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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
This is one of those words that gets used an awful lot on verifications and in describing people (most often guys), but what does it actually mean to people?
Is it simply a case of minding manners and not touching in clubs or is it something a bit more?
Obviously everyone has their own connotations and expectations regarding what this means to them and how they police their own behaviour, I'm curious as to what others expect and consider 'respectful' though.
As always your thoughts and musings are welcome. |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard."
Exactly this  |
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"I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard."
Yes! Can’t put words into order today but so this.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P |
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"I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard."
Yes. Or some part of that where I don't know them that well. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard."
What about boundaries?
I agree with what you've written but I think that being respectful also includes boundaries and the context of interaction |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P"
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete |
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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard.
What about boundaries?
I agree with what you've written but I think that being respectful also includes boundaries and the context of interaction "
I don’t think I’d ignored boundaries in my post? That’s the line of impact that is either respected or compromise sought or discussion had about. Maybe I don’t follow your point...? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete "
Indeedy.
You may want to meet one of us alone, and if that's the case ask respectfully.... not on the fucking sly.
Respect is about giving people space too. Let them think about what you're asking or the suggestion you've made, let them become comfortable with the idea rather than pushing or goading them into something.
Respect is huge, covers a mass of areas and a plethora of actions.
P |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I guess to me it’s that the other person has due consideration for how their actions and words can impact me, and do their best to ensure minimisation of any negative impact, or be willing to discuss compromise or explanation where needed. That they deem me of worth to put that effort in, that they hold my feelings in regard.
What about boundaries?
I agree with what you've written but I think that being respectful also includes boundaries and the context of interaction
I don’t think I’d ignored boundaries in my post? That’s the line of impact that is either respected or compromise sought or discussion had about. Maybe I don’t follow your point...?"
No, I just didnt read it as such. I see your meaning |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete
Indeedy.
You may want to meet one of us alone, and if that's the case ask respectfully.... not on the fucking sly.
Respect is about giving people space too. Let them think about what you're asking or the suggestion you've made, let them become comfortable with the idea rather than pushing or goading them into something.
Respect is huge, covers a mass of areas and a plethora of actions.
P"
I agree. That's part of the reason why I'm asking what it means to people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's also knowing your people.
I have some people who I'll happily "play" with regardless of their/my sobriety. I know these people exceptionally well as they do me.
I would like to think that someone new, who didn't know me very well, would decline getting all up in my vag if I was paraletic and clearly not in a position to truly consent.
That's the respectful thing to do.
P |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It's also knowing your people.
I have some people who I'll happily "play" with regardless of their/my sobriety. I know these people exceptionally well as they do me.
I would like to think that someone new, who didn't know me very well, would decline getting all up in my vag if I was paraletic and clearly not in a position to truly consent.
That's the respectful thing to do.
P"
That's a fair point.
As a side note "getting all up in my vag" is a brilliant way of terming it  |
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"For us it means not trying to take liberties asking first and being polite
How do you mean liberties? "
Well taking liberties to us is just trying to have a grope or touch without asking or just trying to poke a cock in Buffy's face, that sort of thing |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"For us it means not trying to take liberties asking first and being polite
How do you mean liberties?
Well taking liberties to us is just trying to have a grope or touch without asking or just trying to poke a cock in Buffy's face, that sort of thing "
Ah! In clubs I'm assuming?
Yes, there is that. I've had women do the same in clubs, although I'd class it as assault, not disrespect! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Getting back to the couples thing...
"Go on, I'm sure they won't mind"
Erm, I'm also sure they won't mind ....but actually until we've discussed it, it isn't even an option.
P |
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Interesting question, OP!
I think it means many things to many people. For me, I suppose the fundamental aspect of being respectful is an appreciation of others as real people, not just sex objects - real people with emotions and preferences and complications, not just things to be used for your pleasure at your convenience. That, for me, covers a multitude of aspects such as consent, boundaries, assumptions.
It's a very difficult question to answer! I like that
Mrs TMN x |
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"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete "
FWIW, I think many people simply don't understand why two people would want to introduce others into their relationship. I think that's more down to ignorance than disrespect. Anyone who approaches us in that way doesn't get very far
Mrs TMN x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Interesting question, OP!
I think it means many things to many people. For me, I suppose the fundamental aspect of being respectful is an appreciation of others as real people, not just sex objects - real people with emotions and preferences and complications, not just things to be used for your pleasure at your convenience. That, for me, covers a multitude of aspects such as consent, boundaries, assumptions.
It's a very difficult question to answer! I like that
Mrs TMN x"
It is quite difficult isn't it! At least to give an answer that covers it. Yet the word gets thrown around an awful lot in reference to people where we've only seen a tiny portion of their character. It's even more questionable if it's used in reference to themselves. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete
FWIW, I think many people simply don't understand why two people would want to introduce others into their relationship. I think that's more down to ignorance than disrespect. Anyone who approaches us in that way doesn't get very far
Mrs TMN x"
That's very true, the old "if she were my partner, I wouldn't let her..." |
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"I think it mostly means they know how to communicate with others.
In what way? "
Basically they can hold a conversation, know how to respect others boudaries, and not treat them like a fuck toy.
