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Bad jokes..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've heard it said ALL good things come to those who wait. Or even that good things come to those who wait".

Well what's so good about waiting for the 38 bus to Victoria?

"You'll at least find out if she's

a transvestite or not"!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Where does Kylie Minogue eat her kebabs??

Jason’s Donner Van

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 08/02/20 19:52:21]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Enter the bad joke competition...where nothing is sacred...and no offence intended.

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

A dyslexic man walks into a bra, ouch it was an iron bra

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By *uffymayfairCouple over a year ago

vera playa, Almeria

When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and out a cherry on my head.

Life was tough in the gateaux

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and out a cherry on my head.

Life was tough in the gateaux

"
Love it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra, ouch it was an iron bra

"
Now that was a bad joke! Yet with a strange appeal to it!

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

What's ET short for??...

Coz he got little legs!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Awwwh i can't join this thread, I'm terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the fuck line...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Awwwh i can't join this thread, I'm terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the fuck line...

Nice!!!! Proper using this one from now on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Awwwh i can't join this thread, I'm terrible at telling jokes.

I always punch up the fuck line...

Nice!!!! Proper using this one from now on

Fire away matey

thought I'd keep it tame lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I said squeeze it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A friend of mine said to me the other day,

"When your food starts permeating your pores it's time to find a new recipe"

I said to him,

"I don't cook".

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

man went to the zoo to find a loaf in a cage. The Zoo Keeper said it was bread in captivity

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

" man went to the zoo to find a loaf in a cage. The Zoo Keeper said it was bread in captivity"
I'm chuckling.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a superhero who’s been run over by a steamroller?

Flat man

What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

Why does Edward Woodward have 4 d’à in his name?

Because otherwise he’d be ewar woowar

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A friend of mine said to me the other day,

"If you returned from the dead, what would you be"?

I searched the angles, looking at the pitfalls and calculating a few issues.

Finally I said to him,

"Alive"!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dr Watson came home and found Sherlock with a fruit up his arse

What you doing Holmes?

It’s alemonentry my dear Watson

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

Why do elephants have Big Ears?

Because Noddy won't pay their ransom.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Dr Watson came home and found Sherlock with a fruit up his arse

What you doing Holmes?

It’s alemonentry my dear Watson "
Classic!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dr Watson came home and found Sherlock with a fruit up his arse

What you doing Holmes?

It’s alemonentry my dear Watson Classic!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between God and a Doctor.

God doesn't think he's a Doctor

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Two mobs were fighting at a football match. The Police got in between them and then both mobs turned on the Police. A young newly recruited Policewoman lost her nerve and ran onto the pitch where she was knocked out by a football during play.

It was reported in the Sun next

day as,

Raheem Sterling assaults Policewoman during crowd disturbance.

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By *orksRockerMan over a year ago

Bradford

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other...

"You know how to drive this?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other...

"You know how to drive this?" "
Chuckle...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m moving to jeopardy

Cos it seems there’s a lot of jobs there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I really like the Swiss flag .....

which is a big plus

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Baby snake asks his mum “ are we the type of snake that kills with a bite or by crushing things”. Mum say we are Pythons we crush things. Why did you ask? Thank fuck for that mum I just bit my lip.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two Chinese men walk into a bar.

The barmen says "why the same face".

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

What's the difference between light and hard..?

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

... You can sleep with a light on.

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By *rozacMan over a year ago

london

i tried my hand at indian kareoke the other day...but was beaten hands down by geruptah singh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Went to the zoo the other day

It only had 1 dog

It was a shitzu

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I really like the Swiss flag .....

which is a big plus "
Nice one.

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By *oelDorianMan over a year ago

vanaheim

Did you know protons had mass I didn’t even know they were catholic

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Baby snake asks his mum “ are we the type of snake that kills with a bite or by crushing things”. Mum say we are Pythons we crush things. Why did you ask? Thank fuck for that mum I just bit my lip. "
Like it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!"
Classic!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"... You can sleep with a light on.

