FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why Do Only Men Have Fetishes
Why Do Only Men Have Fetishes
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Why does it seem to me that only men have fetishes (with exceptions of course I fully appreciate but it largely seems more men than women).
I can’t conceptually see a woman with a foot fetish or a feeder fetish or a food mess fetish or smoking fetish etc but I definitely have seen guys with those fetishes
Caveat: I myself am F and have no fetishes as such but I like scenarios rather than fetishised things. I can maybe see the attraction to stylish smoking but I’d never have a fetish for like rubber or something like that |
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Fetishes have exploded in the past few years, due to mainstream porn generally having absolutely no filter anymore. And porn is mostly marketed towards dudes.
Also: caveats are my fetish, so thank you, cracking start to the day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the difference between a fetish and a kink?"
I think a fetish is based more on an object of desire, a kink is more on a sexual practice. So they can be linked. |
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Sorry I should qualify my post with
- I could be wrong
- My observation is just based on what I’ve seen
- There is NOTHING wrong with a fetish
- The spirit of the post is more to curiously find out why there are differences (if there are)
- Yes a huge amount of women enjoy being tied up and domination but in my mind that’s kink not a fetish. Again could be wrong though I just want to learn.
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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago
from Home Counties to Middle Earth |
"What's the difference between a fetish and a kink?
I think a fetish is based more on an object of desire, a kink is more on a sexual practice. So they can be linked."
In that case I have no fetishes, just kinks  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Men are more vocal about theirs I think. "
I think you've nailed it there - especially on here, and possibly in the wider world too - as a previous poster pointed out, if a woman advertises a fetish to *some* men it's an invite to assume that's all they are looking for and that the usual rules of attraction and connection etc go out the window |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has something they fetishise. A fetish is simply a sexual fixation (desire, gratification, etc) linked to something to an "abnormal" degree. Lingerie for example is something a lot of women get an "abnormal" level of sexual pleasure from. That would indicate a fetish. Maybe men are just more vocal about what gets them off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry I should qualify my post with
- I could be wrong
- My observation is just based on what I’ve seen
- There is NOTHING wrong with a fetish
- The spirit of the post is more to curiously find out why there are differences (if there are)
- Yes a huge amount of women enjoy being tied up and domination but in my mind that’s kink not a fetish. Again could be wrong though I just want to learn.
"
In that case, most of mine are actually kinks :') |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we talking about fetishes, is that in waay of like a full blown into whatever the fetish in? I have a couple kinks i enjoy now and then, but not sure would class as a fetish of mine.. |
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This question has opened a can of worms in my head. The wearing of corsets and stockings for example, it makes you feel good and sexy so it that a fetish? Where's the line between feeling good and a fetish? |
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Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex |
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex "
And so we ask the question - what's the sexual norm? Missionary once a week? Does anal count (this has been practiced since time immemorial) etc. |
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex
And so we ask the question - what's the sexual norm? Missionary once a week? Does anal count (this has been practiced since time immemorial) etc. "
Sexual norm is down to race, religion, upbringing, as society deems etc, far to many labels for my liking. vanilla normally covers it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex "
Ah, okie dokie, it's maybe kinks i have then lol, but I'd say most men and women do? |
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Perhaps women are less vocal about their fetishes/kinks, because if she wasn't she'd be called slut/whore/greedy/filthy/dirty/easy
Even on fab there is still stigma attached to women enjoying and wanting sex for the pleasure of it that is certainly not applied to men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My partner and i both have fetishes , as we both enjoy the dressing for pleasure side of kink very much .. Sometimes nothing more is needed than a good old dress up in our favorite garb . |
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex
"
I think this is the point most of us miss. Not many of us have a real fetish, luckily.
Liking to be tied up on Saturday with a nice person from fab, is very different to not being able to become aroused unless there is a certain object or behaviour exhibited.
I imagine at the extreme these fetishes are disabling mental issues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex
I think this is the point most of us miss. Not many of us have a real fetish, luckily.
Liking to be tied up on Saturday with a nice person from fab, is very different to not being able to become aroused unless there is a certain object or behaviour exhibited.
I imagine at the extreme these fetishes are disabling mental issues. "
It genuinely spoils things for me if a guy won’t let me lick his bum hole. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The clothing fetish can be put down to mostly women can wear whatever they want and no one would think anything of it.
For example a lady friend wear's her boyfriends boxer shorts when she's having her time of the month or she wears his t.shirts etc.
But me wearing a pair of knickers and a ladies t.shirt I could be laughed at and sometimes attacked.
X |
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex
I think this is the point most of us miss. Not many of us have a real fetish, luckily.
Liking to be tied up on Saturday with a nice person from fab, is very different to not being able to become aroused unless there is a certain object or behaviour exhibited.
I imagine at the extreme these fetishes are disabling mental issues.
It genuinely spoils things for me if a guy won’t let me lick his bum hole.
"
But it tickles... |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
There is a difference between how people use the word fetish and its dictionary meaning. The dictionary definition has been mentioned by others. In most conversations fetish is used interchangeably with kink, to mean something not vanilla. On that basis anyone with the smallest contact with the scene would know that women have kinks/fetishes from sploshing to wax play to femdom to whatever you name it.
As mentioned by others, the reason why women do not mention their kinks on Fab is the response. They will be inundated by men proclaiming their mastery of the kink and offering their services. When I had a submissive and she mentioned in a thread on fab that she had been tied by me, she received a flood of messages from men saying they are skilled at tying and offering to tie her. Despite her profile stating clearly she was not meeting anyone.
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I think, as others have stated, that an awful lot of it is down to perception.
