuck yes. Lots of things to build up to free people from all this crap. Sadly not just in relationships. Toxic people are everywhere and the damage they do is extraordinary. | |||
"Fuck the brainwashing. It's so hard to escape. It is. I wish I could save everyone, and I find it a real frustration that I can't. Support support support. I don't have experience of the new legislation and I pray it makes the difference and makes it easier now for those suffering and existing instead of living to break free. P Fuck yes. Lots of things to build up to free people from all this crap. Sadly not just in relationships. Toxic people are everywhere and the damage they do is extraordinary." And trains.... the karma bus can fuck off, I'm wishing on a karma train these days. With no breaks P | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Definitely! More so, I would say, than physical abuse. I have been out of it for about 13 years now, including 2 other healthy relationships, but I still have quite severe anxiety from it. In extreme cases, I still don't trust my ability to think for myself or make my own decisions, and often find myself seeking reassurance, and panicking if I can't make a decision. I second-guess myself and/or try to justify my own very common natural human emotions. If something happens (like I lose or break something), I become a complete mess because I expect to be screamed at and feel like I can't be trusted. I can do something as simple as forgetting to text Hubby back, and spend the next few days thinking I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve love or happiness (obviously, Hubby doesn't agree!). I will also still starve myself if I'm upset or if something is wrong because my ex used to pick arguments just before meals and attack my body image. I find it hard to talk to and build relationships with new people because I'm always worrying about their intentions or whether they'll think I'm an awful person too. Sometimes I even still feel like I have to ask permission to do something I want with my own money, or even just to see my family or friends... On the plus side, I can now recognise the behaviour from a mile off and have very little tolerance for bull shit and people trying to play mind games. It's exhausting, and can obviously be exhausting for future partners. Counselling, confidence-building, self-love, love, support and patience are key factors to recovery, but I don't think it ever truly goes away. | |||
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"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x
I fully agree with you that abusers seek out those who are kind and caring as easy victims to abuse, I know that is exactly what happened to me and the damage runs extremely deep with some things.
On a good side though, those who have been through similar things can become massively supportive friends to find and often are the only people who can understand you because its just too hard to convey to those who haven't experienced it themselves.
So true.
It comes across especially shocking to others if you're confident in other areas too. I was the last person anyone would expect to "put up" with that kind of situation. It happens that over time your new "normal" behind closed doors changes little by little.
There is no justification. Nobody deserves it.
I saw a trailer for a programme on the telly and one sentence struck home so so much. I can't remember it word for word but it goes something like...
People stay in relationships because they don't think they're worthy of getting out of them.
That holds so much truth.
Everyone is worthy, everyone deserves happiness. It's the brainwashing that convinces us otherwise.
P
Your words have really resonated with me today, particularly the phrase about the amount of time it took for the flight to fuck off and the fight to comeback.
I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster, and today I’m completely exhausted and emotionally drained,
and I’ve been in tears this morning.
I put up with over 20 years of it, and only now have I started to see the full extent of the damage. Trusting is hard, trusting others and myself.
I’m lucky, I’ve got some amazing people in my life, friends, at work and from here who have been unbelievably supportive of me, and rally helped me when I needed it. "I do believe that recognising some of our own stuff in other peoples experiences is massive in helping confidence levels. That's partly why I talk so openly about it, balls swinging free! I know how much it helped me even in thinking I'm not alone when I saw stuff that made so much sense to me and hit home, and if I can give one person a sense if relief/security/hope then I'll talk til the cows come home. Fuck, trusting others is by far the biggest thing for me and my most difficult hurdle. I feel for B. He's my first relationship since so he's almost like a Guinea pig as far as learning goes, what's gonna trigger me, what I can and can't handle and what kind of care I need. He has been so so understanding and an absolute rock. He ain't afraid to tell me straight tho, although he isn't as direct as I am and takes a more tactful approach. I can see it brewing tho and tell him to spit it the fuck out and not fanny around. The reasoning being the round the houses automatically sets my spidey senses tingling towards manipulation and I auto shut down to being closed off. Tell me straight what the end result you want is, and I'll then be open to discussion. Those rollercoasters are a motherfucker. P | |||
"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x
I fully agree with you that abusers seek out those who are kind and caring as easy victims to abuse, I know that is exactly what happened to me and the damage runs extremely deep with some things.
On a good side though, those who have been through similar things can become massively supportive friends to find and often are the only people who can understand you because its just too hard to convey to those who haven't experienced it themselves.
So true.
It comes across especially shocking to others if you're confident in other areas too. I was the last person anyone would expect to "put up" with that kind of situation. It happens that over time your new "normal" behind closed doors changes little by little.
There is no justification. Nobody deserves it.
I saw a trailer for a programme on the telly and one sentence struck home so so much. I can't remember it word for word but it goes something like...
People stay in relationships because they don't think they're worthy of getting out of them.
That holds so much truth.