"
Haha.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"i tried my hand at indian kareoke the other day...but was beaten hands down by geruptah singh"
Haha.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Did you know protons had mass I didn’t even know they were catholic "
Haha.

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By *opilotMan over a year ago

Heathrow

I entered a blindfold masterbation competition...

..fuck knows where I came

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I saw a cafe serving an all day breakfast

But I didn’t really have that much time.

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

I met my wife at a nightclub, I thought she was at home with the kids.

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

Who invented see through bras ??? Seymour tit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

A woman will alway blow your bonus!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a Russian Prostitute?

Onya Bacyabitch

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What do you call a Russian Prostitute?

Onya Bacyabitch"
Haha.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I met my wife at a nightclub, I thought she was at home with the kids.

"
Chuckle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are pirates, pirates?

Cuz they rrrrr!.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" man went to the zoo to find a loaf in a cage. The Zoo Keeper said it was bread in captivity"

I’m really laughing here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why did the monkey fallout the tree?

Cuz he was dead !

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a clown...one says "does this taste funny to you?"

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By *orksRockerMan over a year ago

Bradford

"Why did the monkey fallout the tree?

Cuz he was dead !"

Long live Rik!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A Scottish man, English man and Irish man walk into a bar.

The bar man says, "Is this a fuckin joke".

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Two cannibals eating a clown...one says "does this taste funny to you?""
You could add by having the other one ask. "I wonder if you taste like that".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber

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By *emima_blackTV/TS over a year ago

London

Solicitor is compelled to question Mickey Mouse's grounds for divorce.

''It'll be hard to argue that the marriage has failed because Minnie has buck teeth Mickey'' said the solicitor.

To which Mickey replies, ''Didn't say that, said that she was fucking Goofy.''

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

What's the difference between jam and jelly

You can't jelly your cock up a girls arse

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

Man to his wife.. I'm so sorry I've been sacked on the spot for having sex with a patient

Wife.. Ffs you're a vet !!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

How you use the cucumber

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My plumber friend has just split from his wife of 20 years.he just got home from work one day and said its overflow!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You hear about the Ethiopians at the world cup.

They drawed Hungary but wanted Turkey.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between my cock, and a sndwich?

Let's go for a picnic and find out.

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By *lappyMan over a year ago

Manchester

I recently got promoted at work I used to be a page 3 photographer and now I do page 4

I asked the local librarian if they had any books on pantomime’s she replied ..... it’s behind you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the hen do

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the hen do"

And why did the pervert cross the road?

Cos his cock was stuck in the chicken.

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

Two weevil brothers were born on a farm. One grew up and went to Hollywood, appeared in movies, became famous and made a fortune. The other was quite happy staying on the farm. He was known as the lesser of two weevils.

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman over a year ago

London

Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Sorry, terrible joke. Three stars.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Sorry, terrible joke. Three stars."

Hahha I thought it was pretty clever ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

Pokemon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A genuine joke told me- a guy trying to chat me up...

My names Bond..

James Bond?

No, uni bond...I’m here to fill your crack’

A serious “ugh!!” moment xx

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By *emima_blackTV/TS over a year ago

London

"Solicitor is compelled to question Mickey Mouse's grounds for divorce.

''It'll be hard to argue that the marriage has failed because Minnie has buck teeth Mickey'' said the solicitor.

To which Mickey replies, ''Didn't say that, said that she was fucking Goofy.''"

Probably wrong website to post this on.. Anyway, two more:

Sixteen different types of fungus in a lift, one says, 'there's not mushroom in here''

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

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By *uicy jonesMan over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

He's a suggestion !!!!

Before cutting your grass , splash it with vodka ,,,,,,, it will then be half cut before you start

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Knock knock.

"Whose there"?

Silence.

Knock knock

"Whose there"?

Silence

Opens the door to find a note on the ground saying "Silence, please turn that music off"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's ET short for??...

Coz he got little legs!"

I love E.T

love that!!