Doesn't necessarily mean they are respectful coz they might still think you're a slut, just means they know how to engage with others to get what they want sexually. |
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"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete
FWIW, I think many people simply don't understand why two people would want to introduce others into their relationship. I think that's more down to ignorance than disrespect. Anyone who approaches us in that way doesn't get very far
Mrs TMN x
That's very true, the old "if she were my partner, I wouldn't let her..." "
Yes. The assumption that there must be something wrong with your relationship, that one or both of you is unsatisfied sexually. The classic "can I play with your missus?" as if I am the property of my partner. I mean, some people are just dicks, but a lot of the time I put it down to ignorance. |
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"Interesting question, OP!
I think it means many things to many people. For me, I suppose the fundamental aspect of being respectful is an appreciation of others as real people, not just sex objects - real people with emotions and preferences and complications, not just things to be used for your pleasure at your convenience. That, for me, covers a multitude of aspects such as consent, boundaries, assumptions.
It's a very difficult question to answer! I like that
Mrs TMN x
It is quite difficult isn't it! At least to give an answer that covers it. Yet the word gets thrown around an awful lot in reference to people where we've only seen a tiny portion of their character. It's even more questionable if it's used in reference to themselves. "
On here, I consider it to apply to fab interactions. I don't think you could begin to give a full assessment of someone's character based on a brief meeting! Especially given how guarded many people are. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think it mostly means they know how to communicate with others.
In what way?
Basically they can hold a conversation, know how to respect others boudaries, and not treat them like a fuck toy.
Doesn't necessarily mean they are respectful coz they might still think you're a slut, just means they know how to engage with others to get what they want sexually."
Isn't that just manipulation? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Interesting question, OP!
I think it means many things to many people. For me, I suppose the fundamental aspect of being respectful is an appreciation of others as real people, not just sex objects - real people with emotions and preferences and complications, not just things to be used for your pleasure at your convenience. That, for me, covers a multitude of aspects such as consent, boundaries, assumptions.
It's a very difficult question to answer! I like that
Mrs TMN x
It is quite difficult isn't it! At least to give an answer that covers it. Yet the word gets thrown around an awful lot in reference to people where we've only seen a tiny portion of their character. It's even more questionable if it's used in reference to themselves.
On here, I consider it to apply to fab interactions. I don't think you could begin to give a full assessment of someone's character based on a brief meeting! Especially given how guarded many people are. "
That's very true. It does make a bit of a non sense of the word though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me it's about listening to and caring about the other person's wishes. Perfect example is refusing to take no for an answer. You should be able to say no thank you ONCE and that should be the end. Questioning it or continuing to try is massively disrespectful. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
The amount of abusive messages I've received from men who use the word 'respectful' in their profile is unbelievable, so I personally find the word is just branded about as bullshit, so I never believe it! |
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To us, in the swinging world it's:
Respecting our rules we laid out before playing and vice versa.
Respecting that we are a couple so we expect people to treat us both equally. None of the.. talking to the Mrs only and cutting out the Mr or vice versa. No play would take place if that's the case.
Respecting when doors are closed in clubs.. they are closed for a reason.. Don't knock!!!
Respect is having manners. Please and thank you goes a long way. Therefore giving polite no thanks instead of rude replies I'd the best way to go. (Unless they deserve it)
Respecting our profile and what we are looking for. Going against this is frustrating and time wasting
That's just a few we can think of at this time of night..I could go on all night about respect (or lack of) in the vanilla world but I won't. We need sleep.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The amount of abusive messages I've received from men who use the word 'respectful' in their profile is unbelievable, so I personally find the word is just branded about as bullshit, so I never believe it!"
I like the ones whose profile says they're educated and professional and can hold a conversation and the message looks like it was written by a teenager with his first hard on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The amount of abusive messages I've received from men who use the word 'respectful' in their profile is unbelievable, so I personally find the word is just branded about as bullshit, so I never believe it!
I like the ones whose profile says they're educated and professional and can hold a conversation and the message looks like it was written by a teenager with his first hard on "
Perhaps they really want to come across that way!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For us it means not trying to take liberties asking first and being polite
How do you mean liberties? "
As in accept and act on (if needed) a "No"/"stop" the first time, without delay and every time. Don't in anyway do something that pushes or steps over someone's pre agreeded boundaries.
For us as a couple who meet single men a big part of respect is the single guy acknowledging me the male half of the couple. Believe it or not some actually act as if you don't exist and go straight to chatting, flirting, harassing my wife whilst we are both stood in from of them!
KJ x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's been said above PLUS....
showing an understanding that our relationship is important to us, not wanting to, or be willing to do something that would be considered ill mannered, detrimental to, or lessening the value of our relationship.
Being mindful
P
That's an interesting point about lessening the value of a relationship. I've often read or heard about people who don't respect a couples dynamic or try to compete
FWIW, I think many people simply don't understand why two people would want to introduce others into their relationship. I think that's more down to ignorance than disrespect. Anyone who approaches us in that way doesn't get very far
Mrs TMN x
That's very true, the old "if she were my partner, I wouldn't let her..." "
Caught so many single guys with that one messaging.
Goes as.........
"oh so your married. Does your missus know your here looking for meets? Would she potentially join you in meets / swinging?"
"My wife doesn't know I'm here and there's no way Id let another man near her let alone touch her"
"Ah I see so you are just here looking to cheat and get a fuck without paying and wouldnt dream of actually been a swinger if your partner was agreeable! You definitely don't have the mindset for swinging" |
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