Everyone is worthy, everyone deserves happiness. It's the brainwashing that convinces us otherwise.
P
Your words have really resonated with me today, particularly the phrase about the amount of time it took for the flight to fuck off and the fight to comeback.
I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster, and today I’m completely exhausted and emotionally drained,
and I’ve been in tears this morning.
I put up with over 20 years of it, and only now have I started to see the full extent of the damage. Trusting is hard, trusting others and myself.
I’m lucky, I’ve got some amazing people in my life, friends, at work and from here who have been unbelievably supportive of me, and rally helped me when I needed it.
I do believe that recognising some of our own stuff in other peoples experiences is massive in helping confidence levels. That's partly why I talk so openly about it, balls swinging free! I know how much it helped me even in thinking I'm not alone when I saw stuff that made so much sense to me and hit home, and if I can give one person a sense if relief/security/hope then I'll talk til the cows come home.
Fuck, trusting others is by far the biggest thing for me and my most difficult hurdle.
I feel for B. He's my first relationship since so he's almost like a Guinea pig as far as learning goes, what's gonna trigger me, what I can and can't handle and what kind of care I need. He has been so so understanding and an absolute rock. He ain't afraid to tell me straight tho, although he isn't as direct as I am and takes a more tactful approach. I can see it brewing tho and tell him to spit it the fuck out and not fanny around. The reasoning being the round the houses automatically sets my spidey senses tingling towards manipulation and I auto shut down to being closed off. Tell me straight what the end result you want is, and I'll then be open to discussion.
Those rollercoasters are a motherfucker.
P"You’re so brave, it sounds like you’ve done an amazing job of fighting to get ‘you’ back. I hope I can do the same! You’re so right, hearing others talk about it makes it so much easier, and having friends who have been through it, and friends who are being very supportive has really helped. How did you get rid of the flight urge? | |||
"OP - can I ask why you asked this question? Fellow forumites above have shared some very personal stories and advice, in itself takes a lot of courage and I (her) thank them for their openness and honesty because someone else reading this thread could be experiencing something similar at this moment and will see that there is hope when you feel like you have no other option than to remain. But I want to come back to you, are you ok? " I was wondering the same... Hope you're ok OP.. Her x | |||
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"I've read through this thread and recognised so many similarities to what happened to me, its unreal... I was in an abusive relationship for over 15 years. I've suffered pretty much everything that has already been mentioned. I eventually freed myself.. I have been to hell and back. I could tell you every detail but something is holding me back.... I know what it is..its the fact that I'm still heeling. Putting things in writing makes it all real and I'm protecting myself somewhat. I wonder how many of us that have been abused are empaths? I read that abusive people seek out empaths as it's easy to work their way in.. Hard thread to read...even harder to comment on but it's such an important topic to discuss.. Her x
I fully agree with you that abusers seek out those who are kind and caring as easy victims to abuse, I know that is exactly what happened to me and the damage runs extremely deep with some things.
On a good side though, those who have been through similar things can become massively supportive friends to find and often are the only people who can understand you because its just too hard to convey to those who haven't experienced it themselves.
So true.
It comes across especially shocking to others if you're confident in other areas too. I was the last person anyone would expect to "put up" with that kind of situation. It happens that over time your new "normal" behind closed doors changes little by little.
There is no justification. Nobody deserves it.
I saw a trailer for a programme on the telly and one sentence struck home so so much. I can't remember it word for word but it goes something like...
People stay in relationships because they don't think they're worthy of getting out of them.
That holds so much truth.
Everyone is worthy, everyone deserves happiness. It's the brainwashing that convinces us otherwise.
P
Your words have really resonated with me today, particularly the phrase about the amount of time it took for the flight to fuck off and the fight to comeback.
I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster, and today I’m completely exhausted and emotionally drained,
and I’ve been in tears this morning.
I put up with over 20 years of it, and only now have I started to see the full extent of the damage. Trusting is hard, trusting others and myself.
I’m lucky, I’ve got some amazing people in my life, friends, at work and from here who have been unbelievably supportive of me, and rally helped me when I needed it.
I do believe that recognising some of our own stuff in other peoples experiences is massive in helping confidence levels. That's partly why I talk so openly about it, balls swinging free! I know how much it helped me even in thinking I'm not alone when I saw stuff that made so much sense to me and hit home, and if I can give one person a sense if relief/security/hope then I'll talk til the cows come home.
Fuck, trusting others is by far the biggest thing for me and my most difficult hurdle.
I feel for B. He's my first relationship since so he's almost like a Guinea pig as far as learning goes, what's gonna trigger me, what I can and can't handle and what kind of care I need. He has been so so understanding and an absolute rock. He ain't afraid to tell me straight tho, although he isn't as direct as I am and takes a more tactful approach. I can see it brewing tho and tell him to spit it the fuck out and not fanny around. The reasoning being the round the houses automatically sets my spidey senses tingling towards manipulation and I auto shut down to being closed off. Tell me straight what the end result you want is, and I'll then be open to discussion.