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By *ensualbicockMan over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock

I did'nt know i was dyslexic till someone put YMCA on and we had a dance

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By *ingle ex cuckMan over a year ago

chester

I have some racing geese for sale, let me know if you want a quick gander.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A Woman went shopping with her husband after a while he wandered off when she couldn't find him she rang him and said "where are you?" In a quiet voice he said "do you remember that jewellers where about 5yrs ago you fell in love with that diamond necklace, at the time we couldn't afford it but I promised you one day I'd go back and get it for you?" Her eyes filled with tears and she croaked "yes" he said "well I'm in the pub next door"

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By *acktar74Man over a year ago

leeds

How many dyslexics does it take to chance a liblob

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I have some racing geese for sale, let me know if you want a quick gander."
Nice one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A Woman went shopping with her husband after a while he wandered off when she couldn't find him she rang him and said "where are you?" In a quiet voice he said "do you remember that jewellers where about 5yrs ago you fell in love with that diamond necklace, at the time we couldn't afford it but I promised you one day I'd go back and get it for you?" Her eyes filled with tears and she croaked "yes" he said "well I'm in the pub next door""
Classic!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My girlfriend asked me the other night if I was having sex behind her back and I said ‘Yes, who did you think it was?'

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How many dyslexics does it take to chance a liblob"
Nice!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How many dyslexics does it take to chance a liblobNice!"

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By *udistnorthantsMan over a year ago

Desborough

I've just said Le Mondal to my French Penpal. It's not much but it means the world to him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've just said Le Mondal to my French Penpal. It's not much but it means the world to him."
I just saw a guy get the world record for Freefall on You tube. I wonder what you would get if you paid for it?

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By *reeneggsandsamMan over a year ago

Perpignan and cap

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?.

Ones really heavy, the others a little lighter.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday?

Aye matey....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whats the difference between a Usa teenager and an Iranian teenager...

The Usa teenager gets stoned before sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two sausages sizzling in a pan, one turns to the other and says:

"Hot in here, isn't it?"

The other looks wide-eyed in astonishment and says:

"Fuck me, a talking sausage!"

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By *DreamOfGenieWoman over a year ago

London

How do you stop Canadian bacon curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny broom

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Two sausages sizzling in a pan, one turns to the other and says:

"Hot in here, isn't it?"

The other looks wide-eyed in astonishment and says:

"Fuck me, a talking sausage!""
A truly bad joke!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" man went to the zoo to find a loaf in a cage. The Zoo Keeper said it was bread in captivity"

I love this one!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a Russian Prostitute?

Onya Bacyabitch"

I thought is was Nichors Onanoff!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"

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By *ony 2016Man over a year ago

Huddersfield /derby cinemas

As a business opportunity I was told I could make money selling invisible ink ,, but I can't see it myself

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By *ig_eric_tionMan over a year ago

IPSWICH

You can now buy viagra eye drops...

They make you look hard.

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By *ony 2016Man over a year ago

Huddersfield /derby cinemas

I have been asked if I would like to invest in American Indian Camps ,,at first I thought I might but am now having reservations about it

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By *oldyoudown41Man over a year ago

caledonian

"What do you call a Russian Prostitute?

Onya Bacyabitch

I thought is was Nichors Onanoff!"

Ivana Humpalot

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By *ony 2016Man over a year ago

Huddersfield /derby cinemas

I've been on a couple of train journeys recently, Eurostar was very comfortable but it was murder on The Orient Express

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By *ushandkittyCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

If, after all this bad weather, anyone needs an ark built............ I Noah guy!

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By *unguy891000Man over a year ago

Bristol

Walked in the chip shop and said can i have some chips please the lady said large or small chips i said mix them up i will have some of each

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By *ed-monkeyCouple over a year ago

Hailsham

I was talking to this girl and I asked her her name.

She said Chantelle

I said "aww go on"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Schofe has done a runner

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My girlfriend said that she was leaving me because of my obsession with 'The Monkees'

At first I thought she was joking, then I saw her face..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two parrots sat on a perch one says

'can you smell fish?'

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