On fab, it's very much about guys chasing women, it's a sellers market and guys are looking for women that are into the same things as them. Being vocal about what they like will help achieve that goal.
Also, as others have stated; there is still very much a stigma associated with women enjoying sex in general, nevermind kink or fetish play. I know (from my experience) that all genders are just as kinky as each other, it just comes down to perception and vocalisation of that. |
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I find it so sad if that’s true about women not being able to be as up front about their needs as men
If it’s any consolation to other women out there I have become very up front and clear about my sexual needs in life and have become very confident and I find in the last 12 months on fab that I have not once been stigmatised so I recommend you go for it and be you. Anybody who stigmatises women like that can be exposed as a clown these days. We wear the pants and the men who behave like that are the ones who can be stigmatised now. Call any man out who stigmatises us about our sexual needs and praise the ones who help us because there are many of those also
Long story short I want us all to come out about our foot/slosh/smoking/sleeping fetishes and not care lol !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it so sad if that’s true about women not being able to be as up front about their needs as men
If it’s any consolation to other women out there I have become very up front and clear about my sexual needs in life and have become very confident and I find in the last 12 months on fab that I have not once been stigmatised so I recommend you go for it and be you. Anybody who stigmatises women like that can be exposed as a clown these days. We wear the pants and the men who behave like that are the ones who can be stigmatised now. Call any man out who stigmatises us about our sexual needs and praise the ones who help us because there are many of those also
Long story short I want us all to come out about our foot/slosh/smoking/sleeping fetishes and not care lol !!"
I dont think it's a case of women not being able to vocalise kinks/fetishes. We are just more weary about who we openly share them with. |
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"What's the difference between a fetish and a kink?"
A kink is an unusual or non conventional thing that turns you on. A fetish is something that you require to get turned on.
This thread is about kinks not fetishes by the looks of it lol |
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I recently listened to a book on paraphilias and how they evolved and there are lots of good theory's for example they did a study on a group of people from when they were children and one man confessed to having a fetish for amputees, when they looked back at notes they found out it stemmed from a neighbour staying over when he was younger she had her leg in a cast he was under the table and the woman s husband said "when's it coming of" as he squeezed her leg and as a young child he took this to mean removing her leg. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I (L) have one...i know lots of other women who do too!
Definitely don't think it's just men."
From your name I am guessing you like being dusted in icing sugar, carefully wrapped in fine tissue paper, and then being consumed with relish by another party. |
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"I have a few, but I don't advertise them otherwise random messages from so called experts in my fetishes pop up  "
This right here! As soon as you mention them your inbox will be flooded by self confessed turbo ninja master dojo black belts in that particular fetish! Best discussed away from open forums unless you want to go through a lot of messages. |
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"I recently listened to a book on paraphilias and how they evolved and there are lots of good theory's for example they did a study on a group of people from when they were children and one man confessed to having a fetish for amputees, when they looked back at notes they found out it stemmed from a neighbour staying over when he was younger she had her leg in a cast he was under the table and the woman s husband said "when's it coming of" as he squeezed her leg and as a young child he took this to mean removing her leg. "
Fascinating. Often and cnc fetishes and kinks stem from abuse and trauma, I've noticed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Urban dictionary says that a kink is something that arouses us that's not considered the sexual norm
A fetish is a sexual act or object that is nearly always necessary for that person to become aroused and enjoy sex "
I would agree on this definition. |
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Great Post OP, just sayin.
I'm kinky, but haven't met a single woman with a fetish and hadn't really realised that till this thread.
Im defining a Fetish as an activity or object someone needs to get aroused.
I guess those that are wired that way seek out and stick to those who share their fetishes.
Cake does seem to feature heavily in most kinky chats/meets, but not sure it counts as a fetish!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love how deep human sexuality goes, I have often wondered where kinks end and a fetish begins. The connotation has got skewed. A generally accepted definition of a fetish is something required for sexual gratification. A kink is just something you like.
It's the difference between, say, liking to be tied up, and physically and mentally needing it.
You also need to distinguish between fetishes and paraphilias, which are attractions to certain body parts, i.e. feet, hands, butts, legs, etc.
However....
Interestingly, the World Health Organisation defines "fetishism" on the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) as: "Reliance on some non-living object as a stimulus for sexual arousal and sexual gratification. Many fetishes are extensions of the human body, such as articles of clothing or footwear. Other common examples are characterized by some particular texture such as rubber, plastic or leather. Fetish objects vary in their importance to the individual. In some cases they simply serve to enhance sexual excitement achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)".
Thus I understand that the definition of the WHO is not stating that the fetish is required for sexual gratification, but a stimulus.
Therefore, liking being tied up for sex is not the same as needing it to get turned on. If you LIKE it - it is a kink, it enhances pleasure. If you NEED it to get aroused in the first place, it is a fetish. And possibly a mental illness, in the eyes of the WHO.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I may be mistaken but I thought I had read that relevant WHO document version April 2019 International Classification of Disease (ICD) had changed as follows (and someone has paraphrased):
"In all the editions of the ICD up to the 11th, the paraphilic disorders section included sexual sadism, sexual masochism, fetishism and transvestism.
This year, they’ve all been removed. Sexual sadism on non-consenting victims is still included, as of course it should be. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you see my post and qualification that I might be wrong and this is based on what I’ve seen or did you just comment on the first thing you saw?"
I haven’t seen any of it.
Most people (like me) just jump in and post their opinions without reading the whole thread.
I like your avatar picture, it’s very arty |
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Sorry that was meant to be a reply to someone in thread saying it was narrow minded not you my bad. Didn’t work.
Anyway looks like plenty of girls have fetishes that could be construed as unusual and a lot are afraid to say it which shouldn’t have to be the case xx |
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