Those rollercoasters are a motherfucker.
P
You’re so brave, it sounds like you’ve done an amazing job of fighting to get ‘you’ back. I hope I can do the same!
You’re so right, hearing others talk about it makes it so much easier, and having friends who have been through it, and friends who are being very supportive has really helped.
How did you get rid of the flight urge?
"Thank you, I think everyone that's posted is brave, including you. So, getting the fight back.. Each small achievement built my confidence and self esteem, even though I didn't realise it at the time. Then came accepting I could leg it at any given moment and almost giving myself the freedom to say, "nah I'm outta here" was so freeing! I gave myself permission to do things on my terms, not on what was expected or what I BELIEVED was expected of me. Now the flight was ok, it wasn't something to be feared, it was something I was in control over instead of controlling me. It was a form of self care but one that's massively overlooked. From then on I realised that by controlling the flight, instead of it controlling me, I had entered the fight zone. Now comes picking your battles. Some things are healthy to walk away from, others are worth standing tall and making your voice heard. Some, well some are a combination of both. I have encountered some nasty, manipulative and generally twisted mofos on here. The openly twisted I don't mind, it's the sly ones that get me. I feel a sense of responsibility to stand up and take the bull by the horns and out the behaviour. Holding onto the pain they cause and the fucked upness of it all hinders progression tho, and I've had to learn that myself. It didn't matter how many times I was told to put it behind me I couldn't. So my lesson in that one is to give it time. I will keep the flight with regards to that person to protect myself from drama, and them from me, as I know if I was in the same room as them all bets would be off and I'd end up drawing blood. Some things I cannot forgive and will not forget. Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone on this planet who's worth their salts is aware they have "flaws" in their human side. It's what makes us us, and sometimes what makes us an inspiration to other people without us even realising it. In short... own your shit. Be true to yourself, even the ugly side. If you don't own it, you can't change it. P | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run Yes I endured 20+ years of it When I escaped 7 years ago I was at the bottom of the pile .... the person you see now still struggles with insecurity as I’m only just finding out who I actually am Mental abuse doesn’t show up like bruises from physical abuse so often comes as a shock to friends and family " Why did you never get out | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run Yes I endured 20+ years of it When I escaped 7 years ago I was at the bottom of the pile .... the person you see now still struggles with insecurity as I’m only just finding out who I actually am Mental abuse doesn’t show up like bruises from physical abuse so often comes as a shock to friends and family Why did you never get out " They did....7 years ago!!! It really isn't as easy as just getting out.. Why the interest OP? | |||
"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run Yes I endured 20+ years of it When I escaped 7 years ago I was at the bottom of the pile .... the person you see now still struggles with insecurity as I’m only just finding out who I actually am Mental abuse doesn’t show up like bruises from physical abuse so often comes as a shock to friends and family Why did you never get out They did....7 years ago!!! It really isn't as easy as just getting out.. Why the interest OP? " Indeed it ain't that easy. You know the film Saw OP? Imagine living that in your head. Not the gore, but the fear and mind games. P | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " Yes. Firm believer it does. Physical abuse I got over. Cuts and bruises healed. Mental and emotional abuse takes a lot longer to heal x | |||
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"Do you think mental abuse from your partner affects someone’s confidence in the long run " yes. it can be subtle and insidious and you might not even realise it’s a happening thing. | |||
"This thread is, for me, pretty difficult to read... a bit too close to home for me perhaps. After years of emotional abuse and undermining of my self-confidence by a domineering and controlling partner (I wasn't allowed to go out or have visitors), I found myself having to endure it from a business partner too. He was a former psychologist who manipulated and gaslighted me with the aim of rendering me incapable of functioning, in order to take control of my company. He was a malignant narsicist and psychopath who'd been sacked previously for abusing his practice. By the time he was done, after three years of it, I was in a terrible state. A friend who had a bit of experience in this kind of abuse helped me see what was happening. I bought books about psychology and started learning to recognise what he was doing and his methods. He realised this and then got even nastier. It took a lot of preparatory work to allow me to sever our business relationship in a way for me to walk away. In the end, I nearly lost my wider family and my company, and it's taken a lot of work to build myself up and rebuild my self-confidence. I'm getting there and have rebuilt my company too. Sometimes, in lonelier moments, I still have to take a breath and remind myself of my abilities - it's easier when I have someone to hug." Sorry to hear that. Well done for seeing it and doing something about it. | |||
"OP - can I ask why you asked this question? Fellow forumites above have shared some very personal stories and advice, in itself takes a lot of courage and I (her) thank them for their openness and honesty because someone else reading this thread could be experiencing something similar at this moment and will see that there is hope when you feel like you have no other option than to remain. But I want to come back to you, are you ok? I was wondering the same... Hope you're ok OP.. Her x "The OP has removed one line from their profile upon re-reading it | |||
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"Let's ask Johnny Depp. " Is he on here ?? | |||
